This entry feels like it’s going to be very unorganized. My brain is fried and I’m writing about several days, but here goes…
05-26-26:
I dreamed I was up late by myself. I had fallen asleep watching Pretty Woman and realized I had missed most of the movie, but as I thought back on the parts I missed, it was actually the movie Mrs. Doubtfire. I had not mistaken one movie for the other but it was somehow both films.
In the dream I lived with Aaron but he wasn’t home. I wondered where he was so late but as I was in bed (not our current bed – in my dreams our apartment is often different) I did not think to call him. When Aaron did arrive home he brought friends and I pretended to be asleep – only he didn’t even stop in to check on me. The friends were all black – the cast of a movie I saw once. One of them I’ve seen in several things and will try to remember his name later. I was a bit miffed but tried to get back to sleep and seemed to succeed. When I woke again Aaron still wasn’t in my room so I crept around the apartment (which was cavernous, filled with old things, curtains blowing in the wind, ala The Hunger) and I saw that Aaron was alone with only the one guy whose name I can’t remember. Aaron had put on my leather jacket and I knew right away that he was about to fuck this guy. I grabbed my phone, wanting to sneak around and watch and record but I kept running into problems, the way that people often do when they need to pee in dreams, only I think all these obstacles were meant to keep me from cumming. I was grabbing my dick. I was trying to record but accidentally called myself. I ran into an old coworker and though I stopped to explain to her (Jennifer White who was still Jennifer White but going by a new name with a fake accent) what was happening and she was sympathetic I had to sneak away from her to get back to the sex-cipades, but I couldn’t get over there. I knew the guy would be leaving soon so I feigned sleep again but the guy thought it was hot (and so did I) for him to insult me by getting Aaron to fuck his face near me so I squinted to see them having sex. The guy, oddly, had like a horse tail growing out of his lower back, or maybe he was cosplaying or something? I don’t really get that part. Eventually he woke me on purpose and I was trying to decide if I should act like I was offended and possibly scare Aaron in the process (which I didn’t want) or if I should just treat it like it wasn’t a big deal which might have led to either good or further bad behavior from the guest. I started to wonder about men like this and if they might want to hurt me by throwing away my stuff or damaging my property and that we should find ways to avoid that as I woke to find Aaron leaving the bedroom, naked (as he sleeps naked). I wanted to tell him I just had a sex dream about him but then I started replaying it in hopes of remembering it – then I snuck to the office to write this down.
Tuesday I went to the post office with Aaron and then walked to Little Caesars to get pizza. My stomach has been iffy since we left for FL on the 20th, so I didn’t go further, but it was nice being outside. I mostly worked on my website.
Wednesday followed much the same pattern as Tuesday. I did get out for a minute but I was not feeling very good – I just wanted to make sure I was staying in because I didn’t feel well, and not because I couldn’t bring myself to get outside.
05-28-26:
I dreamed of seeing Steve Groff at church. I tried to take a selfie with him and Grandma but we moved and when I asked for another grandma said no. I left them there. I was in Aunt Thelma’s yard, trying not to be seen by cars (driven by thieves) by hiding behind trees. Later, Steve joined me at my apartment and he started playing the Pretty in Pink soundtrack and I said that I had meant to play the same thing and to tell him that everytime I hear it I think of him but that I didn’t know how to communicate that to him without sounding crazy because it has nothing to do with him. I asked him if he’d seen a movie or heard the music it featured and he said no in a fearful, almost lustful tone. The film featured a serial killer who murdered a man who lived in an old bus / sailboat on the beach who was insane, infected with vermin that could be washed from his skull but never would be before he died. The killer was a gay erotic ideal, leather clad and muscles and I compared Steve to this man. He explained that they (his family) had almost gotten out during Covid and they had planned against the government, but I knew the story somehow and knew it was empty. Later, Amber and Laurie visited me and I told them that on my birthday Jennifer and Autumn had visited me and that we’d exchanged poetic verses inscribed on artistic objects of our own designs. One of my old ones was found by Amber (a seemingly wooden square, in a thicker than usual picture frame, painted black with white highlights (something like lightning or squiggly lines but was it white on black or black on white – and there were words as well) with a poem inscribed. I tried to draw it when I woke up but the drawing didn’t do it justice.
After waking I saw various things (above) that felt connected to what I’d dreamed. Later I went out for another walk but that was cut short by unexpected rain. I took some pictures though, which I tried to have some fun with.
I worked on a guide to Torchwood that incorporates the Big Finish audio adventures; the final entry in the monthly range was released this week and I loved it. It’s one of my top 3 entries in that series, all of which features Ianto Jones and tie into bigger events.
“Broken” ties into several first season Torchwood episodes. The new “Fare Well” covers Ianto’s supposed first day at Torchwood One (but fans know this is his second first day after the previous one was wiped from his memory) + a mission set shortly before “Children of Earth”, when SPOILER, Ianto’s character was killed in 2009. Another entry, “Coffee” covered Ianto’s time at Torchwood Three and ends after his death. Ianto was always my favorite Torchwood character; even before the character’s death I had a little shrine to him on my bedroom wall.
I did not sleep well last night. I went to bed very late (early this morning) and I had therapy at 10am. I was going to go back to bed but that didn’t pan out. I’d like to get out for a walk but that seems more and more unlikely. I’m disappointed in myself for not getting out more this week but my stomach has just been horrible. Maybe it will happen? We’ll see.
Today’s journal entry song quote is from “Dreaming of the Queen” by Pet Shop Boys from their interestingly packaged 1993 album “Very”.