BALD JASON'S GAY GOTH BOY BLOG
A Work in Progress…Welcome Back!
My ears – they are bleeding;
my mind is asleep.
My thoughts run in circles;
I try not to weep —
Can’t eat
though I’m hungry –
Can’t think
of retreat –
Sound of life:
sickening –
The clock keeps on
ticking –
No soul to keep
and no pills to take.
The clock
keeps on threatening –
The clock –
it is deafening –
And if I could sleep
it would be time to wake.
Written by Jason Wright
March 17, 2019
Ian music is song of drug addiction
ascribed to crazy haired Cure fan
who raved about Mood Swings
near Autumn, in the magic of her
midnight gallery opening
I would never witness in the light
of 90’s Ann Arbor Michigan day.
I met him 3 times
before Pizza House friend
cursed his life
and sent him to his smack filled
heroin infused ever after…
But I never knew “the asshole”;
I only remember his kiss…
Paul’s longing description…
Carrie’s guiltless confession…
and Dorian’s unexpected words
which brought all these memorial ingredients
into focus and allowed me finally to mourn –
listening to Numbness on NYC downtown train to The Prom –
no tears –
but a sad smile
and a kiss goodbye
in the same deep water as you.
Written by Jason Wright
March 1, 2019
The rules were laid clear
before you splayed me bare…
The tools of trade queer
now flayed by despair…
But the truth is I want this
despite contradiction.
I want what I want
despite crucifiction.
I want you to take him;
betrayal provokes me.
The lies in your eyes
between thighs
start to stroke me.
I’m hurt and I thirst
for our innocence lost…
But my lust says to trust you
no matter the cost.
Vlad leads me on
and tells me to trust him.
Daddy come on!
I want you to thrust him!
I want you to prove yourself
more than a pseudonym…
Want you to lose yourself
deep down inside of him!
I’m nothing, remember?
I’m tiny and useless.
Nothing is better
and trying is fruitless.
Be cruel to the child
who wants you to scold him.
Remember I’m wild
until you will hold him.
Remember I love you.
Remember the game.
Remember the truth
and our lies are the same.
Remember that you
are both sexy and wanted.
Remember the truth:
I’m a ghost to be haunted.
Remember you need this.
Remember I care.
Remember beneath this
I’m needing to share.
Remember as night ends
that demons controlled me.
Remember that I will then
need you to hold me.
Written by Jason Wright
February 27, 2019
The whore
used to make friends
by sleeping with them,
and though his behavior
has changed overtime,
the impulse
has stayed with him.
The young blond angel
asks this attention seeking whore
if he had to work for his blistering wit
or if it’s simply the product of his
inbred white-trash genetics?
“I got it from my sister.” I reply,
which doesn’t necessarily answer the angel’s question.
I enjoy the way he sounds as he asks me
and I struggle not to sexualize him
(with some limited success),
though I inevitably sexualize everything,
don’t I?
He seems both exceptionally strong
and remarkably fragile,
but I find this contrast
charming and disarming,
and find myself feeling protective,
encouraging,
and blessed every time
the angel’s eyes meet mine.
I know I’ll struggle with sharing this
with him.
Will my honesty
damn a budding friendship?
It wouldn’t be the first time.
And if that’s a possibility
should I now bite my tongue
for fear of hurting us
and by extension,
my lover and partner in all things?
I’m probably overthinking this.
This is stupid.
I know that Aaron will not be bothered,
and I’m keenly aware
that my lust is just an ever present companion,
an innocent natural type of
curious exploration and
my invisible personal passageway
to kinship.
Everyone knows such consummation is unlikely at best;
a friendship perverted by unholy unions
might make for provocative fantasy but let’s get real:
One seldom encounters angels
in the gutters of my mind.
Written by Jason Wright
February 27, 2019
For Liam
The keys to locked doors
set me free, allowing me
to traverse a life
that will not break me today,
despite micro instances of
bloodshed
behind closed eyes.
The twin chasms of
lust and betrayal
may never find
the balance
that I crave
but I put on a brave face,
open closed eyes
and look deep into
the darkened faces of my tormentors,
even as I feel my way toward illumination
by way of my blissed out cock
jutting confidently before me;
serving as my divining rod to truth,
my directional arrow,
my compass arm…
keeping me on course,
keeping me honest,
keeping me open in a world
which seeks to close my eyes forever.
Written by Jason Wright
February 27, 2019
The fools set out to screw;
begetting shrugs
they crawl to lust.
The rules set out were few
and yet on drugs
they fall to dust.
By midnight conversation
linguist dick ensconced
ashamed.
Backbite cuck castration
masochistic angst
inflamed.
Muted by the terror;
aching spasms with aplomb!
Wounded by the error:
taking Adam to The Prom.
Written by Jason Wright
February 27, 2019
After all of night’s magic
has faded away,
dwindling down to nothing
but the glisten of dew
beneath the cool dawning sun,
that cruel spray of light
will rip lovers apart.
For when lovers
cease to be enraptured,
fumbling toward clothing
endowed with doubt,
laced with fear,
rejection and shame…
all the night’s magic
fades like a dream
and haunts us
for the rest of our days…
Even those who we cannot remember.
Written by Jason Wright
February 23, 2019
According to plumbers, common sense, building Supers
and the lie in your eyes,
it’s not pouring down upon you
in the way you insisted that it was.
We were asleep when you said we were guilty.
Yet you keep ringing the doorbell
that woke me from beautiful dreams:
Leave me the fuck alone.
Written by Jason Wright
February 19, 2019
All of your life
I was waiting
beneath the surface
where we could not see one another
through that reflective prismatic
membrane…
down beneath waves
in an ocean of time.
Our meeting
was not the frothy crash
one might expect between
two long separate bodies;
more a subtle swallowing
of pride,
an exceptional chance encounter between worlds,
between men,
emptied and refilled and accepted –
we drank each other down.
you are my sustenance
you have long nourished my soul
in a calming deluge of possibility,
a commingling of creation and interpretation –
your intoxicating mixture of unspeakable talent
with benevolent decency,
such rare treasure
is my honor and privilege to behold
and to bathe in,
to witness all that lies beneath
all that others seldom see.
How could anyone observe such strength
and such frailty,
such passion –
Who could spy such longing
and not find themselves quickened?
Such stimulation
can rob mortal men of decisional capacity.
I had no choice but to love you, you see…
And yet I find that
I decided all the same.
I chose to embrace the experience of you,
to appreciate it for what it was
and what you were,
I opted to be vulnerable and to be strong,
and then finally I agreed to follow
that untrodden path wherever it might lead.
You are the decision that has changed my life forever.
You are the choice that I made
that I have never regretted.
Written by Jason Wright
February 13, 2019
For Aaron
On a harvesting night
from my sadness you came,
In the darkening light
in the absence of shame,
In vestige of darkness
inside your bright eyes,
Invested catharsis
within our rite lies,
I summoned you there
with my longing and pain,
I cum and inside you share
bonding profane,
You take that spark faded
and stretch it around us,
You make the dark sacred;
in darkness we found us.
Written by Jason Wright
January 24, 2019