Jason Wright – Page 42 – BALD JASON'S GAY GOTH BOY BLOG

July 25, 2008April 26, 2026

Mystery of Preston

From the first moment…
I’ve loved who you are
when it’s only just us…

Nothing distracting the truth
of the two of us.

Just our eyes locked
across voids we can’t place…

The hurt and the kindness
as it lights up your face…

The pain you keep hidden
and the light you can’t see…

I like you best
when you are with me.

Written by Jason Wright
July 25, 2008

For Preston James Clayton, who inspired it.

May he rest in peace.

—-
I met Preston online (where he lied and told me he was older), then ran into him on the streets of Ann Abor, where he was living at the time. On the streets I mean. I was shocked and appalled at his all too common situation; he said he’d been kicked out of his family’s home for being gay. I took him to get dinner because feeding him seemed a priority, which is ironic since I’ve often struggled to feed myself, which in retrospect, might be why he felt like a piece of me despite us never being that close. He wasn’t very clean at the time. I took him home with me so he could take a shower (alone) and I was going to let him stay on the couch for the night. He crawled into bed with me and tried to have sex with me, but I gently explained that I cared about him and that I couldn’t be his lover. I think he was upset about this for awhile, but I would sometimes run into him and his friends at a gay bar or on the streets and we’d talk. He eventually got an apartment and invited me to their housewarming party and I stopped by but I could tell he was going to try hook up with me and I didn’t want that so I said my goodbyes and left. That may have been the last time I saw him. He died of a drug overdose sometime between July 14 & 17 of 2010. I believe he was 18 when he died but my memories of this time are a blur and also, I was never very well informed on his life. I just knew it was sad.

June 16, 2006April 6, 2026

A Light Among Monsters

“This Little Light Of Mine”,
that’s what they sang,
as they tried to steal yours away…

They bruised you and broke you
and tried to provoke you
in multiple Christian like ways…

A monster, they named you,
They wanted to blame you;
your truth had shattered their lies…

And they claimed to love you;
looked down from above you;
with “love” they said their goodbyes.

But the truth that was spoken
that left your hearts broken:
It wasn’t your fault; you were right…

And now we all see
what they cannot believe:
They were the monsters while you were the light.

Written By Jason Wright
June 16, 2006

For Jeremiah Kenneth Merklinger:
A Light Among Monsters.

August 28, 2002April 26, 2026

IN THE DEEP END

When I was 17 years old
I met a woman in a hospital room
who told me she’d played pool
with Minnesota Fats. She told me
about her ties to the mafia & how I had
to stay alive so I could wander down New York
streets that I now feel guilty for forgetting.

I never forgot her, or her son, who had once
played with Earth, Wind & Fire. Her son approached
me at the mall – happy to see me alive; his mother had
not been so lucky.

Now I sit at pool tables with a drink, watching others
play what the hospital woman once told me was a wonderful
way to unwind; a way to forget & remember & lose yourself
with no need of drugs, razors, or even friends. I sit here
& watch the players & have my drink, as I unwind & forget
& remember the woman & her last breath of kindness.

Here where the sharks are people of every smile &
shade of sorrow, I observe & am grateful to be alive &
to witness what no one else can understand about the bald
goth boy in the corner who smiles at the actions of strangers;
not for the sharks themselves, though they do amuse me,
but the game itself. It’s beautiful really.

Only last night I watched a great white demon
of a man… a shark with the face of a god, who was
stone cold seriousness while aiming for a shot… You
should have seen this slip of perfection animating around
the table – with nothing but the outcome in mind. In between
shots he was all candy laughter smiles & warm blooded affections.

He said I was: Cute. Deep. Intriguing. Weird was good.

Of course people come looking for sharks here all the time;
they come to capture, ensnare; be devoured…
the sharks know this and are not impressed.

Maybe I’m a mystery to them because I’m not swimming
in these waters out of lust, boredom or hunger…
I’m simply swimming in the deep end of an ocean,
admiring something about sharks that no one can touch.
The momentous emotions that pass
between unblinking eyes
& unflinching hands;
between moisture flecked lips
& steadfast dancers legs.
A swipe of tongue…
A flicker…
A breath…
The glint of light overhead on numbered spheres as they
clash, glimmer, escape solidarity –
through the single deadly thrust of
the pool shark’s decisive wooden lance.

The ghost of a shark lady smiles every time that they play
& then I can smile too, while remembering her with me – as the world falls away.

Written By Jason Wright
August 28, 2002

For Dug “the great white demon” –
& in memory of the hospital woman.

December 31, 2001May 8, 2026

IAN IS DEAD

Dorian told me
this only a couple hours
ago…

Said that Ian had worked
at Pizza House up until the end.

Didn’t know he was even
back in Ann Arbor…

Briefly knew that Dear Friend.

And as it turns out,
he didn’t survive me…
though he once revived me;
he is cold in the ground.

Only yesterday I thought
I’d write…
only not…
& now to then learn
he’s not even around.

Autumn once told me
she’d written him off…
not worth the cost…
far beyond saving.

He couldn’t stop it…
He couldn’t drop it…
farewells & goodbyes;
all he ever was saying.

Can’t stand the silence.
Can’t stand the staring.
Cure sang he’s NUMB –
No cure for his fun –
Did not really know him
though I never stopped caring.

Written By Jason Wright
December 31, 2001

For Ian

Explained:

Ian was a friend of friends. He was goth, and he had wild black hair that reminded me of Robert Smith of The Cure. He and Autumn visited me at Meijer when I worked there (between 1996 & 1999) and they picked me up to take me to a gallery where Autumn was having an exhibit while the museum was closed. He spoke with me about The Cure’s then new album, “Wild Mood Swings” (released: May 7, 1996) and later, after chilling at the Fleetwood he gave me a kiss goodnight at my car, despite me having a boyfriend in Florida. It was invigorating. My friend Paul had told me all about a guy he was hung up on named Ian but I didn’t make the connection. When I realized our Ians were one and the same, well, I stayed away. But I always liked him.

Ian was an addict. Heroin. Or so I was told. I’m sure it was true as all his old friends seemed to hate him based on his addiction and whatever shit he spewed on them as a result. He moved away. When I wrote my first poem about him I meant to send it to him but the people I asked had all come to despise him and weren’t interested in helping me find him. Later he returned to Michigan, and was actually working in a restaurant that I frequented (which itself was rare), but I never saw him there. He worked with people I knew, but they didn’t know that I knew him. And one night, my friend Carrie got in a fight with him and he left early, and he overdosed. And he died. And he was buried. And I found out maybe a week after all that from Dorian, who was a guy that I made out with once, who was a drug dealer, I think, and he and I would randomly cross paths now and again around Ypsi / Ann Arbor. When I asked my friend Carrie about it and explained that I had cared about him, she didn’t apologize or show any remorse or even the slightest bit of sympathy for me, and this hurt our friendship.

But to have written about him originally as someone who reminded me of people that I’d met in a hospital that I mostly outlived and that I found it comforting that he would survive, and then have him die, was very jarring. And it’s even more so now looking back at all this in 2026, over 25 years later.

And it is impossible for me to think of Ian and not think of “Numb” by The Cure from “Wild Mood Swings” – or hear the song and not remember Ian.

Jason: 05-08-26

May 6, 2000May 8, 2026

OUT IN THE OPEN

·We danced Friday night
to that Friday night music –

The passion was there
but I chose to refuse it –

The sobering sight
of the children & their pride –

The heat & the night
drew us all out from inside.

The girl by my side
& the others who knew me –

They all made me smile
& they all saw right through me –

They all knew my weakness
for people & laughter –

They all knew I wanted
the boy who came after:

The boy dressed in orange.
The candy: raspberry.
His friends were delicious.
His laughter was cherry.
Our goodbye was a smile.
The night was colossal.

I always find joy
when I’m profoundly hostile.

Written by Jason Wright
May 6, 2000

For Melissa, Lee C, M.V., Maggie, Laurie, & Dawn,
but mostly for Shawn – who’s reply made me smile.

Edit:

The artwork was meant to replicate the traffic that night in Ann Arbor. The above version is an expanded view of the original, which I’ll share here:

Melissa was a girl that my then roommate and ex-bf Mark Adams was trying to date. I drove us to the bar after getting food and stopping at a bank.

Lee C & M.V. were men I knew from online on GAY DOT COM (remember when that was a thing?), and though our paths crossed a couple of times, I never knew their full names, so I don’t know what ever became of them.

I met Shawn Foreman that night, along with Maggie Ernst, Laurie Prater and their friend Dawn. I dated Shawn and I was in love with him for years. That night he had noticed the scars on my wrists which endeared him to me right away, but I was pretty bitchy, even as I was trying flirt with him and he called me (with some affection) “profoundly hostile”. When he read this poem he reevaluated his opinion of me. We dated briefly, but intensely. We later hooked up a couple of more times over the years. And I last saw him in person in October of 2011, just 21 days before I met my partner, Aaron Sanko. But he and I still trade messages now and again.

Maggie became a close friend but I later learned she was a compulsive liar, to me and about me. I dropped her on the spot, which was quite painful. I think Dawn visited me once with Maggie but I vaguely remember her and I hashing it out over gay rights and religious bullshit, which I believe ended with me calling her “a pathetic Jesus Licker”, which seemed to offend her at least as much as I’d hoped that it would and she never spoke to me again – which I considered mission accomplished – good riddance. Laurie is simply one of the most remarkable people I’ve ever met and we still trade messages occasionally – I last saw her in person at a Michigan theater in July of 2021.

Jason (05-08-26)

February 3, 2000April 6, 2026

A Thorn For Coronation

In the cold summer heat
where the chill is inside…

The boy in the garden
has secrets to hide…

Walking with walkman
and singing a dirge…

A screaming erection
while fighting the urge…

To talk to his idol;
soft spoken and gentle…

The man is a monster
yet so sentimental…

The man is tormented
and torments this boy…

With feelings that threaten
to create or destroy…
The boy in the garden.

The man that was chosen…
By fate or by chance?
He never will know…

But the boy has been captured.
The boy is enraptured.

The boy is in love
with a man made of snow.

Written by Jason Wright
February 3, 2000

Inspired by Jason Alery,

who I obsessed over endlessly in school,
while listening to “Winter Marches On” by Duran Duran.

January 8, 2000April 27, 2026

Cursed

Looking back at that
long ago
boyhood vacation…

That time of temptation…

That hour when (where)
boys were not all they seemed –

Looking back at that boy
who would seek and destroy
me long after the fact…
I could not react…

In my memory intact
I am cursed and I screamed.

Written by Jason Wright
January 8, 2000

For Patrick: Please Forgive Me.

Patrick was a boy I met on vacation who showed an interest in me, who I should have reacted to but didn’t, which is something I have always regretted, though I know I was trying to do what I thought was right. And we parted on good terms, with a hug goodbye, but it feels like an unresolved thing.

January 3, 2000April 27, 2026

THE BOY FADES OUT

Remember that boy
& his inspiration?

Remember that boy
& our invitation?

Remember that boy?
Without hesitation…

Remember that boy
& you remember temptation.

But I don’t know that boy
& he doesn’t know me.

The boy faded out
& set us both free.

But then why am I writing
of his faded memory?

Whatever Whatever
will be will be.

Written by Jason Wright
January 3, 2000

For Nate:

Someone that I don’t really know, whose appearances are always brief and electric, who I wanted before I knew his name and long before his sweetest confession.

In the late 90s I spent nearly every night at a Denny’s located at 3310 Washtenaw Avenue in Ann Arbor, which was permanently closed on March 30, 2022, and has since been demolished to make way for a new Chick-fil-A. Gross.

That’s where I knew Nate from. I never knew his last name. I didn’t think I stood a chance with him but he said something really cryptic to me once that turned heads…but I only saw him once after that and it was in passing and he looked like he had really been put through the wringer. It wasn’t the kind of situation where I could talk to him and I never really knew him very well, so he just disappeared from my life. I hope he’s good.

October 1, 1999April 25, 2026

Gaydar

That moment our eyes meet
as we pass on that dark street…

The magic that flows from your essence:
Immense.

That instant attraction
that calls us to action…

That look in our eyes is both lost and
Intense.

That touch of your hand
makes us both understand…

We know we are more than just casual
brothers.

My voiceless reply
speaks volumes and I
know that look in your eyes…
We are almost like lovers.

But the moment: it passes
and we’re lost to the masses;
The Moment is gone…
We will wait for another.

For we were both stricken:
Cheeks blushed and cocks thickened…

For that moment in time we were lost in
each other.

Written by Jason Wright
October 1, 1999

September 17, 1999May 8, 2026

KISSING THE GODDESS

A dream
I had this evening…

A dream
of dyed red hair…

A Goddess
over the city you were…

I looked up
and saw you there.

You were smile
and tassel dangling…

You were madness
and mind mangling…

You were sad
to watch gun fire…

As you shined
for my new lover…

And you blew
a kiss from heaven…

And I knew
I was forgiven…

For Poetry
was my promise…

But you
the ever doubting Thomas…

Had seen poetry
and magic…

You’d seen drama
laughter tragic…

All of that
and more…

Within the man
you knew before.

For though I’m mortal
failure flaw…

Poetic justice
in me saw…

You saw my passion
and my bliss…

When you looked down…
Beneath your crown…
Two men knelt down…
And shared a kiss.

And that kiss
released me from my debt…

You laughed in triumph
without regret…

Your tears were
joyous falling rain…

My lover
touched my face again…

And the Goddess watched
and remembered the past…

And knew we were both
where we wanted at last.

Written By Jason Wright
September 17, 1999

For Carrie Ann Knauss

For your 20th birthday and more!

You’ve been Goddess and lover…
You are a friend and a sister…
You are all things to me…
All things and more.

I’ll love you always.