Corner of 182 and Wadsworth Ave. 05-12-26.Just outside Fort Tryon Park. 05-12-26.In Fort Tryon Park. 05-12-26.
I walked to Fort Tryon Park, which seemed much closer than I remembered it being. I walked to this place with benches and views of the Hudson River, I’m sure this section has a name, but if it does, I don’t know it. When I go there I often call my grandmother, and today was no different. It was great to talk to her, wonderful to be out, and very healing to be surrounded by such beauty.
Waiting for the A Train at 190th Street. 05-12-26.
I took the A Train to 181st and walked home from there. I felt up to walking home but part of what I’m working on is getting used to taking the trains again, so this felt more like a needed step in the journey rather than a shortcut. I may go for another walk later. We’ll see.
I slept for more than 8 hours, going to bed around 10 and not fully waking up until around 8. And the morning was filled with Aaron cuddles! If I can get outside today that will be 10 days in a row, which, aside from trips to other places in the world, I don’t think has happened in years! I apparently have a therapy appointment tomorrow? My therapist supposedly had surgery and was off for 3 weeks, but I saw her 2 weeks ago, so I was not expecting this. But if true (and not a clinical error) then it will be fun to tell her about all these personal victories.
Still getting ready for bed. 05-11-26.
The Punisher: One Last Kill will be released tonight, which will hopefully answer some questions regarding his absence in Season 2 of Daredevil: Born Again. But today is also Disney / Marvel’s entry at the Upfronts, which means there will likely be news of several upcoming Marvel projects, though I’m not sure how much of that news will leak or if any of it will be all that interesting. We’ll have to wait and see. The project I’m most interested in is “VisionQuest”, but I’m interested in everything to some degree. The next Marvel thing to come out will be Sony / Marvel’s Amazon series “Spider-Noir”, which streams its first season in full on May 27, the day after we return from Florida. Then “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” will be released to theaters in July. We’ll likely get “X-Men 97′ Season 2”, then “Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man Season 2”, then “VisionQuest” after May but before December. In December, “Avengers: Doomsday” hits theaters. In 2027 we have “Daredevil: Born Again Season 3”, “Spider-Man: Beyond the Spider-Verse” “X-Men 97′ Season 3”, “Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man Season 3” & “Avengers: Secret Wars”.
We’re going to Florida from May 20 – May 26. We need to see how our house there is doing in the wake of some drama, plus we like to go there when we can so it’s part work, part vacation, and assuming the house is doing well, it could be a relaxing time for me because I love our house there and the times we’ve spent there.
Fading out. Really. 05-11-26.
I should try to eat soon. Looks like a high of about 65 this evening? Nice. Maybe I’ll walk to the park. Or a park. I’ve been trying to get to Fort Tryon this year, but I’ve also been tempted to revisit The Highline. For awhile, I was going there pretty often but it has now been several years. I don’t think I’ve been there since before the pandemic, so at least 7 years. Crazy.
I name my blog posts with quotes from songs that I share via Spotify, but they aren’t showing up today – the songs, which make me nervous that one day they will fail to appear at all. For the record this was “Love Will Tear Us Apart” by Joy Division.
Waiting for the elevator. I spoke with Nathan and Aaron last night about Catherine Wheel. I listened to a mix of theirs while I walked. 05-11-26.
I had a rough night last night. Everything leading up to bedtime was wonderful. But I couldn’t eat until late, and that didn’t go as well as I expected so I didn’t actually get to bed until after 4 and I only slept about 4 hours. But when I got up I worked on the site. Later I played some Zelda. I assumed I was going to pool tonight so I didn’t worry about not getting out. But I got very tired in the afternoon. Instead of taking a nap I went for a walk, which was lovely. The weather was beautiful and the walk was refreshing. Also, this marks 9 consecutive days that I’ve gotten out of the apartment!
Oh. And when I got up I had a smoothie. Later I had a kiwi. Later when I was really hungry I had some garlic bread with chia seeds. I’ve been drinking water. I might have a yogurt in a bit.
When I got home I got changed for the bar, breaking in my new boots, which are pretty comfy when boots that look like this are often painful. But as we left for Boxers, later than I expected, I realized that this was a mistake on my part. If I went to the bar, I would be starving when we got home and I would eat and tonight would likely go the same as last night. So Aaron dropped me off near Starbucks and I walked back home. It was the right call. And I got a whistle from one guy and a clearly interested smile from a woman, and that didn’t suck. lol
So I’ll probably get the makeup off. Possibly have a snack. And I might even just get ready for bed. I need to get some sleep tonight. Wish me luck!
Edit: Ooh. And it looks like in addition to the Punisher special tomorrow – we’ll be getting more Marvel news as well 🙂
Aaron and I had a lovely afternoon with our new friend Nathan. Nathan used to be a customer of mine when I worked at Starbucks, but we didn’t know each other then. I mean, he remembers me, but I don’t remember him. I’m never good at that stuff. Lots of laughter. Lots of easy affection. And a lot of work being done behind our eyes. I think each of us was advancing forward through personal struggles and it was rewarding, memorable and relatively easy. And I expect we’ll be seeing more of Nathan.
Because we had company I wasn’t eating, so I’m doing that now and will likely be up a bit later, because I can’t lay down after I eat. But I’m not bothered. It really was wonderful, Aaron agrees, we discussed it all and we’re very happy with how things went today and I think overall we had a wonderful weekend in general. I know that despite some migraines, I’ve been feeling a lot of success on a lot of levels lately, and it feels really good.
I slept well. Another morning of Aaron cuddles. We spoke to Mary Ellen, my sister Janice and my grandmother Frances for Mother’s Day. And I went for a walk. 8th Day outside in a row! I walked to the grocery store for salad dressing and picked up a few other items, all healthier than I sometimes do, and I wasn’t even tempted for sweets or chips. That’s not always the case. Aaron cleaned up a bunch of stuff that only he could do and we just seem to be having a nice day.
My haul from the grocery store. 05-10-26.
On my walk, I listened to a mix of Tori Amos songs, and I put on the Tori shirt that Sean gave me 25 years ago. It was just 10 minutes or so of giving him a moment. It was nice. Respectful. Healing. Sometimes I need to do that with people I’ve lost along the way.
Saturday Morning. 05-09-26.In our elevator on our way out. 05-09-26.
Our trip to Allentown, Pennsylvania was a success. We picked up our friend Joanna from Starbucks and off we went across the GWB, into NJ and on to Pennsylvania, where we attended the Lehigh Valley Chorale’s 10th Anniversary concert, “The Road Home”, which was wonderfully quirky and really inspiring. The show was held at the Miller Symphony Hall (23 N 6th Street · Allentown PA 18101), a really great space! The director, Nick, who we all agreed, knocked it out of the park, will be coming in to lead the Stonewall Chorale over the next year and then carry the choir forward after Cynthia resigns. This was the first time I’d ever really spoken to Joanna but I’d seen her perform with the choir many times. We had other friends coming to the show but they were caught in traffic so they missed the first act. After the show I got to meet Nick and then Aaron, Joanna, Emily, Linda and their daughter and I all headed for our reservation at Simpatico (27 N 7th St, Allentown, PA 18101), an Italian restaurant, where our company was fantastic, our food was delicious, and our waiter smelled really bad. Oh well. I had never met Linda and this was the first time I really got to talk to her and her wife. They’re big Star Wars / Marvel fans and I loved talking to them about queer cinema.
With Joanna, Aaron, Linda & Emily at Simpatico in Allentown, PA. 05-06-26
After the restaurant we said goodnight and drove Joanna back to the city and returned home. Aaron and I had a great conversation about where we are, where we are headed, and how our goals, which had been diverted during the pandemic of 2020 could finally be continued now and I’m here for it! I know he’s excited and so am I. But I’m tired. So I showered and started getting ready for bed.
About to shower. 05-09-26.Say goodnight. 05-09-26.
I spoke to my grandmother and Mark Adams before bed. Mark hasn’t seen the Daredevil finale because he’s had a horrible week with his dog, Foxy. The dog ate something (bag ties?) which meant several trips to the vet, medication, and $1500 in bills. Yikes!
I slept well. I woke up with a headache (it was raining), took some pain killer then went back to cuddle with Aaron. When he got up he got my cold water bottle that I keep in the refrigerator; I use that on my neck when I have a migraine and I put it under my lower back when I have lower back pain. It’s free (minus the cost of the bottle) and it works wonders for me. I put it under my back and relaxed for a bit. I got up. Decided on a course of action for my website (which I won’t be able to implement today due to our trip) and then had a smoothie and got ready to go: showering / shaving, sunblock, makeup, jewelry and clothes – plus prepping the bag I’m taking. I think that’s all sorted, + I planned for a small food break on the way. Everything seems to be going well. And I called to have one of medications filled. I won’t get it until Monday but ordering it now ensures that I can order it earlier next month which could be crunch time, so better safe than sorry.
We have to leave in about a half hour. I might wear a different labret piece but I’m not sure. My eyes are watering a lot and I’m not sure why. I need to make some notes about upcoming appointments and get a new prescription for a medication but otherwise I think I’m ready to go.
This song was featured in the end credits of a movie I saw once, “Always Say Yes” / “Siempre sÔ and it has been featured on many of my playlists since then.
Coming back into our building after walking to Staples. 05-08-26.
I had another productive day. No cleaning, but I did upload about 40 poems and got a massive amount finished on the Marvel Multiverse viewing order (draft) which will one day be living here. I also got outside again. That’s 6 days in a row. I hadn’t been out 5 days in a row in months (at the very least) but 6 days seems like a miracle and I have plans to head to Pennsylvania with Aaron tomorrow, so hopefully that all goes well and I’m outside again. It means a lot to me, but I also feel a little embarrassed that my life has gotten so insular that this feels like such a huge win. But it is!
Pretty flower bed with only a little bit of trash in it. 05-08-26.
They released some more promotional art for this Tuesday’s Punisher Special Presentation, which of course I used in a collage, because when don’t I?
The “One Last Kill” banner was released today. I combined it with posters of Frank’s previous appearances in “Daredevil: Season 2”, Seasons 1 & 2 “The Punisher” & Season 1 of “Daredevil: Born Again”.
As far as food goes, I had a bit that wasn’t so great. I mean, I had junk food. I had chips. And later I had some garlic bread with chia seeds. But I also had 2 smoothies. I also drank a lot of water, which I also had yesterday. Tomorrow food will be…interesting, and possibly challenging as I’ll be a in a group of mostly strangers. I’ll probably have a smoothie before we leave but Aaron has seen to it that we’re going out for Italian food after and there’s a Pizza Margherita where we’re going and I usually do pretty well with those. Thanks Aaron! He scoped all the options out in advance. I just thanked him out loud and gave him a kiss.
I’m very tired. But I’ve been awake since about 3am. I will likely at least get ready for bed soon. I want to try calling Mark Adams first though. We’ve not spoken in a few days and I want to hear his thoughts on Daredevil.
I got quite a lot done on my Multiverse Saga draft for this place. Then I noticed that our home was verging on cluttered again, and started to clean. I cleaned the living room and the office, and then I started cleaning the bedroom, which I didn’t think to take before pictures of, but trust me, it looks so much better. I think I threw away 20 bags of things that will never fit me again if I’m lucky. I know that I’ve said that I want to lose weight, but much of this was stuff I saved from when I was thinner than was healthy for me to be, which I hope to avoid in future. Again, I’m trying to find balance.
After I finished with the living room and office I had a salad. 05-07-26.
I ate relatively well. I had some less balanced meals towards the end (a slice of pizza with chia seeds and then some chips) but earlier in the day I had a salad and later some kiwi. When I cleaned the bedroom I did hold onto a few pieces that have sentimental value – even as I threw out many, many more things that I’ve felt too attached to, to let go of in the past. The only thing that I really struggled with is this purple shirt, which an ex-bf left in my bedroom the last time I saw him before he joined the military. He’s alive, as far as I know. I mean, I’ve seen him since then, but he was a dick then and a dick much later on, which is why we’re not in touch. But when he left that first time I was in love with him, and I held onto this shirt for a long time because it smelled like him. It doesn’t anymore and I can see this past relationship more clearly now, but the memory of needing that shirt with me at the time, it lingers, and no matter how much I tell myself that this is stupid, and I should let it go, I haven’t been able to yet. But everything else I either outright wanted or just plainly didn’t need anymore.
Bedroom clean. You couldn’t see the floor near my closet when I started and there were so many clothes that they didn’t fit in said closet. The rack on the back of the door was also full, as was my night stand.
After all that I showered. Then I got dressed and took a fast walk around the block. It’s not far. But the point of doing it is to move and also to get outside, which has been challenging for me for about 6 years now. But this marked 5 consecutive days that I’ve gotten out, mostly of my own volition, and even when Aaron gave me a ride or something, I headed out on my own to other places. This is actual progress. I’ve not been out 5 consecutive days in…a very long time. So that felt good.
A poorly thought out photo that I snapped while waiting for the elevator. 05-07-26
Later still, some clothes that I ordered recently arrived. New underwear and socks. New boots. And 2 pairs of shorts. There’s more on the way. And I didn’t take pictures of the underwear / socks, even though those are cute too. I keep trying to get myself to buy more clothes, but I hate shopping. Oh – and everything fits!
Travis’s purple shirt. The new shorts and boots. 05-07-26.
I’m winding down now. getting ready for bed. I like going to bed early. Very early or very late. I guess I’m extreme? I’d like to get more work done on my site. I’d also like to order those clothes. And maybe see about seeing a specialist for a problem I’ve been struggling with for decades, but that last part might require Aaron’s assistance. I’m getting a lot better at being more independent, but sometimes I need help, and that’s okay. I mean, I did all the heavy lifting myself today!
Oh. And I read more of my Star Trek book, which is slowly taking shape. But just as has happened many times in my life before, I was tempted today to start a whole new series, which I’m trying to resist. I’d really like to finish a book. I used to do this quite often, but in the last few years, holding my attention has been pretty difficult. I was reading the Wicked Years and the spin-offs but when the author announced more were on the way, I stopped. I’ve not finished a book since. I think that was in 2024 but it may have been 2025. I don’t know.
Okay. I’m starting to get my thoughts jumbled which means I really should go to bed now.
I had a rough evening yesterday. I was already a little sad when I wrote yesterday but I wasn’t sure why. I had listened to the new Tori Amos album. Later, in the shower, I realized that Sean Mobley would never hear this album, despite him enjoying her music even more than I do and it hit so hard that I wept, which I don’t often do when I think about Sean. I get a little down sometimes when I think about him, but I seldom shed tears. I’m not sure why. But I was exhausted. I took a sleeping pill and went to bed early, frustrated that I didn’t feel up to expressing what was happening. I spoke to my sister Janice on the phone and then called Grandma for a quick goodnight.
Around then my sleeping pill kicked in and everything is a blur, but I appear to have eaten a bit, which annoys me. I don’t remember what happened and that always bugs me, but I did sleep very well. When I woke up around 5am I came out to the office and wrote a poem about Sean and the new Tori album. This is the first poem that I’ve written since creating the website and having a place for it to go without posting it on Facebook, which feels good. I might share this with Sean’s mother. She’s always been very supportive of me.
One of the things that Janice and I discussed last night was death. Death and our mother. Dreams we have of her. When Janice dreams about her she knows in the dreams that mom is gone, but in my dreams I don’t usually know. She’s also usually not the focus of whatever dreams she appears in. Janice says she also dreams about our grandfather quite often, but I don’t think I do at all. He died a year ago this month.
I listened to more Tori and worked on organizing the photos I’ve used in the collages in the my photos section to help prevent me from reusing the same photos when the whole point is to contrast old and new with everything given a new spin. I should have been doing this all along but I wasn’t sure how I wanted to go about it and I’m still not sure that what I’m doing is the best, but it will do for now.
I went back to bed for some Aaron cuddles but I was feeling restless and left after about 40 minutes. I’m hungry and should eat soon, but I’m not sure what I’m going to have. I’m just hoping for a productive day. And if I can get outside that will be 5 days in a row. It’s very sunny out right now, which is an improvement on yesterday’s overcast sky. It should be about 65, which isn’t bad.
