I stayed in Saturday (09/29/26), after staying up all night and sleeping for about 7 hours. The pain from Friday’s procedure was worse when I woke, but it waned with medication. I worked on several viewing orders (completely reworking and simplifying my American Horror Story viewing order) and also on a writing project that I likely won’t share here because, honestly, I’m not sure it’s legal to post. But posting it somewhere doesn’t really feel like the point anyways; it’s totally personal and just for me.
Poor Aaron. I’ve mostly gotten over the cold we both had, but his seems to have moved deeper into his lungs. He’s going to the clinic tomorrow to see what they say.
I went to bed relatively early on Saturday and slept in on Sunday (09/20/26). Aarn had said that he wanted us to watch some Star Trek this weekend so I suggested we try to catch up on Strange New Worlds, as we were 4 episodes behind and the season will end this Thursday. We were both kind of dreading it as we’ve been very unhappy with the season so far, but we were also both pleasantly surprised but what we saw. First we watched S04E06 “Off-Hour”, which was a take on disaster movies. Each episode of Strange New Worlds of late has a gimmick, a genre, and they’ve often felt redundant or pointless. This episode felt like Trek. It was well written, well acted and well produced. Everything looked great and though some of the violence seemed a bit more graphic than we’d like, it fit the scenario. I would say this was easily my favorite episode of these last two seasons (3 & 4). We decided to watch another episode (S04E07 “Like Chronitons Through the Hourglass”), which we also enjoyed. It wasn’t as good as the previous installment, but was better than anything else this year. I knew some stuff about this one before I watched and I was a bit surprised how much I liked it as it’s essentially a sequel to an episode I don’t love, and I knew it would be providing things I wanted, but in a soap opera scenario that I wasn’t interested in. Most of it worked. The soap opera element was used a little bit longer than I would have liked, but considering all that could have gone wrong with that story, I was relieved how well it did all hold together. And I also felt that Anson Mount, who tends to be one of the weaker elements in this series, felt like he gave a great performance here.
As of now, we only have 9 episodes left of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, 3 episodes this season, 6 episodes next season. Before watching these 2, I was ready for it to end. Now…I’m still ready for it to end. I like more of it than I don’t, but even if the next 3 episodes knock it out of the park (which I doubt), this is still the weakest season of the series to date, and Season 3 wasn’t a winner either – indeed, I’ve liked each season less, as a whole, than the season which preceded it. I practically begged for this series to be made after Season 2 of Discovery reintroduced Pike’s Enterprise, but this is not what I had envisioned, and I know that’s not really the job of those who make the show, to make everything the way that I would want, but for me, Strange New Worlds has been the biggest disappointment for this Star Trek fan of any series in the modern era. There’s just so much untapped potential here – but I’m not sad that it’s ending, because I’m not at all convinced they would explore the characters in any more depth then they already have, which is to say, hardly at all. They are so keen on getting to Kirk and company, that they barely scratched the surface of Pike and his comrades. I don’t get it.
The pain increased as the day wore on. Aaron was playing the new Wolverine game. I decided to distract myself by replaying my favorite video game: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, which I’ve done many times at this point. I played for maybe an hour. And now I’m trying to get some work done on a few projects. Today has just been a bit blah. Hoping to get back in the groove this week.
Today’s journal entry song quote title is from “The Ballad of the Witches’ Road”, a song from the Marvel Studios Disney+ television miniseries Agatha All Along, written by composers Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez.[1] Eight versions of the song were used throughout the series; the main version is referred to as the “Sacred Chant Version”, but the one stuck that is most often stuck in my head is a mashup by Andy Wu that combines it with “Bloody Mary” by Lady Gaga, and in the video, also includes imagery from the series “Wednesday”, known as “The Ballad of the Bloody Mary Witches’ Road”:
I made it to my appointment with Dr. Pacifico on Wednesday. I’m on PrEP so I need my blood tested for HIV and other things. I tested negative and the metabolic panel showed that my glucose levels are normal. That’s a big deal, because while they were at the high end of normal, I’ve had higher than normal levels for at least since September of 2023! My efforts are paying off. I usually get results related to my triglycerides and cholesterol from these tests but I haven’t gotten those yet, but I suspect that given the changes to my diet and the amount of exercise I’m doing, that those scores should be drastically improved as well, so I’m anxious to see them.
I ate after my appointment, then headed home, but I still felt a bit wiped out. I still have some minor cold symptoms (which my doctor confirmed are mild as just mentioning it in passing, he insisted on checking stuff out), but they had drawn blood and I’d had to fast for 12 hours, so I stayed in. I didn’t feel much better on Thursday, September 17 and stayed in again, though I was busy working on my DC Animated Universe stuff (most of which isn’t on my website yet) and I also knew I’d be going out on Friday, so I didn’t worry about it.
Friday, September 18. I got up early. I had a smoothie and got ready to head to another doctor’s appointment, this time with a new doctor. I took the A train down to Penn Station, which for a lot of people is where people go to do some site seeing: Madison Square Garden, the Empire State Building & Penn Station. For me, it’s where I’m usually seeking medical treatment or advice. lol
So what did I have done? I had an anal pap smear performed today. My gay doctor (who is amazing) had requested I have one years ago, but at the time, we couldn’t find anyone that performed them on men anymore; he recently found this guy that does them. I was happy to have the test done. I’ve also had hemorrhoid flare-ups most of my life, since I was a child, and though I sought guidance from specialists, the few times I’d been seen, by the time I got in they would be healed, as the waiting process to get in was always so long. He checked me out, and found that there was something he could do a procedure on even though they weren’t flared as of now, which given my issues would likely help, so I agreed on the spot. It took 2 minutes. It hurt afterward. I knew it would be uncomfortable for about 2 weeks, so that wasn’t a surprise, but it was so sudden that I was a bit shocked. In the long run it will likely be worth this relatively minor discomfort, but it’s constant and I didn’t expect it to be so obnoxious. Oh well. My doctor was HOT, funny and charming. And probably gay. I got him to laugh, which is always a good sign IMO.
I made my way home as quick as could be. Pain rolling over me in waves, though by the time I was walking from the train I felt much better. I stopped at this little bodega I like and bought some lettuce, whole grain pita bread and a kiwi. When I got home I had some of that pita bread & lettuce with hummus and Italian salad dressing. I later had another smoothie and tried to relax. I had a conversation with my dear friend Mark Adams. And then I wrote this.
Today’s journal entry title song quote (which was meant to be tongue-in-cheek…or tongue-in-cheeks?) is from “We’re In This Together” by industrial rock band Nine Inch Nails, from their 1999 third studio album “The Fragile”. It has been theorized by some that the track’s lyrics (“You’re the queen and I’m the king” & describing two people trying to fight against an ominous and seemingly unstoppable force) are inspired by David Bowie’s “Heroes”, as Bowie has been recognized as one of Reznor’s great influences – the two later collaborating; Bowie is given a special thanks credit in the liner notes of “The Fragile”.
Last night, just before going to bed, I traded texts with my sister Janice. I sent her this picture:
I slept for about 2 hours and woke when Aaron came to bed. I couldn’t get back to sleep and I knew that I had about an hour before I couldn’t eat anything so I got up, had a cherry smoothie (without the coffee) and also had some cauliflower tots. I went back to bed a little before 1am and and I slept until 8am, when Aaron got up to drive to JFK; he’s renting our car out and delivering it there before taking the train home.
I was so hungry but can’t eat until after my 1:15pm appointment. I often wake up and I’m not hungry at all, but today I really want to eat, and I don’t think it’s just because I can’t. Or maybe it is? The mind is a strange place.
Speaking of which, I just had a video meeting with a group hypnotherapist who deals mainly with patients with gastric symptoms. I was a little nervous about the session, but it was just informational and she’d been recommended by both my therapist and my G.I. specialist, separate from one another (although they’re colleges and I know they are also friends). I took that to mean I should definitely check this out. A lot of what she told me, everything really, made sense to me and all of it was stuff I had come to in my own efforts over the last 20 years, which we spoke about, and it feels like a good method, or at least a potentially good learning experience, so that’s great.
I just figured out my route to my 1:15 appointment, and where I can go get some food after, before catching the train home. I like to do all that in advance and I like to head out really early. I hate being late, and so being really early is helpful for me. Plus, when I’m very early, I’m often seen early, which gets me out of there faster.
Oh. Today is my friend Paul’s 52nd birthday. Happy Birthday Paul! I’ve known him since 1994, a little over 32 years ago.
Today’s journal entry title quote is from “Habits (Stay High)” by Swedish singer-songwriter Tove Lo, from her debut extended play (EP), “Truth Serum”, and her debut studio album, “Queen of the Clouds” (2014).
Today was tough. A lot of serious discussions with Aaron: money, banking, trust, communication – but all of it was productive. Later there was therapy with Anna, who backed up everything I was thinking and feeling, supportive but honest. I followed that up with a long overdue conversation with Katie and also went for a two-mile walk, which was complicated by my cold symptoms – my nose would not stop running. But I was walking pretty quickly with no leg pain and realizing just how strong I’ve become.
Oh. Before all of that, this morning I had egg white, with chia seeds, some seasoning & a bit of parmesan cheese. And a bit after 1 I weighed myself, figured I’d probably gained a bit of weight, a normal amount of weight, but I’d actually lost some, even with the food. 182.8lbs. I’m aiming for 168 / 170, so I have a ways to go, but I started at 220, so I’m doing great. Even with a cold, less exercise and being a little less strict with my diet. That is astounding to me. I was 211 in March, so I’ve lost over 28 lbs in 6 months – and initially, I wasn’t even trying to lose weight, but just making some healthier choices. Crazy.
When I got home from my walk., I showered off the sweat and worked on my website for a few hours, adding more details to my new DC Extended Universe / DCU page. It’s ironic that I’m putting so much effort into something that I don’t actually enjoy that much. To me, this series of films and TV are sometimes fantastic but more often horrible, while the MCU is usually fantastic and sometimes…less so. Which is weird, because I like DC comics more than I like Marvel, and I’ve also enjoyed more DC adaptations over the years than Marvel. But I guess the MCU is very clearly something special, even removed from the comics conversation, as it is easily the highest grossing film franchise in history.
I’m tired. I’m not too hungry but I just had an olive / hummus egg wrap, as I’ll need to fast starting at 1am through my doctor’s appointment at 1pm. Just water and medication or it will fuck up my bloodwork and I don’t want that again. I also have a video appointment in the morning for a possibly hypnotherapist (though I’m not sure that’s the right title, which is part of what the interview will clear up); this particular therapist has been recommended by two of my doctors, wholly separate from one another, so I’m checking her out and we’ll see how that goes.
I might go to bed. I can barely keep my eyes open.
Today’s song quote journal entry title is from “Fascination Street”, by English rock band the Cure from their eighth studio album, “Disintegration” (1989), though I first heard the extended version, which was included on the Cure’s 1990 remix album “Mixed Up”, the first Cure album I ever owned, and the first CD I ever bought.
I stayed in on Saturday, September 12, and I mostly just worked on various viewing orders for this website, working on the DCAU (which is very complicated as I’m juggling all sorts of continuity bits from hundreds of episodes), The Exorcist, Spartacus, and The Hunger Games. I didn’t sleep very well that night, though my cold symptoms seemed to be bit better – and I regretted not getting outside.
Today, I’ve been restless, and I did get outside, but my cold symptoms felt far worse than they had in days. Maybe because my sleep was so random. I took a lot of pictures though and I managed to take an early evening nap which seemed to help a bit. I’d like to take another crack at that DCAU page but I don’t know that I have the energy right now. I really should have something to eat. I’ve only had a single smoothie today and that’s all.
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “This Twilight Garden”, a b-side track from “High” by English rock band the Cure, released on 16 March 1992 by Fiction Records as the lead single from their ninth album, “Wish” (1992).
I slept for about 6 hours, I think. I woke up uncomfortable. Pain in my head and congestion. I tried to follow yesterday’s pattern, eating healthy and working on my website, but I realized I needed to back a lot of stuff up if I was going to move forward, so I worked on that. After hours at my computer I decided I needed to shower, shave, dress and at least try to feel human, and also try to go outside. For years I sat in my apartment watching queer cinema, eating crap and worrying about venturing out. I don’t want to fall into those habits again. My walk was brief, but productive. I took some photos, picked up a spinach feta wrap from Starbs (adding another veggie to my day’s intake) and also grabbed a prescription from the pharmacy for Aaron. I didn’t go far, but I did walk more than I needed to and all of it felt good. I like the pictures too.
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “First and Last and Always”, the title track to the debut studio album by English gothic rock band the Sisters of Mercy, first released on March 11, 1985 through the band’s Merciful Release label.
I stayed up working on my website Wednesday night, fixing this and touching up that. I did go to bed Thursday morning for about 6 hours. I then worked on my website all day Thursday, mostly working on a new DC Animated Universe page, which is new to this site, but is a project I’ve worked on and off for about 20 years. I have so many notes and spreadsheets, none of it very organized, that it’s all very confusing. So I spent the day laying down a lot of the groundwork for that. I updated other pages too. And I also got a bit of poetry written.
But now I’ve been up all goddamn night. I couldn’t really help it tonight. I had so much on my mind and I wanted to contemplate and write and just be HERE. I had forgotten that someone was coming to fix our bedroom light this morning so I was panicked but Aaron (who got up to pee) told me that the light in question hadn’t arrived, so I’m off the hook for now. I’m still getting ready for bed though, having taken some cough Nyquil Cold & Flu to keep my coughing at bay while I attempt to sleep. This cold really hasn’t been that bad overall. It’s inconvenient as Jennifer is in town with her brother and I likely would have seen her, had I not been sick. But I mean, compared to Covid-19, which gave me hallucinations both times I had it – the last time involving a spectral image of my father trying to convince me to cut out my own eyes, this feels pretty mild.
While I didn’t go out, partially because I’m taking it easy for now because I’m sick, and partially just because I didn’t really want to, I did eat pretty well. I had a couple smoothies (cherries, blueberries & zucchini), pita bread, lettuce, hummus, olives, cauliflower tots, water (with fiber) and Bai Berry Boost beverages. I was also pleasantly surprised to see that I hadn’t gained any weight in Michigan, despite not always being able to stick to my healthier diet and having a bit less exercise, I think. I did eat better than I have on other trips home. But yeah, I actually lost a couple of pounds. I weighed 183.8 yesterday. I’m nearly in the 170s!?! 170 would be perfect for me. And we’ll see what my doctors say.
Also in Michigan, I noticed, randomly while stretching, that I have muscles growing in my arms. That’s never happened before. Never ever. I haven’t even been lifting weights or anything yet. But that’s encouraging. I can only assume that this has to do with my diet, which again, has become drastically healthier this year, with choices that don’t feel like work at all because I really do enjoy them. The amount of fruit and vegetables, plus supplements, fiber etc. which have been successfully added to my daily diet is really fascinating to me and if anyone is reading this, I’m sure you’re tired of hearing about it, but I’m not sure I’ll ever get tired of talking about it.
Alright. I need to go to bed, where I will likely read a page or two of “Magic’s Pawn” before I close my eyes. I hope I sleep a long time!
This journal entry title song quote is from “If Only Tonight We Could Sleep”, a song by English rock band the Cure. It is fourth song on the band’s seventh studio album “Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me”, which was released in 1987.
Sunday, August 30, 20026. I went to sleep last night (Saturday, August 29) around 11pm after being crazy tired and reading maybe a page or two of my book. I woke up twice. I managed to get back to sleep. My dreams were dull. Aaron and I took over a bar / gas station / restaurant and he gave me a jukebox that only took cassette tapes and .45 records. The gift was shared with one of his lovesick lines about me, which always make me smile. Jennifer Clemente stopped through, buying those collectible bobbleheads? There was more that I don’t remember. At the end I was driving, following directions, and I made a wrong turn, ending up on a recurring nightmare image that I’ve not seen in a long time, in which I go over a bridge which is so tall and that I get frightened as I drive up the first side of it. I pulled over in the dream and walked back down.
I woke around 6. Got back to sleep again, briefly, woke up at 7. Got up. Made a blueberry zucchini smoothie. I added too much almond milk, but it’s fine. I’ll finish getting ready pack up the things I needed to use this morning. And I need the uber to pick me up in about 2 hours.
The Uber was easy and early. My bag was 7 lbs heavy and cost $100. I paid with Amazon card but know now in future to always use American Express as they reimburse us. I would have tried but the card had failed several times this week, even after Aaron said he fixed it. I used it to by snacks (after I breezed through security): mixed salted nuts, Smart Water and plantain chips. I went to the Sky Club to chill with a vodka neat. I called my father (David), my grandmother and my cousin Linda. My flight started boarding at 12:15, which is when I got onboard. Though I don’t “look like it”, I’m legally disabled and I always worry about not having enough time to get settled so I always board early and I’ve only been hassled about it once, by another passenger, and I called them out on their bullshit, loudly. The flight was calm. The man sitting next to me was a giant, tall and muscular, had to raise the armrest between us to sit down, but he wasn’t unruly, and mostly slept.
Detroit Metro was like coming home, which I suppose it is. I’ve now flown there so often that I know my way around pretty well. I knew right where to go and what to do. And Aunt Marge was on time. She got me to Mooreville and I got to visit with Grandma, Janice, Jill, Marge & Mike, Linda, Marion, Joy and Nate. Mary Ellen stopped in to drop the car off and was thrilled about her farm fresh tomatoes. I left as soon as decency (and Joy) would allow. I was tired and hungry and aching for a shower, but also nervous about driving after so long, getting groceries before the store closed, getting checked into my hotel, and unloading everything on my own before I could relax, shower, eat and unwind…but I did all those things. It took me awhile to get to sleep and I woke a few times but I slept more often than not.
Side note: Joy. My cousin has been going through something. I’m not sure what it is, but I feel like it must be grief. Both her father Dwight and step-father Marvin died in December. It makes sense that she would be grieving and I hope that’s all it is, but I’ve spoken to her many times in the last few months and she always sounds stoned. She calls at all hours and it’s very difficult to hold a conversation with her. She’s not cruel. She’s very nostalgic and sweet! But she doesn’t respect my time or my boundaries at all. I’ve also now seen her in person twice this summer and both times I’m sure she was on drugs. This last time she annoyed several people who were there (as I was later told) and she lied to my face. She recorded a video of a very sensitive conversation. I asked at the time if she was recording and she said no. I know she actually did record it because she sent me the video. It starts with me asking if she’s recording and her lie to me that she isn’t. When I called her on this behavior she said I was being mean. She also played loud music when others were trying to speak and I later learned that she stayed at my 95 year old grandmother’s home until after 10pm, despite one of the concerns of my visit being that we might keep grandma awake too long. That’s far from the whole thing, but it’s enough. I worry that there might be something psychologically going on with her, some sort of mental illness. Sometimes people are compared to children as an insult, but several people who spoke of her behavior after compared her to a child and I could tell, they weren’t trying to be dismissive or insulting, she really did behave like a child would. The lie about the video sounded like something a 3 year old might do, thinking they were being clever. She’s 52. I was angry about the lie, but more than anything, I’m just really worried about her. I reached out to a relative closer to her who might be better equipped to help and also, just to see if I was overreacting, but not only did they agree that my concerns were valid, they had different but similar experiences that mine added context too. So I hope this works itself out. I’m not sure what else I can do. I don’t live there. And I don’t think talking to her about it will help at all. She’s told me things that she should be communicating to a doctor. Her mother, who I also adore, is surely also grieving the deaths of her husband and ex-husband, so I didn’t feel right reaching out to her. I really hope I’m worrying over nothing. I just don’t think that I am.
Monday, August 31.
Joy sent me the video this morning but I’ve explained that already.
I was up and ready when Aaron and Bernard arrived. It was wonderful to see them. Bernard had injured his thumb somehow, and on their trip to Michigan, they’d spoken to Bernard’s mother who was extremely weak; they had an ambulance take her to hospital and Bernard left to join her right away.
Aaron and I decided to stay in and relax. It was raining and we’d both had some stressful days, and we didn’t really have any plans for the day. I tried to set something up with Darla for Tuesday but she’s come down with a cold. Jennifer wanted to see us so we’re going to have Aaron’s haircut appointment at 3. Then we’ll pick up Jennifer from the V.A. Hospital in Detroit for some dinner before we take her home. Aaron’s sister may join us as well. Jennifer will actually be in the New York area when we get home so we may get to see her twice in 1 month, in 2 different States. Oh, and we’re meeting my dad and Janice Wednesday evening. And when we’re in town for Aaron’s appointment, we will likely stop by his mom’s to pick up some stuff we need for camping. Bedtime.
Tuesday, September 1, 2026. I struggled to sleep. I woke up several times. The air doesn’t really cool down much in the bedroom, which is where I like it to be cool. We bought a fan, which helped a little.
When I did get up, at 9, I felt relatively well rested. And I got up and had a smoothie. Aaron told me that Bernard fractured his thumb and that his dear sweet momma had sepsis and was basically comatose now. The news seemed to get worse throughout the day, though we tried to make the best of it. I shaved and showered while the news poured in. Later, Aaron took me over to see where I used to live on Longshore Drive & Wright Street. This is where I lived when I met Aaron. Then we went to the place he had lived when I met him.
The prognosis for Miss Peggy improved. They discovered the cause of her infection was an untreated kidney stone and performed a procedure to remove it. They also learned what kind of bacteria was causing her trouble, which allowed them to more effectively treat her exact condition. This made everything in the day feel far more hopeful.
We went to Detroit to see Jenna Drudi, Aaron’s fantastic hair stylist from days gone by, and we all got along famously. It was great to hear all their fun stories. She has a fucking amazing voice. She really needs to do a podcast!
Soon after we met Aaron’s sister Tristan for dinner at Ottava Via, in the historic Corktown neighborhood. The vibe was mostly chill (until later when it got very crowded), the food was delicious and the company was exquisite. Jennifer Clemente was planning on joining us but had to cancel as she was working late. We made plans to see her the following night.
After the dinner we parted ways and met up with Bernard and “Andy Pandy” at a spare apartment he owns? Bernard and Aaron worked on legal details concerning Bernie’s mother and plans of care. Andy and I chit-chatted, having met briefly in 2012 but never really talking. We had about as much fun as we could under the circumstances and I shared several of my viewing orders with Andy. And then Aaron I headed back to the hotel, stopping to get a few things from Meijer.
Wednesday, September 2. We tried to return items to Amazon via several locations but the struggle was real! Then we stopped by Mary Ellen’s for camping supplies before heading over to pick up my father and meeting Janice, Jordan and Jennifer for dinner. Earlier I had a spinach feta wrap from Starbucks, which quickly became a favorite of mine. I’d had a couple of them back in 2012 but my stomach couldn’t handle them at the time – it seems to be doing better now. I had a bit of a panic attack in the car having to do with something that happened a few years ago, which was brought forward by unexpected news. But I think I managed relatively well, grounding, talking to Aaron. I’ll need to talk to my therapist about that at our next appointment. Dinner went better than expected. Janice had also noticed Joy’s bizarre behavior. I think I steered the tone from “Joy is behaving like this and it’s annoying” to “Joy has been behaving like this for months, I think something bigger is going on and now we’re all very concerned”. Jennifer got to meet my dad. I got to speak to Jordan. Everyone got along. I sat between Janice and Dad, across from Aaron, who sat between Jordan and Jennifer.
On Thursday September 3rd, packing up the car for the camping trip was a nightmare. We had way too much stuff. The drive to the campground was stressful because of a storm we drove through, but otherwise the trip was fun. Not too long, listening to Good Hang. When we arrived we had to wait for a family of deer to move. Jesse, Mark and Mary Ellen were all in the office, checking in at the same time. We got situated. I was surprised to see Lisa, Andrew and Lindsey all arrive on Thursday as well. I think Jenn and her daughters were both there that day also? It’s a blur now. We didn’t do campfires that night; everyone was tired.
I’m not going to post all the pictures or talk about everything we did. It was a lot. And lots of people that I love were there. They know who they are – so if I miss anyone, it’s just that I’m very tired, so I’m going to rush this last part!
Friday, September 4, we spent time with family. Emily and Zach arrived that day. Tristan, Jasper and Mark Mora arrived that day, as did Andrew’s friends Sandy and John. Jasper fell in love with Sandy at the campfire that night. All was well. My cousin Chris arrived. I think Jocelyn (who lives in Iowa), Lisa’s cousin, also arrived that day. Saturday, September 5 we went kayaking, and I made my first solo trip, figuring it was some good exercise and a fun experience, which it was, though I was tired after. I also started coming down with a cold, or at least I noticed that I was. Tristan, Jasper and Mark Mora left that day. Chris stayed one more night but left in the morning. I mostly hibernated on Sunday, September 6. I made it known I had a cold and that I just wanted to keep everyone free of my germs. We did go to town for cough drops and pizza. I slept okay. But several others (Aaron, Liam, Lindsey, Andrew & later Chris) had cold symptoms as well, so it was going around. Most people left Monday, including Jesse though he left later in the day than most. Tuesday we headed out of Michigan, not stopping at Grandma’s, to keep her safe from the cold we both had. We stopped for the night in Altoona, Pennsylvania, and drove the last 5 hours or so home to New York today, arriving home around 2pm.
We unpacked and tried to relax. We ordered some groceries. Later, Aaron and I watched another episode of Strange New Worlds Season 4, as we were 3 episodes behind and would have been 4 episodes behind tomorrow. Unfortunately, we both really hated this episode (S04E05 “Level-Five Transporter Accident”) and we are both extremely disappointed in this series, which had a promising first couple of seasons, but Seasons 3 & 4 have been progressively worse. There are only 11 more episodes of this series, but it is really bad. I’m hoping the series improves before the end, but unfortunately, it will never be remotely close to what I had hoped it could be. Which, it’s not the creatives job to meet my expectations…we’re just really bummed that Star Trek seems to be ending this era with a whimper, rather than the bang that, again, we’d hoped for.
Aaron just went to bed. I should go to bed but I’m also a bit hyper and there’s so much I want to work on, so we’ll see where I end up.
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “The Old Apartment” by the Canadian alternative rock group Barenaked Ladies, from their 1996 third full-length studio album, “Born on a Pirate Ship”. I’m not a huge fan of the band myself, but my partner loves them and once skipped school to score tickets to one of their shows. I’ve also had this song stuck in my head since we actually did go see our old apartments, so this seemed appropriate.
So on Friday (August 28), as they started sealing up the wall and sealing (supposedly) the tub, I did go get some Little Caesars. I should have checked the pizza when I was there, but didn’t. And the photo with the pepperoni pizza background proved prophetic. I just wanted cheese but they gave me pepperoni. I like the flavor but my stomach does not like the pepperoni and it comes back up. But I was home and exhausted. They said I could come back for another one, my way, for free, but I didn’t make it back. I had two slices of this pizza, gave one to the guy sealing up the wall, and gave the rest to my aide. It was good pizza. It just wasn’t how I needed it to be and I was sick for a bit because of it. But I didn’t panic and I didn’t stress and I didn’t freak out. That’s what matters, I think.
I got some work done. And I got some sleep. Today (08-29-26) I packed all day. And tried to prepare for the trip. There were several setbacks so Aaron won’t be arriving in Michigan tomorrow and I won’t have a car or the items I needed – only his mom is gonna stop by my grandma’s to give me her car. I can get what I need from a grocery store. And the hotel has agreed to let me check-in without Aaron. So we’re good for tomorrow. Before we got that settled, I went for a much needed walk through my neighborhood, where I took the above photo. I’ve always loved that view. I love New York. And it makes me a little sad that I’ll be away as I’ve been really happy here the last few weeks and much of this year. But I’m excited to see my family and friends in Michigan too.
I need to go to sleep now though because I’m very tired. I might read a little first. I started re-reading “Magic’s Pawn” by Mercedes Lackey, plus assorted tie-in stories earlier this week, to get me ready for her new book coming out in December, which is connected to this era of her fictional world, Velgarth.
Time for Bed.
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “Opium” by American alternative rock band, Marcy Playground, from their 1997 self-titled debut studio album.
Tuesday, August 25, 2026. I ate. I had a bit of a headache. I ran some errands for Aaron, returning some items he’d accidentally shipped to our apartment. I piled them in a cart we keep and wheeled them over to Staples. The cart is just short enough that I have to bend a bit and it often hurts my back, but this trip wasn’t so bad. And I felt good to be helping Aaron as he’s pretty overwhelmed with all that he’s already doing. This week we’ve had several conversations and it’s been great to hear his voice and how much he misses me.
After returning home I was tempted to go back out and walk but I needed to eat, which meant I needed to sit down for a bit. The break became longer and longer as I was distracted by other projects, but in the evening I headed out for what was a 2.5 mile hike to the park and back. It was astonishing to see how much stronger I’ve become. My stamina has definitely increased. It was exercise, but essentially, all of it was pleasurable. No pains in my legs. No exhausted breathing. It’s only 2.5 miles. But a few months ago, that was enough to do me in. Again, I’ve never exercised in any concentrated sort of way and then seen demonstrable results, be it weight loss, strength or endurance levels increasing. So, this is like a fairytale I’ve read about before, now come to life. And the views from my favorite Manhattan park just increase that sense of living a real life fantasy adventure.
I slept well Tuesday night. Wednesday (08-26-26) I started the day as I’ve grown accustomed to. I had a blueberry zucchini coffee smoothie. I’ve been doing that every day lately and in the evening I have a cherry zucchini chocolate smoothie. They’re packed with healthy ingredients but they feel like treats. Otherwise, I mostly drink water and eat healthy snacks and meals – or as healthy as I can make them. That day was the last that I weighed myself but I was 185.4 lbs that day. I may have gained a little since then, as that’s normal, but that’s the lowest I’ve weighed in at least 6 years.
I got distracted by several projects I was working on for most of the day and was shocked when I realized I only had an hour to get ready and walk over to Zumba Class. Just as I was running across the apartment to get cleaned up, the downstairs neighbor stopped by to ask me if I was ready for the “traffic” that would be coming through our apartment the next day. I’d spoken to the Super myself and he’d said they would stop by around 2 but would be done by 3 (as I had a therapy appointment) and that it would be pretty low key. But my neighbor said he felt it would take a lot longer and he made me so angry and stressed. I told him that I didn’t want to be rude but I was running late, which was completely true, but even then the conversation went on longer than expected and everything he said was pissing me off. I just tried to calm down while I got ready as fast as I could, assuring myself that if I was a little late, I could just join in, just as Aaron and I had done on our first time in.
As I hustled over to Zumba, which is about 10 blocks from where we live, I got on the phone with Aaron, talking through everything, which helped. I arrived exactly on time. The class went really well. I made it through the entire session this week(!) and I even got a special shout out from the instructor when I visibly relaxed and just enjoyed the routine. I also got to speak a little bit with some of the other members who are starting to recognize me now – even if it was to tell everyone I won’t be back for 3 weeks. I like visiting family, and seeing new places, but it’s such a disruption of my life here that it always bothers me a bit – plus, this is so new that I don’t want to get out of the habit of going. It’s been such a nice surprise – a real gift to myself. I’m also a little worried that I might fall back into some bad habits in Michigan. If not by accident, then simply by having to settle for a less healthy option, in order to stay fed in an environment that has always been hard for me to eat in at all. Perhaps just being aware of that will make a difference? I sure hope so.
After class I headed over to the A train at 168th, taking it two stops north, to 181st so I could hustle to the grocery store for more Zucchini, Pita Bread & Hummus, then another stop at the Vitamin Shop to pick up an order of Protein Powder that had come in for Aaron and I. And as I walked home from working out in a gym class, from stopping at the grocery store for healthy food and a vitamin shop for healthy ingredients… How the fuck did I go from eating chips every day of my life and having ice cream on a daily basis for the last 18 years, to THIS!?! And that’s why I talk about it all the time. Because this is NOT normal behavior for me. And it’s all stuff that I’ve struggled with my whole life. Decades of fear and anguish, working through depression and anxiety, agoraphobia, etc., and now I’m out and about doing these things? It’s astounding.
On a side note, I have vitiligo, and there’s almost no pigment in my face, which I’ve known for decades at this point, but I seldom ever see it. But when I work out, a lot of blood rushes to my head – and then it is really clear. Because where there’s no pigment my skin is very red, like I have a really bad sunburn. It’s a little jarring to see. And a little scary for someone who avoids being in the sun without protection. But it’s also kind of funny.
I took another Xanax that night to calm down from the worry of the next day, and I slept for about 12 hours, which was clearly needed! On Thursday, August 27, 2026, I felt rested. I felt good. The Super and some other guys stopped by a bit after 2 and they made sure to be out by 3 for my therapy appointment. The tested the shower, doing various things. They did confirm a leak but they thought it was coming from a pipe in our wall. They wanted to come back to open the wall and said tomorrow (08-28) wouldn’t work, but when I explained that I’m flying to Michigan on Sunday and won’t be back until the 9th of September, they said they’d make it work and that they’d be back around 11am. No stress there at all. Therapy was a breeze, which isn’t to say that it wasn’t needed or wasn’t of value. It just means that the things I’ve been working on the last few years have been mostly successful, and I’m sure we’ll either find new challenges to face or possibly bring this segment of therapy to a close. That happens in therapy. You work with someone you feel good about for a certain amount of time and take in all that you can, but then you move on to other problems, and possibly other teachers. That’s been my experience at least.
I worked on my website all day, which was glorious. I feel bad that I didn’t get any exercise that day, but I think I also needed some time and the stumbling blocks that often keep me from working on this or that thing on this site, they just fell away and I was kicking ass the entire time. Most of the work was done on the Chronologies: Viewing / Reading Orders section. I felt like I could go for hours and hours more. In fact, I didn’t get to sleep until after midnight and would happily have stayed up longer, only I knew I had to be up and ready and fed before the crew got here this morning, as they were going to be working in both the bathroom and the kitchen.
Speaking of which, it is now Friday, August 28, 2026. They opened the wall. The pipes are dry. It all seems to be working fine in there. So now they think the leak is caused by a broken seal in the shower – only I’m not convinced that this makes any sense. The location of it means that it would be wet every time we shower, and they don’t have a leak every time we shower. Indeed, they’ve reported this leak when we’ve been in other countries. But the contractor says this is impossible and that they neighbors lie to get attention drawn to the problem they are actually having. That does seem likely to me, but they’ve confirmed there is a leak. And if they want to add a seal where they think there should be one, that doesn’t seem like a problem to me; in fact I welcome the added protection. But I’ll be surprised if this is the source of the problem. I guess we’ll find out when we get home in mid-September. They will keep their ceiling open that whole time, and when we get back, they’ll let us shower for two weeks to see if they still have a leak or not. If not, they close the ceiling and they paint our wall (which they are patching right now) and we’re all good. But if not, the search continues.
I need to not take a shower 24 hours after they put the seal on so I wish they would do it asap. I won’t feel like I need a shower until later, after I (hopefully) go for a walk, but I’ll just rinse in the sink and make the best of it until tomorrow. He said I could do it tomorrow morning, but it’s already almost 1pm. I’m really glad I took that late shower before bed last night! And I guess we’ll just see how the rest of the day goes.
Actually, I already wrote this, which took me a couple of hours. And I also uploaded 3 new NSFW Photo Collages. I’m getting hungry but the kitchen is still covered in plastic and I’m not sure when they will finish up. Maybe I’ll finally break down and get some pizza? I don’t think I’ve had any since we were in FL. I could also freeze the leftovers so I had food when we get back from our trip. There’s potential there, but I’m not married to the idea. We’ll see.
Today’s journal title song quote comes from “There Is a Light That Never Goes Out”, a song by the English rock band the Smiths, written by guitarist Johnny Marr and lead vocalist Morrissey. Featured on the band’s 1986 third studio album “The Queen Is Dead”, it was not released as a single in the United Kingdom until 1992, five years after their break-up, to promote the compilation album “…Best II”. It peaked at No. 25 on the UK Singles Chart and No. 22 on the Irish Singles Chart. The song has received considerable critical acclaim; in 2014, NME listed it as the 12th-greatest song of all time and in 2021, it was ranked at No. 226 on Rolling Stone’s list of the “500 Greatest Songs of All Time”.
