I did not sleep well Friday night. Sometimes I’m fine on my own. Others, it’s hard to sleep without Aaron there. Also, I have psychological stuff that pops up now and again. When I was a kid I used sleep on the floor, in front of my sister’s bedroom door. I thought I was protecting her and I would fight to stay awake. That comes back to me as an adult and I resist sleeping. It’s why sleeping pills are such a temptation for me; because I don’t even think about sleeping and I’m out like a light. I only slept 4 hours. But I also took the night off of Zolpidem / Ambien, which meant that I could take it without guilt on Saturday night. Any decrease in Ambien consumption is a win and I’m doing better controlling that then I have in years.
Saturday, I got up early and worked on my website about half of the day. The other half I was fighting off a recurring migraine I’ve had for about a week. I get those a lot this time of year. Well, anytime of year really, but I’m on Aimovig, which cuts the number of migraines I have in half. I used to have them almost every day and now it’s a couple of times a week, occasionally less, which probably sounds horrible to most people, but to me, it’s like a vacation! But this is a particularly bad time of year for my migraines and this is clearly a cluster. So that bit sucked. I gave in and took my meds. I have an inhaler that helps with most of my worst migraines but it has negative side effects so I don’t take it unless I need it. But that didn’t help. I took a scalding hot shower and also took some Ibuprofen and Tylenol Migraine and eventually they helped, but I could tell the migraine was still there, beneath the surface.
Later I rewatched one of my guilty pleasure movies, “Claire of the Moon”. A lesbian drama film with some questionable acting choices. It’s not a great movie but I love it so much. It was the right call. I last watched it about 6 years ago. And I’ll likely see it again someday. It’s a comfort movie for me. Also, I’m trying to revisit the movies I watched but didn’t write much about during my LGBTQ+ movie marathon that began in 2020; some of those movies were viewed before I started reviewing them and others I just didn’t get around to writing. But now that they have a home here, I will try to stay on top of it, which should be pretty easy. I’m not watching 5 or 6 a day anymore and also, I don’t have to keep track of them as much, so once I’ve transferred all the reviews from Facebook, I can take my time, have fun and not worry about getting it all right.
I went to bed around 10pm. I slept until around 7. Friday night I had dreams that I was at Meijer and that Lisa and Emily Murray were there with Aunt Karen. Last night I dreamed that I was seeing a Spider-Man film with Janice and her kids, and as we left, Tom Holland and Zendaya were with us – and I actually think Tom was on one of Janice’s kids. There were also dreams that I was living on a boat with Aaron / Mark. A whale had crashed through the boat and I was surveying the damage, the whale still in the hull. Later I learned that Aaron / Mark had imprisoned the whale to pull us to our destination and was so angry. I was telling him / them that if the whale died that I would never speak to him / them again when I woke up. The latter dream seems heavily influenced by Doctor Who’s “The Beast Below” (S05E11) but I haven’t even thought about that episode in years so I’m not sure why that popped up here.
I want to lose weight. Which is not something I’ve really had to contemplate much in my life. Growing up, I was relatively thin due to PTSD tied into eating. And in my late 20s my stomach became partially paralyzed, which I’ve struggled with ever since. 9 years ago, I was a little under 164 pounds. I weigh over 200 pounds now. I think I weighed 220 for awhile and maybe I still do? I’m a little afraid to look. I’ve recently changed my diet for the better, dropping ice cream and replacing ice cream shakes with smoothies, with each ingredient being much healthier than the ingredients in the shakes. I also stopped eating a type of of pizza (pretzel crust) which was delicious but had more salt on it than was healthy; it even included a health hazard warning! I’ve also stopped eating bacon and peperoni, which I was eating often before. I’ve not sworn off these foods but I’ve made it a point to not eat them on a daily basis. I’ve also drastically reduced my intake of potato chips. I still get them once or sometimes twice a month, but for many years I had them every single day. I have fruit every day. I have veggies often. All that is to say that I’ve made some really good dietary choices. But I need to start exercising. If I could, I would run, but it’s very high impact at a point in my life with that seems really not good for my body – and it would likely aggravate my stomach. I’m leaning more toward stair climbing, hiking and taking more walks. And if I can find something a bit more heart intensive that works for me, that would be wonderful. I miss dancing but there are no clubs near me that I enjoy and while I can dance at home, it’s not easy when I’m rarely on my own.
I need new shoes. Good comfortable shoes for walking / hiking. The shoes I have now are nice but I got them in 2021 I think and I’ve since walked many miles in them, all around the world: Belize (Harvest Caye), England (London), France (Marseille, Nice), Greece (Athens, Mykonos, Olympia, San Torini), Honduras (Roatan), Malta, Mexico (Costa Maya, Cozumel), Monaco (Monte Carlo), Italy (Florence, Naples twice, Pisa, Pompeii, Rome twice, Sicily twice, Taormina) Spain (Barcelona) + the United States: Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Texas (Galveston & Houston) – at least.
I had a smoothie this morning, which has mostly settled. I think I’m going to get ready and try to go for a walk.
