“Heaven is a Curse Inside My Mind”

I tried to get back to sleep Sunday morning (10-25-26). We like it cool when we sleep but in winter it can get very cold in our bedroom so I use a few blankets, always using this one that my mother crocheted for me. My mother died a little over 5 years ago, so it means a lot to me.

I took Aaron to his treatment. I get bored waiting for hours, but I’ve been enjoying the drive home. Driving into the city this time was…an experience. New Yorkers have this thing where the lanes on the roads seem to be only suggestions. It’s a little stressful, but not as bad as I expected it to be. Aaron says I’m his hero for going to these appointments with him and giving him the rides home as these are not activities that are easy for me. It’s nice that recognizes and acknowledges this. I need some days where I don’t need to worry about anything like this, really consecutive days, because I have to go to bed very early to be up in the morning for these things and I’m wearing a bit thin on that front. I just need to find a balance. I only have so much energy in a single day due to my disability, and I had been doing really well with exercise and I need time and space for that which has been lagging of late. I’ll try to work that out with Aaron.

I was worn out from that little trip. Like I said, I only have so much energy to spend and these appointments involve driving for an hour, then me sitting in a waiting room for about 2.5 / 3 hours, and then me driving us home. It’s a lot, even though I’m not very active during these sessions, but that’s part of my frustration. I watched quite a bit of television. I watched more SVU, started re-watching AHS (with “Freak Show”, due my new viewing order – I watched the first 1.5 episodes), and I also watched another Avatar episode (S01E09 “The Waterbending Scroll”). I went to bed early again last night because I needed to be up early today for my own appointment.

This morning, Monday, October 26, I caught the A train at 181st and took it down to Penn Station (34th). Exiting the subway my immediate view was of the distant Empire State Building, then I walked by Madison Square Garden. This new appointment was in the same building as my anal pap, but this was a totally different doctor. Today I finally saw an endocrinologist. It only took 3 or 4 years. lol I did try to get in sooner, but there are a whole series of unforeseen hurdles and unexpected delays. My doctor was nice and informative and so now I have another member of my care team, which is extensive, for which I’m grateful.

When I got home, I ate. I had egg whites + a blueberry zucchini smoothie. I changed my clothes. I started a new poem when I was a the doctor’s office, which I finished. Then I went for a walk, stopping by to see Aaron visiting with his former coworker, said hi, then I was off to the park.

I showered when I got home. I had walked my usual 2 miles, plus today’s appointment, and I’d eaten well. I felt good. I relaxed with some Zelda (BOTW). Then decided I’d post this.

Oh! The nurse at the doctor’s office asked me if I was in the fashion industry, and when I went to the park, a woman stopped me to tell me how much she loved my pants. That was nice.

Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “lovely.” by queer synth pop artist and producer Gregory Dillon, from his 2020 EP “Sad Magic”. I’ve curated a large collection of LGBTQ+ inclusive / themed music and I stumbled on Dillon’s work a few years ago. I love this song.

“Sweet Like Candy to My Soul”

I accompanied Aaron to his appointment Thursday (10-15-26). There was a bit of stress heading home. I think I need more practice driving, or at least driving in the area, so I’ll probably start driving us to the appointments as well. Exposure therapy, as it were. I’ve done that before, with lots of things, and it always helps. I need practice driving around here, and just driving our car, whom we call Ruby. lol

I didn’t do much yesterday. I’ve been negotiating with my younger self. Getting us to do things that are healthier for us, while striving to not piss him off or make him feel unheard. It’s going pretty well for now, which is a relief. I had therapy early this morning (10-16-26) and I have a couple of other doctor appointments next week. We may go to the Botanical Gardens tomorrow as an early celebration of our 15 year anniversary; Aaron will be busy on the actual day (10-22-26). The migraine that I’ve been struggling with all week is less pervasive today, but it’s very near the surface and we’re going to get rain later, which almost always makes these things worse.

I wrote a new poem today about a boy that I dated years ago; I like this piece more than most I’ve written lately – and I like how the art turned out as well, which is pictured above. I also uploaded 3 more NSFW Photo Collages. I’ll try to watch another Avatar episode later. Really, I just want to keep my head down today and try to eat more sensibly.

Today’s journal entry song quote title comes from “Crash Into Me” by the American rock band Dave Matthews Band, from their 1996 second studio album. The song was a hit single, and I actually shared a remix of the song on a mixed CD that I gifted to the boy I wrote about this morning, which might be why I’m thinking of him today, because I’ve had the song stuck in my head since yesterday.

“The Mind Says No Sir, But the Body Says Please”

I accompanied Aaron to his appointment yesterday (Tuesday, 10-13-26), which went well. Driving us home I was supposed to stop somewhere so he could do the driving in the city (which I’ve never done and find terrifying), but I ended up driving us through the Bronx and into Manhattan! It was stressful, but we were able to switch over before things got too nightmarish. I can’t handle when people are double parked on both sides of a street, and there’s always a lot of that.

I took a nap when we got home so I could be awake for “VisionQuest”. I watched another episode of “Avatar: The Last Airbender” (S01E04 “The Warriors of Kyoshi”), which I enjoyed. And later when I saw “VisionQuest”…it took me a little longer to get into it than I was expecting, in part due to its reliance on footage from previous stories, but once it started relying more on new stuff, I was in. I gasped in surprise several times. I laughed and I cried. I found the timeline a bit confusing, but I think what it’s saying is that it is set very late in 2028, later than “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” but before “Avengers: Doomsday”. We’ll see if that’s confirmed.

Late 2023: WandaVision
Late 2024: Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness
Late 2026: Agatha All Along
Late 2028: VisionQuest

I couldn’t write any of this down last night because I had a visual migraine and had to go to bed, but I slept well. I cuddled with Aaron this morning and then we showered together. I uploaded 6 new pieces to the NSFW Photo Collages.

I actually still have the migraine. It’s been on and off for a few days. But that’s pretty normal for me. What isn’t normal, is this long stretch without them. I’m not complaining! lol It’s just interesting.

Today’s journal entry song quote is from “Hustler” by bisexual Australian singer / songwriter Josef Salvat, from his 2015 debut studio album, “Night Swim”.

error: Content is protected !!