And Now He Isn’t

When I was just 17
I fell for his pain.

He was different from me
and yet we were the same.

There between walls
and hospital beds…

There where we said
all the things left unsaid.

All but the truth
of the love that I felt.

But I know that he knew it;
he told me himself.

He signed it in ink
on a board for goodbyes

as we crossed the brink
to begin our own lives.

I thought he was gone;
though in dreams he was near.

“We must love our loved ones
while we have them here.”

And I swooned
as I grieved
and then one day I healed…

Before the wound
cleaved me in two
and revealed…

That he was alive;
it was I who had died.

And all that I’d felt
was because of a lie.

Written by Jason Wright
July 24, 2026

For Brian – on his 50th birthday.

Brian Lounsbery: July 24, 1976 – February 28, 2026 (49)

This is Brian. I met him on March 19, 1992. We were pretty close for about a year and then fell out of touch for several more. I called him on his birthday in (I think) 2003. We were friends on Facebook but never really talked on there. Just one of those people I see scroll across my feed. Our lives just seemed so far removed from one another. I saw his final post on February 27. Something about a car, which was pretty typical for him. I smiled and kept scrolling. He died on February 28. A heart attack, according to a tribute on his obituary. He would have been 50 in July.

I don’t have any photos of us together. I took some of him with another friend of ours in the fall of 1992 and I posted them here years ago. The photos above aren’t mine per say. One of his ex-gfs reached out to me many years ago (in late 2002) and these were her photos that she shared with me. I don’t know how to get in touch with her. The e-mail address I had then is long gone. I saved these at random and never bothered to do anything with them, so I’m sharing them now.

This is Brian William Lounsberry. Born July 24, 1976. I always remembered his birthday. I have lots of memories of him, which I have always been grateful for. We never fought. And though we fell out of touch, when I did know him, I loved him very much. I hope he was happy until the end, and that his soul is at peace.

Brian Was Here (2026 Edit)

Brian was with me
in his home tonight.

Brian –
he carried me…

Brian –
he married me…

Brian was buried
in my arms tonight.

In these dreams he was older
than he ever was…

And his eyes shown then
with his long last love…

He held me in his arms because
his arms were a promise…
His tears were so honest
His sorrow was love
in the presence of pain.

His fingers undressed me…
His skin pressed against me…
Tomorrow would come
so we lived unrestrained.

His passion, once gone…
and for ever so long…
Unspooled
in the starkness
that above us was aching.

His fingers, they whispered…
His kisses, they blistered…
Then cooled
in the darkness
that our love was making.

The kisses between us
were innocent lust:

expressions of love
in the absence of fear.

For our time is precious
when doubt is infectious:

We must love our loved ones
while we have them here.

Written by Jason Wright
January 9, 2000
*

For Brian,

Who visited me in dreams
to love and be loved.

* This version was edited on July 24, 2026, which would have been Brian’s 50th birthday.


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