On Saturday (August 8) I wanted to get outside. Anytime I stay in I worry that this might become a trend and that I won’t leave the apartment again, because recently, that’s been exactly what’s happened. And if I don’t pay attention, I could easily return to that state of inactivity.
I often end up changing my clothes 2 or 3 times before I go outside. I’m that type of gay, I guess? Here’s outfit #1:
And outfit #2, which is what I ended up wearing out:
When I got home, I was crazy sweaty. There had been a heat advisory and also a warning about air quality (or lack thereof), so I was worn out. I showered, and waited for Aaron to get home. I wrote another poem. Aaron made it home safely. He wanted to watch the new Star Trek (Strange New Worlds S04E03 “Human Best Friend”), which I tried to watch with him, but I kept falling asleep – and I didn’t like what I did see, so I went to bed. I’ve still not finished watching it and I don’t plan to until I re-watch the full series.
On Sunday, August 9, I went for another walk while Aaron was working. I also wrote some more poetry: “Divisional Shadows” & “If Only I’d Known…“, which are variations on a theme. Man, the things that stay with us, am I right?
On Monday, August 10, I walked with Aaron to his doctor’s appointment to switch to injectable PrREP. The walk was fun. The visit longer than expected but entertaining. Afterward we walked to a local gym where we signed up for a membership. When we got home I got ready for bed.
Tuesday, August 11, I stayed in. I worked on my website, getting the number of poems on my site up to 400 (including this new one) and completing a tentative viewing order for American Horror Story. I went to bed knowing it was my last night as a 51 year old, but excited for what was to come. <3
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “Love Is Blindness”, which is a song by the Irish rock band U2, and the twelfth and final track on their 1991 album “Achtung Baby”.
On Monday, August 3, we got a lot of our new furniture sorted – including our new bed. A lot of work was done. Though there was also a lot of drama as we were running out of time. I still managed to get another walk in, which was needed, and relaxing. There are these little lizards that live all around our FL house and I spotted something like 16 of them on my walk, but a lot of very playful chipmunks. Bernard and I went to run errands that night to help with the workload, though we were tired, and when we got back there had clearly been a serious argument, possibly just before we arrived, so things were very tense. It took a long time to get to bed that night, but the new setup was very comfortable.
On Tuesday, August 4, we all got up early, all feeling better I think. We got ready and headed to the airport, making short work of security and all sat in the Sky Club; Aaron and I have our own entries and Aaron using passes for Bernard, Mark and Mary Ellen. Aaron left first as his flight was around 11:30. Mark and Mary Ellen followed soon after. While Bernard and I weren’t leaving until 2. Our flight went smoothly. We arrived early at LaGuardia Airport in Queens, and then shared an Uber, which dropped off Bernard first in the Bronx and then got me home before 7pm in Manhattan. When we landed, Aaron had texted to reveal that his transfer flight in Atlanta had been delayed. He always has the worst time at that airport!
On Wednesday, August 5, I had therapy, which went really well. I stayed in.
On Thursday, August 6, I made my way to my cardiologist’s office in Hell’s Kitchen. I hadn’t seen him in about a year, having scheduled my first visit in 2025 out of an over abundance of caution – so I wasn’t expecting anything to go poorly. But not only did it go well, but it went extremely well. I felt great. I thought I looked pretty good. And my doctor said that I was doing everything right! He was impressed by my weight loss, my increased activity and healthier diet. It put me in such a good mood to hear that. I’ve been working really hard to improve my health and I’m finally starting to see some of the benefits of that, and it’s wonderful. I did later hear from his office that he wants me to be tested for something – but I’m not sure why and I’m not overly concerned about it. He may have even mentioned it in the appointment and I just didn’t keep that in my brain, which is a problem with me and doctors in general.
Friday, August 7, I stayed in again, but this was due to warnings about heat, air quality, and later, a thunderstorm. I worked on my website. I wrote a poem. I read. I cleaned out the refrigerator. And I watched an episode of X-Men ’97 (S02E06 “Danger.exe”) before heading to bed early. Despite being tired, it took me several hours to get to sleep. When I did, I felt rested despite sleeping only 6 hours.
So far, today, I’ve just been updating my blog with all the photos (which I have to convert before I can post – which takes a lot of time) and details that I can remember. This is something I’ve been putting off and has been on my list of things I need to get done, so it feels good to knock it off that list.
I should probably eat.
Today’s journal title song quote is from “Feel Good Too” from “Mystical Magical Rhythmical Radical Ride”, which is the eighth studio album by openly bisexual American singer-songwriter Jason Mraz.
Aaron and I watched Star Trek: Strange New Worlds S04E02 “The Griffin Incident” Thursday night (07-30-26). The episode is another of SNW’s horror themed tales, which was quite gorey for a Star Trek episode and which really disturbed Aaron, who doesn’t enjoy horror or gore of any kind. I was less bothered, but I still didn’t enjoy it very much, and while there was some horror trope fun in there for me, and some good continuity elements, there was a line about Kirk being a Boy Scout, which I hated so much (because of how it changes how a scene in “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan” plays now) that neither of us felt great about this installment of the series.
Mary Ellen and Mark arrived on Friday (07-31-26). We had several workers at the FL house who got a lot of stuff done; it looks a lot better, vasty improved. I’d share pictures of this but I’m not sure how to do that until I get back to New York, so maybe I’ll update these posts later, or just put them in a new post. We’ll see. [Edit: Post Updated!]
We worked most of the day though I had to take extended breaks due to my disability. Everyone here knows that and were kind. I was able to join everyone for dinner at Giovanni’s, which was nice. We’ve never actually been at the house with Mary Ellen and Mark, though I have been to FL with Mary Ellen and Aaron, a little over 10 years ago, to see Aaron graduate from Full Sail University. 10 years. Crazy. And on that trip we also did Marvel-y stuff, seeing the premiere of “Captain America: Civil War” and riding Marvel themed rides at Universal.
I slept pretty well that night. Well enough that I basically got up at the same time as Aaron (on Saturday, August 1, 2026), rather than staying in bed for several more hours. Aaron, Mary Ellen and Mark had a meeting, with Aaron teaching them how to run the Air B&B, while some of the guys (Bruno and Pablo) replaced the various light switches. I had a smoothie so I needed to let my stomach settle but they were still at it later so lathered on the sunblock and went for a walk.
Aaron and I picked up Bernard from the airport; his flight was delayed a bit due to a thunderstorm, but he was with us soon enough to get to Ikea before they closed. But while we waited for him to arrive I got some unhealthy snacks due to desperation and hunger; there really weren’t any healthy options for me. I’m sure it’s fine; what matters is that I’d rather have something else and that junk food doesn’t make up the majority of my diet anymore – far from it. When we got back to the house it was about 9. We played a game of Cards Against Humanity with Mary Ellen and Mark (which Aaron won with 9; Bernard and I tied for 2nd with 8 each) then headed for bed.
Our bed, which has been very unstable for awhile, collapsed. We already had a new one ordered that we hoped to have delivered before we arrived but has been delayed until Monday. However, Mary Ellen and Mark’s bed collapsed the previous night, so they moved to another room, where that bed also collapsed. I don’t know what the fuck the long term renters did to this place but they really screwed us over. And we will be taking them to court! Despite all of that, I slept okay last night. The bed collapsed in the center so I kept trying to stay out of that space but kept falling back in. lol I got up relatively early (on Sunday, August 2, 2026), took my meds and had a smoothie. I’m just chilling now. I always need to sit for awhile after I eat.
I keep checking in to see how Spider-Man is doing at the box-office and the movie is clearly on track to be very successful, which is great news for the Marvel Cinematic Universe, because even though this is a Sony movie, it’s a chapter in an ongoing story with appearances by various characters, some of whom will appear in at least one of the upcoming Avengers films, with setups for “Avengers: Secret Wars” and the new “X-Men” as well. The next Marvel movie in theaters is “Avengers: Doomsday” in December, which as far as I know doesn’t feature most of these characters (though it definitely features one of them) but I wouldn’t be surprised if these characters pop up in a credit scene or something in that movie to bridge this story to “Avengers: Secret Wars”. We’ll also have more Marvel news in just 12 days time when the Marvel panel at D23 happens.
In 10 days I’ll be 52. And my concerns seem to be healthy. Good food and exercise, which honestly has never really been on my bingo card save for a brief period in 2006. It’s taken a lot to get from there to here, but I seem to have arrived. I didn’t know that it would take 20 years then, but I’m so happy that I started that journey when I finally did. I’m happy where I am. And I’m looking forward to where this path will take me next.
Oh! Funny story. The scale we use at home gives a crazy amount of information and one of the things it says about me is my “Muscle Mass”, which I assumed was BS, because while I know that everyone had muscles, I’ve never had muscles. But when I was applying sunblock 2 days ago I grew concerned and asked Aaron to look at something, because I thought my leg was swollen…only it was a muscle. lol I’m so clueless about health and food, but hopefully it’s adorable. We both laughed. lol
And something that just happened: Bernard walked by our door just as Aaron was opening it…with my erection on display. I would have covered up but I thought everyone was downstairs. lol He said he didn’t mind. lol
It sounds like the new couch, which wasn’t going to be here until tomorrow just arrived, which removes some of our collective stress! Today will be busy. We have 2 more nights here and then head out. Mary Ellen and Mark will head back to Michigan. Aaron will fly to Santa Fe. And Bernard and I will fly to NYC, though we don’t live close to one another, as he lives in the Bronx and I live in Manhattan. I’ve lived in NYC for nearly 14 years (having moved there on September 25, 2012) and spend most of my time in Manhattan, which is still confusing at times – and I’ve spent far less time in the other parts of the city. Perhaps in time that will change.
I went out with Aaron to run some errands before we wound down again, returning to our broken bed (which doesn’t look that bad in pictures, but when you’re in it, that’s a very different story – which is not a metaphor for our relationship!).
I’ve had this song stuck in my head for days and that’s the only reason that it’s today’s journal title song quote, really. “Dance No More” by Harry Styles, released on March 6, 2026, as the tenth track on his fourth studio album, “Kiss All the Time. Disco, Occasionally.” (2026). Styles wrote the song alongside Thomas “Kid Harpoon” Hull, who was the song’s producer. It has been seen as a fan favorite of the album and has been highlighted in reviews. The song was released as the third single from the album with an accompanying music video on 7 May 2026.
Our flight to FL was not delayed and our journey was smooth. When we arrived the work / construction on our condo wasn’t finished and none of the rooms were done but we let them know which room was ours and they finished that one ASAP while we got groceries and I picked up some Italian Cheese Bread from Little Caesars, which is always fantastic in FL for some reason, and has a promotional tie-in with Spider-Man. When we got back, our room was ready. I showered and we finally went to sleep, totally exhausted – and I slept well.
Today (July 30, 2026) I ate relatively healthy. Actually, I ate healthier on the trip too; assorted nuts instead of chips, water instead of soda. I did go to McDonald’s yesterday but I had tea instead of soda. Little differences. Today I had two blueberry smoothies, the pita bread combo I eat – though the Cyclospora outbreak has reached FL and I’m nervous about the salad greens in these meals; worried / concerned about eating generally healthy food? Thanks Trump.
We saw “Spider-Man: Brand New Day”, which we both loved. The family next to us also loved it and the mom said it was the best movie experience she’s had in years. So that was fun. Really fun. The Multiverse Saga seems to be ramping up for a big finish with The Mutant Saga already being seeded to lead the way forward. If you told me that after seeing “The Avengers” with Aaron on opening night in 2012 that we’d be seeing more than 30 other MCU films together, I’d have laughed at you. But I’m not laughing now. We’re both looking forward to seeing “Avengers: Endgame Encore” in theaters in September and “Avengers: Doomsday” in December.
Some more of the construction here is wrapping up soon and then we’re going to try to watch the new Star Trek episode, and then head to bed.
Today’s journal title song quote comes from the famous 1960s Spider-Man theme, which was composed by Paul Francis Webster and Bob Harris. Per Wikipedia, the original song was recorded at RCA Studios in Toronto (where the cartoon was produced) featuring 12 CBC vocalists (members of the Billy Van Singers, and Laurie Bower Singers groups) who added to the musical backing track supplied by RCA Studios, New York. The singers were paid only for the session and have had no residuals from its use since then.
The song has since been adopted as Spider-Man’s official theme, including in-universe, and several different versions have popped up in several Spider-Man theatrical films, including “Spider-Man” (2002), “Spider-Man 2” (2004), “Spider-Man 3” (2007) [on the official soundtrack], “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” (2014), “Spider-Man: Homecoming” (2017), “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse” (2018) & “Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse” (2023).
I didn’t go out at all yesterday. It had been raining and thundering for about 24 hours and I just didn’t feel like it. Plus I knew I’d be traveling today, so I rested up a bit, posting lots of poetry and packing as much as I could. I spoke to Mark and Raven about Marvel; Raven loved “Ms. Marvel” (her new favorite) and disliked “Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness”, though she, like me, did not think of Wanda as bad. They’re currently watching “She-Hulk: Attorney at Law”. They’re really booking it through Marvel, though of course there are heaps of multiversal stories that they’re skipping, like “Agent Carter”, “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”, “Inhumans” (ick), the Marvel Netflix shows, the X-Men films etc. Raven is paranoid about spoilers, even when I explain that what I’m telling her aren’t spoilers because she doesn’t plan on watching this or that thing. Hopefully we can talk about it all when she’s caught up.
After I picked I started to get ready for bed, falling asleep a bit after 10. I woke up a little after 3am. I tried to get back to sleep but failed. I just kept having all these great ideas or things I needed to remember for the trip. I made notes. Then when I couldn’t get back to sleep I got up, had a smoothie and implemented one of the ideas: a poetry index, listing the poems on my site in the order they were published. It’s not finished but it’s something I can easily work on in FL and it will make my life a lot easier and I have to compare what is located here to other sources and scanning through the poetry pages, backwards, was annoying me. I feel good about it. And I look forward to developing it further.
I went back to bed, making more notes occasionally before diving into some Aaron cuddles, first as the big spoon, and then shortly as the small spoon. Perfection. But it’s time to get up now. And Aaron will need to pack. And I want to eat. I don’t often eat when I travel, but I think that it’s early enough that I should be okay. I hope.
We have to leave here at about noon. Our flight isn’t until 3pm and hopefully won’t be delayed despite the weather. I really hope this trip goes smoothly, both the travel and the time at the house, which bordered on nightmarish last time – but there’s been a lot of work done since then, and there will be more done while we’re there. It will also be nice to see Spider-Man tomorrow, Mary Ellen on Friday and I think Bernard arrives on Saturday? We head our separate ways on Tuesday.
I thought of so many things that I can write about earlier. Hopefully that comes to fruition; sometimes if I don’t do these things in the moment, I never do them, but I can’t today.
Today’s journal title song quote is from “It’s Alright (Baby’s Coming Back)”, written and recorded by the British pop music duo Eurythmics. It was released as the fourth and final single from their 1985 album Be Yourself Tonight. The song was produced by Dave Stewart, and the song’s brass arrangement was devised by Michael Kamen. The single became Eurythmics’ tenth Top 20 hit in the UK where it peaked at number 12, but was less successful in the United States, stalling at number 78 on the Billboard Hot 100. As songwriters, Annie Lennox and Dave Stewart received the 1986 Ivor Novello award for Best Song Musically and Lyrically.
I didn’t hear the song when it was new, but years later when I caught the music video which I found to be lowkey, but oddly mesmerizing. Some time later, I briefly went out with a guy (Rudy) who owned the cassette tape of the album on which the song appeared, and I remember loving that. I actually associate him with the Eurythmics / Annie Lennox as we viewed a film together (1992’s “Prelude to a Kiss”) which featured Annie Lennox’s take on Cole Porter’s “Every Time We Say Goodbye”, which I had seen her perform in the 1991 film “Edward II” and had desperately wanted but then found on the “Prelude to a Kiss” soundtrack – which I used in part to make a mixed tape of songs I loved at the time, which I then played for Rudy. I don’t know Rudy’s last name.
I didn’t go to the party Saturday evening. I tried to get ready for it and so much was going wrong that I was quite stressed, but once I decided not to go (and had a rare Xanax) I calmed down considerably. I walked Aaron to the lot where our car was parked and then continued walking for a bit, first to Bennett Park and then heading back home. Oh, and I did text Ilyssa and Christopher. 🙂
The Marvel Comic Con news was slightly disappointing – but it was what I was actually expecting. Before it started I remembered that D23 is happening next month and how they have separated film and series news between the two presentations, so I figured we wouldn’t be getting the news I most wanted, which was for VisionQuest – which I do expect we’ll learn about at D23. They did make a few big announcements, including that Ryan Gosling will star in a Ghost Rider movie in 2028 & that Black Panther III will be out in December of 2028, with David Jonsson playing an adult version of T’Challa’s son from “Black Panther: Wakanda Forever”; how the character is aged up is rumored to be explained in next year’s “Avengers: Secret Wars”. Letitia Wright and Winston Duke are also confirmed to be returning in that movie (as Black Panther / Shuri & M’Baku), while Denzel Washington was revealed to have a role in the movie a long while ago. Ryan Coogler will also return to direct. I don’t really care about Ghost Rider. I’ve never been a big fan, though I did enjoy the version on Season 4 of “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”, played by Gabriel Luna. But I’m hyped about the Black Panther trilogy being completed 10 years (and 8 years and 10 months after the first film). That’s cool
There was also an “Avengers: Doomsday” panel, with another trailer, which hasn’t been officially released publicly. I’ve not watched the bootlegs because I’d rather wait to see it in high quality. But reports suggest the new trailer is even better than the first, with more context for who Doom is and what the film might entail. And though I was already aware the character would be returning, Hayley Atwell was on-hand to confirm that Peggy Carter will be in the film. Ryan Reynolds also made an appearance, which implies the the character MIGHT be in the movie. I’ve heard rumors that he is, but I try to avoid spoilers so I don’t actually know if he is or not, and I’d rather not know unless they officially announce it. Though, I suspect there are more than a few characters returning in either “Doomsday” or “Secret Wars” that we don’t know about, or at least I don’t, which is fine with me. Oh. And sadly, the Latverian Witch display did not feature a Scarlet Witch reference on the final day, and while many people are buzzing about her possibly returning, if it’s in “Doomsday”, we just don’t know yet. I’ve heard from a reputable source, that even if she’s not in the movie, she will be back soon. I just hope it’s true. I very much want Wanda, Vision, Billy & Tommy (and Agatha) to be reunited.
They did not announce the new “X-Men” film, despite it being in development and likely coming out in 2028. It’s rumored that they didn’t talk about it so as not to spoil anything from “Spider-Man: Brand New Day”, which opens on Thursday – and if so, there’s a very good chance that they’ll announce that at D23. And I’m looking forward to that for sure.
Sunday. I ate well, healthy. I went for a walk around the neighborhood, twice. Really it was one walk but I stopped by the apartment to drop off some groceries (pita bread and grape fruit yogurt), then headed out again. I’m sure I walked at least a mile, probably more. I was really pushing it.
I didn’t spend much time with Aaron on Sunday. When I was home he was really into watching Marvel. He told me that he wanted to watch Star Trek with me, but when he’s really into something, I have a difficult time interrupting him, even when I know he wants me to. It’s weird. It’s been a problem over the years. I was also just very tired after my walk. I didn’t sleep, but I was physically tired.
This morning (well, it was around noon) I weighed 190.4 lbs. I’ve lost over 30 lbs since 2024, 21 of them since March. It’s exciting to see results from what I’m doing, but it’s weird too. I’m really into it, but I’m trying constantly to let myself relax and not worry about it. I mean, despite being 20lbs overweight now, I’ve vastly improve since my last doctor’s appointment, well, the one where I got really horrible feedback and weird test results that were totally invalidated by their methods. But I’m excited to return and prove them wrong. A pound or two off is easy to ignore because people gain and lose a few pounds pretty regularly, but this can’t be ignored. All of my health scores have improved. All of them. Some of them still rank as higher than what they should be, but the improvement is impressive. And that makes me happy. that’s all. And I’m happy with what I’m eating. Today I’ve had a smoothie (Boost, protein powder, fiber, coffee, blueberries, almond milk, zucchini), several bottles of water with fiber, 2 pita breads with lettuce, hummus & Italian dressing, a piece of toast (high fiber bread) with chia seeds, a kiwi, and a mix of olives, almonds, pistachios, peanuts, sunflower seeds and pecans. That’s so different from when I was eating ice cream and potato chips every day.
I stumbled on this pendant, the central one with greyish stone, which my cousin Starr had given to me years before. She was wearing it and I told her I liked it and she immediately took it off and gave it to me. She was like that. That was also the last time I ever saw her alive. She died on January 31 of 2001. I thought about her while I got ready to go out. It was really just a series of moments, but she was very special and I can still remember how she looked and what her voice sounded like. She was one the relatives I came out to when I was finally telling more people and she was really lovely.
Also on my way out I traded calls and message with Mark Adams. He and his daughter Raven are watching most of the mainline Marvel Multiverse entries, in release order, as that’s how Raven wants to do it. I gave them a list and they’ve been following it. He said that they’ve finished “Thor: Love & Thunder” and will begin “She-Hulk: Attorney at Law” soon. They had been watching “Moon Knight” the last time I saw them, which means they’ve also seen “Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness” and “Ms. Marvel” since then, which I hadn’t thought of, so I didn’t ask what they thought of them. I’ll have to remember to talk about that next time.
I went for another walk today. It was overcast, very warm and extremely humid but I enjoyed the exercise. I had to stop at the pharmacy on the way home to fill a prescription that I’ll be out of before we return from FL. It was so HOT in that store. I was sweating a lot. When I got home my shirt was soaked through and I showered for the second time – I usually shower and shave before I leave as well, like I did today.
And then I sat down to write this while I ate. I really shouldn’t eat at my computer but I keep doing it just the same.
Today’s journal title song quote is from “The Only Living Boy in New York” by Simon & Garfunkel, which is the eighth track from the duo’s fifth and final studio album, “Bridge over Troubled Water”. The song was also issued as the B-side of the duo’s “Cecilia” single. I’d heard a lot of their music growing up, “The Sound of Silence” being one my mother’s favorite songs, but somehow I’d never heard this one (or I at least I didn’t remember it) until it was used in the final scene of the HBO film version of Larry Kramer’s “The Normal Heart” (2014), which I didn’t see until September 19, 2016 – and it was fucking incredible. I’ve since seen it at least twice more, and I’ll likely always associate the song with that movie.
I did not go to bed after the last entry. As I walked to the room to cuddle with Aaron, he got up, so I stayed up too. I spent much of the day in a haze. I did try to sleep; I just wasn’t successful. I wondered if I should go for a walk? I worried that the lack of sleep might be harder to recover from and that it might be better to stay in, but due to the fact that it was Brian’s birthday, and the feelings I had about it being the first one since he died, I decided I needed to walk, to help work off the excess emotions.
I got dressed quickly. I tried not worry about what I was wearing too much, which is becoming increasingly difficult. I decided to wear pants, despite the heat, as the black item I chose had multiple holes in it and was also really light. I was shocked when I put them on though, because they have an elastic waist and I’ve never needed a belt with them before, but yesterday I did. I guess that’s what happens when you lose nearly 30 lbs; 18.8 in the last 4 months. Okay.
I walked sort of aimlessly, not really feeling like going to the park. I briefly considered walking as far as I could south, knowing I could catch a train home. I may still do that at some point, but it wasn’t the time. I knew I’d had very little sleep and I figured I shouldn’t push things too far. It was enough that I was up and outside. I walked at least a mile. I traded texts with my friend Christopher. I stopped into Starbucks and got a chocolate chip cookie that I’d been craving for over a week but skipped the tea this time as I had a water with me. On my way home I ran into my old Starbucks customer and now friend, Gemma, who gave me another name the last time I saw her, and I can’t remember what it was. Damn it. She was highly complimentary of my appearance, which was appreciated.
When I got home I showered. Then had a smoothie. I tried to stay up but started getting ready for bed around 9pm. I know I passed out because when I woke up my phone was next to me on the bed, not charging. I got up around 3 or 4? I can’t remember. I had something to drink and a piece of toast. I worked on my Marvel chronology for a couple of hours. Then I went back to bed to cuddle with Aaron. We cuddled for an hour before he got up, then I fell back asleep for a couple of hours.
I woke up ravenous. I had another smoothie, which was delicious. I weighed myself. I’m enjoying the process of paying attention to my health and trying to meet goals, but my PTSD is so closely tied to food, and often presents itself as an eating disorder, that I’ve avoided this kind of information in the past, and I’m cognizant of the circumstances, and I don’t believe this is negative at all. But I’m trying to take stock of my emotions and my reactions and how I’m dealing with all of this so that it can be positive and not detrimental – and I don’t think it is – but I worry if I just sort of went into this without that level of introspection, that it could slip into something unhealthy. As it stands, I’m eating better, healthier and I’m more active. I’m not starving. I’m not exercising to excise. So I think I’m fine. I currently weigh 192.2 lbs, which was before I ate. So it’s probably gone up a reasonable amount since then. I should be at least 20 lbs less to be in the ballpark of my ideal healthy weight, but I’m improving in various ways, with better results that I’d ever have expected. And again, I’ve lost about 30lbs from when I was eating nothing but crap and was highly sedentary – like, I would barely move for days at a time, except to eat or take a bathroom break. So, also again, I’m definitely doing better, so it’s hard to criticize any of my new habits, which is helpful, because it means I’m probably on the right track.
We’re going to a party this evening, or that’s the plan. The Marvel Hall H Panel at San Diego Comic Con will be during the party, so I’m hoping to come home with lots of Marvel news. There have been teases that MIGHT mean that Wanda could return in Avengers: Doomsday, ala her comic storyline from The Children’s Crusade, which I’d secretly hoped already, and so I’m very hyped to (PLEASE) have that confirmed. I need Wanda back. I actually need Wanda and Vision and Wiccan & Speed to be united and then they can go live happily ever after. That’s what I want. I actually would have preferred to stay home and read the news as it pours in, but getting out is healthier. Spending time out with Aaron is beneficial for us both, and I genuinely like the person who is having this housewarming party. And there may be others that I know there. It’s all good. I feel much better today than I did yesterday, and that’s always good.
Oh. Our downstairs neighbors have a leak in their ceiling. This is horrible for them, and obnoxious for us. They’ve had a leak on and off for 10 years? We’ve let plumbers and professionals come into our apartment at all hours of the day and night (often with no heads up) to work with them to find something. They’ve run the water from all the sinks, the shower, the appliances – everything – many times. They’ve ripped open their ceiling and tested everything again, but found nothing. Privately, the professionals have said that the neighbors are crazy – but I don’t think they are! They have a legitimate problem, and I want to help them, but nobody can find the source of the problem and the problem isn’t happening when we use water, and it’s also not happening in a way that anyone can predict, so getting people in when the trouble is actually happening, has been a challenge. And the people that run the building have to send their people to figure it out. We’ve also had every pipe and every water system (and nearly all of our floors + all of the bathroom) replaced and the problem is still there. They used to be very confrontational with us, these neighbors, back before a lot of the changes, and they insisted that we were causing their problems, only the weekend in which they were having the major issues, we weren’t home. So no water was running. It’s a mystery.
And that’s all for now.
Oh. Again! I need to respond to my friend Ilyssa. I’m so all over the place!!! lol I messaged her out of the blue the other day and she kind messaged back – but I was in bed when I got the response and I went right to sleep! Damn. Okay. I’ll reach out to her. And I need to ask Christopher what play he saw yesterday and if it was any good. And get ready for the party. I got this.
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “This Woman’s Work” written and performed by English singer-songwriter Kate Bush. It was initially featured on the soundtrack of the American film “She’s Having a Baby” (1988). The song was released in November 1989, by EMI Records, as the second single from her sixth album, “The Sensual World” (1989), and peaked at No. 25 on the UK Singles Chart. The first time I remember hearing the song was in the second episode of “ALIAS” (S01E02 “And So It Begins”), which aired October 7, 2001. I was aware of Kate Bush as an ex-bf of mine (Gene Warrick) had played “Running Up That Hill” for me in 1994, from her 1985 album “Hounds of Love”. I liked the song so much that I recorded it to a cassette tape form his vinyl copy. Oh the things we did for music back then! lol Really there are only 3 songs by Kate Bush that I actually know, which are these 2 plus “Lyra”, her song from “The Golden Compass” (2007) film.
This week there was Marvel news and I’m sure there will be more tomorrow. This excites me. I’m a huge Marvel fan, so there’s that.
I got outside for several walks this week. I’ve lost weight. I was actually thinking that I weighed 207 pounds in March, but it turns out, I actually weighed 211 pounds then – and I now weigh under 194, so that’s a considerable amount of weight lost, and I’ve not been doing anything crazy. I’m just making healthier choices in my diet and getting a bit more exercise than I had been. So that’s pretty exciting, because since I’m enjoying this time, I feel like this might be something I can keep up with and not worry about it all coming back, as I’ve heard others talk about. I was originally aiming to get to 180lbs but my program says that my ideal weight 172lbs. It also told me recently that my “metabolic age” was 52, which I thought was fair since I’ll be 52 in just a few weeks, but now I’m down to age 51, so I’m assuming that’s a good thing? I’m so clueless about this stuff. But that’s just what I make sure to tell my doctors. Treat me like I don’t know anything, because if it relates to food or exercise, I probably don’t know much! lol But I’m doing great. And I think I’m finding a good balance between what I love, what I enjoy and what is good for me. It’s not about giving up everything, it’s about balancing it out with other options, which I also like. My snack plates lately are all fruits and seeds and things, but I legitimately didn’t notice or think about it until Aaron pointed it out to me. I just thought they were fun choices. lol Oh, and I’m cutting some sugar from my smoothies now; putting 3 quarters of a cup of fruit in (instead of a full cup) and then using a quarter cup of zucchini, which is great for you, apparently, but which I’d never had before. I can’t taste a difference, so that’s great.
I’m so fucking tired. I woke up at 2am when Aaron got up for something. And then I realized that today was Brian Lounsberry’s 50th birthday. Or it would have been. And then I knew I needed to write something and I got up. And I did write something. And also rewrote an older poem that I’ve often referred to, but have never been truly happy with. So that’s accomplished. I should probably be trying to write this in some semblance of order.
Monday we got the first “Avengers: Doomsday” trailer, which I posted. Excited for that. Tuesday we got the final “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” trailer and I’m excited for that. Later I took the train to the park and then walked home, which is about a mile.
July 21, 2026. Not bad for nearly 52 and having been 220 lbs in my recent past.
Tuesday (July 21) I had therapy that went well. I’m sure there was some kind of drama that day but I can’t remember what it was. Oh. And we watched another Star Trek: The Next Generation episode (S03E10 “The Defector”) – which we both enjoyed and had both forgotten most of. Indeed, I had mistaken the plot in my head for a completely different subplot from a different Trek episodes (S06E14 “Face of the Enemy”), which in my defense, also involves the Romulans and a defector, but in that case, it’s a human defector who joined the Romulans and returns to the Federation – I remember that actor and that story and assumed that this Season 3 Romulan episode about a defector was the same thing. But it wasn’t. lol So that was kind of funny.
Wednesday (July 22): Aaron went on a walk with me. We went to Starbucks on our way home and the barista complimented my “whole vibe”, which I’m not sure I thanked her for, which makes me feel like a jerk. Really, I’m just caught off guard when people compliment me.
Thursday (July 23): I went for a walk. There was plenty of drama though. We’re going to Florida next week, but it’s quite a lot of stress for me as I’d rather not travel and I wasn’t planning on going at all, but the trip got moved up and if I want to see Spider-Man with Aaron, which I do, I have to go. And there are issues with me going but we talked it out and we’re reducing the risk of all that as much as we can – and if it’s bad, I’ll either come home earlier, or go to a hotel or something.
Later I rewatched “Thunderbolts*” for the first time since seeing it in theaters. I think I enjoyed it about the same as the first time, but I forgot how much I cried during the second half, so I was bawling for awhile. lol Then right after that, Aaron and I watched the new Season 4 premiere of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (S04E01 “Valles Marineris”), which we both enjoyed, despite both of us being a bit distracted by other things.
Also, someone betrayed Aaron this week. I’m sure he had his reasons, but it was really horrible and I knew that Aaron was hurt but I didn’t think there was much that I could do. On top of that, it left him in a very precarious position as far as his company is concerned, but that was solved in a truly gracious manner that I will forever be grateful for.
I went to bed after Trek, going to bed around 9 and drifting off around 10. And then Aaron woke me up around 2 and now we’re up to date.
I’m going back to bed.
Today’s journal title song quote comes from “Song to the Siren” by various different bands that I enjoy, but the most popular seems to be This Mortal Coil; but it was written by by Tim Buckley and Larry Beckett and released by them in 1970. The version by This Mortal Coil was released as their first single in 1983 and then on their album “It’s End in Tears” in 1984.
The weekend, which was quite sexy, featured some reconnecting with some friends (via text), uploading lots of older poems (about 100 I think), creating and posting several more Jason collages (which makes me feel very vain, even if I’m cutting else out to protect them) and finally watching 2 major finales: “Heartstopper Forever” and the Season 1 finale of “The Vampire Lestat (S01E07 “The Failures”) – both had me crying.
Aaron and I watched “Heartstopper: Forever” on Saturday (after finishing Season 3 on Friday). We both felt the film served as a very good series finale, which are always very difficult to pull off in a satisfying way. We felt that it wasn’t quite perfect, but again, was better than average – or – one of the better series finales that we’ve ever seen. I was impressed by several elements, including a powerful scene calling out the rollback of trans rights, and also how the film (and the series in general) did a really good job of giving everyone a moment to shine before all was said and done.
The season finale of “The Vampire Lestat” was weird and a little disjointed, but similar to “Interview With the Vampire”, this feels like the first half of a larger story, even if the next half is a different novel, “The Queen of the Damned” – but that’s how the books felt too. The story for the episode gave rise to adaptations of several moments from the novels, including a horrific aside from “The Vampire Armand” and what I think was a reference to “Memnoch the Devil” – but I read both of those books when they were new and haven’t ever read them again – more than 26 years ago? So I’m amazed that I remember these things. I should reread them all. A few years ago I reread the first 3 and started the 4th + I reread “Prince Lestat”, “The Witching Hour”, “Lasher” and part of “Taltos”. I’d like to read all of Rice’s novels someday. I read nearly everything up to “Blood Canticle” but there are several after that which I never even owned, so there’s a lot left to explore.
As I mentioned briefly, there were some sexy shenanigans this weekend, which I won’t share here. And there were also plans for more, which is exciting.
Edit: I lied, as I feel I won’t remember what the fuck I was talking about if I ever read this again. lol There was a threesome. I don’t need to go into the details because I’m sure I’ll remember those. lol I have an odd history with threesomes, actually. There were several in the 90s, but I was always the third and most of those were boy / boy / girl. But in my current relationship (which has lasted nearly 15 years so far) I’ve had 3 threesomes (all men), all of which have been spectacular in very different ways, though not without consequence. Still, overall, the experiences have been extremely positive. That should do it.
I might be going on a trip back to the Florida house. But that remains unclear. If I go, it would likely be over a week from now. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about that, but maybe I’ll talk about that more when I’ve decided.
This week will mark the beginning of the penultimate season of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, which I’m mostly excited about. I didn’t actually love Season 3 (which I’ve never rewatched) and I feel like I don’t really want to rewatch it or Season 4 until we have Season 5, which won’t likely arrive until next year. I hope the series ends well. But also, I’m curious to see how this season plays out. And despite how it might sound, I do look forward to seeing the entire series in context – I’m just a little sad that we only have 16 episodes left and that it might take a long time to get those last 6.
The other big news coming this week likely has to do with Marvel. Tickets for Avengers: Doomsday go on sale this week and Marvel returns to Hall H at San Diego Comic Con this Saturday – so the first trailer is likely imminent. There will also likely be news of other Marvel programs on the way; Spider-Man: Brand New Day opens next week, but there other projects in the pipeline like Avengers: Endgame Encore, VisionQuest, Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man Season 2, Daredevil: Born Again Season 3, Spider-Man: Beyond the Spider-Verse, X-Men ’97 Season 3, Marvel Zombies Season 2 and probably others, so there’s a lot that could be discussed. Personally, I’m hoping for news about VisionQuest which is what I’m most looking forward to – and nervous about. But…keeping in line with tradition, we have something scheduled during the panel, which means that my plans to sit at home reading the news as it pours in, are unlikely, unless I’m not feeling well that day or just decide otherwise. We’ll see.
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “Status Report” which a song on the soundtrack to a musical episode of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (S02E09 “Subspace Rhapsody”) featuring the cast discovering that they are all singing for some reason. I love this episode.
