BALD JASON'S GAY GOTH BOY BLOG
A Work in Progress…Welcome Back!
Washed out yesterday
feels distant as dreams
this morning of desperate
deceptive rape confessions.
Did loving / fearing them
make all the difference?
If so, I should
swallow all of
their sorrowful shame
to wake so
inspired and spritely.
Written by Jason Wright
September 30, 2017
Flash on subway
shooting by green / blue couple
and I know that moment
from years before – – is that me?
Is that watercolor smear
a glimpse of my past?
But I don’t know him
and I never looked like the other guy.
Smashing Pumpkins want to stand inside my love.
People have told me I look like Billy Corgan.
Might as well say I look like Humpty Dumpty.
I couldn’t ever be put together that way…
even if all the queen’s studs rode me
for 16 hours straight.
You, sitting next to me:
KEEP READING WHAT I WRITE!
IT AMUSES ME. 🙂
Other song was used
in video of my making,
much to the outrage of a certain Boy in Orange…
I don’t even know the title and it’s on my fucking playlist.
I’d had a nightmare about concentration camps
with this for a soundtrack,
and I don’t even remember that dream anymore
so the song is free to be itself at last.
Drunk trans woman laughs at what I write;
you are no mystery to me and you need not
scream at the others, begging to be fisted.
Nice to meet you Billie. (I transcribe)
Do you only love yourself
when you drink?
Written by Jason Wright
September 27, 2017
Message came through the wire:
betrayal, hallucinogens and lies.
The walking wounded
attacked faithful friend
before shattering the war radio –
Line goes dead.
Shell shocked survivors
shake their heads in confusion;
refusing to give chase to
someone willingly / needlessly
running from them.
On the battlefield of life
in the trenches of drama
former lovers
behind enemy lines of friendship
crumble to Hiroshima ash,
seemingly destroyed
and unable to rise.
“Our armor was useless.”
“Our love was easily forgotten
in the chaos of bloodshed.”
Your madness is endless,
My sadness is friendless,
I will not surrender
to man who would end this.
On opposite sides
of a battlefield vital…
We sing different songs
which have similar titles…
Which share the same message
if not the same score…
Love is a weapon
in a time filled with war.
Written by Jason Wright
September 25, 2017
For Sean
Four of us there;
though it’s hard to believe:
Bald Jason, Paul
and Darla and Steve.
The latter I stripped
in Ann Arbor fountain
before baring flesh
pressing into his bottom;
concealing our pact
(which they labeled obscene)
and that this healing act
had in fact made us clean.
The nerve that in public
made time seem to end:
Perving the lovesick
with crime through the lense
of twenty-one years
flashing by in a blur…
The party that wasn’t
for the people we were.
A moment of lust
that had built beyond reason,
Momentous trust
in the shadow of treason,
A moment of courage
acknowledged and shared,
Encouraged by touch
though we weren’t prepared
for the judgment of strangers
and friends left outside,
as we puzzled through riddles
with longing our guide,
But licentious struggles
are seldom rewarded,
For all our successes
we may have been thwarted…
For the world gazed in fear
as if love were contagious…
Our fumbled premiere
saw us stumble toward greatness.
Written by Jason Wright
September 20, 2017
When I met him,
a prisoner’s attempt to break free.
My relationship.
His deniability.
He was so forward the night we met.
Terrifying.
Couldn’t see he was teetering on the brink
just to kiss me.
For Josh –
Who’s kiss I’ll never forget,
who’s random phone calls haunt me to this day
and who still has plenty of magic
(even if “The Magician” doesn’t recognize it as such).
I scrawled this in my notebook on the train sometime last week and just got around to transcribing it here. I hope it finds you well.
When I can’t think –
When I can’t remember –
Can’t write –
I tell myself it’s enough to
breathe, dress, leave, walk, ride.
And when I’m lucky
something connects
like a stranger’s kiss –
an excitement fumbling towards inspiration
through shock treatment lust
or cold water dread
traveling / taking me to where I always wish to be.
I write of nothing
desperate to not lose
what I once believed
and forgot
and was only reminded of on special occasions like
birthdays, anniversaries or when
he fucked that goth metalhead drag queen in Budapest.
I write so often that I sometimes can’t meet other writers
as I’m far too busy writing.
I read this for the others
as the time ticks away
after verses and compliments
and a shared glimmer
in the eyes of strangers.
Written by Jason Wright
September 12, 2017
I knew a boy once
when I was younger…
Really,
it was more like I knew people
who knew him;
an acquaintance.
I thought him straight
but kind,
possibly manipulative,
but when I saw another turn his head
I knew that I had been mistaken.
Perhaps he was confused…
Perhaps I was confused…
Even when involved with a man I knew,
I didn’t quite believe it.
He was like
a vision of youth
and culture
and ideas relating to things
and places I didn’t have access to,
beyond his possible longing,
his desire for his own gender.
The night that he drunkenly kissed me
was flattering and insulting all at once.
I gained no access, you see,
and though his lust was honest
and the way his eyes met mine
left little doubt that I was attractive to him,
I’ve never quite convinced myself
that he wasn’t seeking to make my friend jealous.
I’m no longer friends with the man who had been his lover;
nor have I been such for nearly two decades…
I wonder what ever became of this man
who glistened in the background of my life.
His dark hair
and the way his smile made his eyes dance…
Gustavo.
I stumble for his name
in the car
as Aaron and I listen to “Giovanni’s Room”.
I hope he came to a better end;
he deserved at least that much…
I thought his name beautiful
and a fitting word to match
his twilit lambent contradiction of a smile.
If he lives,
I doubt he has spared me
a second thought.
Written by Jason Wright
September 8, 2017
I came here a stranger
embraced without a question,
You welcomed me here
and ensured my affection,
He’s broken and lost
and screaming inside me,
His pain is too much
and begins to divide me,
He learned not to eat
so that he could survive,
He’s making me sick
so that I’ll stay alive,
But he is confused
because he was deceived,
Our father told lies
that his children believed,
Little Boy Blue
always here to remind me…
And little boy fighting
is killing me kindly.
Written by Jason Wright
September 2, 2017
Camping together
like times that he’s had,
I can’t quite explain
why L.J. is sad,
Why gun to his head
is aiming at me,
Triggered by all things
that will never be.
I give him this time
to heal and reflect,
He feels so alone
yet our lives intersect,
I know he is haunted –
I know he’s a ghost,
I know that they hurt
what he wanted the most,
But he’s not alone
because I’m always near,
And though he is gone
I know he is here…
I know he is sad
and I’m paying attention,
I’m holding him close
in this time of reflection,
So don’t be afraid;
I am strong and can do this,
It wasn’t his fault
and I give him forgiveness.
Written by Jason Wright
September 2, 2017
For Little Jason and his father David.