Aaron Sanko – BALD JASON'S GAY GOTH BOY BLOG

July 4, 2026July 4, 2026

“I Don’t Have Nothing to Say”

I did stay home today. I played Mario Kart with Chris and Tristan and Aaron when it was time, but they had been out in the heat and I think it had made Aaron a little cranky; he didn’t have a chance to clean up in the same way that they had, and we also had far less time together than originally scheduled. I got some work done on several projects. And I tried to catch up on some of the TV I’ve fallen behind on. I watched:

X-Men ’97 S02E01 Days of Past Future
X-Men ’97 S02E02 A Force to Be Reckoned With
The Vampire Lestat S01E03 or Interview with the Vampire S03E03 Toronto

The new season of X-Men ’97 is still as good as the first, with several moments that made me cheer and / or tear up. But I cry during everything, so YMMV. Lestat continues to be a very different (and slightly less even) adaptation than Interview With the Vampire. It’s not bad but I’m not certain that some of the new framing actually works, and won’t know until I can see the completed picture. There are many changes to the source material, like the previous adaptation, but there were many lines that I knew were actually from the book, so I’m engaged with the material and curious to see where the series goes next. I do have another episode, with another airing tomorrow, but I think I’m done for the night – though I may watch them tomorrow? I also have another X-Men ’97 episode to watch, with another out this Tuesday, but I think I’m done with that as well for now. I’m enjoying both series and want them to last – only both have relatively short seasons; Season 1 of Lestat (which is how I think of it) is only 7 episodes long and will be done 2 weeks from tomorrow, while X-Men ’97 has 9 episodes this season and will be done 5 weeks from Tuesday. And I have plenty more to watch, which is nice, but is also starting to feel like work, rather than fun.

It was raining, but I think it has stopped.

This journal title song quote is brought to you from “Raining in Baltimore” by Counting Crows, from their 1993 debut studio album, “August and Everything After”, which never fails to conjure memories of that autumn when I was dating Jeff Rodriguez, but also Shawn Foreman (circa summer of 2000), who loved them. I’ve got lots of memories tied to various songs from the album as well, including this one, which I tried to mix with a spoken word piece (which tied into the lyrics of the song rather nicely) – and which likely would have worked, only I got sidetracked by another project and just never got back to it.

July 2, 2026July 2, 2026

“Don’t You Think It’s Time for Bed?”

I’ve been meaning to write the last few days but I’ve gotten a bit behind. I did major updates on the photos and viewing orders, and we’ve been busy with other things. I’d probably skip this tonight as well, but we’re going to have visitors this weekend and our schedule is packed. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do everything that Aaron has planned but I’ll try.

Back to our Michigan trip. On Sunday (June 28, 2026), we visited my maternal grandmother (Frances), my youngest maternal aunt (Marge), and my older sister (Janice), with cameos by a couple of cousins, Marge’s oldest son (Michael) and his son (Dajr). I feel like I’m describing all this rather oddly, but I’m really tired – so forgive me.

Grandma told us the sweetest thing before we left. When I met Aaron in late 2011 he was preparing for a February concert, The Broadway We Love, which featured him singing all these Broadway tunes for charity. There was a cd of the concert, which I gave to my grandmother and I knew she listened to it at the time, but she told Aaron that she still listens to it and that when he sings about cellophane, she rocks her shoulders back and forth and it makes her feel good. She doesn’t really follow musical theater, but I knew right away she was talking about the song “Mr. Cellophane” from the 1975 American musical “Chicago”. It makes me smile every time I think about it.

We left around 5:30 to meet our friend Jessie and my oldest Nephew Justin at Pizza House in Ann Arbor. Justin had never been there, which shocked me. We told him all sorts of stories about our adventures there in the past and the conversation in general was really great. Justin and Jesse are some of the most interesting people I know, and everyone was pleased with food, and the evening was lovely.

After dinner we went to Uplift to play some pool, unaware that they were hosting a drag event, so there were far more people that the previous time we went there. Pool was played. Drag was performed. We said goodnight to Jesse and drove Justin back to his car. He seemed interested in going camping with us. I wonder if that will happen?

We headed back to the hotel. I packed most of my things and went to bed. We sorted everything in the morning and we headed to the airport. Later we learned that my medication that had seemed to have never been sent had actually arrived within 24 hours of us but they just never sent me a tracking number – but by the time we found out we were already in New York. So the saga of the meds continues. We got some more out of pocket from a local pharmacy until we can get the one that was sent to Michigan.

I randomly got bumped up to First Class. I was in the first row all by myself. It didn’t actually feel like much of an upgrade but I was reading all the way home, so it was fine. I finished reading “Rock” yesterday? Or maybe the day before? I don’t know. The the first book I’ve finished in ages. I found out there is a sequel or a spin-off or something, which I downloaded but I haven’t started it yet. I had therapy on Tuesday, which went well. I’ve spoken to Katie this week. Aaron’s sister and brother-in-law will be arriving tomorrow for a weekend of fun.

I’m behind on all my TV shows. So many. I’m watching “Daredevil” (Season 3), rewatched Star Trek: Discovery (on Season 3 of that too), I’m 2 episodes behind on “The Vampire Lestat”, with a third arriving this Sunday. I’m 3 episodes behind on “X-Men ’97”. I’m 7 episodes behind on “Spider-Noir”. I’m sure there’s more. It’s starting to bother me though. I just never seem to have time, despite staying mostly indoors this week due to the heatwave.

I’ve continued to eat healthy since I got home. In Michigan I had McDonald’s a couple of times, and had some chips. But I also had smoothies and egg whites while I was there, which was nice. I feel like there’s more but I’m so tired, I just want to go to bed.

Aaron and I continued our Re-Trek with TNG S03E05 “The Bonding”, which continues the streak of good or great Season 3 episodes. I had some minor quibbles. Deanna Troi’s heterosexist comment of a future wife for Jeremy Astor felt outdated and annoying. How spoiled I have become by modern Trek! There were a few other bits, the most glaring being that Jeremy Astor is set up to be a recurring character of a sort but he never even mentioned again, or at least not that I can remember. It feels like a rare misstep with Worf’s storylines. This also felt like the first of the Deanna / Worf storylines, which continue throughout the series. I look forward to seeing more soon, but I doubt we’ll be able to see any until after this weekend, unfortunately.

Today’s song quote title comes from “Sexy Nerd” by Jonny McGovern; a song from his 2012 album “The Gayest of All Time”, which started playing on my phone as I was finishing this post. It’s on a playlist I made on Amazon Music titled “LGBTQ”.

June 29, 2026

“Don’t Think I’ve Left You All Behind”

So, Aaron and I are home after several days away. Here’s how June 24 & June 25 unfolded…

Wednesday (June 24, 2026), Aaron and I flew to Michigan out of Great Plains, New York, which we’d never done before, usually leaving from LaGuardia, JFK or Newark. It was fine, though much smaller than what we’re used to. I found it charming. Aaron didn’t love it, but our flight was smooth and fast, with no troubles.

Aaron’s mother, Mary Ellen, and her longtime boyfriend Mark, picked us up from the airport, as they often do. They let us borrow Mary Ellen’s car but we went to a restaurant together. The food was good and the company was great. I was happy to be with them and happy to be back in Michigan. I love Michigan. It isn’t home anymore, but it is packed with memories and many people that I adore. We headed to our hotel. I toyed with going out but decided to stay in as I can get worn out pretty easily and we had a lot planned. I read a bit before bed – and I slept well, which isn’t surprising as I’d gotten up very early. Oh…and as I was off the medication that had been crushed in the mail, I was sick all day.

On Thursday (June 25, 2026), the pharmacy let me by purchase 7 days worth of my meds out of pocket. My online pharmacy was supposed to have sent me more but they never sent a tracking number so I figured it was delayed. Aaron went to the rehearsal for his cousin’s wedding. Meanwhile, my sister Janice picked me up and then our father (with my nephew Jordan along for the adventure), taking us to Aubree’s Pizzeria & Grill (the same place I’d gone the day before). Our cousin Joy and her partner Nate joined us as well. A fun time was had by all. After we parted ways with Joy and Nate, Janice took Jordan to Kroger to get groceries and then we dropped him off, followed by our father soon after.

Janice took me to pick up Aaron’s dry cleaning for the wedding and then we headed out for Mooreville to visit with Grandma (Frances Phillips), our step-father (Douglas L. Canell) and our Aunt Marge White. I took lots of pictures of the countryside on our way from Ann Arbor; I’ve always thought it was beautiful there, but I didn’t start taking pictures of it until after I moved to New York.

I had such a wonderful visit with my family.

Janice drove me back to my hotel. I got ready for bed. I read more of my book and slept well again.

To Be Continued…

Today’s journal entry song quote is from “Pink Pony Club” from the 2023 debut studio album by the American singer-songwriter Chappell Roan, “The Rise and Fall of a Midwest Princess”.

June 19, 2026

“We Took Photographs of Everything”

On Wednesday (June 17) Aaron and I had an eye doctor appointment, only to find out that my insurance only covers a visit every two years, so I headed home. I had a VNS monthly interview; I was recently recertified for services. There was a new Spider-Man: Brand New Day trailer and tickets went on sale for the movie.

That night after I got read for bed I had a phone conversation with my cousin Joy, which was long overdue, delightful – but extensive. So extensive that I didn’t actually get to bed until about 3am. Fine.

I slept well, though waking up without Aaron (on June 18) was a shock. The week has flown by and I’d forgotten that Aaron was working from the office. Additionally, there had been storms off and on and I woke up with a severe migraine that got worse. I took all the things and I did laundry in preparation to attend Aaron’s Stonewall Chorale Pride Concert, which I’d asked Aaron to get me a ticket for, so I did not want to cancel, because I only had a ticket because I asked, plus I love the choir and I wanted to be there for the fun! Only, again, the migraine didn’t leave and later I learned that Aaron hadn’t gotten me the ticket, so I begged out of going to get a ticket at the door and stayed home. I didn’t go out. I didn’t watch TV or movies or read or play video games. It was so bad that I couldn’t really do anything fun. Aaron later assured me that this was the right call as there was a bit of drama, a late start to the show and there was no air conditioning. Bullet dodged. I still would have liked to have gone to support him and to see everyone though. I guess Victor Garber was there and I would likely have said hello to him. Oh well.

I updated my photos section this morning. I have more updates I’d like to do. And I’m still behind on several viewing orders that are in various stages of preparation, so I have stuff to work on. Aaron has today off and at some point, likely after 6, we’ll watch The Sound of Music. We got our Spider-Man: Brand New Day tickets today. July 30 at 3pm. Awesome.

Today’s journal entry song quote is from “Dream State (Run From It)” by American post rock band Son Lux, from their fifth studio album, Brighter Wounds. It was the theme song to HBO’s “The Vow”, which I’ve been rewatching.

June 17, 2026June 17, 2026

“I Kept Waiting For You to Find What I See in You”

June 16, 2026. Aaron’s 42nd Birthday. He was 27 when I met him. He bought me the Zelda Pride shirt last summer. I gave him the Star Trek Pride shirt today. <3

But I’m getting ahead of myself. I cuddled and showered with Aaron on the morning of his 42nd birthday. He had to work. Meanwhile, I scheduled multiple appointments with multiple doctors: a possibly hypnotherapy appointment that both my therapist and G.I. Specialist have been recommending (which took jumping through several hoops to accomplish), the bone density test that my G.I. Doctor recommended, the endocrinologist that my favorite doctor recommended + an appointment for an anal pap smear, which he’s wanted me to have for years but in the past, nobody in New York didn’t them for men, but now he has someone who does. So that was a lot. At least for me. I tend to struggle with making any appointments at all, but several of the appointments pertain to things that should have been taken care of (or at least checked out) a long time ago, so it felt like overdue and also very satisfying to get that stuff done. At one point my bone density test was scheduled for this Friday, but Aaron has the day off and wants to spend it with me, so I moved it to Monday, which he appreciated – and said he’ll drive me to that appointment to make up for the delay.

I had ordered 3 gifts for Aaron but I didn’t get gift bags or wrapping paper. I decided I’d go find some. Only I went to Target and several pharmacies and nobody had either item. And I didn’t even see anything that looked like it might be an option. But as I wandered through the Heights, looking for a solution, I happened across this location, which was the home of a gay bar when we first moved to New York. Our sublet was at 173rd and Broadway, a little less than 4 blocks away. I went there a few times. It was called “No Parking”, which was ironic, since it was located inside of a parking structure. I just looked it up, and the bar opened in 2006 and closed in 2014. I knew it had been gone a long time, but I also knew I’d been there in early 2013. And here are the photos to prove it: This is me, Addison, Alyssa “Aly” Thomas and Jose Antonio Ponce. I worked with Addison and Alyssa at Starbucks and Jose was a cute customer of ours.

I stopped at my pharmacy on the way back to pick up some medication, and I was a sweaty mess when I got home from the excessive heat. But I had to jump right into a meeting with someone to finish scheduling one of those appointments I spoke of earlier. I also spoke to my cousin Katie for a bit and realized I could wrap Aaron’s gift with tissue paper I’d gotten for an art project last year. I wrapped his 3 gifts with different colors: Red, Black and Blue. He loved his presents. And then he was off to choir.

My eating in the last several days has been great and fun. I hope it lasts. I’ve started eating pitas, which probably sounds silly to most people, who’ve had them all their lives, but I’d never had one before. They’re really good – and the opposite of what I generally enjoy. I was looking over what I’ve been eating lately, and without even trying too hard, for the last several months I’ve drastically increased my servings of fruit and vegetables. Yesterday for example, I had a cup of blueberries, a cup of cherries, some green olives, chickpeas, sesame seeds, chia seeds, flax seeds, french onion & lettuce. The day before was similar but also featured broccoli, cauliflower & zucchini. And again, this has just sort of fallen into place in a way that seems magical to me. If you’d told me my diet would be so markedly changed last year, I wouldn’t have believed you. I would have thought it impossible. Truly impossible. This change is in complete opposition to my previous experiences. But this is in part why I’ve been in therapy for so long. I’m just starting to see some results and that’s really gratifying.

The night wound down and I got ready for bed. I’m re-watching The Vow. I’m not sure why. I think it’s because I engage with it but can do so without paying a lot of attention, having seen it before. I watched an episode, then shut it off and fell asleep shortly after 10. I woke up at 4, had a blueberry smoothie and wrote this.

Today’s journal entry music quote comes from “Cherry”, the 2013 single from former electronic music band Chromatica.

June 14, 2026

“There’s Promise in the Air”

When I saw my dietician on Wednesday, she gave me a mountain of new information to incorporate into my life. I was grateful. I told her I was, because although she communicated a lot of information that wasn’t always easy to hear, she did this with compassion and humor, with wit and with care. I have already tried several things she recommended, which have been emotionally complicated to say the least. But she gave me some worksheets with some notes and I sat down today to try to make sense of them. I asked Aaron questions as he’s quite educated on these topics and he loves me, so he’s very careful with what he says and how he presents things, but he’s also clearly excited to see that I’m considering these things in a healthier way than I ever have in the past.

We put in a grocery order, which features mostly healthy foods and several of which I’ve never tried before. And I’m thinking about meals in the day and what they need to accomplish, which isn’t really how I’ve done this sort of thing in the past. I did try a few times, in therapy, but figuring out this or that food and the ramifications of them really dragged me down. This feels different, but like an extension of the work I did there. I think I’m going to have an interesting conversation with my therapist this week.

I’m excited for the possibilities of my personal growth in these matters, but I also know that I’m going to need to practice what I’m learning. I don’t want to be complacent or to fail because I’m not paying enough attention. The part of me which has been trapped within the trauma of my childhood is paying attention and so far, he seems curious, even if he throws a tantrum now and again. I think he knows I’m trying to help him just much as I’m trying to help myself and that’s appreciated. It’s only when I ignore him that things get really bad.

I took care of some banking stuff. I’ve been handling my “banking stuff” for something like 10 years now? And off and on before that. But it used to be very stressful. And right now, it’s not. And that’s nice.

I bought a Xanadu shirt. It was on sale.

I also tried to write down what I need to accomplish at my doctor’s appointment tomorrow. My doctors are awesome, which is why I see them, but I can really struggle with talking to them about the things that matter. It’s like my brain falls out of my head every time I go into those places. I’ve worked to overcome that, with some positive effect, but it’s still a struggle. Part of that work has involved preparation, like I’m doing now. Hopefully I can avoid any real trouble tomorrow and pave the way for more positive experiences in the near future.

I would like to speak to Jessica A. Gerson, PhD, about possibly joining one of her groups. She’s a psychologist who does group work, sometimes involving hypnosis, to help people dealing with G.I. disorders. Both my therapist and my G.I. doctor have separately recommended Dr. Gerson to me, which is kind of funny, because my G.I. doctor and my therapist are friends also. I like that they all know one another. They can also all see each others notes in my file, which is how I feel all medical teams should be – as they’re all treating me, I’d rather they have all the information to work with. I can’t make an appointment (or broach the subject) with Dr. Gerson today though because of office hours. I’d like to try to do so before my therapy appointment later this week, just so I can tell my therapist I did. I mean, I want to do it for myself, but I’m also aware that I’ve been talking to my therapist about it, off and on, for at least a year – and I had totally forgotten about it in recent weeks, even with my other doctor also recommending the treatment. I don’t want to lose this chance because I can’t focus on it.

I need to reapply for my Snap Benefits which I could do today. It has to be done by August and I do want to do it today but I also need to find time to eat and spend time with Aaron, and I also want to go for a real walk, as I haven’t done so in days. Actually yesterday marked the first day I didn’t go outside at all after 41 consecutive days going out. I was exhausted yesterday, barely sleeping the night before and I wanted to push through and go out but then our elevator was down again and I just thought, fuck off. Instead I got ready for bed and I slept very well. But I want to get outside today. I don’t want there to be a habit of not going out.

Also, I need to remember that I want to try to get in touch with Alec on the second floor. And Isaiah. And Christopher. Actually, Christopher spoke about me going to a bar with him this Tuesday. Maybe I can do that? We’ll see.

Today’s journal entry song quote comes from “Magic” by Olivia Newton-John from the soundtrack to the 1980 movie musical, “Xanadu”. My sister had this record when I was a kid, the 45. I could read the word Xanadu and assumed it was the company logo of the record company, somewhat ironically, given some of the subject matter in the film. I also thought the song was about my sister. I later caught the TV premiere of the film, by accident, and was shocked to learn that this was where the music came from. A few years later, when we had a VCR, I recorded it of television and it became a favorite of mine. I owned the soundtrack on cassette and CD. I have a digital copy. And though it’s become a somewhat iconic gay favorite, it feels very personal to me, and while I’m happy that others enjoy it, I think I would hate to see it in a theater where everyone was singing along to the film. But I feel the same way about the Rocky Horror Picture Show – which I’ve seen with the audience participation multiple times, but I knew then, that aside from seeing friends perform, I’d much rather see the film at home. And that’s really how I am now with movies in general.

June 13, 2026

“Memories of Green”

Memories. Some of them are vibrant and overwhelming. Others seem muted or faded as an old drawing.

Yesterday marked 10 years since the Pulse Nightclub Massacre, when 29-year-old Omar Mateen shot and killed 49 people and wounded 58 in a mass shooting at Pulse, a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida. We read about it 10 years ago today. I was so shaken. A couple of weeks later, at PRIDE (on June 24), the owners of the club were there on the pier and they read the names of the victims as I wept. Bob the Drag Queen performed, and so did Todrick Hall, who later released a documentary (“Behind the Curtain”) which features us in the audience + a NYC Pride sign that we had our picture taken with.

An acquaintance of mine, a kid who had a crush on me but was way too young for me when we met, Perris, was there at Pulse and had survived. He died in March of 2024 of complications from surgery, age 34.

A year ago, Aaron and I were at LaGuardia International Airport in Queens heading to Michigan for a visit with Aaron’s family + his 41st birthday:

“The man sitting across from us is flirting with a woman way out of his league and laughing like a Muppet on acid. I’m embarrassed for both of them.“

13 years ago, Aaron and I got word that work was wrapping up on our “new condo”, which is where I’m writing this post from. No longer new, and in my brain I think of it as an apartment, rather than a condo, but I’m not sure that really matters.

16 years ago, I was still happy with the Doctor Who episode that had aired the day before, S05E11 “The Lodger”, which features James Corden, who I thought was funny at the time, though I now find him to be completely obnoxious.

7 years ago today, Aaron and I arrived in our new hotel in San Francisco (for an opera conference) and later I had a reunion with Jen Beam; she lived across the Golden Gate Bridge, which I crossed for the first time on a bus. It seems like yesterday and forever ago all at once. I hooked up with several exes while we were there (Jen & Mark) but I only got fucked by one of them (Shawn)! With Aaron’s permission of course. We have a mostly open relationship but I don’t really take advantage of it much. That was the only time I hooked up with anyone without him, and I likely would have included him but he was busy and there were emotional things that needed to be worked through and discussed. It was very healing.

11 years ago, Mary Ellen was in town for Aaron’s birthday and took us to see “Finding Neverland” on Broadway, which featured Matthew Morrison & Kelsey Grammer; I remember they made a funny “Cheers” joke. We ate at the Jolly Monk that day. It was a difficult day actually, due to my own psychological bullshit, but I made the most of it.

14 years ago, last night, was the Goth Prom at Factor Night at Necto. I was a Necto / Nectarine Ballroom devotee from January 1994 – September 2012, with a few stops put in in the months that followed.

17 years ago today, my grandparents renewed their wedding vows. I took my then boyfriend, Michael Slaughter, with me. I didn’t know then but he’d already cheated on me more than a dozen times. But the day was lovely. And my sister Janice and I sang. My mother was there. Michael and I called it quits in early 2011. My mother died in July of 2021, while her father, my grandpa died last year.

Today’s music is “Memories of Green” from the film “Blade Runner”. I’ve not heard The New American Orchestra version in decades, and while I love the original Vangelis version, this is the version I owned when I was a kid. And it feels appropriate to share it here.

June 10, 2026June 10, 2026

“I’m Trying To Leave The Night Behind”

I did go to sleep early, after a brief chat with my sister. Anytime I say that I’ve spoken to my sister I mean Janice, my older sister. Our younger sister, Jamie, doesn’t speak to me. I don’t even have her phone #. I don’t know her address. I’ve never seen where she lives. And it’s not just that we’re distant, she’s vicious. And so after many, many years of this seemingly random and horrible behavior, it has come to a point where it feels like I only have one sister. I would not have it be so. But Jamie has given me no other choice.

I slept well. I sometimes have a fruity carbonated beverage on hand but I had water instead. The pain in my back haunted my dreams and woke me a few times. Aaron later told me that I cried out in my sleep. I slept for more than 8 hours. When I did finally get up, I found that while my back still hurts, quite sharply at times, it feels much better than it did yesterday, which is a relief. It doesn’t hurt when I stand still, which was not true yesterday.

I usually make my smoothies with a high protein fiber enriched Boost drink (which equals 1 cup), + 1 cup of blueberries or cherries, a scoop of fiber, a scoop of coffee and a scoop of protein powder – with a splash of unsweetened oat milk. I tried making one without the Boost today (replacing it with a cup of the unsweetened oat milk). Actually, that’s how I first tried making one but I had found the flavor to be a little too intense for me, so this was my second attempt, which went a lot better. That cuts a bit of sugar from my limited intake. I will still drink the Boost but not with the smoothies and not as often. Aaron is against this, and maybe the nutritionist will feel otherwise as well. Aaron says that all the things in the Boost are good for me, but that’s true of water and you can still drown in it or die from drinking too much, via water intoxication / hyponatremia, which is when someone consumes water faster than their kidneys can process it, diluting their blood sodium to abnormally low levels and causing cells—including brain cells—to swell. Maybe I’m being extreme, but I don’t know what else to do. The new smoothie concoction didn’t bother me this time. It’s not as tasty as it was before, but it’s also not anywhere near as offensive as I felt it was the first time. Progress.

I’m wondering if maybe my sugar levels were raised randomly last week. I had a bad few days with my stomach, which is paralyzed, which leads to vomiting. Every day for nearly 25 years. August 13 will mark 25 years. Some days are much worse than others. And having had several bad days, my throat was sore. I bought some Luigi’s Real Italian Ice (Watermelon & Blue Raspberry), which have a lot of sugar in them, which is why I gave them up years ago. The second ingredient on the label is syrup blend (sucrose and corn syrup) followed by apple juice. They’re basically flavored ice with heaps of sugar – but they were something cold that felt good on my throat. I ate 3 of them the morning of my appointment. I also had a sip of cough syrup because it had a cough suppressant and when my throat is irritated from a rough night, I cough a lot. So…I’m wondering if this doesn’t spike my sugar levels and or my results. It’s possible, but I honestly don’t know enough about it to know for sure.

So I’ve already made some (one assumes) healthy changes to my previously improved diet. And my back isn’t as bad. And I have the nutritionist to see today. And I feel really good about how I’ve handled things that would have knocked me off an emotional cliff yesterday and likely would have ended in bloodshed. And now I have questions about what might have sparked this change & I’m hoping this spike was a fluke, but either way it wouldn’t hurt me to try to do better. And so that’s where I am this morning.

Aaron is having a rough morning already. He has had a rough couple of days actually and has been trying to take care of himself but as is often the case, the world collapsed when he wasn’t there. Sometimes in these moments I don’t know what to say to help, but this morning I felt like I was there for him and told him things he needed to hear.

Sometimes our relationship goes very smoothly. Most of the time, really. But it becomes easy to take it for granted. The last 24 hours have shown why we were work well together and that’s always heartwarming. He advocated for me when I got my news yesterday and made sure I would see who I needed to see – even if I did the heavy lifting myself – which was totally what I wanted to do. And this morning with that conversation, it felt like I was the only person who could say these things to him and that I might be the only person he would listen to. I also helped him take a cart full of returns to the UPS store yesterday and contributed to his sleep last night.

Today’s journal entry song quote title is from “I Find You’re Gone” by the German former synthpop band Wolfsheim (Markus Reinhardt and Peter Heppner), from their 2003 album “Casting Shadows”.

June 8, 2026June 9, 2026

Holding You Until the Sunrise”

I did go right to bed after the last crazy entry. I finished a chapter of “The Downing Girl”. I’ve read it so many times already that part of me feels like there’s no need to finish it this time, and yet I’ve struggled so much with finishing books in the last year that part of me feels it is very important. And I do love this book. Truly. The one thing I don’t like about it as that the narrator repeats sections of the books at least a few times, and so having now read the book something like 15 times, I’ve read those passages 30 times, so I’m a little sick of those bits. lol But it’s my own fault! lol

I slept about 6 hours. Later I took a very brief but very restful nap before getting ready to go to IKEA with Aaron to get a new chair. In the meantime I had a long overdue chat with my old pal Darla DeCook, which was lovely. I’ve lost many people over the years – I mean, they’re dead – so having the luxury or reconnecting with someone is especially appreciated. We’ve both had a rough go of it at times, but we’re both still here. Hopefully we’ll have a phone call or Zoom or whatever in our near future.

I wore crazy earrings today, which were fun – and well received. On the way to and from IKEA, Aaron and I called his mom, his Aunt Karen, his Aunt Denice, his cousin Andrew and Jennifer Clemente. Not everyone answered, but everyone that did was delightful. Jennifer traded texts with me until later when we caught up on the phone while I drank a blueberry smoothie.

After chatting with Jennifer for a bit, about Tap Dancing Lessons, The Lost Boys Broadway musical and Spider-Noir (which she’s watching and I’ve been meaning to start) we said goodnight and I went for a walk where I met up with my friend Christopher Tefft for a brief walkabout while he got food. He was EXHAUSICATED, the poor thing. We might go to a bar together next week. I like that I’m getting out more and trying to connect. It doesn’t always work, but it has been happening more frequently. I also made tentative plans to go to a writers group with Isaiah tomorrow. I have therapy at 1pm. And Wednesday Aaron and I have eye doctor appointments. I will try to juggle these things while further exploring my ever evolving relationship with Aaron, sex, poetry, music, and perhaps dancing. I miss dancing. I dance at home but it’s not the same.

June 7, 2026June 7, 2026

“I Tried To Tell You”

I got outside briefly, after I went down to pick up a package. Later I went to the eye doctor with Aaron where we both made appointments for Wednesday, and then to T-Mobile where I finally got my new phone and Aaron got a smart watch. I wore a pair of new shoes to try out, which were quite comfortable.

Later I played some Zelda (Tears of the Kingdom) and went to bed relatively early. Oh! Yesterday also marked 30 years (!?!) since I graduated at the top of my class, albeit 4 years later than I was originally going to!

Today I watched the season premiere of Interview with the Vampire / The Vampire Lestat, S03E01 “Detroit”, which I enjoyed a lot. This series has been so fantastic! If only the other shows that share the Immortal Universe were as good as this one. “Mayfair Witches” was dreadful when I tried to watch it, but I may do so again as I’ll have 6 or 7 more weeks before this season of this series arrives. “Talamasca: The Secret Order” was better, but it was very hit or miss; I’d have welcomed a second season but it was cancelled. “Mayfair Witches” might be fine, I don’t know, as I can only see it as an adaptation of some of my favorite books and I just think the adaptation is BAD, while “Interview with the Vampire” has been mostly spectacular. Anyways, I enjoyed the new episode and I look forward to seeing the rest.

I tried to see if Nathan or Chris Tefft were available for a walk but they were both busy. I ended up going to Fort Tryon park on my own, which is fine. I was just feeling social. 2 miles. I ate when I got home, after I dried off. I was very sweaty! lol

And now I’m winding down? Or I might stay up and try taking some photographs. I’m not sure. I like taking photos at the apartment when I’m alone because I can be more experimental, plus I like taking pictures in all of the rooms and changing clothes and all that, which is difficult to do if Aaron is here, even if he gives me space. I can’t do it when my aide is here either. And Aaron only goes into the office on Thursdays. That’s a very limited window. If he goes to pool tomorrow night I might be able to do it then, but I like going to pool too. He’s going to choir on Tuesday but I’ve been invited to a writers group that night at the same time, which I may or may not attend. I’d like to go, but I have so few opportunities to be alone. It’s not that I don’t love sharing time with Aaron; I just also value my alone time and it’s becoming increasingly rare that I have any.

Today’s song quote journal titles is from “Plenty” by Sarah McLachlan from her excellent 1993 album, ” Fumbling Towards Ecstasy”.