I’ve had no energy the last few days. I’ve not left the apartment, though I should try to do so today, if for no other reason than I need some pita bread for the lettuce and hummus that I have. Thrilling, isn’t it?
While indoors, I’ve read quite a bit more of “Magic’s Promise”. This was my least favorite installment of The Last Herald-Mage Trilogy when I was a kid, but it’s grown on me a bit more as I’ve aged. I had been re-reading these books so I’d be ready for the new volume that is set between “Magic’s Promise” & “Magic’s Price”, but the new book, “Vanyel and Vixen”, has been pushed back from November 2026 to August 2027. Ugh. Something similar happened a year or two ago when I started rereading the Wicked Years – as the author released 2 more books (“Elphie” & “Galinda”) in the series, leaving me far less excited to continue on. Oh well. I’ll likely finish this one at least.
Yesterday I watched a queer film I’d never seen before, which I posted a short review for. I also wrote a poem about a dream, right after I woke from it. I don’t even remember writing it, but there it is. Perhaps I’m losing my memory altogether? Perhaps.
I might watch another queer film today. I don’t know. The finale for “VisionQuest” will be released tonight at 9pm. Looking forward to it.
Today’s journal entry song quote is from “Genghis Khan” by Swedish indie pop band Miike Snow from their 2016 third studio album, “iii”. Musically, “Genghis Khan” is an electropop song with funk and R&B influences and lyrics which see the protagonist likening his jealousy to the behavior of the Mongolian emperor.
Tuesday’s VisionQuest episode, S01E07 “Immolation” was interesting, if not wholly satisfying. The finale will arrive 3 nights from now, and I’ll be better able to judge the series overall at that point. It’s doing all the things I wanted, and it’s giving me more than I expected, yet it reuses so much of the older footage, which I have memorized that it’s hard to not feel slightly cheated. It’s probably a lot better for someone who doesn’t keep this stuff in their brains constantly. lol It’s very good, but it’s my least favorite bit of the trilogy so far. I prefer “Agatha All Along”, then “WandaVision”, then “VisionQuest”. But perhaps the ending will change that? I doubt it. But this isn’t bad. I just don’t love it the way I did the others. I worked on several projects on Wednesday but didn’t get anything done.
Thursday I had therapy in person after non having seen my therapist in 2 weeks. The trip downtown was pleasant, and seeing Anna in person is always nice, but it was extra special this time as I was able to show her one of the engagement videos from Halloween. The appointment went well overall. On my way home I stopped at Quest Diagnostics to pick up some equipment for a test that I’m having done – and that trip took a bit longer than I expected, and it was raining, and I was unexpectedly exhausted when I got home. I just relaxed. Aaron and I watched another Strange New Worlds episode (S04E09 “Once La’An a Time”), which I had been warned about and assumed I would hate – but I didn’t. It wasn’t a great episode, and I think if I had gone in blind I would have been much more judgmental, but given some of the shit this show had pulled in recent installments, this was far from the worst.
Friday I went with Aaron to one of his treatments. I’d slept well the night before (and most of this week) but I was very tired and worried I wouldn’t wake up enough to drive us home – but I did. It was my first time driving in New York in the rain, which was challenging at times, but I got us home. We relaxed for much of the day. That night we finished Season 4 of Strange New Worlds. both of us feeling that the finale (S04E10 “Tomorrow’s Enterprise”) was quite good, and a bit disappointed that the series isn’t more often like this. But we also both feel a bit more hopeful about next year’s 6 episode Season 5, which will end the series and this era of Trek overall.
I slept well again last night. We cuddled this morning, as we try to do most mornings. We’ve been working on different things in different parts of the apartment today, but we pass each other and share a kiss, or a hug, some affection. I was thinking of Aaron Kogut earlier, as I sometimes do. I think about a lot of people but usually don’t reach out. Partially because I feel like I think about others way more than they think about me…and partially because I don’t always have the energy to do so. I spoke to my grandmother today. I still haven’t heard from my step-father. Today would have been my mother’s 76th birthday. She died on July 12, 2021. I miss her, but I feel like we parted on very good terms, which could easily have not been the case, given our often volatile history, so I’ll always be grateful for that.
Today’s journal entry song quote title is from “Promise to Try” by American singer and songwriter Madonna, from her 1989 fourth studio album, “Like a Prayer”.
Friday, October 30. I stayed in. Only leaving the apartment to check about an order which was apparently stolen from our lobby. That happens a lot here. We have Amazon Lockers where items can be placed securely – and we always get things when they’re left there, but if they’re just left in the lobby, they are often stolen, very quickly after arriving. It’s obnoxious. Anyways, I spent the night dancing for hours in my apartment, mostly to Imael Angel’s Extended Mix of “Bad Times”, which was fun, funny, and very me. lol
On Saturday, October 31…on Halloween of 2026 I took the 1 train from 181st Street down to Christopher Street, which is about 18 stops I think. The train was on time and everyone was polite but the train was very crowded due to the holiday. There’s a big Halloween parade in the city but I’d never been to it before. When I got off the train I had to navigate barriers and such, though the streets were mostly clear as it was only about 4pm. I was on my way to the Stonewall Inn to see Aaron perform in a cabaret show with the Stonewall Chorale. They sold raffle tickets and Aaron asked if I could pick the winners for him on stage to which I agreed. The show was fun. As was the raffle. But that wasn’t actually why I was brought on stage. After 15 years together, Aaron proposed to me on Halloween on Christopher Street. He explained that this location was significant because when I was 17, I first cut myself in March of 1992, and I met a woman in the emergency room, who clearly recognized that I was gay and while my family wasn’t speaking to me that night, this stranger told me that someday I would play pool on Christopher Street and that I would find my people. I later understood what she meant, and eventually did play pool on Christopher Street at the Stonewall Inn back in April of 2012.
April 18, 2012.April 18, 2012.April 18, 2012.
I said yes, of course. I had long ago come to the conclusion that Aaron and I would never marry and had come to terms with that informed decision based on my disability, as I’d come to realize that in the end marriage didn’t really matter. We’d stood the test of time, staying happily together through good times and bad. Everyone treated us like we were married, with many people introducing me as Aaron’s husband, but I usually corrected them. It’s not that I felt we were less than a couple that were married; it just didn’t seem accurate to me. I felt we’d forged our own path and I was content. But I now have something I never thought that I would. A fiance. Technically, I’ve been engaged before. Two men have previously asked me to marry them and one of them even gave me a ring – but both of these men quickly betrayed me and honestly, neither of those relationships felt real; I mean, we were dating, but it never felt right that we ere engaged – it felt like a lie. This is different. It feels odd, because it’s quite a change, yet looking back on our relationship, it doesn’t seem like that much of a change at all. I don’t need to be married, not the way that I thought I did years ago, but it’s nice. I love Aaron and everyone knows it. And so we will have a celebration of that love, and that’s what matters I think.
The audience was mostly made up of people that either knew us through the choir, or friends and family of the choir who had at least met us in passing. Many of them, I later learned, were well aware that this was going to happen. Aaron had also gotten my grandmother’s permission and spoke to my sister Janice and my cousin Katie, both of whom I speak to on a daily basis.
After all of that we struggled to get to another show, Heartbeat Opera’s delightful Queeny Todd: The Demon Bottom of Fleet Street, but with all that Halloween traffic, it took us over an hour traverse the relatively short distance (about 7 blocks). The parade route made everything take longer and it was honestly somewhat nightmarish, but I was in such shock that I could barely comprehend what was happening. And being over an hour late for the show, missing the first half, it was very difficult for me to focus on what was happening on stage, despite being in the front row (as I was gifted a VIP ticket by the executive director, a close friend of ours). The show was extremely entertaining and I’m still a bit sad that I wasn’t able to see the entire thing, but even as I thought the night was ending on a slightly disappointing / disconnected note, the creative director announced our engagement from the stage and we were given a standing ovation and many people stopped us to congratulate us. It was really lovely. I was exhausted; I hadn’t eaten anything since about noon and I was still fighting through a series of cluster migraines, but I was able to have fun and it was all very memorable. I generally don’t enjoy surprises at all. I find them almost painful, honestly, but because I knew all these people (or most of them) and I knew that they would be there, that helped make it less intense for me. I was overwhelmed, I was in shock, but I was already prepared to have a good time with people I knew. It was easier than some surprises in the past have been, for which I’m very grateful. And also very grateful to be surrounded by so much love and support. Growing up, I would have expected a very different response.
On Sunday we finally watched another Strange New Worlds episode, Season 4, Episode 8, “Orders of Magnitude”, which was actually quite good. We’ve both struggled with this series in the last couple of seasons, and this one has felt like a really bad patch, but there have been a few good ones as well. We have 2 more left in this season and then there will be a 6 episode final season released at some point next year. If it can end well, that would be a relief. And I do still look forward to someday binging the series when it’s done. I’ve never rewatched any of Seasons 3 or 4, and I’ve not re-watched seasons 1-2 since 3 began.
On Monday I ran some errands, but the migraines continued. I mostly stayed in the dark trying not to take painkiller. I take painkiller all the time and have done for years. I know it’s bad for me, but this is what the alternative is like and I did eventually take some – but I’m trying to take better care of myself. I just don’t know what to do when the pain is so debilitating, but the medication may harm me as well? It was in the mid 60s outside and sort of perfect, and that bit was nice.
I went to bed relatively early – but unexpectedly, woke up with acid reflux. I had forgotten to take my medication until late, due to being distracted by what I had considered an emergency (until I calmed down) and I was now paying the price. Ugh. At least I was able to finally write about all that has happened! lol 🙂
The penultimate episode of VisionQuest will be released tonight (11-30-26). I’ve heard mixed reactions to this one, though I’ve heard that next week’s finale is a banger. I look forward to seeing both.
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from the extended version of “Bad Times”, which I am now learning is a deep house song generated with artificial intelligence (AI) and credited to UK-based Hungarian therapist Bernadett Gango, whose stage name is Imael Angel. The song was self-released on 30 March 2026. Damn. I can’t be upset about it, because I already love it.
Aaron and I voted early yesterday afternoon. October 28, 2026. We also watched another TNG episode, with S03E13 “Deja Q”. I went to bed early, falling asleep around 11, but I woke up at 3am (October 29, 2026) and I couldn’t get back to sleep. I got up and worked on my website for a minor update but accidentally deleted all my menus! So that was a stressful time consumer. After that I knew I wasn’t getting back to sleep. I took half a Xanax, shaved and showered, then cuddled with Aaron for about 40 minutes before we got up for his appointment, which went smoothly. I drove us home again, which I handled well despite there being a detour. I spoke to Mollie Baker, briefly on the phone, then tried to relax.
I took a nap. When I woke up I picked up my phone and immediately got a text from Jason Brooks. I had messaged him on Sunday to let him know that Walter Koenig had died – and that he and I are both now older than Patrick Stewart was when he filmed the Star Trek episodes that Aaron and I are watching. I thought that would get a laugh, or something – and this message seemed to be in response to that, only it didn’t really make sense. Fearing the worse, I looked online and sure enough, Patrick Stewart had died at the age of 86. I’ve been in a bit of shock ever since reading that, I think, because I haven’t spent a great deal of time speaking about Patrick Stewart and this week I have. It’s weird. Jarring. His final film will be “Avengers: Doomsday”, which Aaron and I already have tickets for. The film opens the same day as “Dune: Part 3”, which is another oddity, in that Patrick Stewart played the role of Gurney Halleck in David Lynch’s 1984 “Dune” film.
I don’t often cry when celebrities die. It’s not that I don’t care, but I don’t really know them, you know? I cried when George Michael died, which will be 10 years ago this Christmas. And a little while ago, in the shower, I shed tears for Sir Patrick Stewart. Godspeed Captain.
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “Look Away”, a non-album 2016 single by Eli Lieb and Steve Grand, who are both openly gay.
I went to bed relatively early last night. We needed to be up very early this morning for Aaron’s appointment – with no time to shave. I got some writing done, a new poem about Sean and a few more fragments. Missing him.
I’m not sure if I mentioned this, but Aaron and I watched some TNG this weekend. We’d been working on watching all of Star Trek in chronological order and had stalled for a bit. I knew he wanted to continue and I had to cancel some plans with him due to my disability – so we watched some TNG instead (S03E11 “The Hunted” & S03E12 “The High Ground”); after this point I know the series much better, having had access to / re-watching the rest of Season 3, Season 4 & Season 5, with much of Seasons 6 & 7 as well. Still, it’s been a long time, decades even since I’ve seen some of them and it should be fun.
Aaron had his show tonight, which I’ll likely see on Saturday. I stayed in and watched the 2 new VisionQuest episodes. I liked them overall, though this is the first week in which I was a bit frustrated with Vision’s reluctance to give Tommy information that he needs and is asking for, and near the end it seemed we were moving past that, until we weren’t. I have a theory about who the mysterious “client” is in the series, but I don’t want to say and possibly spoil it for anyone else. The series continues to have several surprises, some of which are great. The continuity mostly feels on point, but it also sometimes feels forced; like they’re checking off references on a score card or something. I usually love this stuff, so even my reaction to that seems odd. I am slightly worried about how the series might end given that there are only 2 episodes left, 1 a week – but the episodes are the longest of the season, so we essentially have a movie length’s worth of time to go. My hope is that Billy and Tommy and Vision are reunited at the end (with Vision closer to his previous iterations) and that they leave to find Wanda – with a set-up for either “Doomsday” and / or “Secret Wars”.
My head really hurts. Sometimes migraines creep up on me – and this one certainly has.
I need to take some pain killer and get ready for bed.
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “We Exist” by Canadian indie rock band Arcade Fire from their 2013 fourth studio album, “Reflektor”. The song was described by Arcade Fire lead singer Win Butler as “about a gay kid talking to his dad” and coming out to his straight father. Introducing the song onstage, Butler also said that “the right to marry anyone you want is a human rights issue.” Andrew Garfield stars in the music video as a transgender woman, shaving her head and getting dressed. She then goes to a small-town local bar where she is harassed and assaulted by some bar patrons. She collapses and enters a “dream-like sequence”, where she dances accompanied by a group of male dancers in matching plaid half-shirts and jean shorts. In the final moments of the video, the protagonist walks through a portal to Arcade Fire’s Coachella concert, where she dances on stage.
I tried to get back to sleep Sunday morning (10-25-26). We like it cool when we sleep but in winter it can get very cold in our bedroom so I use a few blankets, always using this one that my mother crocheted for me. My mother died a little over 5 years ago, so it means a lot to me.
I took Aaron to his treatment. I get bored waiting for hours, but I’ve been enjoying the drive home. Driving into the city this time was…an experience. New Yorkers have this thing where the lanes on the roads seem to be only suggestions. It’s a little stressful, but not as bad as I expected it to be. Aaron says I’m his hero for going to these appointments with him and giving him the rides home as these are not activities that are easy for me. It’s nice that recognizes and acknowledges this. I need some days where I don’t need to worry about anything like this, really consecutive days, because I have to go to bed very early to be up in the morning for these things and I’m wearing a bit thin on that front. I just need to find a balance. I only have so much energy in a single day due to my disability, and I had been doing really well with exercise and I need time and space for that which has been lagging of late. I’ll try to work that out with Aaron.
I was worn out from that little trip. Like I said, I only have so much energy to spend and these appointments involve driving for an hour, then me sitting in a waiting room for about 2.5 / 3 hours, and then me driving us home. It’s a lot, even though I’m not very active during these sessions, but that’s part of my frustration. I watched quite a bit of television. I watched more SVU, started re-watching AHS (with “Freak Show”, due my new viewing order – I watched the first 1.5 episodes), and I also watched another Avatar episode (S01E09 “The Waterbending Scroll”). I went to bed early again last night because I needed to be up early today for my own appointment.
This morning, Monday, October 26, I caught the A train at 181st and took it down to Penn Station (34th). Exiting the subway my immediate view was of the distant Empire State Building, then I walked by Madison Square Garden. This new appointment was in the same building as my anal pap, but this was a totally different doctor. Today I finally saw an endocrinologist. It only took 3 or 4 years. lol I did try to get in sooner, but there are a whole series of unforeseen hurdles and unexpected delays. My doctor was nice and informative and so now I have another member of my care team, which is extensive, for which I’m grateful.
When I got home, I ate. I had egg whites + a blueberry zucchini smoothie. I changed my clothes. I started a new poem when I was a the doctor’s office, which I finished. Then I went for a walk, stopping by to see Aaron visiting with his former coworker, said hi, then I was off to the park.
I showered when I got home. I had walked my usual 2 miles, plus today’s appointment, and I’d eaten well. I felt good. I relaxed with some Zelda (BOTW). Then decided I’d post this.
Oh! The nurse at the doctor’s office asked me if I was in the fashion industry, and when I went to the park, a woman stopped me to tell me how much she loved my pants. That was nice.
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “lovely.” by queer synth pop artist and producer Gregory Dillon, from his 2020 EP “Sad Magic”. I’ve curated a large collection of LGBTQ+ inclusive / themed music and I stumbled on Dillon’s work a few years ago. I love this song.
Aaron got me flowers on our anniversary Thursday. They’re very pretty. I really prefer to buy flowers for other people, but Aaron doesn’t like receiving flowers, so I never buy them anymore. When I lived in Michigan I would buy flowers for my mother and my maternal grandmother every year, and they loved them.
On Friday, 10-23-26, I felt a little down. So did Aaron. It was sunny outside which made it stranger, because I’m not usually like that when the sun is shining. I went for a brief walk to pick up some prescriptions and get some food. I started Season 2 of The Rings of Power but I fell asleep during the first episode. I started reading “Magic’s Promise” but I didn’t get far. I traded some texts with Jennifer and Felix about Marvel, and I had fun exchanges with Janice and Katie (about massive American Horror Story reveals). I also watched more of SVU Season 24; Season 28 is currently airing, which means I’ve never been this close to the current season, maybe I’ll be caught up by the end? I don’t know. I tend to take long breaks from the series.
I forgot to mention that I read character actor Richard Riehle died the other day, on October 15, 2026. He was often in things that I loved, having bit roles in “Ally McBeal” & “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, but really, in the last few years, I noted that he was in many LGBTQ+ films, such as “Fried Green Tomatoes”, “Prelude to a Kiss”, “Body of Evidence”, “River Made To Drown In”, “The Fluffer”, “The Laramie Project” & “Mysterious Skin”. It got to the point that when I would see him pop up in this or that thing, I always smiled, because it was like seeing an old friend, whom I didn’t actually know and had never met.
I went to bed early last night. We have plans this morning. But I woke up after 3, finding it difficult to breathe. I got up for a bit, which sometimes helps, but it didn’t. I’m sure it’s allergies; I’ve been sneezing (not coughing) for a few days. I did a nasal rinse, which helped a little, but my device seems to be messing up and I may need a new one. Then eventually I took some Sudafed and wrote this.
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from the song “Gods & Monsters”, by American singer and songwriter, Elizabeth Woolridge Grant, known professionally as Lana Del Rey, from her third extended play, “Paradise” and the reissue of her second album “Born to Die”, “Born to Die: The Paradise Edition”. “Gods & Monsters” was released on November 9, 2012. The song was covered by Jessica Lange in an fourth season episode of American Horror Story (“Freak Show”), which is where I first heard it, despite not loving that iteration, as my favorite line (“looking to get fucked hard”) wasn’t featured – which felt weird to me, as the series is pretty extreme and the story features a one legged woman running a freak show carnival performing a song 60 years before its actual release, in a series that often feature lurid, graphic imagery and storylines…but that line was too much? It annoyed me, even if I liked that season more than any of those that followed. YMMV.
On Sunday, October 18, 2026, I marked the 25 year anniversary of the night that I met Sean Mobley. We eventually dated. He struggled with addiction for years, and eventually ended his life in December of 2021. We went for long intervals without contact, but when we did speak he often mentioned that of all the people he dated, that I was the kindest, and based on a smattering of stories he shared, I believed him. He had a lot of bad experiences; a lot of demons, and many horrible things happened to him in those last years. He wasn’t always the easiest person to communicate with, but I always cherished our time together and I miss him.
I tried to not get depressed or lost in past, which is one of my struggles. I tried to eat healthy food that day – and to be kind to myself, with some success at both.
On Monday, October 19, I went with Aaron to his therapy appointment. I’m getting more in the habit of this trip, the route we drive, the pace of the therapy and our trip home after when I drive. In fact, on this day I drove us all the way home, which was a first for me. I’ve never driven in Manhattan like this before, which went really well. I was lucky, because there was far less traffic than there often is, but I was also more skilled in dealing with the stuff that bothers me than I had thought possible, so that was nice.
That afternoon I decided I’d revisit some LGBTQ films I watched during the pandemic, a film project that at the time had kept me sane in lockdown and which grew into a viewing of several hundred queer films – and eventually, many film reviews, but not only didn’t I know that was something that would happen, in the beginning, I just wanted to watch movies and that’s all there was to it, so there are lots of entries that I never really wrote anything about. Now I can. So I re-watched the first entry that I originally watched on March 18, 2020, “Geography Club”, a 2013 adaptation of the 2003 young adult novel by queer American author Brent Hartinger…and I think even that description is more than I originally wrote about it. I’ll try to write the review later today.
I haven’t watched any more Avatar since the other day. I have watched the VisionQuest episodes as they’ve been released (with episodes 3 & 4 released on Tuesday 10-20-26) and I’m loving that. There are so many shows I’d like to get to, but I also don’t want to spend all of my time watching TV.
Speaking of October 20, that day I had a follow-up appointment with my new Primary Care Physician. Technically, I’ve been seeing him for years, but with a different doctor as my PCP, but the the guy I’ve been seeing, is great in many ways, but has failed me a few times now, in ways that have hurt my trust in him. I can always go back and see him in a pinch if I have to, but my new PCP is funny, gay, and most importantly, brilliant. He always asks me questions that the other doesn’t, and puts me on a path that feels productive, responsive and responsible. I feel good about this.
Yesterday, October 21, 2026, was easily the worst day I’ve had in a long time. Everything went wrong. Anything I tried to do, failed. I was planning on working on a photo project because I was going to have the apartment to myself, only Aaron didn’t leave. I love when Aaron is here, but I had specifically made plans based on what he’d told me, so that was disappointing. It wasn’t that big of a deal though. I decided I’d go for a walk, but the outfit I chose wasn’t warm enough; the forecast I’d seen had said it was going to be in the 70s, but it was in the high 50s. I returned home to get a jacket, but the jacket caught on something, injuring me, and spoiling the mood. Again, not a huge deal. I had plenty of things I needed to do on my website, so I changed, and got ready for an afternoon spent at my desk, but then the internet went out. Aaron asked if I’d like to go to his rehearsal that night and I thought about it and decided that I would, and that’s when the migraine kicked in. I took medication, and I ate, but none of it stayed down. I cancelled. I decided I’d stay in and relax and watch some television. I’ve been slowly working my way through Law & Order: Special Victims Unit for years, and when they crossover with other shows, I watch those episodes. The other day I’d finished Season 23 and had started Season 4, which began with a crossover between Organized Crime (Part 1), SVU (Part 2) and the original Law & Order (Part 3) – and I had watched the first 2, so I tried watched the third part, only that season is one that isn’t available on streaming. I tried just skipping to the next SVU, but it kept crashing. I’m not even listing everything. I didn’t cry. But I sometimes felt like crying. It was horrible. Before I slept I was able to keep some toast down, and by then it felt like a huge victory.
I slept well. I woke up early and had a smoothie, then went back to bed, finally finished reading “Magic’s Pawn”, then cuddled with Aaron for a few hours. Today, October 22, 2026, is our 15 year anniversary! He’s working today but we’re planning on doing something on Saturday. I’d like to go to the Brooklyn Boardwalk as I’ve never been there, but Aaron would like to Botanical Gardens. Perhaps we’ll do both? We’ll see. I look forward to reading “Magic’s Promise”, which is the last novel I need to reread before the new entry comes out in December, though there are a few short stories I should probably look back on. I’ll work that out later.
A week ago today, I got a Facebook message from Jeff Adkins, a friendly guy I hooked up with a little over 26 years ago. I do try to stay in touch with everyone I’ve ever dated / hooked up with, which I’m sure must seem weird to some people. It seems weird to me sometimes too, but coming of age during the AIDS crisis, we were encouraged to have contact information for anyone we had sex with, and that has stuck with me. Plus, I just genuinely like talking to people that I know intimately. Anyways, it was good to hear from him; he has a new book coming out that he’s written called “The F#ckboy Recovery Guide” which will be released next month. He wanted me to read it, which I was flattered by, but just like with several other friends who are authors, I had to let him know that I’m an extremely slow reader. I don’t think I conveyed (but should have) that I also have a hard time focusing on any one thing. I start lots of books, with the intention of finishing them, but then I see something shiny and off I go. It’s become far worse as I’ve aged. I would like to read his book. And I encourage others to check it out. Anyways – I figured I wrote about him back in the day, because that’s generally how it goes with me, and I had, so I ported that poem over to this site, and here it is.
I might try to port more poetry over today. I also want to get that review in and I have some other films I’d like to watch. I’m not sure if that will happen today. I’m really very hungry right now so I’ll try to eat and see how that goes, I guess.
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “Charlotte Sometimes” by English rock band The Cure, from the 2005 deluxe edition of their 1981 third studio album “Faith”. The title and lyrics were based on the 1969 children’s novel “Charlotte Sometimes” by the English writer Penelope Farmer. The Rough Guide to Cult Pop called the song “a goth masterpiece of doomed beauty and ruined elegance”. Agreed.
Aaron went out last night (Friday, 10-16-26) with our friend Nick. I stayed in and played Zelda, while watching a couple episodes of “Avatar: The Last Airbender” (Season 1) & “Law & Order: SVU” (Season 23). I went to bed around 11 and woke up at 4 (Saturday, 10-17-26), but quickly went back to sleep. We slept in together and cuddled late into the morning. We were thinking of going to the Botanical Gardens today but the weather didn’t support it and neither of us felt great. I played more of my game and watched some more stuff. I wasn’t very active but I ate better. I’ve been eating chips again, but I’m out now and I’m not planning on getting more soon. Instead I ate a variety of healthier options: hummus, lettuce, zucchini, blueberries, cashews, pecans, some pita bread, and a thing slice of fiber rich bread with butter and chia seeds. I’ve had a protein drink, but I’ve mostly had water today. Later I went to Starbucks (wanting to get outside) and got my now usual spinach feta wrap.
I just set up a page to display my old bedroom collages, but I’m tired and probably won’t finish them tonight. I actually think I’m going to get ready for bed. I have less than 50 pages left in my book, so I should be finishing that this week.
Today’s journal entry song quote title is from “Night” by English musician Gary Numan, from his 1997 thirteenth solo studio album, “Exile”. The album followed a loose concept, namely that, rather than being opposites, God and the Devil were two sides of the same coin. Each track reflected some aspect of this premise.
I accompanied Aaron to his appointment Thursday (10-15-26). There was a bit of stress heading home. I think I need more practice driving, or at least driving in the area, so I’ll probably start driving us to the appointments as well. Exposure therapy, as it were. I’ve done that before, with lots of things, and it always helps. I need practice driving around here, and just driving our car, whom we call Ruby. lol
I didn’t do much yesterday. I’ve been negotiating with my younger self. Getting us to do things that are healthier for us, while striving to not piss him off or make him feel unheard. It’s going pretty well for now, which is a relief. I had therapy early this morning (10-16-26) and I have a couple of other doctor appointments next week. We may go to the Botanical Gardens tomorrow as an early celebration of our 15 year anniversary; Aaron will be busy on the actual day (10-22-26). The migraine that I’ve been struggling with all week is less pervasive today, but it’s very near the surface and we’re going to get rain later, which almost always makes these things worse.
I wrote a new poem today about a boy that I dated years ago; I like this piece more than most I’ve written lately – and I like how the art turned out as well, which is pictured above. I also uploaded 3 more NSFW Photo Collages. I’ll try to watch another Avatar episode later. Really, I just want to keep my head down today and try to eat more sensibly.
Today’s journal entry song quote title comes from “Crash Into Me” by the American rock band Dave Matthews Band, from their 1996 second studio album. The song was a hit single, and I actually shared a remix of the song on a mixed CD that I gifted to the boy I wrote about this morning, which might be why I’m thinking of him today, because I’ve had the song stuck in my head since yesterday.
