Trinity

1 Mother Goose

Saturday night,
Pinocchio arrived at our door.

He was better looking in the flesh,
with the same witty internet banter,
yet fused with that vital magical glimmer;
that liveliness in his eyes.

The supposed Blue Fairy,
the one who actually had turquoise hair,
had fashioned Pinocchio into a real boy
for this blue fairy,
despite the wood that grew between us.

I know what you’re thinking,
but in spite of his need to come calling after sunset,
he was definitively not a lost boy.

Boys that are found to be real
grow up to be fathers of their own after all.

Pinocchio
(respecting the Sabbath)
and having suffered rejection by a prince
(who turned out to be a frog),
left Never Never Land
after the cow jumped over the moon
to visit Elphaba & Glinda
in Rapunzel’s 6th floor condo,
where handsomely dressed
in the emperor’s new clothes
he conspired with my wicked step-mother
to turn me into the double stuffed gingerbread man.

2 Holy Father

My partner,
deep inside of his name twin
as fourth father repeatedly stabs deep
inside of my joyously remembered
childhood cunt.

This doesn’t seem possible;
like a hazy wet dream
brought unexpectedly into being;
twisting the world into impossible shapes
that couldn’t have happened
before Aaron arrived at our door.

And while we writhe and wrestle
into differing rock formations
we fuck repeatedly in that wondrous configuration;
that sexual transmogrification
of inspiration, reemergence & renewal,
a cycle of hunger, thirst, cravings satisfied
and yet sparked aflame without end:

My lover pours himself into him,
as he pours himself into me,
and I pour myself over us all…
and yet we do not come to conclusion.

And at the third movement of the third hour,
this triumvirate charmed me to the spiritual power,
wrought through my flesh twixt symbolic clocks:
I survived crucified on their mystical cocks…
And forgive me for rhyming
for that moment still guides me…
Third time’s the charm
that I took them inside me.

Later,
as time is running out,
stranger friend injects me one last time as I curse.

The penetration is welcomed
yet overwhelming with sensation, vision,
pushing me deeper into myself –
further beyond my walls
where I can finally hear
what my body has been telling me all along.

I grip my lover’s thighs,
looking deep into those thoughtful blissed eyes,
charged connection between us
as man we just met
stimulates my deepest secrets
with the prick that we’ve both just worshiped.

As new father fucks deep into his unwanted son,
with his polyisoprene covered billy club,
my spirit seems to tear in two:
two different Jasons for two different Aarons.

DADDY.
FUCK.
SHIT.
DADDY.
DADDY.
DADDY.
DADDY.
FUCK!

Seven positions. Like ballet.
The Nutcracker: Sweet.

His thick, upturned cock hurts and heals me
with it’s transformative power.

And in the aftermath,
we whisper secrets in the dark…
as we all fail to convince ourselves that we were not
blessed, consecrated and purified.

Blasphemous? Maybe.
But then the truth often is.

3 Prostrated

Today,
during my prostate exam,
Doctor said he was sorry
as he inserted a single finger.
I told him it was fine.

I wanted to say (but didn’t)
that he could use more than one.

I didn’t say
that his finger felt amazing
but was only a shadow of what
I’d felt earlier on Sunday morning.

The exam was brief and painless,
but left me wet.

My doctor is a horrible tease.

The doc says everything’s great
and that there’s no blood;
no sign for worry;
no cause for alarm.

I nearly ask him to try again
but instead I give thanks
while marveling that I remain
both physically and spiritually
intact.

Written by Jason Wright
October 31, 2017

“Prostrated” was finished and released first, but the notes on the other entries were made at the same time and complete the cycle. These were begun in July and finished in October.

Smiling Dandelions

Cowering there
beneath the cold swell,

Violin swing;
bequeathing it’s spell,

Showering tears
grey has not faded…

Exists beyond years
in lives of the jaded
who stare at the sun
as pain washes clean…

The music that comes
when we each turn eight-teen.

Written by Jason Wright
October 28, 2017

For Carter Burwell

What Did I Miss?

I missed you today.
[Same Space / No Connection]
My fault, I know…

I hope my lurking
didn’t make you uncomfortable.

I hope tonight will give you
what my presence lacks.

Hope you can help w/ my phone and SNAP
without frustration or exhaustion
because I’m terrified of failure.

More than two months without therapy
and I continue to struggle
with simple exercises of balance and breath.

I’m losing Jennifer
and I could lose myself if I’m not careful.

Need to connect with you –
with him –
with myself more often…

                     Honest
                     Lust
       Terrified of: Lost
                     in
                     Lies

The frightening power when you
stroke the keys –

to make me whimper, weep,
make me cum
with threatened / promised action!

I’m addicted.

Junkie grovelling for scraps
of a childhood seduction.

Breathe my dreams to life.

Because Honest
Lust
Lifted
in
Longing

            may free me from this horrible freedom.
            allow me to smile at my expensive joke.
            to strip lust naked & make it my slave
            until tricks rob me of your magic
            and kneel me down
            to worship all that I missed today.

Written by Jason Wright
October 24, 2017

For Aaron

Delirante (He’s Gone)

He was here more than year;
he was here for so long.

He was queerly sincere
and shrouded in song.

He was there with despair
in mysterious scars…

He was blonde and absconded
from bright lights and bars.

But these words obscured
are like gospel from me…

My words are not heard
by apostle to thee…

Who worshiped and wept
though you never knew…

How he stayed where we played
as I fade into you.

Written by Jason Wright
October 1, 2017

For Mazzy Star, Saint Etienne & the boy (now a man),
who made them matter.

– ABOUT THE POEM –
The title springs from a word I saw (Delirante) at random when I wrote, which means delirious, which is how I felt at the time. “He’s Gone” are lyrics from the Saint Etienne song “Like a Motorway”. There’s a guy I met in early 1995 in Michigan, named Steve Rink. We were never close but we had several friends in common, went to some of the same bars, read some of the same books and listened to some of the same music. We also hooked up once in an odd sort of circle jerk in summer of 1996. I don’t know him well, but for whatever reason he’s popped up a lot in my poetry, or at least my perceptions of him pop up now and again; I don’t feel like I actually know him that well. I’ve always found him attractive, but I find lots of people attractive and there are many suck people that I never write about at all. So I don’t really know what that means.

When I moved to New York, or relatively soon after, Steve was living in NYC as well. We traded messages about possibly hanging out, but it took me years to adjust to being here. In many ways, I’m still adjusting. And I also struggle with connecting with people. If I’m at a place, talking to someone in person, I’m very good at this. But on the phone, via text or email or whatever, I really suck at making things happen. And so nothing ever did. We were friends on Facebook though and he’s always been tapped into music that I love since I first met him. I loved when he posted about this or that piece that I didn’t know, because I knew that it meant I would most likely love it as well.

Before Steve lived in NYC he lived overseas somewhere. I don’t even remember where. I only knew because before Facebook we were friends on Myspace. He married a man, whose name I don’t remember. There was a video of the wedding and them dancing to “Fade Into You” by Mazzy Star, which struck me as perfect. Years later, when he left New York, he posted a video of Saint Etienne’s “Like a Motorway”. And that’s where some of this springs from.

He doesn’t seem to be on Facebook anymore. He’s off being a serious whale watcher / conservationist / photographer. From a far, I’m happy for him. I’ve heard from several friends in Michigan that when he’s in our old stomping grounds that he’s on all the apps. Good for him. Good for them, I guess.

What I’m saying, I think, is that I wish I knew him better. And I miss having music cues from him, because he really did listen to the best shit! But I’m happy he’s out and about doing his thing and I hope he’s happy.

Battle Scarred

Message came through the wire:
betrayal, hallucinogens and lies.

The walking wounded
attacked faithful friend
before shattering the war radio –
Line goes dead.

Shell shocked survivors
shake their heads in confusion;
refusing to give chase to
someone willingly / needlessly
running from them.

On the battlefield of life
in the trenches of drama
former lovers
behind enemy lines of friendship
crumble to Hiroshima ash,
seemingly destroyed
and unable to rise.

“Our armor was useless.”

“Our love was easily forgotten
in the chaos of bloodshed.”

Your madness is endless,
My sadness is friendless,

I will not surrender
to man who would end this.

On opposite sides
of a battlefield vital…

We sing different songs
which have similar titles…

Which share the same message
if not the same score…

Love is a weapon
in a time filled with war.

Written by Jason Wright
September 25, 2017

For Sean

The Party That Wasn’t

Four of us there;
though it’s hard to believe:
Bald Jason, Paul
and Darla and Steve.

The latter I stripped
in Ann Arbor fountain
before baring flesh
pressing into his bottom;
concealing our pact
(which they labeled obscene)
and that this healing act
had in fact made us clean.

The nerve that in public
made time seem to end:

Perving the lovesick
with crime through the lense
of twenty-one years
flashing by in a blur…

The party that wasn’t
for the people we were.

A moment of lust
that had built beyond reason,
Momentous trust
in the shadow of treason,
A moment of courage
acknowledged and shared,
Encouraged by touch
though we weren’t prepared
for the judgment of strangers
and friends left outside,
as we puzzled through riddles
with longing our guide,
But licentious struggles
are seldom rewarded,
For all our successes
we may have been thwarted…
For the world gazed in fear
as if love were contagious…
Our fumbled premiere
saw us stumble toward greatness.

Written by Jason Wright
September 20, 2017

Jason Write

When I can’t think –
When I can’t remember –
Can’t write –

I tell myself it’s enough to
breathe, dress, leave, walk, ride.

And when I’m lucky
something connects
like a stranger’s kiss –
an excitement fumbling towards inspiration
through shock treatment lust
or cold water dread
traveling / taking me to where I always wish to be.

I write of nothing
desperate to not lose
what I once believed
and forgot
and was only reminded of on special occasions like
birthdays, anniversaries or when
he fucked that goth metalhead drag queen in Budapest.

I write so often that I sometimes can’t meet other writers
as I’m far too busy writing.

I read this for the others
as the time ticks away
after verses and compliments
and a shared glimmer
in the eyes of strangers.

Written by Jason Wright
September 12, 2017

Incognizant Admirer

I knew a boy once
when I was younger…

Really,
it was more like I knew people
who knew him;
an acquaintance.

I thought him straight
but kind,
possibly manipulative,
but when I saw another turn his head
I knew that I had been mistaken.

Perhaps he was confused…
Perhaps I was confused…

Even when involved with a man I knew,
I didn’t quite believe it.

He was like
a vision of youth
and culture
and ideas relating to things
and places I didn’t have access to,
beyond his possible longing,
his desire for his own gender.

The night that he drunkenly kissed me
was flattering and insulting all at once.

I gained no access, you see,
and though his lust was honest
and the way his eyes met mine
left little doubt that I was attractive to him,
I’ve never quite convinced myself
that he wasn’t seeking to make my friend jealous.

I’m no longer friends with the man who had been his lover;
nor have I been such for nearly two decades…

I wonder what ever became of this man
who glistened in the background of my life.

His dark hair
and the way his smile made his eyes dance…

Gustavo.

I stumble for his name
in the car
as Aaron and I listen to “Giovanni’s Room”.

I hope he came to a better end;
he deserved at least that much…

I thought his name beautiful
and a fitting word to match
his twilit lambent contradiction of a smile.

If he lives,
I doubt he has spared me
a second thought.

Written by Jason Wright
September 8, 2017

Dichotomy of Need

His scruffy messages
shock and blindside me,

Anger
Betrayal
and his cock inside me,

Still makes me cum harder
than bland romance…

Passionate game played out
through this dance
we tango together:
discover and spark…

We reach for the light
as we dance in the dark.

Written by Jason Wright
August 29, 2017

Coda

Jamie Goodbye
with card and with journal,

Nothing worth having
is ever eternal,

We don’t last forever
but use what we’re given,

We strive to live life –
to connect and to listen,

This chapter ends
yet we’re not diminished,

Our stories continue;
our lives are not finished.

Written by Jason Wright
August 24, 2017

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