Friday, October 30. I stayed in. Only leaving the apartment to check about an order which was apparently stolen from our lobby. That happens a lot here. We have Amazon Lockers where items can be placed securely – and we always get things when they’re left there, but if they’re just left in the lobby, they are often stolen, very quickly after arriving. It’s obnoxious. Anyways, I spent the night dancing for hours in my apartment, mostly to Imael Angel’s Extended Mix of “Bad Times”, which was fun, funny, and very me. lol
On Saturday, October 31…on Halloween of 2026 I took the 1 train from 181st Street down to Christopher Street, which is about 18 stops I think. The train was on time and everyone was polite but the train was very crowded due to the holiday. There’s a big Halloween parade in the city but I’d never been to it before. When I got off the train I had to navigate barriers and such, though the streets were mostly clear as it was only about 4pm. I was on my way to the Stonewall Inn to see Aaron perform in a cabaret show with the Stonewall Chorale. They sold raffle tickets and Aaron asked if I could pick the winners for him on stage to which I agreed. The show was fun. As was the raffle. But that wasn’t actually why I was brought on stage. After 15 years together, Aaron proposed to me on Halloween on Christopher Street. He explained that this location was significant because when I was 17, I first cut myself in March of 1992, and I met a woman in the emergency room, who clearly recognized that I was gay and while my family wasn’t speaking to me that night, this stranger told me that someday I would play pool on Christopher Street and that I would find my people. I later understood what she meant, and eventually did play pool on Christopher Street at the Stonewall Inn back in April of 2012.
I said yes, of course. I had long ago come to the conclusion that Aaron and I would never marry and had come to terms with that informed decision based on my disability, as I’d come to realize that in the end marriage didn’t really matter. We’d stood the test of time, staying happily together through good times and bad. Everyone treated us like we were married, with many people introducing me as Aaron’s husband, but I usually corrected them. It’s not that I felt we were less than a couple that were married; it just didn’t seem accurate to me. I felt we’d forged our own path and I was content. But I now have something I never thought that I would. A fiance. Technically, I’ve been engaged before. Two men have previously asked me to marry them and one of them even gave me a ring – but both of these men quickly betrayed me and honestly, neither of those relationships felt real; I mean, we were dating, but it never felt right that we ere engaged – it felt like a lie. This is different. It feels odd, because it’s quite a change, yet looking back on our relationship, it doesn’t seem like that much of a change at all. I don’t need to be married, not the way that I thought I did years ago, but it’s nice. I love Aaron and everyone knows it. And so we will have a celebration of that love, and that’s what matters I think.
The audience was mostly made up of people that either knew us through the choir, or friends and family of the choir who had at least met us in passing. Many of them, I later learned, were well aware that this was going to happen. Aaron had also gotten my grandmother’s permission and spoke to my sister Janice and my cousin Katie, both of whom I speak to on a daily basis.
After all of that we struggled to get to another show, Heartbeat Opera’s delightful Queeny Todd: The Demon Bottom of Fleet Street, but with all that Halloween traffic, it took us over an hour traverse the relatively short distance (about 7 blocks). The parade route made everything take longer and it was honestly somewhat nightmarish, but I was in such shock that I could barely comprehend what was happening. And being over an hour late for the show, missing the first half, it was very difficult for me to focus on what was happening on stage, despite being in the front row (as I was gifted a VIP ticket by the executive director, a close friend of ours). The show was extremely entertaining and I’m still a bit sad that I wasn’t able to see the entire thing, but even as I thought the night was ending on a slightly disappointing / disconnected note, the creative director announced our engagement from the stage and we were given a standing ovation and many people stopped us to congratulate us. It was really lovely. I was exhausted; I hadn’t eaten anything since about noon and I was still fighting through a series of cluster migraines, but I was able to have fun and it was all very memorable. I generally don’t enjoy surprises at all. I find them almost painful, honestly, but because I knew all these people (or most of them) and I knew that they would be there, that helped make it less intense for me. I was overwhelmed, I was in shock, but I was already prepared to have a good time with people I knew. It was easier than some surprises in the past have been, for which I’m very grateful. And also very grateful to be surrounded by so much love and support. Growing up, I would have expected a very different response.
On Sunday we finally watched another Strange New Worlds episode, Season 4, Episode 8, “Orders of Magnitude”, which was actually quite good. We’ve both struggled with this series in the last couple of seasons, and this one has felt like a really bad patch, but there have been a few good ones as well. We have 2 more left in this season and then there will be a 6 episode final season released at some point next year. If it can end well, that would be a relief. And I do still look forward to someday binging the series when it’s done. I’ve never rewatched any of Seasons 3 or 4, and I’ve not re-watched seasons 1-2 since 3 began.
On Monday I ran some errands, but the migraines continued. I mostly stayed in the dark trying not to take painkiller. I take painkiller all the time and have done for years. I know it’s bad for me, but this is what the alternative is like and I did eventually take some – but I’m trying to take better care of myself. I just don’t know what to do when the pain is so debilitating, but the medication may harm me as well? It was in the mid 60s outside and sort of perfect, and that bit was nice.
I went to bed relatively early – but unexpectedly, woke up with acid reflux. I had forgotten to take my medication until late, due to being distracted by what I had considered an emergency (until I calmed down) and I was now paying the price. Ugh. At least I was able to finally write about all that has happened! lol 🙂
The penultimate episode of VisionQuest will be released tonight (11-30-26). I’ve heard mixed reactions to this one, though I’ve heard that next week’s finale is a banger. I look forward to seeing both.
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from the extended version of “Bad Times”, which I am now learning is a deep house song generated with artificial intelligence (AI) and credited to UK-based Hungarian therapist Bernadett Gango, whose stage name is Imael Angel. The song was self-released on 30 March 2026. Damn. I can’t be upset about it, because I already love it.