I accompanied Aaron to his appointment yesterday (Tuesday, 10-13-26), which went well. Driving us home I was supposed to stop somewhere so he could do the driving in the city (which I’ve never done and find terrifying), but I ended up driving us through the Bronx and into Manhattan! It was stressful, but we were able to switch over before things got too nightmarish. I can’t handle when people are double parked on both sides of a street, and there’s always a lot of that.
I took a nap when we got home so I could be awake for “VisionQuest”. I watched another episode of “Avatar: The Last Airbender” (S01E04 “The Warriors of Kyoshi”), which I enjoyed. And later when I saw “VisionQuest”…it took me a little longer to get into it than I was expecting, in part due to its reliance on footage from previous stories, but once it started relying more on new stuff, I was in. I gasped in surprise several times. I laughed and I cried. I found the timeline a bit confusing, but I think what it’s saying is that it is set very late in 2028, later than “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” but before “Avengers: Doomsday”. We’ll see if that’s confirmed.
Late 2023: WandaVision Late 2024: Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness Late 2026: Agatha All Along Late 2028: VisionQuest
I couldn’t write any of this down last night because I had a visual migraine and had to go to bed, but I slept well. I cuddled with Aaron this morning and then we showered together. I uploaded 6 new pieces to the NSFW Photo Collages.
I actually still have the migraine. It’s been on and off for a few days. But that’s pretty normal for me. What isn’t normal, is this long stretch without them. I’m not complaining! lol It’s just interesting.
Today’s journal entry song quote is from “Hustler” by bisexual Australian singer / songwriter Josef Salvat, from his 2015 debut studio album, “Night Swim”.
Aaron and I watched Star Trek: Strange New Worlds S04E02 “The Griffin Incident” Thursday night (07-30-26). The episode is another of SNW’s horror themed tales, which was quite gorey for a Star Trek episode and which really disturbed Aaron, who doesn’t enjoy horror or gore of any kind. I was less bothered, but I still didn’t enjoy it very much, and while there was some horror trope fun in there for me, and some good continuity elements, there was a line about Kirk being a Boy Scout, which I hated so much (because of how it changes how a scene in “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan” plays now) that neither of us felt great about this installment of the series.
Mary Ellen and Mark arrived on Friday (07-31-26). We had several workers at the FL house who got a lot of stuff done; it looks a lot better, vasty improved. I’d share pictures of this but I’m not sure how to do that until I get back to New York, so maybe I’ll update these posts later, or just put them in a new post. We’ll see. [Edit: Post Updated!]
We worked most of the day though I had to take extended breaks due to my disability. Everyone here knows that and were kind. I was able to join everyone for dinner at Giovanni’s, which was nice. We’ve never actually been at the house with Mary Ellen and Mark, though I have been to FL with Mary Ellen and Aaron, a little over 10 years ago, to see Aaron graduate from Full Sail University. 10 years. Crazy. And on that trip we also did Marvel-y stuff, seeing the premiere of “Captain America: Civil War” and riding Marvel themed rides at Universal.
I slept pretty well that night. Well enough that I basically got up at the same time as Aaron (on Saturday, August 1, 2026), rather than staying in bed for several more hours. Aaron, Mary Ellen and Mark had a meeting, with Aaron teaching them how to run the Air B&B, while some of the guys (Bruno and Pablo) replaced the various light switches. I had a smoothie so I needed to let my stomach settle but they were still at it later so lathered on the sunblock and went for a walk.
Aaron and I picked up Bernard from the airport; his flight was delayed a bit due to a thunderstorm, but he was with us soon enough to get to Ikea before they closed. But while we waited for him to arrive I got some unhealthy snacks due to desperation and hunger; there really weren’t any healthy options for me. I’m sure it’s fine; what matters is that I’d rather have something else and that junk food doesn’t make up the majority of my diet anymore – far from it. When we got back to the house it was about 9. We played a game of Cards Against Humanity with Mary Ellen and Mark (which Aaron won with 9; Bernard and I tied for 2nd with 8 each) then headed for bed.
Our bed, which has been very unstable for awhile, collapsed. We already had a new one ordered that we hoped to have delivered before we arrived but has been delayed until Monday. However, Mary Ellen and Mark’s bed collapsed the previous night, so they moved to another room, where that bed also collapsed. I don’t know what the fuck the long term renters did to this place but they really screwed us over. And we will be taking them to court! Despite all of that, I slept okay last night. The bed collapsed in the center so I kept trying to stay out of that space but kept falling back in. lol I got up relatively early (on Sunday, August 2, 2026), took my meds and had a smoothie. I’m just chilling now. I always need to sit for awhile after I eat.
I keep checking in to see how Spider-Man is doing at the box-office and the movie is clearly on track to be very successful, which is great news for the Marvel Cinematic Universe, because even though this is a Sony movie, it’s a chapter in an ongoing story with appearances by various characters, some of whom will appear in at least one of the upcoming Avengers films, with setups for “Avengers: Secret Wars” and the new “X-Men” as well. The next Marvel movie in theaters is “Avengers: Doomsday” in December, which as far as I know doesn’t feature most of these characters (though it definitely features one of them) but I wouldn’t be surprised if these characters pop up in a credit scene or something in that movie to bridge this story to “Avengers: Secret Wars”. We’ll also have more Marvel news in just 12 days time when the Marvel panel at D23 happens.
In 10 days I’ll be 52. And my concerns seem to be healthy. Good food and exercise, which honestly has never really been on my bingo card save for a brief period in 2006. It’s taken a lot to get from there to here, but I seem to have arrived. I didn’t know that it would take 20 years then, but I’m so happy that I started that journey when I finally did. I’m happy where I am. And I’m looking forward to where this path will take me next.
Oh! Funny story. The scale we use at home gives a crazy amount of information and one of the things it says about me is my “Muscle Mass”, which I assumed was BS, because while I know that everyone had muscles, I’ve never had muscles. But when I was applying sunblock 2 days ago I grew concerned and asked Aaron to look at something, because I thought my leg was swollen…only it was a muscle. lol I’m so clueless about health and food, but hopefully it’s adorable. We both laughed. lol
And something that just happened: Bernard walked by our door just as Aaron was opening it…with my erection on display. I would have covered up but I thought everyone was downstairs. lol He said he didn’t mind. lol
It sounds like the new couch, which wasn’t going to be here until tomorrow just arrived, which removes some of our collective stress! Today will be busy. We have 2 more nights here and then head out. Mary Ellen and Mark will head back to Michigan. Aaron will fly to Santa Fe. And Bernard and I will fly to NYC, though we don’t live close to one another, as he lives in the Bronx and I live in Manhattan. I’ve lived in NYC for nearly 14 years (having moved there on September 25, 2012) and spend most of my time in Manhattan, which is still confusing at times – and I’ve spent far less time in the other parts of the city. Perhaps in time that will change.
I went out with Aaron to run some errands before we wound down again, returning to our broken bed (which doesn’t look that bad in pictures, but when you’re in it, that’s a very different story – which is not a metaphor for our relationship!).
I’ve had this song stuck in my head for days and that’s the only reason that it’s today’s journal title song quote, really. “Dance No More” by Harry Styles, released on March 6, 2026, as the tenth track on his fourth studio album, “Kiss All the Time. Disco, Occasionally.” (2026). Styles wrote the song alongside Thomas “Kid Harpoon” Hull, who was the song’s producer. It has been seen as a fan favorite of the album and has been highlighted in reviews. The song was released as the third single from the album with an accompanying music video on 7 May 2026.
I didn’t go out at all yesterday. It had been raining and thundering for about 24 hours and I just didn’t feel like it. Plus I knew I’d be traveling today, so I rested up a bit, posting lots of poetry and packing as much as I could. I spoke to Mark and Raven about Marvel; Raven loved “Ms. Marvel” (her new favorite) and disliked “Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness”, though she, like me, did not think of Wanda as bad. They’re currently watching “She-Hulk: Attorney at Law”. They’re really booking it through Marvel, though of course there are heaps of multiversal stories that they’re skipping, like “Agent Carter”, “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”, “Inhumans” (ick), the Marvel Netflix shows, the X-Men films etc. Raven is paranoid about spoilers, even when I explain that what I’m telling her aren’t spoilers because she doesn’t plan on watching this or that thing. Hopefully we can talk about it all when she’s caught up.
After I picked I started to get ready for bed, falling asleep a bit after 10. I woke up a little after 3am. I tried to get back to sleep but failed. I just kept having all these great ideas or things I needed to remember for the trip. I made notes. Then when I couldn’t get back to sleep I got up, had a smoothie and implemented one of the ideas: a poetry index, listing the poems on my site in the order they were published. It’s not finished but it’s something I can easily work on in FL and it will make my life a lot easier and I have to compare what is located here to other sources and scanning through the poetry pages, backwards, was annoying me. I feel good about it. And I look forward to developing it further.
I went back to bed, making more notes occasionally before diving into some Aaron cuddles, first as the big spoon, and then shortly as the small spoon. Perfection. But it’s time to get up now. And Aaron will need to pack. And I want to eat. I don’t often eat when I travel, but I think that it’s early enough that I should be okay. I hope.
We have to leave here at about noon. Our flight isn’t until 3pm and hopefully won’t be delayed despite the weather. I really hope this trip goes smoothly, both the travel and the time at the house, which bordered on nightmarish last time – but there’s been a lot of work done since then, and there will be more done while we’re there. It will also be nice to see Spider-Man tomorrow, Mary Ellen on Friday and I think Bernard arrives on Saturday? We head our separate ways on Tuesday.
I thought of so many things that I can write about earlier. Hopefully that comes to fruition; sometimes if I don’t do these things in the moment, I never do them, but I can’t today.
Today’s journal title song quote is from “It’s Alright (Baby’s Coming Back)”, written and recorded by the British pop music duo Eurythmics. It was released as the fourth and final single from their 1985 album Be Yourself Tonight. The song was produced by Dave Stewart, and the song’s brass arrangement was devised by Michael Kamen. The single became Eurythmics’ tenth Top 20 hit in the UK where it peaked at number 12, but was less successful in the United States, stalling at number 78 on the Billboard Hot 100. As songwriters, Annie Lennox and Dave Stewart received the 1986 Ivor Novello award for Best Song Musically and Lyrically.
I didn’t hear the song when it was new, but years later when I caught the music video which I found to be lowkey, but oddly mesmerizing. Some time later, I briefly went out with a guy (Rudy) who owned the cassette tape of the album on which the song appeared, and I remember loving that. I actually associate him with the Eurythmics / Annie Lennox as we viewed a film together (1992’s “Prelude to a Kiss”) which featured Annie Lennox’s take on Cole Porter’s “Every Time We Say Goodbye”, which I had seen her perform in the 1991 film “Edward II” and had desperately wanted but then found on the “Prelude to a Kiss” soundtrack – which I used in part to make a mixed tape of songs I loved at the time, which I then played for Rudy. I don’t know Rudy’s last name.
This week there was Marvel news and I’m sure there will be more tomorrow. This excites me. I’m a huge Marvel fan, so there’s that.
I got outside for several walks this week. I’ve lost weight. I was actually thinking that I weighed 207 pounds in March, but it turns out, I actually weighed 211 pounds then – and I now weigh under 194, so that’s a considerable amount of weight lost, and I’ve not been doing anything crazy. I’m just making healthier choices in my diet and getting a bit more exercise than I had been. So that’s pretty exciting, because since I’m enjoying this time, I feel like this might be something I can keep up with and not worry about it all coming back, as I’ve heard others talk about. I was originally aiming to get to 180lbs but my program says that my ideal weight 172lbs. It also told me recently that my “metabolic age” was 52, which I thought was fair since I’ll be 52 in just a few weeks, but now I’m down to age 51, so I’m assuming that’s a good thing? I’m so clueless about this stuff. But that’s just what I make sure to tell my doctors. Treat me like I don’t know anything, because if it relates to food or exercise, I probably don’t know much! lol But I’m doing great. And I think I’m finding a good balance between what I love, what I enjoy and what is good for me. It’s not about giving up everything, it’s about balancing it out with other options, which I also like. My snack plates lately are all fruits and seeds and things, but I legitimately didn’t notice or think about it until Aaron pointed it out to me. I just thought they were fun choices. lol Oh, and I’m cutting some sugar from my smoothies now; putting 3 quarters of a cup of fruit in (instead of a full cup) and then using a quarter cup of zucchini, which is great for you, apparently, but which I’d never had before. I can’t taste a difference, so that’s great.
I’m so fucking tired. I woke up at 2am when Aaron got up for something. And then I realized that today was Brian Lounsberry’s 50th birthday. Or it would have been. And then I knew I needed to write something and I got up. And I did write something. And also rewrote an older poem that I’ve often referred to, but have never been truly happy with. So that’s accomplished. I should probably be trying to write this in some semblance of order.
Monday we got the first “Avengers: Doomsday” trailer, which I posted. Excited for that. Tuesday we got the final “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” trailer and I’m excited for that. Later I took the train to the park and then walked home, which is about a mile.
July 21, 2026. Not bad for nearly 52 and having been 220 lbs in my recent past.
Tuesday (July 21) I had therapy that went well. I’m sure there was some kind of drama that day but I can’t remember what it was. Oh. And we watched another Star Trek: The Next Generation episode (S03E10 “The Defector”) – which we both enjoyed and had both forgotten most of. Indeed, I had mistaken the plot in my head for a completely different subplot from a different Trek episodes (S06E14 “Face of the Enemy”), which in my defense, also involves the Romulans and a defector, but in that case, it’s a human defector who joined the Romulans and returns to the Federation – I remember that actor and that story and assumed that this Season 3 Romulan episode about a defector was the same thing. But it wasn’t. lol So that was kind of funny.
Wednesday (July 22): Aaron went on a walk with me. We went to Starbucks on our way home and the barista complimented my “whole vibe”, which I’m not sure I thanked her for, which makes me feel like a jerk. Really, I’m just caught off guard when people compliment me.
Thursday (July 23): I went for a walk. There was plenty of drama though. We’re going to Florida next week, but it’s quite a lot of stress for me as I’d rather not travel and I wasn’t planning on going at all, but the trip got moved up and if I want to see Spider-Man with Aaron, which I do, I have to go. And there are issues with me going but we talked it out and we’re reducing the risk of all that as much as we can – and if it’s bad, I’ll either come home earlier, or go to a hotel or something.
Later I rewatched “Thunderbolts*” for the first time since seeing it in theaters. I think I enjoyed it about the same as the first time, but I forgot how much I cried during the second half, so I was bawling for awhile. lol Then right after that, Aaron and I watched the new Season 4 premiere of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (S04E01 “Valles Marineris”), which we both enjoyed, despite both of us being a bit distracted by other things.
Also, someone betrayed Aaron this week. I’m sure he had his reasons, but it was really horrible and I knew that Aaron was hurt but I didn’t think there was much that I could do. On top of that, it left him in a very precarious position as far as his company is concerned, but that was solved in a truly gracious manner that I will forever be grateful for.
I went to bed after Trek, going to bed around 9 and drifting off around 10. And then Aaron woke me up around 2 and now we’re up to date.
I’m going back to bed.
Today’s journal title song quote comes from “Song to the Siren” by various different bands that I enjoy, but the most popular seems to be This Mortal Coil; but it was written by by Tim Buckley and Larry Beckett and released by them in 1970. The version by This Mortal Coil was released as their first single in 1983 and then on their album “It’s End in Tears” in 1984.
What happened this week? Well, I got outside a few times but stayed in a lot as well, mostly because we keep getting alerts that our air quality is poor and on some days there have been alerts that it could be dangerous for anyone to go outside. Nightmarish stuff.
Wednesday I watched the new X-Men ’97 episode (S02E05 “Weapon X, Lies, and DVDs”) and another of the original animated series (S03E19 “Love in Vain”) – which means I have 2 seasons left of the original show and 4 more of the current season of the newer program. Later that night I had a bit of a freakout about food. I wanted to cut for the first time in a long time, and many of the things I would normally do to ride that wave out weren’t possible. It was incredibly hot outside. Our water was being worked on so I couldn’t take a shower. And I couldn’t actually tackle food because the water line is in the kitchen, so there was a guy in there working on it, and the counters were covered with his tools. It was tricky, but I was able to communicate with Aaron, who was wonderful.
Once I’d calmed down, we started watching Season 3 of Heartstopper. I watched the initial season in a single sitting before getting Aaron into it. We binged Season 2 together the day it was released but I’ve put off watching Season 3 because I knew it had a major storyline about disordered eating – and I was worried that could be triggering (which it was) – but the film that wraps up the whole series was released today so now’s the time to watch it all.
The thing is, at a certain point, the character in question speaks to his parents about it, having written down his thoughts in advance, and asks for help. I did that too, 30 years ago, in late May of 1996. The character also says that he feels like something horrible will happen if he eats. That was jarring. That’s what happens with me. And I’ve never heard anyone else describe it that way. I told my therapist about this on Thursday and she said she’d also never heard anyone describe it like that. The reason is, the character also has OCD (which I don’t), so he has all these rules in place about how and when he can eat. But that’s where we are different. My disordered eating is the result of trauma, related to food, but the food part is essentially a symptom of my PTSD. Still, it was very similar. And hearing it outloud on a TV show I was crying. And Aaron, who has heard me all this time, he was crying. And we were also both crying because the character’s boyfriend is in a similar position to what Aaron has had to learn and struggle with due to my condition. It really resonated. Due to the ongoing story we watched the season in bursts, rather than in one go, so I could make sure that I was okay. But we finished the last episode a bit ago (On Friday, July 17, 2026) and we’ll watch the movie tomorrow. The season has been rough, but very good and I’m hoping the movie wraps the stories up nicely.
As mentioned already, I saw my therapist (in person) on Thursday. I wore a Catherine Wheel shirt. I’ve really enjoyed getting dressed up and going out lately. Maybe it’s because I’ve lost some weight? Or maybe it’s because I’ve come to the conclusion that wearing sunblock, which I’ve always hated but needed due to my vitiligo, is probably why I look so much younger than basically everyone I grew up with – so I look forward to wearing it now. My appointment went well. I had a lot to talk about with the TV story and how I’d dedicated the black iced tea to my mom the week before. She was surprised that it has been 5 years since my mother died. We’d had 2 or 3 weeks off from each other when I told her originally, and I will always remember her shock that my mother had passed, and how I was dealing with it, and all the things that came with that.
I went to bed early last night. I didn’t really sleep well though, doing my old split shift routine, where I sleep for 4 hours, get up for a few, then lay back down for another couple of hours. It’s fine. I felt rested. And I ate well today. A lot of fruit, veggies, water, smoothies, nuts and seeds. I just ordered some more varieties to try in the coming days. I’m very tired but wanting to finish this before I sleep. I did several collages for my photos section. I wrote a new poem the other day, though I’m not sure I like it. I need to start posting more poetry again soon, and movie reviews. I was doing so well at first but it’s become a bit intimidating; I don’t like trying to find where I left off – I’m so disorganized!
Today’s journal entry title music quote is from “Crank” by Catherine Wheel, from their 1993 album “Chrome”. I didn’t discover the band until 1993, but I found them by randomly picking up their first CD – and they became my favorite group. I also didn’t learn that the second album existed until 1995 when they used to play this song at City Club in Detroit. I was so associated with the song that one of my friends (Steve) came rushing to tell me that my song was being played. I’ve probably shared this song here before and likely will again. Love this band. Love this track. Love this album.
On Wednesday (June 17) Aaron and I had an eye doctor appointment, only to find out that my insurance only covers a visit every two years, so I headed home. I had a VNS monthly interview; I was recently recertified for services. There was a new Spider-Man: Brand New Day trailer and tickets went on sale for the movie.
That night after I got read for bed I had a phone conversation with my cousin Joy, which was long overdue, delightful – but extensive. So extensive that I didn’t actually get to bed until about 3am. Fine.
I slept well, though waking up without Aaron (on June 18) was a shock. The week has flown by and I’d forgotten that Aaron was working from the office. Additionally, there had been storms off and on and I woke up with a severe migraine that got worse. I took all the things and I did laundry in preparation to attend Aaron’s Stonewall Chorale Pride Concert, which I’d asked Aaron to get me a ticket for, so I did not want to cancel, because I only had a ticket because I asked, plus I love the choir and I wanted to be there for the fun! Only, again, the migraine didn’t leave and later I learned that Aaron hadn’t gotten me the ticket, so I begged out of going to get a ticket at the door and stayed home. I didn’t go out. I didn’t watch TV or movies or read or play video games. It was so bad that I couldn’t really do anything fun. Aaron later assured me that this was the right call as there was a bit of drama, a late start to the show and there was no air conditioning. Bullet dodged. I still would have liked to have gone to support him and to see everyone though. I guess Victor Garber was there and I would likely have said hello to him. Oh well.
I updated my photos section this morning. I have more updates I’d like to do. And I’m still behind on several viewing orders that are in various stages of preparation, so I have stuff to work on. Aaron has today off and at some point, likely after 6, we’ll watch The Sound of Music. We got our Spider-Man: Brand New Day tickets today. July 30 at 3pm. Awesome.
Today’s journal entry song quote is from “Dream State (Run From It)” by American post rock band Son Lux, from their fifth studio album, Brighter Wounds. It was the theme song to HBO’s “The Vow”, which I’ve been rewatching.
