Tag: Aaron Sanko

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“Somebody That I Used To Know”

Tuesday (08-18-26) afternoon, Aaron walked over to Columbia Hospital with me to see if I could get an appointment on the books (or even be seen that day); he’d tried to call to make this appointment but was transferred 3 or 4 times before he gave up. The walk was nice for me, and the company was excellent, but Aaron wasn’t feeling well. He apologised profusely for “slowing me down”, but I was outside with him to be with him, and I was quite content. We made it to the hospital and the people that helped us at the clinic were lovely. I’ve been to that hospital a few times over the years, but I’d never been to that clinic so they took some information. The guy who was checking my information, kept looking at me, then my information, and back at me. I didn’t understand what was happening, because I’m totally clueless, but Aaron knew right away and assured him that I am actually 52 years old. lol We all laughed. I have an appointment on Monday, though I’m not sure how helpful that will be – my symptoms could be gone by then. Still, I like this clinic and if this gets me in the door faster next time – and I suspect they’ll be able to give me some good advice, so I will still probably go.

Aaron still wasn’t feeling well. He had tried a new type of food that possibly had too much bread, which can cause issues with his lap band, so I suggested taking the A Train from 168 to 181st, and then I could stop at the grocery store there to get some more pita bread for myself.

We chilled during the afternoon. My stomach was feeling a bit wonky as well, which is totally normal for me, but we had plans to go see our friend Christian’s show at Joe’s Pub. My stomach was actually really bad, because I’d forgotten about the show and eaten more than I should have. It was all healthy food, but even healthy food is too much if I’m going to be out and about. Still, I decided to push through. I don’t often get to have these nights out with Aaron these days, and I don’t get to see Christian often. Plus Bernard would be performing, along with Tony Mowatt, who I hadn’t seen in years, so I got ready and off we went…

The show was a fun mix of Christian’s music. His work is really quirky, but also very heartfelt and personal – and it shows. I love the space, Joe’s Pub, because I’ve had so many fun experiences there over the years. I believe we’ve been going there since 2013? So a long time now. We’ve seen Jay Brannan (from “Shortbus“) perform there 3 or 4 times. We’ve seen Christian there at least twice – and I know he’s had more shows there, but I’m not always able to attend. Actually, I think this was the third time I’d seen him there. I think the first time we were there was to see Ryan Amador. Physically, it was rough for me, but it was worth it in the end. And seeing Christian afterward, who didn’t know I was there, was really lovely. Tony as well, who told me that I never age. I didn’t get to talk to him much, but he was fantastic. He played a guitar during one number and, I hadn’t known he played, but Aaron said that he plays something like 5 different instruments? Impressive.

Aaron’s former coworker Shawn Jeffery was there also and we had a brief conversation which felt…it felt like she had some anger that I had never noticed or suspected before, and it felt like she was expressing this the first time because she doesn’t work with Aaron now. This interaction felt hostile, but Aaron said that she’s awkward at times and that I may have misinterpreted the situation – which I hope I did, because I’ve always liked her as a person. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever see her again to find out, but whatever the case, I wish her well. Another of Aaron’s former employees, Nicole was there; I know she works with Christian now so I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. A nice surprise. I spoke to Vincent “Vinnie” Rutter-Covatto briefly and I traded texts with Glenn Seven Allen, who was busy with another show so couldn’t attend. Joseph Reese Anderson wasn’t there either, which was a bit surprising – too bad, because he’s awesome. There were lots of people there that I recognized that I’d have trouble putting a name too, but it’s a wonder that I remember as many as I do, really. I actually think I’ve improved in that arena. lol

On Wednesday, August 19, Aaron and I were planning on attending our second Zumba Class, but we still weren’t feeling too great. We mutually decided to not go, but I knew I at least wanted to go for a walk so I got ready to do that, and I caught my second wind and decided I would in fact attempt to go – though Aaron still didn’t feel like going. I made it to the class early and had another great experience. My stomach was not doing great so I only worked out for 50 minutes, versus 60, but I knew I was at my limit and that I also had to walk home, which is about 10 blocks, much of it uphill. I feel like it was worth it.

Today, August 20, I slept in. If you can call it that. I went to bed at 4am. I slept about 5 hours. I’m really struggling with sleep lately. But part of that has to do with my stomach and part of it has to do with my struggle with sleeping pills. I’m trying not to take them, but even when I do they don’t help much. When I did get up, I weighed myself for the first time in days and I was 189.4 pounds. That seems to be where I live now. Between 189 & 192. I got ready and went for a walk, finally wearing the shirt I got at Rocky Horror, back on July 3.

When I got to the subway my card was denied. That was a bit worrisome because that’s the card with my discount on it – and the card I will need to enter the Sky Club at the airport when I travel to Michigan in a little over a week from now. I used another one though and just managed to catch the train.

Fort Tryon Park was beautiful as always, but with the overcast sky and far more browned, fallen leaves than I expected, it really did feel like the onset of autumn, despite the warm weather. I walked over to Lindon Terrace, had some water, then started heading home. All in all this walk was about 1.5 miles. Not much in the grand scheme of things, but comfortable, and not pushing too hard with my stomach being bad – and on and off rain. I had an umbrella, but didn’t need it. It started pouring after I got home though.

I worked on my website for several hours, mostly on the Velgarth Reading Order, as I’ve been reading a bit of that before bed each night. There was a time when I’d read more of the series than I hadn’t, but no longer. There are now at least 20 full novels that I’ve never read and at least 10 anthologies, so I’m really far behind. Who know if I’ll ever catch up?

I took a shower when I got home, before the website work. I also wrote a poem and wrote down fragments of another, neither of which have been posted here yet. Later I took a restful nap. I’m winding down a bit now and may get ready for bed. I’m not certain I’ll sleep, but I could probably get some reading done. We’ll see.

Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “Somebody That I Used to Know”, an addictive single from Australian singer-songwriter Gotye, featuring vocals from the New Zealand singer Kimbra. Commercially, “Somebody That I Used to Know” was a global success and became both artists’ signature song.

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“The Dreams In Which I’m Dying”

I slept 6 hours. That’s pretty common lately. I go through phases throughout the year(s) where I sleep 8. Where I sleep in split shifts, 4 hours here and then 4 hours later. And then the 6 hour variety, where I wake up feeling very rested but will likely need a nap later. I can sometimes get back to sleep after 6 if the TV is off. Aaron needs to have something playing in the background when he sleeps and kindly listens to the TV via headphones and with the screen dimmed, but sometimes even then, that’s too much light, which can wake me up or keep me awake. But it is programmed to go off at a certain time and if I wake and get back to sleep with the TV off, I can sometimes manage a few more hours, only Aaron woke up too and restarted the TV cycle, so I got up. I’m not upset about this, because again, I feel good. I’m not even sure I could have gotten back to sleep had the room been completely dark.

I had odd dreams, which I no longer remember. I’ve kept a dream diary for the last couple of years, but I don’t think I’ve written anything down in it recently. Perhaps I’ll transcribe these dreams here at a later time? That would be interesting.

I stopped writing this to watch a YouTube reaction to “Donnie Darko”, as one does. lol That movie, along with “Life as a House” were the first 2 movies I rented when I started working at Hollywood Video in 2002. Yes. A video store. I’m so old. lol. Which amuses me. Anyways, I loved it. It was a new release. I actually loved both movies. But I’d never heard of “Donnie Darko”, and then I spent years telling everyone how great it was. I own the “Director’s Cut”, and while I think it’s interesting, I feel like the theatrical version is the better film. I used to own a “Donnie Darko” shirt and I also used to have themed artwork (fan art) on my bedroom walls – the Ann Arbor bedroom where I lived from summer 2000 – fall of 2011.

Today’s journal entry title song quote is from the 1982 song “Mad World” by the English new wave band Tears for Fears. Written by Roland Orzabal and sung by bassist Curt Smith, it was the band’s third single release and first chart hit, reaching number three on the UK Singles Chart in November 1982. Both “Mad World” and its B-side, “Ideas as Opiates”, appeared on the band’s debut LP The Hurting (1983). This single was also the band’s first international success, reaching the top 40 in several countries in 1982–83. In the UK, it was the 12th best-selling single of 1982.

“Mad World” has since been covered by various artists, including a 2001 version recorded by Michael Andrews and Gary Jules for the soundtrack of the film “Donnie Darko”; a 2003 single release of the song reached number one in the UK for three consecutive weeks and won Orzabal his second Ivor Novello Award. A 2021 rendition of the song was included on Demi Lovato’s album “Dancing with the Devil… the Art of Starting Over”.

The “Donnie Darko” film also features “Head Over Heels” by Tears for Fears. Aside from the new film score and the score and new material, I already owned all of the music featured in the film, though I suspect a lot of people my age did. It probably helped me bond with the film though.

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“The Temple of Love is Falling Down”

On Thursday (August 13) I cuddled with Aaron in the morning but he needed to get up to go into work. Later JP, our Super, stopped by trying to figure out if our apartment was the cause of a leak in the apartment below us. This has happened many times over the years, these impromptu visits, because there has been a leak, off and on in the apartment below us, but they’ve never found anything. They’ve opened up their ceiling and had us run all of our water and there has never been any evidence that it’s coming from us. I wish they had found something so it could be fixed, but it’s been going on now for at least 8 years and although I know that it isn’t, it starts to feel like harassment. The Super is great and he’s frustrated because the neighbors yell at him. We are always kind and cooperative with everyone, even when they stop by at really inopportune moments and inappropriate times, like LATE at night, with no warning in advance. They come in, they see that everything is legit and they leave, frustrated, but thankful for our understanding. It’s starting to wear on me though. So that bothered me all day.

Thursday night, Aaron and I watched the new episode of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (S04E04 “A Case of Chiaroscuro”), which was a mixed bag. Really, all of Season 3 & Season 4 has been a mixed bag, and while I enjoyed the first 2 seasons, they had their problems also. Sadly, this is not the series that I expected or wanted, which in fairness, they don’t owe me, but it’s pretty disappointing. There are only 12 episodes left, but because they’ve focused on other things, there’s no time now to give me answers about these characters that I wanted from the beginning, and I find that I’m ready for the series to end, because it’s not that good. And I have some hope that once the series is wrapped up, that maybe I can accept it for what it is, rather than what it is not. Also, perhaps it will end well? That could help. The state of the series also lends weight to my ongoing theory that when watching The Kurtzman Era of Trek, that this phase of Trek is best served by watching Discovery last, which gives us a whole bonus season with Pike plus episodes with Spock, Una and the Enterprise that I actually love – feeling like a fantastic surprise, rather than a prologue to this show, which then squanders nearly everything possible. I wish I enjoyed it more, but I don’t. Aaron feels the same.

I went off my sleeping meds Thursday night as I was building a tolerance to them. This happens occasionally. It’s also probably just a healthy thing to do. I actually look forward to it, although it’s harder for me to sleep without them and I struggle with several issues as a result, I always have really intense dreams. These are often nightmares, but I still enjoy them for the vivid imagery and sensations. I don’t remember them now and I didn’t write them down, but I remember they were wild.

On Friday (August 14) I worked on my website. I’ve actually been working on it daily. There are now more than 400 poems on my website, but I have at least 1,000 more. I created a viewing order for American Horror Story. I’ve also uploaded more NSFW Photo Collages – I always try to mix in recent photos, and these included photos from this week. Also, a friend reviewed my site, relaying how much she loved the photos, which was nice to hear.

Later I went for a walk. I also played some Zelda, after not having played in at least a month. It’s strange playing intermittently when I’m used to playing non-stop. The last 6 years have been really weird. But I seem to be bouncing back and I hope that what’s happening now is my new normal. I feel like I’m in better shape than I have been in decades. If this is 52, then I’m not complaining!

I was tired but I stayed up to for the Marvel / Star Wars News from D23, which did not disappoint. I’ve been hyped for VisionQuest for years at this point and it really feels like the Wanda / Vision corner of The Multiverse Saga has been really rewarding. I still have hopes that the new series will lead to a family reunion between Vision, Tommy, Billy, Agatha and Wanda which will then feature in the films and see them all together, happy. That’s what I want. It’s always been what I want. But I’m not sure if any of this will happen in any way at any time.

The new look at Avengers: Doomsday was better than the first. It shows far fewer characters but feels like we’re getting far more story, and that has me more excited. I do feel that they are holding back on details and I like that. I believe there are also various characters in this film that have not been announced. The run time appears to be 2 hours and 45 minutes, based on the showtimes available in theaters. I’m really looking forward to this and I think it will retroactively help a lot of the multiverse films feel far more connected and important. We’ve seen that plenty of characters introduced in those films are coming back here, making them all seem more important, which is great. Going so long without any big crossovers like this, they’ve felt disconnected and that’s been frustrating for everyone, even me.

The live action adventures of Ahsoka Tano which began in The Mandalorian & The Book of Boba Fett continues in Season 2 of her title series. I had mixed reactions to Season 1, but one of my negative reactions was to the cliffhanger ending. This season will resolve that – and hopefully not end on another 1. It looks at least slightly better than Season 1 to me, but I won’t know until I see it. I’ve never rewatched Season 1. I’ve not rewatched much of this era of Star Wars actually, though I’d like to at some point. I’m not crazy excited about this, but I’m happy that it will be available down the line (in January).

I went to bed around 3am on Saturday, August 15. I didn’t look at my phone. I went right to sleep. Waking from drugless dreams of having to live with a one night stand (Joe Lee) who was oddly, a Nazi, and really frustrating. It was like a really dark comedy. I had something resembling a migraine when I woke but it faded quickly. I showed Aaron the new trailers and shared the news and things but then he attended a Stonewall meeting while had a smoothie and started updating my blog.

Today’s journal entry song quote is from “Temple of Love”, a song by the English rock band the Sisters of Mercy, written by the band’s lead singer Andrew Eldritch, which was the fifth (non album) single released by the Sisters of Mercy. Following the release of the band’s third album Vision Thing in 1990, there appeared to be no plans for a new record anytime soon, leading the band’s record label Merciful Release to reissue the band’s early non-album singles and B-sides, which had been out of print at this point, on the compilation Some Girls Wander by Mistake. This included the extended 12-inch version of the original “Temple of Love” recording. In conjunction with this release, the Sisters of Mercy also recorded a new version of “Temple of Love” featuring Israeli singer Ofra Haza, whom Eldritch was a longtime fan of. “Temple of Love (1992)” did not appear on Some Girls Wander by Mistake, but it did appear on the Sisters of Mercy’s greatest hits album A Slight Case of Overbombing, released a year later in 1993.

I’ve always preferred the original version, but it wasn’t the version that was playing when I wrote this, so I’m sharing the 1992 version.

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“I’ll Cry Until the Candles Burn Down This Place”

On Wednesday, August 12, 2026 I did several things I’d never done before. I turned 52. I started taking calcium & vitamin D12 supplements (which are delicious). And I worked out in a gym, taking my first ever Zumba Class with Aaron. Also, I successfully touched my toes. That must seem odd, but I’ve never been able to do it before. I’ve never even come close! Small victories? Perhaps. But they all felt great and they all made me very happy. Aaron also got me some gifts – including flowers and balloons – and lots of kisses. It was a good day. I’m 52 years old. But I feel so much younger! And I know I look way younger than people did in their 50s when I was a kid, so that’s a nice bonus!

I went to bed, having some healthy snacks along the way but I only slept until 3am. I’ve been editing photos and catching up on my blog since then. I didn’t realize until just now that it’s been almost 5 hours! I also had a smoothie in that time.

I’m going to go cuddle with Aaron while there is time!

Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “Pity Party” by Melanie Martinez.

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“Do What You Want and Don’t Be Shy”

On Monday, August 3, we got a lot of our new furniture sorted – including our new bed. A lot of work was done. Though there was also a lot of drama as we were running out of time. I still managed to get another walk in, which was needed, and relaxing. There are these little lizards that live all around our FL house and I spotted something like 16 of them on my walk, but a lot of very playful chipmunks. Bernard and I went to run errands that night to help with the workload, though we were tired, and when we got back there had clearly been a serious argument, possibly just before we arrived, so things were very tense. It took a long time to get to bed that night, but the new setup was very comfortable.

On Tuesday, August 4, we all got up early, all feeling better I think. We got ready and headed to the airport, making short work of security and all sat in the Sky Club; Aaron and I have our own entries and Aaron using passes for Bernard, Mark and Mary Ellen. Aaron left first as his flight was around 11:30. Mark and Mary Ellen followed soon after. While Bernard and I weren’t leaving until 2. Our flight went smoothly. We arrived early at LaGuardia Airport in Queens, and then shared an Uber, which dropped off Bernard first in the Bronx and then got me home before 7pm in Manhattan. When we landed, Aaron had texted to reveal that his transfer flight in Atlanta had been delayed. He always has the worst time at that airport!

On Wednesday, August 5, I had therapy, which went really well. I stayed in.

On Thursday, August 6, I made my way to my cardiologist’s office in Hell’s Kitchen. I hadn’t seen him in about a year, having scheduled my first visit in 2025 out of an over abundance of caution – so I wasn’t expecting anything to go poorly. But not only did it go well, but it went extremely well. I felt great. I thought I looked pretty good. And my doctor said that I was doing everything right! He was impressed by my weight loss, my increased activity and healthier diet. It put me in such a good mood to hear that. I’ve been working really hard to improve my health and I’m finally starting to see some of the benefits of that, and it’s wonderful. I did later hear from his office that he wants me to be tested for something – but I’m not sure why and I’m not overly concerned about it. He may have even mentioned it in the appointment and I just didn’t keep that in my brain, which is a problem with me and doctors in general.

Friday, August 7, I stayed in again, but this was due to warnings about heat, air quality, and later, a thunderstorm. I worked on my website. I wrote a poem. I read. I cleaned out the refrigerator. And I watched an episode of X-Men ’97 (S02E06 “Danger.exe”) before heading to bed early. Despite being tired, it took me several hours to get to sleep. When I did, I felt rested despite sleeping only 6 hours.

So far, today, I’ve just been updating my blog with all the photos (which I have to convert before I can post – which takes a lot of time) and details that I can remember. This is something I’ve been putting off and has been on my list of things I need to get done, so it feels good to knock it off that list.

I should probably eat.

Today’s journal title song quote is from “Feel Good Too” from “Mystical Magical Rhythmical Radical Ride”, which is the eighth studio album by openly bisexual American singer-songwriter Jason Mraz.

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“The Tears and the Sweat”

Aaron and I watched Star Trek: Strange New Worlds S04E02 “The Griffin Incident” Thursday night (07-30-26). The episode is another of SNW’s horror themed tales, which was quite gorey for a Star Trek episode and which really disturbed Aaron, who doesn’t enjoy horror or gore of any kind. I was less bothered, but I still didn’t enjoy it very much, and while there was some horror trope fun in there for me, and some good continuity elements, there was a line about Kirk being a Boy Scout, which I hated so much (because of how it changes how a scene in “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan” plays now) that neither of us felt great about this installment of the series.

Mary Ellen and Mark arrived on Friday (07-31-26). We had several workers at the FL house who got a lot of stuff done; it looks a lot better, vasty improved. I’d share pictures of this but I’m not sure how to do that until I get back to New York, so maybe I’ll update these posts later, or just put them in a new post. We’ll see. [Edit: Post Updated!]

We worked most of the day though I had to take extended breaks due to my disability. Everyone here knows that and were kind. I was able to join everyone for dinner at Giovanni’s, which was nice. We’ve never actually been at the house with Mary Ellen and Mark, though I have been to FL with Mary Ellen and Aaron, a little over 10 years ago, to see Aaron graduate from Full Sail University. 10 years. Crazy. And on that trip we also did Marvel-y stuff, seeing the premiere of “Captain America: Civil War” and riding Marvel themed rides at Universal.

I slept pretty well that night. Well enough that I basically got up at the same time as Aaron (on Saturday, August 1, 2026), rather than staying in bed for several more hours. Aaron, Mary Ellen and Mark had a meeting, with Aaron teaching them how to run the Air B&B, while some of the guys (Bruno and Pablo) replaced the various light switches. I had a smoothie so I needed to let my stomach settle but they were still at it later so lathered on the sunblock and went for a walk.

Aaron and I picked up Bernard from the airport; his flight was delayed a bit due to a thunderstorm, but he was with us soon enough to get to Ikea before they closed. But while we waited for him to arrive I got some unhealthy snacks due to desperation and hunger; there really weren’t any healthy options for me. I’m sure it’s fine; what matters is that I’d rather have something else and that junk food doesn’t make up the majority of my diet anymore – far from it. When we got back to the house it was about 9. We played a game of Cards Against Humanity with Mary Ellen and Mark (which Aaron won with 9; Bernard and I tied for 2nd with 8 each) then headed for bed.

Our bed, which has been very unstable for awhile, collapsed. We already had a new one ordered that we hoped to have delivered before we arrived but has been delayed until Monday. However, Mary Ellen and Mark’s bed collapsed the previous night, so they moved to another room, where that bed also collapsed. I don’t know what the fuck the long term renters did to this place but they really screwed us over. And we will be taking them to court! Despite all of that, I slept okay last night. The bed collapsed in the center so I kept trying to stay out of that space but kept falling back in. lol I got up relatively early (on Sunday, August 2, 2026), took my meds and had a smoothie. I’m just chilling now. I always need to sit for awhile after I eat.

I keep checking in to see how Spider-Man is doing at the box-office and the movie is clearly on track to be very successful, which is great news for the Marvel Cinematic Universe, because even though this is a Sony movie, it’s a chapter in an ongoing story with appearances by various characters, some of whom will appear in at least one of the upcoming Avengers films, with setups for “Avengers: Secret Wars” and the new “X-Men” as well. The next Marvel movie in theaters is “Avengers: Doomsday” in December, which as far as I know doesn’t feature most of these characters (though it definitely features one of them) but I wouldn’t be surprised if these characters pop up in a credit scene or something in that movie to bridge this story to “Avengers: Secret Wars”. We’ll also have more Marvel news in just 12 days time when the Marvel panel at D23 happens.

In 10 days I’ll be 52. And my concerns seem to be healthy. Good food and exercise, which honestly has never really been on my bingo card save for a brief period in 2006. It’s taken a lot to get from there to here, but I seem to have arrived. I didn’t know that it would take 20 years then, but I’m so happy that I started that journey when I finally did. I’m happy where I am. And I’m looking forward to where this path will take me next.

Oh! Funny story. The scale we use at home gives a crazy amount of information and one of the things it says about me is my “Muscle Mass”, which I assumed was BS, because while I know that everyone had muscles, I’ve never had muscles. But when I was applying sunblock 2 days ago I grew concerned and asked Aaron to look at something, because I thought my leg was swollen…only it was a muscle. lol I’m so clueless about health and food, but hopefully it’s adorable. We both laughed. lol

And something that just happened: Bernard walked by our door just as Aaron was opening it…with my erection on display. I would have covered up but I thought everyone was downstairs. lol He said he didn’t mind. lol

It sounds like the new couch, which wasn’t going to be here until tomorrow just arrived, which removes some of our collective stress! Today will be busy. We have 2 more nights here and then head out. Mary Ellen and Mark will head back to Michigan. Aaron will fly to Santa Fe. And Bernard and I will fly to NYC, though we don’t live close to one another, as he lives in the Bronx and I live in Manhattan. I’ve lived in NYC for nearly 14 years (having moved there on September 25, 2012) and spend most of my time in Manhattan, which is still confusing at times – and I’ve spent far less time in the other parts of the city. Perhaps in time that will change.

I went out with Aaron to run some errands before we wound down again, returning to our broken bed (which doesn’t look that bad in pictures, but when you’re in it, that’s a very different story – which is not a metaphor for our relationship!).

I’ve had this song stuck in my head for days and that’s the only reason that it’s today’s journal title song quote, really. “Dance No More” by Harry Styles, released on March 6, 2026, as the tenth track on his fourth studio album, “Kiss All the Time. Disco, Occasionally.” (2026). Styles wrote the song alongside Thomas “Kid Harpoon” Hull, who was the song’s producer. It has been seen as a fan favorite of the album and has been highlighted in reviews. The song was released as the third single from the album with an accompanying music video on 7 May 2026.

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“Spider-Man Does”

Our flight to FL was not delayed and our journey was smooth. When we arrived the work / construction on our condo wasn’t finished and none of the rooms were done but we let them know which room was ours and they finished that one ASAP while we got groceries and I picked up some Italian Cheese Bread from Little Caesars, which is always fantastic in FL for some reason, and has a promotional tie-in with Spider-Man. When we got back, our room was ready. I showered and we finally went to sleep, totally exhausted – and I slept well.

Today (July 30, 2026) I ate relatively healthy. Actually, I ate healthier on the trip too; assorted nuts instead of chips, water instead of soda. I did go to McDonald’s yesterday but I had tea instead of soda. Little differences. Today I had two blueberry smoothies, the pita bread combo I eat – though the Cyclospora outbreak has reached FL and I’m nervous about the salad greens in these meals; worried / concerned about eating generally healthy food? Thanks Trump.

We saw “Spider-Man: Brand New Day”, which we both loved. The family next to us also loved it and the mom said it was the best movie experience she’s had in years. So that was fun. Really fun. The Multiverse Saga seems to be ramping up for a big finish with The Mutant Saga already being seeded to lead the way forward. If you told me that after seeing “The Avengers” with Aaron on opening night in 2012 that we’d be seeing more than 30 other MCU films together, I’d have laughed at you. But I’m not laughing now. We’re both looking forward to seeing “Avengers: Endgame Encore” in theaters in September and “Avengers: Doomsday” in December.

Some more of the construction here is wrapping up soon and then we’re going to try to watch the new Star Trek episode, and then head to bed.

Today’s journal title song quote comes from the famous 1960s Spider-Man theme, which was composed by Paul Francis Webster and Bob Harris. Per Wikipedia, the original song was recorded at RCA Studios in Toronto (where the cartoon was produced) featuring 12 CBC vocalists (members of the Billy Van Singers, and Laurie Bower Singers groups) who added to the musical backing track supplied by RCA Studios, New York. The singers were paid only for the session and have had no residuals from its use since then.

The song has since been adopted as Spider-Man’s official theme, including in-universe, and several different versions have popped up in several Spider-Man theatrical films, including “Spider-Man” (2002), “Spider-Man 2” (2004), “Spider-Man 3” (2007) [on the official soundtrack], “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” (2014), “Spider-Man: Homecoming” (2017), “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse” (2018) & “Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse” (2023).

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“I’ll be (The Ticking of Your Clock)”

I didn’t go out at all yesterday. It had been raining and thundering for about 24 hours and I just didn’t feel like it. Plus I knew I’d be traveling today, so I rested up a bit, posting lots of poetry and packing as much as I could. I spoke to Mark and Raven about Marvel; Raven loved “Ms. Marvel” (her new favorite) and disliked “Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness”, though she, like me, did not think of Wanda as bad. They’re currently watching “She-Hulk: Attorney at Law”. They’re really booking it through Marvel, though of course there are heaps of multiversal stories that they’re skipping, like “Agent Carter”, “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”, “Inhumans” (ick), the Marvel Netflix shows, the X-Men films etc. Raven is paranoid about spoilers, even when I explain that what I’m telling her aren’t spoilers because she doesn’t plan on watching this or that thing. Hopefully we can talk about it all when she’s caught up.

After I picked I started to get ready for bed, falling asleep a bit after 10. I woke up a little after 3am. I tried to get back to sleep but failed. I just kept having all these great ideas or things I needed to remember for the trip. I made notes. Then when I couldn’t get back to sleep I got up, had a smoothie and implemented one of the ideas: a poetry index, listing the poems on my site in the order they were published. It’s not finished but it’s something I can easily work on in FL and it will make my life a lot easier and I have to compare what is located here to other sources and scanning through the poetry pages, backwards, was annoying me. I feel good about it. And I look forward to developing it further.

I went back to bed, making more notes occasionally before diving into some Aaron cuddles, first as the big spoon, and then shortly as the small spoon. Perfection. But it’s time to get up now. And Aaron will need to pack. And I want to eat. I don’t often eat when I travel, but I think that it’s early enough that I should be okay. I hope.

We have to leave here at about noon. Our flight isn’t until 3pm and hopefully won’t be delayed despite the weather. I really hope this trip goes smoothly, both the travel and the time at the house, which bordered on nightmarish last time – but there’s been a lot of work done since then, and there will be more done while we’re there. It will also be nice to see Spider-Man tomorrow, Mary Ellen on Friday and I think Bernard arrives on Saturday? We head our separate ways on Tuesday.

I thought of so many things that I can write about earlier. Hopefully that comes to fruition; sometimes if I don’t do these things in the moment, I never do them, but I can’t today.

Today’s journal title song quote is from “It’s Alright (Baby’s Coming Back)”, written and recorded by the British pop music duo Eurythmics. It was released as the fourth and final single from their 1985 album Be Yourself Tonight. The song was produced by Dave Stewart, and the song’s brass arrangement was devised by Michael Kamen. The single became Eurythmics’ tenth Top 20 hit in the UK where it peaked at number 12, but was less successful in the United States, stalling at number 78 on the Billboard Hot 100. As songwriters, Annie Lennox and Dave Stewart received the 1986 Ivor Novello award for Best Song Musically and Lyrically.

I didn’t hear the song when it was new, but years later when I caught the music video which I found to be lowkey, but oddly mesmerizing. Some time later, I briefly went out with a guy (Rudy) who owned the cassette tape of the album on which the song appeared, and I remember loving that. I actually associate him with the Eurythmics / Annie Lennox as we viewed a film together (1992’s “Prelude to a Kiss”) which featured Annie Lennox’s take on Cole Porter’s “Every Time We Say Goodbye”, which I had seen her perform in the 1991 film “Edward II” and had desperately wanted but then found on the “Prelude to a Kiss” soundtrack – which I used in part to make a mixed tape of songs I loved at the time, which I then played for Rudy. I don’t know Rudy’s last name.

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“Here I Am”

I didn’t go to the party Saturday evening. I tried to get ready for it and so much was going wrong that I was quite stressed, but once I decided not to go (and had a rare Xanax) I calmed down considerably. I walked Aaron to the lot where our car was parked and then continued walking for a bit, first to Bennett Park and then heading back home. Oh, and I did text Ilyssa and Christopher. 🙂

The Marvel Comic Con news was slightly disappointing – but it was what I was actually expecting. Before it started I remembered that D23 is happening next month and how they have separated film and series news between the two presentations, so I figured we wouldn’t be getting the news I most wanted, which was for VisionQuest – which I do expect we’ll learn about at D23. They did make a few big announcements, including that Ryan Gosling will star in a Ghost Rider movie in 2028 & that Black Panther III will be out in December of 2028, with David Jonsson playing an adult version of T’Challa’s son from “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever”; how the character is aged up is rumored to be explained in next year’s “Avengers: Secret Wars”. Letitia Wright and Winston Duke are also confirmed to be returning in that movie (as Black Panther / Shuri & M’Baku), while Denzel Washington was revealed to have a role in the movie a long while ago. Ryan Coogler will also return to direct. I don’t really care about Ghost Rider. I’ve never been a big fan, though I did enjoy the version on Season 4 of “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”, played by Gabriel Luna. But I’m hyped about the Black Panther trilogy being completed 10 years (and 8 years and 10 months after the first film). That’s cool

There was also an “Avengers: Doomsday” panel, with another trailer, which hasn’t been officially released publicly. I’ve not watched the bootlegs because I’d rather wait to see it in high quality. But reports suggest the new trailer is even better than the first, with more context for who Doom is and what the film might entail. And though I was already aware the character would be returning, Hayley Atwell was on-hand to confirm that Peggy Carter will be in the film. Ryan Reynolds also made an appearance, which implies the the character MIGHT be in the movie. I’ve heard rumors that he is, but I try to avoid spoilers so I don’t actually know if he is or not, and I’d rather not know unless they officially announce it. Though, I suspect there are more than a few characters returning in either “Doomsday” or “Secret Wars” that we don’t know about, or at least I don’t, which is fine with me. Oh. And sadly, the Latverian Witch display did not feature a Scarlet Witch reference on the final day, and while many people are buzzing about her possibly returning, if it’s in “Doomsday”, we just don’t know yet. I’ve heard from a reputable source, that even if she’s not in the movie, she will be back soon. I just hope it’s true. I very much want Wanda, Vision, Billy & Tommy (and Agatha) to be reunited.

They did not announce the new “X-Men” film, despite it being in development and likely coming out in 2028. It’s rumored that they didn’t talk about it so as not to spoil anything from “Spider-Man: Brand New Day”, which opens on Thursday – and if so, there’s a very good chance that they’ll announce that at D23. And I’m looking forward to that for sure.

Sunday. I ate well, healthy. I went for a walk around the neighborhood, twice. Really it was one walk but I stopped by the apartment to drop off some groceries (pita bread and grape fruit yogurt), then headed out again. I’m sure I walked at least a mile, probably more. I was really pushing it.

I didn’t spend much time with Aaron on Sunday. When I was home he was really into watching Marvel. He told me that he wanted to watch Star Trek with me, but when he’s really into something, I have a difficult time interrupting him, even when I know he wants me to. It’s weird. It’s been a problem over the years. I was also just very tired after my walk. I didn’t sleep, but I was physically tired.

This morning (well, it was around noon) I weighed 190.4 lbs. I’ve lost over 30 lbs since 2024, 21 of them since March. It’s exciting to see results from what I’m doing, but it’s weird too. I’m really into it, but I’m trying constantly to let myself relax and not worry about it. I mean, despite being 20lbs overweight now, I’ve vastly improve since my last doctor’s appointment, well, the one where I got really horrible feedback and weird test results that were totally invalidated by their methods. But I’m excited to return and prove them wrong. A pound or two off is easy to ignore because people gain and lose a few pounds pretty regularly, but this can’t be ignored. All of my health scores have improved. All of them. Some of them still rank as higher than what they should be, but the improvement is impressive. And that makes me happy. that’s all. And I’m happy with what I’m eating. Today I’ve had a smoothie (Boost, protein powder, fiber, coffee, blueberries, almond milk, zucchini), several bottles of water with fiber, 2 pita breads with lettuce, hummus & Italian dressing, a piece of toast (high fiber bread) with chia seeds, a kiwi, and a mix of olives, almonds, pistachios, peanuts, sunflower seeds and pecans. That’s so different from when I was eating ice cream and potato chips every day.

I stumbled on this pendant, the central one with greyish stone, which my cousin Starr had given to me years before. She was wearing it and I told her I liked it and she immediately took it off and gave it to me. She was like that. That was also the last time I ever saw her alive. She died on January 31 of 2001. I thought about her while I got ready to go out. It was really just a series of moments, but she was very special and I can still remember how she looked and what her voice sounded like. She was one the relatives I came out to when I was finally telling more people and she was really lovely.

Also on my way out I traded calls and message with Mark Adams. He and his daughter Raven are watching most of the mainline Marvel Multiverse entries, in release order, as that’s how Raven wants to do it. I gave them a list and they’ve been following it. He said that they’ve finished “Thor: Love & Thunder” and will begin “She-Hulk: Attorney at Law” soon. They had been watching “Moon Knight” the last time I saw them, which means they’ve also seen “Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness” and “Ms. Marvel” since then, which I hadn’t thought of, so I didn’t ask what they thought of them. I’ll have to remember to talk about that next time.

I went for another walk today. It was overcast, very warm and extremely humid but I enjoyed the exercise. I had to stop at the pharmacy on the way home to fill a prescription that I’ll be out of before we return from FL. It was so HOT in that store. I was sweating a lot. When I got home my shirt was soaked through and I showered for the second time – I usually shower and shave before I leave as well, like I did today.

And then I sat down to write this while I ate. I really shouldn’t eat at my computer but I keep doing it just the same.

Today’s journal title song quote is from “The Only Living Boy in New York” by Simon & Garfunkel, which is the eighth track from the duo’s fifth and final studio album, “Bridge over Troubled Water”. The song was also issued as the B-side of the duo’s “Cecilia” single. I’d heard a lot of their music growing up, “The Sound of Silence” being one my mother’s favorite songs, but somehow I’d never heard this one (or I at least I didn’t remember it) until it was used in the final scene of the HBO film version of Larry Kramer’s “The Normal Heart” (2014), which I didn’t see until September 19, 2016 – and it was fucking incredible. I’ve since seen it at least twice more, and I’ll likely always associate the song with that movie.

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“I Know You Have A Little Life In You Yet”

I did not go to bed after the last entry. As I walked to the room to cuddle with Aaron, he got up, so I stayed up too. I spent much of the day in a haze. I did try to sleep; I just wasn’t successful. I wondered if I should go for a walk? I worried that the lack of sleep might be harder to recover from and that it might be better to stay in, but due to the fact that it was Brian’s birthday, and the feelings I had about it being the first one since he died, I decided I needed to walk, to help work off the excess emotions.

I got dressed quickly. I tried not worry about what I was wearing too much, which is becoming increasingly difficult. I decided to wear pants, despite the heat, as the black item I chose had multiple holes in it and was also really light. I was shocked when I put them on though, because they have an elastic waist and I’ve never needed a belt with them before, but yesterday I did. I guess that’s what happens when you lose nearly 30 lbs; 18.8 in the last 4 months. Okay.

I walked sort of aimlessly, not really feeling like going to the park. I briefly considered walking as far as I could south, knowing I could catch a train home. I may still do that at some point, but it wasn’t the time. I knew I’d had very little sleep and I figured I shouldn’t push things too far. It was enough that I was up and outside. I walked at least a mile. I traded texts with my friend Christopher. I stopped into Starbucks and got a chocolate chip cookie that I’d been craving for over a week but skipped the tea this time as I had a water with me. On my way home I ran into my old Starbucks customer and now friend, Gemma, who gave me another name the last time I saw her, and I can’t remember what it was. Damn it. She was highly complimentary of my appearance, which was appreciated.

When I got home I showered. Then had a smoothie. I tried to stay up but started getting ready for bed around 9pm. I know I passed out because when I woke up my phone was next to me on the bed, not charging. I got up around 3 or 4? I can’t remember. I had something to drink and a piece of toast. I worked on my Marvel chronology for a couple of hours. Then I went back to bed to cuddle with Aaron. We cuddled for an hour before he got up, then I fell back asleep for a couple of hours.

I woke up ravenous. I had another smoothie, which was delicious. I weighed myself. I’m enjoying the process of paying attention to my health and trying to meet goals, but my PTSD is so closely tied to food, and often presents itself as an eating disorder, that I’ve avoided this kind of information in the past, and I’m cognizant of the circumstances, and I don’t believe this is negative at all. But I’m trying to take stock of my emotions and my reactions and how I’m dealing with all of this so that it can be positive and not detrimental – and I don’t think it is – but I worry if I just sort of went into this without that level of introspection, that it could slip into something unhealthy. As it stands, I’m eating better, healthier and I’m more active. I’m not starving. I’m not exercising to excise. So I think I’m fine. I currently weigh 192.2 lbs, which was before I ate. So it’s probably gone up a reasonable amount since then. I should be at least 20 lbs less to be in the ballpark of my ideal healthy weight, but I’m improving in various ways, with better results that I’d ever have expected. And again, I’ve lost about 30lbs from when I was eating nothing but crap and was highly sedentary – like, I would barely move for days at a time, except to eat or take a bathroom break. So, also again, I’m definitely doing better, so it’s hard to criticize any of my new habits, which is helpful, because it means I’m probably on the right track.

We’re going to a party this evening, or that’s the plan. The Marvel Hall H Panel at San Diego Comic Con will be during the party, so I’m hoping to come home with lots of Marvel news. There have been teases that MIGHT mean that Wanda could return in Avengers: Doomsday, ala her comic storyline from The Children’s Crusade, which I’d secretly hoped already, and so I’m very hyped to (PLEASE) have that confirmed. I need Wanda back. I actually need Wanda and Vision and Wiccan & Speed to be united and then they can go live happily ever after. That’s what I want. I actually would have preferred to stay home and read the news as it pours in, but getting out is healthier. Spending time out with Aaron is beneficial for us both, and I genuinely like the person who is having this housewarming party. And there may be others that I know there. It’s all good. I feel much better today than I did yesterday, and that’s always good.

Oh. Our downstairs neighbors have a leak in their ceiling. This is horrible for them, and obnoxious for us. They’ve had a leak on and off for 10 years? We’ve let plumbers and professionals come into our apartment at all hours of the day and night (often with no heads up) to work with them to find something. They’ve run the water from all the sinks, the shower, the appliances – everything – many times. They’ve ripped open their ceiling and tested everything again, but found nothing. Privately, the professionals have said that the neighbors are crazy – but I don’t think they are! They have a legitimate problem, and I want to help them, but nobody can find the source of the problem and the problem isn’t happening when we use water, and it’s also not happening in a way that anyone can predict, so getting people in when the trouble is actually happening, has been a challenge. And the people that run the building have to send their people to figure it out. We’ve also had every pipe and every water system (and nearly all of our floors + all of the bathroom) replaced and the problem is still there. They used to be very confrontational with us, these neighbors, back before a lot of the changes, and they insisted that we were causing their problems, only the weekend in which they were having the major issues, we weren’t home. So no water was running. It’s a mystery.

And that’s all for now.

Oh. Again! I need to respond to my friend Ilyssa. I’m so all over the place!!! lol I messaged her out of the blue the other day and she kind messaged back – but I was in bed when I got the response and I went right to sleep! Damn. Okay. I’ll reach out to her. And I need to ask Christopher what play he saw yesterday and if it was any good. And get ready for the party. I got this.

Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “This Woman’s Work” written and performed by English singer-songwriter Kate Bush. It was initially featured on the soundtrack of the American film “She’s Having a Baby” (1988). The song was released in November 1989, by EMI Records, as the second single from her sixth album, “The Sensual World” (1989), and peaked at No. 25 on the UK Singles Chart. The first time I remember hearing the song was in the second episode of “ALIAS” (S01E02 “And So It Begins”), which aired October 7, 2001. I was aware of Kate Bush as an ex-bf of mine (Gene Warrick) had played “Running Up That Hill” for me in 1994, from her 1985 album “Hounds of Love”. I liked the song so much that I recorded it to a cassette tape form his vinyl copy. Oh the things we did for music back then! lol Really there are only 3 songs by Kate Bush that I actually know, which are these 2 plus “Lyra”, her song from “The Golden Compass” (2007) film.

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