Aaron got me flowers on our anniversary Thursday. They’re very pretty. I really prefer to buy flowers for other people, but Aaron doesn’t like receiving flowers, so I never buy them anymore. When I lived in Michigan I would buy flowers for my mother and my maternal grandmother every year, and they loved them.
On Friday, 10-23-26, I felt a little down. So did Aaron. It was sunny outside which made it stranger, because I’m not usually like that when the sun is shining. I went for a brief walk to pick up some prescriptions and get some food. I started Season 2 of The Rings of Power but I fell asleep during the first episode. I started reading “Magic’s Promise” but I didn’t get far. I traded some texts with Jennifer and Felix about Marvel, and I had fun exchanges with Janice and Katie (about massive American Horror Story reveals). I also watched more of SVU Season 24; Season 28 is currently airing, which means I’ve never been this close to the current season, maybe I’ll be caught up by the end? I don’t know. I tend to take long breaks from the series.
I forgot to mention that I read character actor Richard Riehle died the other day, on October 15, 2026. He was often in things that I loved, having bit roles in “Ally McBeal” & “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, but really, in the last few years, I noted that he was in many LGBTQ+ films, such as “Fried Green Tomatoes”, “Prelude to a Kiss”, “Body of Evidence”, “River Made To Drown In”, “The Fluffer”, “The Laramie Project” & “Mysterious Skin”. It got to the point that when I would see him pop up in this or that thing, I always smiled, because it was like seeing an old friend, whom I didn’t actually know and had never met.
I went to bed early last night. We have plans this morning. But I woke up after 3, finding it difficult to breathe. I got up for a bit, which sometimes helps, but it didn’t. I’m sure it’s allergies; I’ve been sneezing (not coughing) for a few days. I did a nasal rinse, which helped a little, but my device seems to be messing up and I may need a new one. Then eventually I took some Sudafed and wrote this.
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from the song “Gods & Monsters”, by American singer and songwriter, Elizabeth Woolridge Grant, known professionally as Lana Del Rey, from her third extended play, “Paradise” and the reissue of her second album “Born to Die”, “Born to Die: The Paradise Edition”. “Gods & Monsters” was released on November 9, 2012. The song was covered by Jessica Lange in an fourth season episode of American Horror Story (“Freak Show”), which is where I first heard it, despite not loving that iteration, as my favorite line (“looking to get fucked hard”) wasn’t featured – which felt weird to me, as the series is pretty extreme and the story features a one legged woman running a freak show carnival performing a song 60 years before its actual release, in a series that often feature lurid, graphic imagery and storylines…but that line was too much? It annoyed me, even if I liked that season more than any of those that followed. YMMV.
This week has been tough. I’ve never done well with the change of the seasons and that’s what this week has felt like to me. Cooler weather can be fun, but we’re in that odd zone where if I go out side and I wear too little, I’m very cold, and if I wear just a little too much, I sweat profusely. Blah. I’m not a fan. But I’ll adjust. I always do.
The pain from my minor surgery on the 18th intensified on Tuesday the 22nd & Wednesday the 23rd, but seemed to disappear completely on the Thursday 24th, and remained gone for most of Friday the 25th before returning that night. Not so bad as it was but not as good as before. We’ll see how it goes today.
I got out for another walk on Wednesday, but I didn’t feel like walking to the park so I walked to an grocery store on Broadway that I used to get my food at every week, for years, only it’s not been years since I stepped into the place. I was curious what the prices were for foods that I usually have delivered these days, and it did seem to suggest that my deliveries are a bargain. I wore my old Hellraiser shirt that I bought in the 90s from Middle Earth in Ann Arbor, Michigan. My friends Paul & Darla had both gotten the same shirt from there. I’m still in touch with Paul and Darla, and Darla says she thinks she still has this shirt too, but Middle Earth has been gone for years.
Outside the grocery store there was an open patch in the sidewalk with flowers growing – which isn’t uncommon in New York. But what is very uncommon, is for those flowers to be Sunflowers. Giant yellow sunshine. We used to have have them growing in our garden on our farm in Michigan and seeing them here in the city made me smile.
I took the long way home, past one of the impressive churches in The Heights. When I got home I showered, and later put on a long sleeve shirt because the bedroom was chilly. Aaron said that I looked cute.
On Thursday I chopped up more Zucchini for our smoothies. It’s weird. A few months ago I’d never had a zucchini and now I have some every day. I can’t say that I crave them, because I don’t taste them at all, but I do like that I get nutrients from the various foods that I eat now, including this one.
Later I went for another walk, to another grocery store and compared prices again. Then, as before, I walked here and there. I ended up at 168th and took the train back to 181st, where I bought some whole wheat pita bread. On the train, a young woman approached me. When people come at me in public I still have this urge to put my guard up, because when people did this in Michigan they were invariably rude. In New York, when people approach me it is always with a compliment. This woman said she was sorry for staring but that my eyeliner was incredible and could I tell her what I use. I thanked her for the compliment and told her that I didn’t know what brand it was because I never pay attention. I buy 3 or 4 eyeliners from a beauty shop less than a block from where I live (she knew the one as soon as I listed my address) and I get that many because they don’t let you buy 1 with a credit card. I told her that I suspect it’s just practice, because I’m old. lol But I wished I’d had a brand to give her as I feel like I didn’t give her anything in value in return for the compliment, other than my thanks. Maybe I made her smile, and that’s something.
I was annoyed most of that day. The season finale of Strange New Worlds is out and the re-release of Avengers: Endgame (Encore), which has new footage and I’d been looking forward to both for months. We initially had plans to see both but I cancelled the Avengers due to my pain levels a few days before – and now I was painless, but having to dodge spoilers, which I hate doing. And SNW, has been so aimless the last few seasons that I’ve started to dread watching it, but the season finale is something I’ve been looking forward to – but to get there, I need to find time to watch 2 other episodes with Aaron and I just didn’t feel up to it. So, minor annoyances, but annoyances none the less. We have tickets to see Avengers: Endgame: Encore on at 1pm today and we can also try to get through Trek.
Friday I felt frazzled. Worn out. Low energy. I’d maintained weight – which is to say, that I hadn’t lost any, but that’s I’d also not gained any, which felt odd. Like I was treading water, or like nothing I was doing mattered. I’d actually gained some weight early in the week, which was annoying, but then I’d lost some of it…but now…nothing. The weather wasn’t fun and, after waking up at 3am, I worked on my website for something like 12 hours with no breaks. I just lost myself in working on a Star Wars viewing order, which is frustrating because I don’t want to share it until it is done, and it’s just taking a lot of time and energy, which I didn’t suspect. I have all these things as Google Sheets, but putting all that information into a new format is tricky and time consuming and my photoshop program was fucking with me for some reason. It was obnoxious. In the end I cranked out a page for the 4 Cat People films so I could post something, and then watched the season premiere of American Horror Story (S13E01 “13”) which was fine, but I feel like this season (which seems just as uneven as most of Ryan Murphy’s work) will land better if I re-watch what I’ve seen (“Freak Show”, “Asylum”, “NYC”, “Roanoke”, “Murder House” + bits of “1984”, “Hotel”, “Double Feature”, “Delicate”, & “Apocalypse”) and also watch what I’ve missed (preferably in the new order I’ve come up with) – as it’s essentially a sequel to everything else they’ve already done. I just don’t know that I can get through all of that. Later, my pain returned. Not as bad as before, but worse than it was. I played some Zelda, (which I’ve been finding very relaxing), read a bit and then went to sleep.
I woke up a few times but got back to sleep. I finally got up around 6am. I weighed myself and was very surprised to see that I’d lost weight again. I would have thought it was the reverse. But I’m actually lower than I have been in years. Again. I don’t like how my mood is so easily affected by my weight. I’ve never been like this. I mean, for years I struggled to keep weight on, and now that I’m losing it, with much more success than others that are close to me, I should be happier. I feel accomplished, but I also don’t really understand some of it. This week, my energy hasn’t been as good as it has at other times in this journey – I’ve exercised less. So I’m not clear how I’m losing weight. I guess I did have a lot of snacks last week, which I’ve mostly curtailed this week, but I wouldn’t imagine it having such a huge effect. I’m at a loss. I don’t understand. And I’d like to understand. I think if I understood how this all worked I could obsess over it less.
Today’s journal entry song quote is from “Ease”, a song by Australian singer Troye Sivan, from his 2015 first studio album “Blue Neighborhood”, which I purchased the day it was released, having randomly discovered his 2014 EP “Happy Little Pill”, which quickly became a favorite. I really only knew him as the kid who’d played James “Logan” Howlett, aka Wolverine, in the 2009 film “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”. But I liked what I heard and I quickly became a fan. I heard something that reminded me of him the other day and I’ve been listening to “Blue Neighborhood” while I’ve been walking this week; it makes me nostalgic for traveling around Manhattan, because I used to listen to it on the train a lot. I don’t usually just play a single song from the album, I usually listen to the whole thing, so it was difficult picking one today, as they’re all sort of swirling in my head. Music gets stuck in my head all the time – sometimes to a degree that annoys me. I’m sure that others experience this, but I also think that most people don’t have this nearly constant soundtrack going on in there heads, or maybe not to the same degree. It feels like a problem. Intrusive thoughts. Ugh.
I stayed in Saturday (09/29/26), after staying up all night and sleeping for about 7 hours. The pain from Friday’s procedure was worse when I woke, but it waned with medication. I worked on several viewing orders (completely reworking and simplifying my American Horror Story viewing order) and also on a writing project that I likely won’t share here because, honestly, I’m not sure it’s legal to post. But posting it somewhere doesn’t really feel like the point anyways; it’s totally personal and just for me.
Poor Aaron. I’ve mostly gotten over the cold we both had, but his seems to have moved deeper into his lungs. He’s going to the clinic tomorrow to see what they say.
I went to bed relatively early on Saturday and slept in on Sunday (09/20/26). Aarn had said that he wanted us to watch some Star Trek this weekend so I suggested we try to catch up on Strange New Worlds, as we were 4 episodes behind and the season will end this Thursday. We were both kind of dreading it as we’ve been very unhappy with the season so far, but we were also both pleasantly surprised but what we saw. First we watched S04E06 “Off-Hour”, which was a take on disaster movies. Each episode of Strange New Worlds of late has a gimmick, a genre, and they’ve often felt redundant or pointless. This episode felt like Trek. It was well written, well acted and well produced. Everything looked great and though some of the violence seemed a bit more graphic than we’d like, it fit the scenario. I would say this was easily my favorite episode of these last two seasons (3 & 4). We decided to watch another episode (S04E07 “Like Chronitons Through the Hourglass”), which we also enjoyed. It wasn’t as good as the previous installment, but was better than anything else this year. I knew some stuff about this one before I watched and I was a bit surprised how much I liked it as it’s essentially a sequel to an episode I don’t love, and I knew it would be providing things I wanted, but in a soap opera scenario that I wasn’t interested in. Most of it worked. The soap opera element was used a little bit longer than I would have liked, but considering all that could have gone wrong with that story, I was relieved how well it did all hold together. And I also felt that Anson Mount, who tends to be one of the weaker elements in this series, felt like he gave a great performance here.
As of now, we only have 9 episodes left of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, 3 episodes this season, 6 episodes next season. Before watching these 2, I was ready for it to end. Now…I’m still ready for it to end. I like more of it than I don’t, but even if the next 3 episodes knock it out of the park (which I doubt), this is still the weakest season of the series to date, and Season 3 wasn’t a winner either – indeed, I’ve liked each season less, as a whole, than the season which preceded it. I practically begged for this series to be made after Season 2 of Discovery reintroduced Pike’s Enterprise, but this is not what I had envisioned, and I know that’s not really the job of those who make the show, to make everything the way that I would want, but for me, Strange New Worlds has been the biggest disappointment for this Star Trek fan of any series in the modern era. There’s just so much untapped potential here – but I’m not sad that it’s ending, because I’m not at all convinced they would explore the characters in any more depth then they already have, which is to say, hardly at all. They are so keen on getting to Kirk and company, that they barely scratched the surface of Pike and his comrades. I don’t get it.
The pain increased as the day wore on. Aaron was playing the new Wolverine game. I decided to distract myself by replaying my favorite video game: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, which I’ve done many times at this point. I played for maybe an hour. And now I’m trying to get some work done on a few projects. Today has just been a bit blah. Hoping to get back in the groove this week.
Today’s journal entry song quote title is from “The Ballad of the Witches’ Road”, a song from the Marvel Studios Disney+ television miniseries Agatha All Along, written by composers Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez.[1] Eight versions of the song were used throughout the series; the main version is referred to as the “Sacred Chant Version”, but the one stuck that is most often stuck in my head is a mashup by Andy Wu that combines it with “Bloody Mary” by Lady Gaga, and in the video, also includes imagery from the series “Wednesday”, known as “The Ballad of the Bloody Mary Witches’ Road”:
On Thursday (August 13) I cuddled with Aaron in the morning but he needed to get up to go into work. Later JP, our Super, stopped by trying to figure out if our apartment was the cause of a leak in the apartment below us. This has happened many times over the years, these impromptu visits, because there has been a leak, off and on in the apartment below us, but they’ve never found anything. They’ve opened up their ceiling and had us run all of our water and there has never been any evidence that it’s coming from us. I wish they had found something so it could be fixed, but it’s been going on now for at least 8 years and although I know that it isn’t, it starts to feel like harassment. The Super is great and he’s frustrated because the neighbors yell at him. We are always kind and cooperative with everyone, even when they stop by at really inopportune moments and inappropriate times, like LATE at night, with no warning in advance. They come in, they see that everything is legit and they leave, frustrated, but thankful for our understanding. It’s starting to wear on me though. So that bothered me all day.
Thursday night, Aaron and I watched the new episode of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (S04E04 “A Case of Chiaroscuro”), which was a mixed bag. Really, all of Season 3 & Season 4 has been a mixed bag, and while I enjoyed the first 2 seasons, they had their problems also. Sadly, this is not the series that I expected or wanted, which in fairness, they don’t owe me, but it’s pretty disappointing. There are only 12 episodes left, but because they’ve focused on other things, there’s no time now to give me answers about these characters that I wanted from the beginning, and I find that I’m ready for the series to end, because it’s not that good. And I have some hope that once the series is wrapped up, that maybe I can accept it for what it is, rather than what it is not. Also, perhaps it will end well? That could help. The state of the series also lends weight to my ongoing theory that when watching The Kurtzman Era of Trek, that this phase of Trek is best served by watching Discovery last, which gives us a whole bonus season with Pike plus episodes with Spock, Una and the Enterprise that I actually love – feeling like a fantastic surprise, rather than a prologue to this show, which then squanders nearly everything possible. I wish I enjoyed it more, but I don’t. Aaron feels the same.
I went off my sleeping meds Thursday night as I was building a tolerance to them. This happens occasionally. It’s also probably just a healthy thing to do. I actually look forward to it, although it’s harder for me to sleep without them and I struggle with several issues as a result, I always have really intense dreams. These are often nightmares, but I still enjoy them for the vivid imagery and sensations. I don’t remember them now and I didn’t write them down, but I remember they were wild.
On Friday (August 14) I worked on my website. I’ve actually been working on it daily. There are now more than 400 poems on my website, but I have at least 1,000 more. I created a viewing order for American Horror Story. I’ve also uploaded more NSFW Photo Collages – I always try to mix in recent photos, and these included photos from this week. Also, a friend reviewed my site, relaying how much she loved the photos, which was nice to hear.
Later I went for a walk. I also played some Zelda, after not having played in at least a month. It’s strange playing intermittently when I’m used to playing non-stop. The last 6 years have been really weird. But I seem to be bouncing back and I hope that what’s happening now is my new normal. I feel like I’m in better shape than I have been in decades. If this is 52, then I’m not complaining!
I was tired but I stayed up to for the Marvel / Star Wars News from D23, which did not disappoint. I’ve been hyped for VisionQuest for years at this point and it really feels like the Wanda / Vision corner of The Multiverse Saga has been really rewarding. I still have hopes that the new series will lead to a family reunion between Vision, Tommy, Billy, Agatha and Wanda which will then feature in the films and see them all together, happy. That’s what I want. It’s always been what I want. But I’m not sure if any of this will happen in any way at any time.
The new look at Avengers: Doomsday was better than the first. It shows far fewer characters but feels like we’re getting far more story, and that has me more excited. I do feel that they are holding back on details and I like that. I believe there are also various characters in this film that have not been announced. The run time appears to be 2 hours and 45 minutes, based on the showtimes available in theaters. I’m really looking forward to this and I think it will retroactively help a lot of the multiverse films feel far more connected and important. We’ve seen that plenty of characters introduced in those films are coming back here, making them all seem more important, which is great. Going so long without any big crossovers like this, they’ve felt disconnected and that’s been frustrating for everyone, even me.
The live action adventures of Ahsoka Tano which began in The Mandalorian & The Book of Boba Fett continues in Season 2 of her title series. I had mixed reactions to Season 1, but one of my negative reactions was to the cliffhanger ending. This season will resolve that – and hopefully not end on another 1. It looks at least slightly better than Season 1 to me, but I won’t know until I see it. I’ve never rewatched Season 1. I’ve not rewatched much of this era of Star Wars actually, though I’d like to at some point. I’m not crazy excited about this, but I’m happy that it will be available down the line (in January).
I went to bed around 3am on Saturday, August 15. I didn’t look at my phone. I went right to sleep. Waking from drugless dreams of having to live with a one night stand (Joe Lee) who was oddly, a Nazi, and really frustrating. It was like a really dark comedy. I had something resembling a migraine when I woke but it faded quickly. I showed Aaron the new trailers and shared the news and things but then he attended a Stonewall meeting while had a smoothie and started updating my blog.
Today’s journal entry song quote is from “Temple of Love”, a song by the English rock band the Sisters of Mercy, written by the band’s lead singer Andrew Eldritch, which was the fifth (non album) single released by the Sisters of Mercy. Following the release of the band’s third album Vision Thing in 1990, there appeared to be no plans for a new record anytime soon, leading the band’s record label Merciful Release to reissue the band’s early non-album singles and B-sides, which had been out of print at this point, on the compilation Some Girls Wander by Mistake. This included the extended 12-inch version of the original “Temple of Love” recording. In conjunction with this release, the Sisters of Mercy also recorded a new version of “Temple of Love” featuring Israeli singer Ofra Haza, whom Eldritch was a longtime fan of. “Temple of Love (1992)” did not appear on Some Girls Wander by Mistake, but it did appear on the Sisters of Mercy’s greatest hits album A Slight Case of Overbombing, released a year later in 1993.
I’ve always preferred the original version, but it wasn’t the version that was playing when I wrote this, so I’m sharing the 1992 version.
