I slept well. I don’t remember the details of my dreams but I believe they were pleasant. Yesterday morning I had nightmares but I always do when I sleep without medication. I have an addiction to sleeping pills which I’m constantly struggling with, but if I don’t need them, I try not to use them, and for the first time in a long time I have extra pills in the bottle as a near the end of the month, rather than less, which sometimes happen due to my stomach rejecting things and having to take more.
I’m still jazzed about having a new website. I’m amazed I even have a journal to write in as I’ve gone years without doing so. I’m struggling a bit with finding a shape for everything that I want to see here, but it’s constructive. The world has changed so much. I have changed so much. So what works in Gothboy 2.0 will be different with what I ended up with the first time through, but I hope the heart of it still remains.
Speaking of which. I may eventually transport all my old blog entries here. I could do the same with Facebook, though it doesn’t sound like much fun to me. There’s so much work to be done, but I’m enjoying it for now. I suspect it will become tedious, but having everything in one place would be nice. And maybe I’ll be smarter about how I do that this time? We’ll see.
I wish there was a field to fill in what I’m listening to and what I’m watching and reading. My old blog had that but it was tied into Amazon. If someone clicked on what I displayed and purchased a copy I got a tiny bit of money. Often less than a dollar. And that was rare, but it was nice to have that info there. Maybe it would encourage me to finish a book now and again, which is something I’ve been struggling with for about a year.
I can’t believe this is real. I’m writing this and it will appear on my website. On gothboy. That was another life. I’ve not been able to post anything here of substance in something like 15 years? But it makes me so happy to be doing so now!
Gothboy 2.0: Go!
I’ve been meaning to get a new website up and running for ages. I tried multiple times. Aaron even hired this or that person to design one for me. There were consultations and discussions of payment, content, etc. but in the end everything failed.
Until now.
I’ve been working on transferring poetry and art from Facebook. I liked Facebook a lot in the beginning and it improved even further before it all went to shit. Politics. Drama. Censorship. But it’s become my main outlet and connection to so many people. I’m hoping to change that. And I also just desperately need something to pour my creative energy into, and this may be it. I’ve made so much progress in this last week. So much more than anything I’ve tried in years. It feels good.
Facebook Sucks
Today on Facebook, one of my movie reviews was reported and deleted despite me having no understanding as to why the review was cut. It hurt me. And I just don’t want to put up with it anymore. I’m hoping my new website can replace my less than satisfactory experiences there.
Struggling Towards Answers
I’m not sure I’m doing this right. I’m actually not sure of anything I’m doing right now. But I need a place to organize my thoughts and feelings. I struggled with this for years and then a friend was consulted to do it for me; to help me achieve this, but it has been months and I’ve not seen anything resembling actual progress so maybe it’s best if I muddle through on my own. It’s what I’ve done in the past. This means that the website or whatever I end up with won’t be as fancy as I had hoped, but it will be mine and I really need that to begin today.
Smoke & Abuse
The sky lights the fair
with the screams of potential,
The dry nights are rare
but the dreams are torrential,
Those infinite days
so meaningfully spread
in cigarette haze
in dreams of bloodshed,
Thus christened by squalls
killed there by heartbreak,
The crimson stained walls
are still there when I wake,
The beauty, the faerie,
the stud and the surgeon;
the ruby, the cherry,
the blood of the virgin…
I slake the abused;
I nurse and I wet…
I wake up confused;
I thirst and forget…
But the blood is still there
and my cock needs a stroking…
The flash flood despair
of a non-smoker smoking.
Written by Jason Wright
February 11, 2020
When Benjamin Blushes
When Benjamin blushes
my grind starts to ponder
and that we are rimless is strange.
When Benjamin blushes
my mind starts to wander
and all that was sinless is changed.
When Benjamin blushes
the youth provides shivers
the ardor of which is infecting.
When Benjamin blushes
the truth behind zippers
is harder than one was expecting.
His blush
is worth a hundred thrusts,
His smile
worth a million.
His words may wax poetic
(prophetic?)
but is that wax a Brazilian?
When Benjamin blushes
my mind is forbidding
and my thoughts are wrought (led astray).
When Benjamin blushes
but who am I kidding –
I always have viewed him this way.
Though mostly in jest
and not at my best
this scribble provided amusement.
I’m mostly just joking
and being provoking
One must excuse my bemusement.
For we do as we’re bidden
when we can’t be ridden
when there in the gentleman’s clutches…
We are given permission
and all is forgiven;
ensnared when Benjamin blushes.
Written by Jason Wright
October 31, 2019
Daniel’s Procession
The last of summer fades
as future lovers trade on trust
the tasked discover glades
with suitors splayed beneath the thrust
the chill arrives with fever
as the preacher feins amusement
the thrill provides procedure
as the teacher tames a student
change of time once captured
in this prism light of fall
estranged sublime enraptured
in the schism bright of thrall
brought him to surrender
like agrarian set on fire
autumn victim’s splendor;
a grammarian of desire.
Written by Jason Wright
October 26, 2019
As They Say
I wasn’t going to write this.
I wasn’t going to say.
Not gonna tell you at all
but then my thoughts decided to stray.
I wasn’t going to whisper.
I wasn’t going to scream.
Not gonna answer your call
but then our cocks decided to cream.
And then (as they say) it was over.
And then (as they say) we were spent.
And then (as they say) we were sober
but by then we could not repent…
because none of this ever happened;
it was all of it just for a lark…
no matter the truth
which was spent (as they say)
as we went (as they say)
in the dark.
Written by Jason Wright
October 15, 2019
Aaron Impression
A weekend away
with a view of a river.
Where Waldo was found
to be an underage baby gay
with heavy lidded eyes
and a Southern Comfort smile;
who’d once had his heart broken
after merely two weeks…
but then broken hearts can happen
in far less time than that.
Waldo drove one of Mario’s carts,
homing in on rainbow stripes worn
on bald headed fairy
(more than twice his age),
who was himself besotted with the man
who bore Waldo’s birth name.
Wally danced to oldies
while a former lover’s ghost
strummed his beautiful guitar solos,
before and after which Waldo blushed
beautifully and repeatedly,
endearing himself to his queer tribal elders.
But Wally, having finally been found,
disappeared just as quickly;
no goodbyes, no traces left behind
save vague impressions and random photos
which did not do his memory justice.
Written by Jason Wright
October 12, 2019
For Aaron K.
I hope that you find your way in the world;
it’s all the brighter for having you in it.
Janet Lynn
You were my lover
until the night that you weren’t.
You called me Janet…
in the green shaded sunlight streams
(like a stained glass painting)
where we ran naked
beneath that haunted woodland canopy.
I, daring to travel
to forbidden places
which our fathers forbade…
to pluck the rose
whose thorns did prick,
beading blood from innocent skin.
On that final night
you called me Lynn…
(my misspelled middle name)
when I appeared naked before you
on the edge of twilight forest storm clouds;
there, where I was deflowered
by a fairy queen’s decree.
It was there,
in the shadow of such
bewildering and bruising beauty
that you abandoned me,
never to return.
As I had been counseled,
I held tight to myself
when you would have
let me go…
And being unsaved,
I saved myself,
even as you faltered
and fled.
True, I haunted that place
on the following,
on the morrow,
as I brushed past tree limbs
still wet with last night’s
cleansing rain.
I walked to the spot where we’d smoked;
the remains of last night’s victims,
the evidence which proved
that last night’s disaster
had indeed taken place…
a world shattering event
which we have never discussed.
That woodland fairyland
is a cursed place
which returns
to haunt my dreams.
That night I had been transformed
into many creatures,
into many forms,
burned away to nothing
and reborn from the ashes.
Janet and Lynn united in a pairing
you could not possibly conceive of.
And thus combined,
and bereft of your touch,
I stumbled into the morning
to learn what we’d become.
Written by Jason Wright
October 7, 2019
For Michael C.