Here we are again
on the cold bathroom tile.
The green wild of summer
is fading between us,
as the young horned lord
smiles at our recognition.
The lilting, hissing piping
of ancient heating system.
We’ve been together
here before, haven’t we?
So strange at first,
that tremulous meeting
of strangers, only
we’re old friends now, aren’t we?
We know one another.
This place,
this collection of rooms
is more than what it was
when I first entered.
You were spotless…
though clearly brutalized,
hungry, lonely and welcoming.
You had known others,
just as I had;
no virgin blood would be spilt on our account.
I wasn’t sure how much I liked you then,
but I put on a brave face
and did my best
because as broken as we were,
we both had our needs
and the desire to satisfy them.
It was kind of you to select me,
despite my noncommittal attitude.
I’m not certain what quality
you saw in me…
I’ve no idea what ignited your interest
and we’ve never spoken of it.
Most of our time is spent silently,
if urgently.
In the moment of our joining
you were like a part of me that I’d yet to explore.
You gave me shelter
in your embrace
even as you fed off my desperation.
I understand that our relationship
has never truly been romantic
but I can appreciate you, can’t I?
I can miss you when I’m gone
and recognize how much you’ve helped bring me peace.
This solace, this sweetness
cannot truly be forever…
You know it as well as I.
This imbues our activity
with a delicate urgency;
bereft of permanence
we exist in a fleeting moment
of movement,
connection, separation
and acknowledgement
of all that we are,
which is somehow not diminished,
but is actually heightened by all that we lack.
Hold me.
Hold me here as we whisper
heated words between only the two of us,
Knowing one day I must walk away from you
and find the strength to never again return,
Knowing that I’ll never again be inside of you
though a part of me will remain here forever.
Hush now.
Don’t weep.
We will not end when we part,
you and I.
My silent echo will fill you,
completing the circuit between us;
never quite actualizing,
ghosting us forever until the end of our days.
No one will guess when they see us.
No one will sense the stain that we’ve left on one another.
Memory, our only souvenir
will be a secret we take to our graves.
But I will always hear you
in the piping sounds of autumn,
like Pan, greeting me
in the desiccated ruin of the green.
But come now,
come
and let us make the most of nights remaining,
when we may know one another
without fear, sadness or shame.
You have entered me,
as surely as I have penetrated,
you are inside of me,
and we will know one another
for as long as we can remember.
Written by Jason Wright
October 26, 2017
This is a love poem dedicated to our NYC apartment on Wadsworth Avenue in Washington Heights. It was written listening to the soundtrack to the 2015 Todd Haynes film “Carol” by Carter Burwell, after watching the movie at home for the first time after seeing it in theaters.