Aaron got me flowers on our anniversary Thursday. They’re very pretty. I really prefer to buy flowers for other people, but Aaron doesn’t like receiving flowers, so I never buy them anymore. When I lived in Michigan I would buy flowers for my mother and my maternal grandmother every year, and they loved them.
On Friday, 10-23-26, I felt a little down. So did Aaron. It was sunny outside which made it stranger, because I’m not usually like that when the sun is shining. I went for a brief walk to pick up some prescriptions and get some food. I started Season 2 of The Rings of Power but I fell asleep during the first episode. I started reading “Magic’s Promise” but I didn’t get far. I traded some texts with Jennifer and Felix about Marvel, and I had fun exchanges with Janice and Katie (about massive American Horror Story reveals). I also watched more of SVU Season 24; Season 28 is currently airing, which means I’ve never been this close to the current season, maybe I’ll be caught up by the end? I don’t know. I tend to take long breaks from the series.
I forgot to mention that I read character actor Richard Riehle died the other day, on October 15, 2026. He was often in things that I loved, having bit roles in “Ally McBeal” & “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, but really, in the last few years, I noted that he was in many LGBTQ+ films, such as “Fried Green Tomatoes”, “Prelude to a Kiss”, “Body of Evidence”, “River Made To Drown In”, “The Fluffer”, “The Laramie Project” & “Mysterious Skin”. It got to the point that when I would see him pop up in this or that thing, I always smiled, because it was like seeing an old friend, whom I didn’t actually know and had never met.
I went to bed early last night. We have plans this morning. But I woke up after 3, finding it difficult to breathe. I got up for a bit, which sometimes helps, but it didn’t. I’m sure it’s allergies; I’ve been sneezing (not coughing) for a few days. I did a nasal rinse, which helped a little, but my device seems to be messing up and I may need a new one. Then eventually I took some Sudafed and wrote this.
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from the song “Gods & Monsters”, by American singer and songwriter, Elizabeth Woolridge Grant, known professionally as Lana Del Rey, from her third extended play, “Paradise” and the reissue of her second album “Born to Die”, “Born to Die: The Paradise Edition”. “Gods & Monsters” was released on November 9, 2012. The song was covered by Jessica Lange in an fourth season episode of American Horror Story (“Freak Show”), which is where I first heard it, despite not loving that iteration, as my favorite line (“looking to get fucked hard”) wasn’t featured – which felt weird to me, as the series is pretty extreme and the story features a one legged woman running a freak show carnival performing a song 60 years before its actual release, in a series that often feature lurid, graphic imagery and storylines…but that line was too much? It annoyed me, even if I liked that season more than any of those that followed. YMMV.
“The Trip” is a 2002 American romantic drama film directed by Miles Swain, which follows the love affair between a young gay rights activist and an initially closeted conservative. Openly gay actor Larry Sullivan plays the conservative, Alan Oakley, while Steve Braun plays the proud Tommy Ballenger. The film features trans actress Alexis Arquette, former Bond Girl, Jill St. John and a groovy soundtrack (featuring America, T Rex, Missing Persons, Ready for the World, Pointer Sisters and Bruce Springsteen), but unfortunately the tone of the film is extremely uneven; it just doesn’t seem to know what it wants to be. Tellingly, the film’s score (which is occasionally effective) contradicts what is happening on screen several times, which is jarring. Also, there are some really horrific wigs.
When I’m watching the movie, I enjoy most of it, but it’s always a bit frustrating. Having said that, I’ve now seen the movie 4 times so there must be something there. I initially watched it when it was a new release at the video store where I worked (between 2002 & 2008). In late 2011 or early 2012 I found myself haunted by something I remembered of the film and I rewatched it. Then I watched it again on March 28, 2020 – again, during the NYC Covid-19 lockdowns. It was the second queer film I watched during that time and then I watched over 800 more. But I didn’t write anything up about it then. So here I am again in October of 2026. Maybe that means I’ll watch it again in a few years?
The movie covers a span of about 11 years, between 1973 & 1984, which isn’t wholly believable, but is often fun, and then brutally horrifying, before a tacked on happy-ish ending, that doesn’t feel like it belongs with what came just before. If it sounds like I hate this movie, that’s not accurate. This is very close to being something good, or at least something better, but it’s not. And that’s a shame, because there’s a lot of potential here. And maybe that’s why I keep revisiting it.
Also, despite the movie only featuring the song for maybe 30 seconds, I can’t here the song “A Horse with No Name” by America, without thinking of this movie.
On Sunday, October 18, 2026, I marked the 25 year anniversary of the night that I met Sean Mobley. We eventually dated. He struggled with addiction for years, and eventually ended his life in December of 2021. We went for long intervals without contact, but when we did speak he often mentioned that of all the people he dated, that I was the kindest, and based on a smattering of stories he shared, I believed him. He had a lot of bad experiences; a lot of demons, and many horrible things happened to him in those last years. He wasn’t always the easiest person to communicate with, but I always cherished our time together and I miss him.
I tried to not get depressed or lost in past, which is one of my struggles. I tried to eat healthy food that day – and to be kind to myself, with some success at both.
On Monday, October 19, I went with Aaron to his therapy appointment. I’m getting more in the habit of this trip, the route we drive, the pace of the therapy and our trip home after when I drive. In fact, on this day I drove us all the way home, which was a first for me. I’ve never driven in Manhattan like this before, which went really well. I was lucky, because there was far less traffic than there often is, but I was also more skilled in dealing with the stuff that bothers me than I had thought possible, so that was nice.
That afternoon I decided I’d revisit some LGBTQ films I watched during the pandemic, a film project that at the time had kept me sane in lockdown and which grew into a viewing of several hundred queer films – and eventually, many film reviews, but not only didn’t I know that was something that would happen, in the beginning, I just wanted to watch movies and that’s all there was to it, so there are lots of entries that I never really wrote anything about. Now I can. So I re-watched the first entry that I originally watched on March 18, 2020, “Geography Club”, a 2013 adaptation of the 2003 young adult novel by queer American author Brent Hartinger…and I think even that description is more than I originally wrote about it. I’ll try to write the review later today.
I haven’t watched any more Avatar since the other day. I have watched the VisionQuest episodes as they’ve been released (with episodes 3 & 4 released on Tuesday 10-20-26) and I’m loving that. There are so many shows I’d like to get to, but I also don’t want to spend all of my time watching TV.
Speaking of October 20, that day I had a follow-up appointment with my new Primary Care Physician. Technically, I’ve been seeing him for years, but with a different doctor as my PCP, but the the guy I’ve been seeing, is great in many ways, but has failed me a few times now, in ways that have hurt my trust in him. I can always go back and see him in a pinch if I have to, but my new PCP is funny, gay, and most importantly, brilliant. He always asks me questions that the other doesn’t, and puts me on a path that feels productive, responsive and responsible. I feel good about this.
Yesterday, October 21, 2026, was easily the worst day I’ve had in a long time. Everything went wrong. Anything I tried to do, failed. I was planning on working on a photo project because I was going to have the apartment to myself, only Aaron didn’t leave. I love when Aaron is here, but I had specifically made plans based on what he’d told me, so that was disappointing. It wasn’t that big of a deal though. I decided I’d go for a walk, but the outfit I chose wasn’t warm enough; the forecast I’d seen had said it was going to be in the 70s, but it was in the high 50s. I returned home to get a jacket, but the jacket caught on something, injuring me, and spoiling the mood. Again, not a huge deal. I had plenty of things I needed to do on my website, so I changed, and got ready for an afternoon spent at my desk, but then the internet went out. Aaron asked if I’d like to go to his rehearsal that night and I thought about it and decided that I would, and that’s when the migraine kicked in. I took medication, and I ate, but none of it stayed down. I cancelled. I decided I’d stay in and relax and watch some television. I’ve been slowly working my way through Law & Order: Special Victims Unit for years, and when they crossover with other shows, I watch those episodes. The other day I’d finished Season 23 and had started Season 4, which began with a crossover between Organized Crime (Part 1), SVU (Part 2) and the original Law & Order (Part 3) – and I had watched the first 2, so I tried watched the third part, only that season is one that isn’t available on streaming. I tried just skipping to the next SVU, but it kept crashing. I’m not even listing everything. I didn’t cry. But I sometimes felt like crying. It was horrible. Before I slept I was able to keep some toast down, and by then it felt like a huge victory.
I slept well. I woke up early and had a smoothie, then went back to bed, finally finished reading “Magic’s Pawn”, then cuddled with Aaron for a few hours. Today, October 22, 2026, is our 15 year anniversary! He’s working today but we’re planning on doing something on Saturday. I’d like to go to the Brooklyn Boardwalk as I’ve never been there, but Aaron would like to Botanical Gardens. Perhaps we’ll do both? We’ll see. I look forward to reading “Magic’s Promise”, which is the last novel I need to reread before the new entry comes out in December, though there are a few short stories I should probably look back on. I’ll work that out later.
A week ago today, I got a Facebook message from Jeff Adkins, a friendly guy I hooked up with a little over 26 years ago. I do try to stay in touch with everyone I’ve ever dated / hooked up with, which I’m sure must seem weird to some people. It seems weird to me sometimes too, but coming of age during the AIDS crisis, we were encouraged to have contact information for anyone we had sex with, and that has stuck with me. Plus, I just genuinely like talking to people that I know intimately. Anyways, it was good to hear from him; he has a new book coming out that he’s written called “The F#ckboy Recovery Guide” which will be released next month. He wanted me to read it, which I was flattered by, but just like with several other friends who are authors, I had to let him know that I’m an extremely slow reader. I don’t think I conveyed (but should have) that I also have a hard time focusing on any one thing. I start lots of books, with the intention of finishing them, but then I see something shiny and off I go. It’s become far worse as I’ve aged. I would like to read his book. And I encourage others to check it out. Anyways – I figured I wrote about him back in the day, because that’s generally how it goes with me, and I had, so I ported that poem over to this site, and here it is.
I might try to port more poetry over today. I also want to get that review in and I have some other films I’d like to watch. I’m not sure if that will happen today. I’m really very hungry right now so I’ll try to eat and see how that goes, I guess.
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “Charlotte Sometimes” by English rock band The Cure, from the 2005 deluxe edition of their 1981 third studio album “Faith”. The title and lyrics were based on the 1969 children’s novel “Charlotte Sometimes” by the English writer Penelope Farmer. The Rough Guide to Cult Pop called the song “a goth masterpiece of doomed beauty and ruined elegance”. Agreed.
I first watched this film on March 18, 2020, during the NYC lockdown of the Covid-19 pandemic. It became the first of a larger project, where I ended up watching over 800 queer films, with 340 of them in 2020 alone! If I was awake I was watching a movie. It wasn’t healthy, but it did keep me sane. And it was fun. I was entertained and engaged. But, when I started, I just wanted to watch a movie and this was what I watched.
I decided the other day that I should revisit some of these titles that I never really reviewed, and give them some more attention. I remembered that this was the first I’d watched and that I hadn’t loved it, but I couldn’t remember why. So here we are.
“Geography Club” is a 2013 American comedy drama film directed by Gary Entin from a screenplay by Edmund Entin, based on the 2003 novel of the same name by openly gay American author Brent Hartinger. And yes, I know that some people object to the term “openly gay”, but for me, it’s still a sign of the progress we’ve made, and is something to note. YMMV. The novel has at least 6 sequels.
The film centers on Russell Middlebrook (Cameron Deane Stewart), who falls for his high school’s football quarterback, Kevin Land (Justin Deeley) which leads him to the school’s Geography Club, which is actually a group of queer kids, leading to the creation of a Gay Straight Alliance. Sounds good right? And it features Alex Newell and reliable ally Scott Bakula…so why don’t I like it? Well, I wondered the same thing as I was watching. Not all of the acting is great, but there are movies with worse acting that I adore, so that’s not it. What I can say is that my problems with the movie have less to do what is there, than what is not. The movie feels rushed, and like either a lot was cut from it, or like maybe they ran out of money and just never filmed everything they needed? Sometimes the plot just jumps forward in a way that seems unjustified, nonsensical and / or totally random. Less annoying, but still problematic, there are some humor elements that just don’t work. Whole sections that I’m aware the movie wants me to laugh, but they just aren’t funny. And I wish there was more to discuss, but there isn’t. And if this was the only film to cover this kind of story, that would be fine, but it’s not, and so it just feels tired and, incomplete. That’s the word I’d use for the movie if I was asked. It’s an incomplete experience, despite watching the entire film twice.
Before it was a movie, the novel was adapted as a play. I wonder if that’s better? Speaking of which, maybe the novel is better? The novel has at least 6 sequels and assorted spin-offs, so even if the movie is exactly like the book, you get more time with the main characters for sure. Watching the movie I wasn’t tempted to read the book, which isn’t like me. Maybe I will someday? I’m just not sure it would be worth my time. But I’m also probably not the target audience either…because I’m old! lol
Aaron went out last night (Friday, 10-16-26) with our friend Nick. I stayed in and played Zelda, while watching a couple episodes of “Avatar: The Last Airbender” (Season 1) & “Law & Order: SVU” (Season 23). I went to bed around 11 and woke up at 4 (Saturday, 10-17-26), but quickly went back to sleep. We slept in together and cuddled late into the morning. We were thinking of going to the Botanical Gardens today but the weather didn’t support it and neither of us felt great. I played more of my game and watched some more stuff. I wasn’t very active but I ate better. I’ve been eating chips again, but I’m out now and I’m not planning on getting more soon. Instead I ate a variety of healthier options: hummus, lettuce, zucchini, blueberries, cashews, pecans, some pita bread, and a thing slice of fiber rich bread with butter and chia seeds. I’ve had a protein drink, but I’ve mostly had water today. Later I went to Starbucks (wanting to get outside) and got my now usual spinach feta wrap.
I just set up a page to display my old bedroom collages, but I’m tired and probably won’t finish them tonight. I actually think I’m going to get ready for bed. I have less than 50 pages left in my book, so I should be finishing that this week.
Today’s journal entry song quote title is from “Night” by English musician Gary Numan, from his 1997 thirteenth solo studio album, “Exile”. The album followed a loose concept, namely that, rather than being opposites, God and the Devil were two sides of the same coin. Each track reflected some aspect of this premise.
I accompanied Aaron to his appointment Thursday (10-15-26). There was a bit of stress heading home. I think I need more practice driving, or at least driving in the area, so I’ll probably start driving us to the appointments as well. Exposure therapy, as it were. I’ve done that before, with lots of things, and it always helps. I need practice driving around here, and just driving our car, whom we call Ruby. lol
I didn’t do much yesterday. I’ve been negotiating with my younger self. Getting us to do things that are healthier for us, while striving to not piss him off or make him feel unheard. It’s going pretty well for now, which is a relief. I had therapy early this morning (10-16-26) and I have a couple of other doctor appointments next week. We may go to the Botanical Gardens tomorrow as an early celebration of our 15 year anniversary; Aaron will be busy on the actual day (10-22-26). The migraine that I’ve been struggling with all week is less pervasive today, but it’s very near the surface and we’re going to get rain later, which almost always makes these things worse.
I wrote a new poem today about a boy that I dated years ago; I like this piece more than most I’ve written lately – and I like how the art turned out as well, which is pictured above. I also uploaded 3 more NSFW Photo Collages. I’ll try to watch another Avatar episode later. Really, I just want to keep my head down today and try to eat more sensibly.
Today’s journal entry song quote title comes from “Crash Into Me” by the American rock band Dave Matthews Band, from their 1996 second studio album. The song was a hit single, and I actually shared a remix of the song on a mixed CD that I gifted to the boy I wrote about this morning, which might be why I’m thinking of him today, because I’ve had the song stuck in my head since yesterday.
I accompanied Aaron to his appointment yesterday (Tuesday, 10-13-26), which went well. Driving us home I was supposed to stop somewhere so he could do the driving in the city (which I’ve never done and find terrifying), but I ended up driving us through the Bronx and into Manhattan! It was stressful, but we were able to switch over before things got too nightmarish. I can’t handle when people are double parked on both sides of a street, and there’s always a lot of that.
I took a nap when we got home so I could be awake for “VisionQuest”. I watched another episode of “Avatar: The Last Airbender” (S01E04 “The Warriors of Kyoshi”), which I enjoyed. And later when I saw “VisionQuest”…it took me a little longer to get into it than I was expecting, in part due to its reliance on footage from previous stories, but once it started relying more on new stuff, I was in. I gasped in surprise several times. I laughed and I cried. I found the timeline a bit confusing, but I think what it’s saying is that it is set very late in 2028, later than “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” but before “Avengers: Doomsday”. We’ll see if that’s confirmed.
Late 2023: WandaVision Late 2024: Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness Late 2026: Agatha All Along Late 2028: VisionQuest
I couldn’t write any of this down last night because I had a visual migraine and had to go to bed, but I slept well. I cuddled with Aaron this morning and then we showered together. I uploaded 6 new pieces to the NSFW Photo Collages.
I actually still have the migraine. It’s been on and off for a few days. But that’s pretty normal for me. What isn’t normal, is this long stretch without them. I’m not complaining! lol It’s just interesting.
Today’s journal entry song quote is from “Hustler” by bisexual Australian singer / songwriter Josef Salvat, from his 2015 debut studio album, “Night Swim”.
I woke up around 2am. I got up, ate (6 veggie tots with chia seeds), read the news and worked on new NSFW Photo Collages for my website. Just as I was going back to bed I noticed a headline that revealed that all of the “VisionQuest” episodes had moved from Wednesday night releases to Tuesdays, meaning the premiere will be tonight, October 13, which relates to events in “WandaVision” which were relayed in “Agatha All Along”. Nice. I went back to bed. My stomach hurt and I was hyped about the show, but I did manage to get back to sleep, for about a minute, when Aaron woke me. He has these night terrors, sleep paralysis, and has learned that if he calls out that I will wake him – just as I’ve learned to wake up completely when I hear him calling. I was glad I was there to help, but was frustrated to be awake. I didn’t think I could fall asleep again, so I got up and had a smoothie. Aaron has a brand of chocolate smoothie which bothers his stomach, so he isn’t using it anymore. I asked him yesterday if he minded if I tried it and he didn’t object, so I made one of those and drank it very quickly…because it was delicious, but this led to me shivering. body shaking for about 10 minutes. I finished a third collage, which means I can add them now (I like to do them in threes) but I might hold off until I can do more. I’ve not decided. I’m not sure I can sleep now, but we have to leave here at 10 and won’t be home until around 3, I think. Which means I’ll probably crash around then – which hopefully wasn’t a bad choice of words, since I’ll be driving today.
This morning’s journal entry song quote is from “Dance Desire”, by the Canadian band Haywire, from their 1987 second album, “Don’t Just Stand There”. I used to watch a Canadian Music Video show in the 80s called “Video Hits”, which played this song. I found a lot of Canadian music fascinating, and I liked a lot of it, but at the time it was very hard to find as many of the ‘hits’ were either not released in the United States or didn’t chart here. Anyways, I’ve only liked this one.
