As I Am (2020)

2022 Entry #025 02-02-22 “As I Am” is essentially an extended short at just 1 hour and 2 minutes long, which was written & directed by Anthony Bawn (“District”, “The Catharsis Project”). The story concerns an awkward and deeply troubled young man named Emmanuel (Andre Myers) who must come to terms with both his sexual identity and the emotional scars he’s suffered through years of abuse.

I wanted to enjoy this and there are pieces of this that work, but those pieces don’t actually seem to fit together. This feels very much like a rough draft, but it is not as well planned as similar shorts that feel this way. The length itself speaks to this: it’s not exactly a short but it’s not exactly a feature either and the story that’s told doesn’t seem to justify the length; it just feels like a storyteller with no discipline. I wouldn’t say any of the performers are necessarily bad because each one seems to rise to the occasion throughout the production…they just never rise at the same time, which was off-putting and frustrating. Some of them also feel like they should be starring in completely different films. And then there are several clumsy production choices which either made no sense or were not well executed. One example involves the lead character, who wears his glasses all the time, even in the shower or when he’s supposed to be asleep. Do people do that? Or there is a scene in a club where the soundtrack features the sounds of a busy nightclub with lots of people, despite the fact that the two characters in the scene are mostly alone. Maybe this was filmed during Covid-19 restrictions? But if so, then change the location. Don’t contradict the truth and undermine the scene.

I’d recommend skipping this. The story is worthwhile but the execution of that story is flawed

Alaska is a Drag (2017)

2022 Entry #024 02-02-22 “Alaska is a Drag” is a 2017 drama film which was written and directed by Shaz Bennett, who also wrote and directed the short film of the same name that this feature remakes and expands on. The story follows an aspiring drag superstar named Leo (Martin L. Washington Jr.), working in a fish cannery in Alaska as he’s forced to defend himself from bullies with the support of his cancer stricken twin sister (Maya Washington).

I loved the short version of this story and was excited to see the feature length version, but somewhere between the two, it went a bit off the rails. It’s not horrible. But it’s not great. I think I’m just disappointed because the short was so good! They definitely try to expand on what they started with, but these new facets are often left unexplored. The most developed is the twin sister, who wasn’t featured before. But there’s a weird thing about their father being gay, which I’m left wondering if I fell asleep and imagined it because it really didn’t go anywhere. Then the bully is revealed to have basically been a past lover or could-have-been lover for the lead – which is fine – but the way they get over all that at the end is rushed and wholly unbelievable. And much of the drama caused by the bullying is so over-the-top and poorly written that it just pulled me out of the movie for long stretches at a time. There are good moments here, which are mostly just remakes of the short, but the bad outweighs the good for me.

I recommend watching the short 2012 version.

Violets (2017)

2022 Entry #023 02-01-22 “Violets” is a 23 minute 2017 short which was written & directed by Maren H. Jensen. The story focuses on Scott St. Patrick’s John, a police officer, son, husband and father who is struggling with gender identity…and how that struggle affects those around him.

Wow. This was great! I’d really like a feature length version of this. I thought this had some really interesting things to say and I loved how it ended.

Parallel Sons (1995)

2022 Entry #022 02-01-22 “Parallel Sons” is an award winning 1995 gay-themed drama film, written and directed by John G. Young (“The Reception”, “Rivers Wash Over Me”, “bwoy”) whose work often deals with the intersections of race and sexuality. Starring Gabriel Mann (“Stonewall”, “I Shot Andy Warhol”, “High Art”, “Revenge”) and Laurence Mason. The film premiered at the 1995 Sundance Film Festival.

This film had been out for at least 10 years by the time I stumbled across it. I purchased it, watched it once and added it to my collection. I remembered enjoying it (though I got some of the details wrong) and I think I actually enjoyed it even more the second time around.

The film centers on Mann’s white small town character, a young man with artistic talent and a fascination with Black pop culture named Seth. Seth eventually crosses paths with a young Black man during a would-be robbery gone wrong due to the other man’s injuries, who Seth chooses to help, rather than turn in. An interesting friendship is formed between Seth and the man whose name is later revealed to be Knowledge and the film continues to unfold from there.

SPOILERS FOLLOW:

Seth tells the story of a child who went missing when Seth was younger and how everyone searched for the child but never found him and how this event revealed that a seemingly innocent, idyllic & beautiful setting was actually something far more sinister that could actually devour you. After Seth’s father caught him having sex with his school friends Marty & Kyle, his father told him that this was bad and if he ever did this again he would end up like the boy who disappeared. On screen he dies in the mountains just minutes after he becomes lovers with Knowledge.

If I gave any deeper thought to the film before, I have no memory of it, but examining it now there seem to be several parallel sons referenced by the title. The first being Knowledge and Seth, who both understand what it is to be looked down on for being gay. There’s also Seth and Malik (Johnathan Charles) who are both Knowledge’s boys (Seth is his lover and Malik is his son); both die by gun violence in which Knowledge is not the shooter. There’s also Seth and Marty & the unseen Kyle. Kyle is implied to have been the most openly gay of the three and we learn that he hung himself with his Superman bedsheets. Marty has gone on to be a racist asshole who seeks a career in law enforcement. While Seth has become a celibate young man obsessed with Black culture. It makes me wonder if Kyle was Black? Or maybe, Seth and Marty just chose to be opposites of one another to distance themselves? Or Marty, who seems the more closeted of the two, has just embraced small mindedness while Seth, whose homosexuality seems closer to the surface, and whose artistic nature have allowed him to be more openminded? I don’t know. But I enjoy the film.

The Abominable Crime (2013)

2022 Entry #021 02-01-22 “The Abominable Crime” is a 2013 documentary which was directed by award winning producer Micah Fink. The film explores the impacts of homophobia through the eyes of two Jamaicans who are forced to choose between their homeland and their lives. Simone, a young lesbian mother, survives being shot outside of her home by anti-gay gunmen; her gay brother escaped. She must choose between living in hiding with her daughter in Jamaica or traveling alone to seek safety and asylum abroad. Maurice, Jamaica’s leading gay-rights activist, is outed shortly after filing a lawsuit to overturn Jamaica’s anti-sodomy law.

This was really well done; very impressive work. The film covers several years in the lives of these brave souls who not only make incredibly powerful and brave choices in their lives but also have the courage to allow their story to be told. The piece opens with a stylized prologue telling of the shooting that haunts Simone and drives her to action. We see her and her young daughter Khalya. We meet her brother Albert “Carl” Edwards and hear how their stories interconnect. And it’s all so heartbreaking and eventually inspiring. It wasn’t always easy to watch – I was very concerned about what would happen – and in the end I was happy to have watched this.

Maurice’s story is just another piece of this broken story. Having been outed after fighting for LGBT equality in Jamaica, Maruice and his husband are forced to flee to Canada. And yet Maurice continues to fight for his country and those he left behind by returning and seeking change.

I really liked this and I recommend watching it.

Walk For Me (2016)

2022 Entry #020 02-01-22 “Walk For Me” is a 12 minute 2016 short film which was written and directed by Elegance Bratton (“Pier Kids”, “Buck”). The film is a contemporary coming out story about a trans girl named Hassan (Aaliyah King) who explores her identity voguing under the name Hanna and must make some difficult but intuitive decisions about how she will allow herself to be seen and how she will allow herself to be addressed.

Another great short! This was such a nice surprise. And I would welcome a feature length version.

Pariah (2011)

2022 Entry #019 02-01-22 “Pariah” is a 2011 American drama film written and directed by Dee Rees (“Empire”, “When We Rise”). It tells the story of Alike (Adepero Oduye), a 17-year-old Black teenager embracing her identity as a lesbian. The film is a feature-length expansion of writer/director Dee Rees’ award-winning 2007 short film of the same name, which unfortunately I don’t have (yet). Spike Lee was one of the executive producers & filming took place in and around New York City, predominantly in the Fort Greene neighborhood in Brooklyn. The movie premiered at the 2011 Sundance Film Festival and was awarded the Excellence in Cinematography Award.

This film hit me so hard! This is the power of cinema and empathy. The brutality in being denied by those closest to you – even lovers who can’t face who they are – is a universal story that I’m sure resonates with many people. I know it did for me. I wept during this film. I have no complaints about this film. Highly recommended!

On review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes, the film holds an approval rating of 95% based on 114 reviews, with an average rating of 7.87/10. The website’s critics consensus reads: “Pulsing with authenticity and led by a stirring lead performance from Adepero Oduye, Pariah is a powerful coming out/coming-of-age film that signals the arrival of a fresh new talent in writer/director Dee Rees.”

Incidentally, the first thing that I saw Adepero Oduye in was the Marvel Disney+ series “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier” in which she played Sarah Wilson, Sam / The Falcon’s sister, and I loved her in that also.

Blue is the Warmest Color (2013)

2022 Entry #018 01-31-22 “Blue is the Warmest Color” is a an award winning 2013 romantic French drama film co-written, co-produced, and directed by Abdellatif Kechiche starring Léa Seydoux (“Spectre”, “No Time to Die”) and Adèle Exarchopoulos. The film follows Adèle (Exarchopoulos), a French teenager who discovers desire and freedom when an aspiring painter named Emma (Seydoux) enters her life. It charts their relationship from Adèle’s high school years to her early adult life and career as a school teacher. The premise of the film is based on the 2010 graphic novel of the same name by Jul Maroh.

I’ve been meaning to see this film for years. And though I considered skipping it today due to it’s nearly three hour run time, I accidentally started it and found that I couldn’t bring myself to stop. The film is very good, yet isn’t without some serious problems. The performances are all wonderful and the filmmaking is top notch but the movie features graphic, extensive sex scenes which are often, unfortunately, hard to take seriously. The graphic nature isn’t necessarily the problem, and that sex is featured in a film about sexual awaking and exploration of sexual identity is hardly surprising, yet the nature of the sexual acts, how they are viewed and explored is almost comical at times and uncomfortable at others. At first I thought this might only be my response to the piece but just skimming reactions online revealed that reams of clinical analysis featured much of the same feedback. Tellingly, Jul Maroh, the author of the graphic novel upon which the film was based, said, “It appears to me this was what was missing on the set: lesbians.” It is unfortunate that such a central part of the story is flawed, yet I think it is undeniably a film worth seeing and one that is also worthy of praise.

In Beating Cells (2017)

2022 Entry #017 01-31-22 “In Beating Cells” is a 25 minute 2017 short German film which was directed by Richard Kranzin. The plot follows 4 friends as they take a trip to the country. The friends are Rico (Philipp Kronenberg), Julia (Linn Reusse), Friedrich (Lukas Sperber) & Eva (Zarina Zöller). Rico & Eva feel free in the country, Julia is cool with it but is looking forward to returning to the city and Friedrich is conflicted between his attraction to Rico (which is reciprocated without judgment by the others) and his girlfriend back home.

“We all get lost…with beating hearts…in beating cells. This small world, this pulsating membrane. Even in one leaf there are thousands. I want to feel it…before we forget it.”

I liked this one a lot. Sometimes shorts feel like fragments of something better…or like a rough draft that need not be developed to fruition, but given the poetry that flows through this piece, I felt it was perfect as is. That’s not to say that I wouldn’t welcome a feature length version, but it’s one of those shorts that accomplishes a lot in a very short amount of time.

Boys Don’t Cry (1999)

2022 Entry #016 01-30-22 “Boys Don’t Cry” is a devastating 1999 American biographical film directed by Kimberly Peirce, and co-written by Peirce and Andy Bienen. The film is a dramatization of the real-life story of Brandon Teena, an American trans man who attempts to find himself and love in Nebraska but falls victim to a brutal hate crime perpetrated by John Lotter & Marvin “Tom” Nissen, two male acquaintances.

The film stars Hilary Swank (“Quiet Days in Hollywood”, “The Black Dahlia”) as Brandon; she won an Oscar for her performance. Chloë Sevigny (“If These Walls Could Talk 2”, “American Psycho”, “Party Monster”, “3 Needles”, “Will & Grace”, “We Are Who We Are”) plays Lana Tisdel, the young woman that Brandon fell in love with. Peter Sarsgaard (“Kinsey”, “The Dying Gaul”) plays John Lotter & Brendan Sexton III (“Welcome to the Dollhouse”) plays Nissen.

I read about the murder of Brandon Teena in the newspaper. I was out to my grandmother at the time and I read the story to her in tears. When I heard that there would be a film version, part of me was happy that others would learn of his story, part of me was concerned the film wouldn’t do him justice…and the rest of me just dreaded having to relive the emotions of my original reaction. I saw the film once when it was new and I’m pretty sure I fast-forwarded several bits because I just couldn’t handle it.

This time there was no fast-forwarding and while I was able to enjoy much of the film, there were more tears, but a lot of respect for those telling this story. It’s a well made film, which frustratingly struggled with the ratings board, not because of the violence against Brandon, but because of its perceived lesbianism – a story which is explored in the excellent documentary “This Film is Not Yet Rated” – which I highly recommend viewing.

So, why have I re-watched it? Since March of 2020 I’ve been making an effort to see more LGBTQ+ movies while revisiting ones that I’d already seen. It’s become something I really enjoy and something very healing. But I recently noticed that in the last 2 years, out of the 603 movies I watched in that period of time, only a small fracture were lesbian or trans inclusive titles and I’ve decided to correct that if I can in 2022. Part of the reason I was hesitant to view trans inclusive titles is that even well told stories controversially rely on cis gender actors and I didn’t want to be attacked for supporting such films. And frankly, a big chunk of trans stories involve their deaths. I find that quite emotional, but violence against trans women, and especially trans women of color, is a sad fact of life…which film can telegraph to the public – just as long as these are not the only stories that are told. I mean, I remember when for years most gay themed stories were about us dying of AIDS or hate crimes and while those aspects of our subculture are valid, when that’s all that anybody sees it sends all kinds of messages to people, like why are we only allowed to be in film if we’re victims? That kind of a thing. Thankfully gay representation has really flourished in the last 20 years and now those old images of us seem less offensive now because they are balanced. I’m hoping to find some balance for trans stories as well.

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