“The Temple of Love is Falling Down”

On Thursday (August 13) I cuddled with Aaron in the morning but he needed to get up to go into work. Later JP, our Super, stopped by trying to figure out if our apartment was the cause of a leak in the apartment below us. This has happened many times over the years, these impromptu visits, because there has been a leak, off and on in the apartment below us, but they’ve never found anything. They’ve opened up their ceiling and had us run all of our water and there has never been any evidence that it’s coming from us. I wish they had found something so it could be fixed, but it’s been going on now for at least 8 years and although I know that it isn’t, it starts to feel like harassment. The Super is great and he’s frustrated because the neighbors yell at him. We are always kind and cooperative with everyone, even when they stop by at really inopportune moments and inappropriate times, like LATE at night, with no warning in advance. They come in, they see that everything is legit and they leave, frustrated, but thankful for our understanding. It’s starting to wear on me though. So that bothered me all day.

Thursday night, Aaron and I watched the new episode of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (S04E04 “A Case of Chiaroscuro”), which was a mixed bag. Really, all of Season 3 & Season 4 has been a mixed bag, and while I enjoyed the first 2 seasons, they had their problems also. Sadly, this is not the series that I expected or wanted, which in fairness, they don’t owe me, but it’s pretty disappointing. There are only 12 episodes left, but because they’ve focused on other things, there’s no time now to give me answers about these characters that I wanted from the beginning, and I find that I’m ready for the series to end, because it’s not that good. And I have some hope that once the series is wrapped up, that maybe I can accept it for what it is, rather than what it is not. Also, perhaps it will end well? That could help. The state of the series also lends weight to my ongoing theory that when watching The Kurtzman Era of Trek, that this phase of Trek is best served by watching Discovery last, which gives us a whole bonus season with Pike plus episodes with Spock, Una and the Enterprise that I actually love – feeling like a fantastic surprise, rather than a prologue to this show, which then squanders nearly everything possible. I wish I enjoyed it more, but I don’t. Aaron feels the same.

I went off my sleeping meds Thursday night as I was building a tolerance to them. This happens occasionally. It’s also probably just a healthy thing to do. I actually look forward to it, although it’s harder for me to sleep without them and I struggle with several issues as a result, I always have really intense dreams. These are often nightmares, but I still enjoy them for the vivid imagery and sensations. I don’t remember them now and I didn’t write them down, but I remember they were wild.

On Friday (August 14) I worked on my website. I’ve actually been working on it daily. There are now more than 400 poems on my website, but I have at least 1,000 more. I created a viewing order for American Horror Story. I’ve also uploaded more NSFW Photo Collages – I always try to mix in recent photos, and these included photos from this week. Also, a friend reviewed my site, relaying how much she loved the photos, which was nice to hear.

Later I went for a walk. I also played some Zelda, after not having played in at least a month. It’s strange playing intermittently when I’m used to playing non-stop. The last 6 years have been really weird. But I seem to be bouncing back and I hope that what’s happening now is my new normal. I feel like I’m in better shape than I have been in decades. If this is 52, then I’m not complaining!

I was tired but I stayed up to for the Marvel / Star Wars News from D23, which did not disappoint. I’ve been hyped for VisionQuest for years at this point and it really feels like the Wanda / Vision corner of The Multiverse Saga has been really rewarding. I still have hopes that the new series will lead to a family reunion between Vision, Tommy, Billy, Agatha and Wanda which will then feature in the films and see them all together, happy. That’s what I want. It’s always been what I want. But I’m not sure if any of this will happen in any way at any time.

The new look at Avengers: Doomsday was better than the first. It shows far fewer characters but feels like we’re getting far more story, and that has me more excited. I do feel that they are holding back on details and I like that. I believe there are also various characters in this film that have not been announced. The run time appears to be 2 hours and 45 minutes, based on the showtimes available in theaters. I’m really looking forward to this and I think it will retroactively help a lot of the multiverse films feel far more connected and important. We’ve seen that plenty of characters introduced in those films are coming back here, making them all seem more important, which is great. Going so long without any big crossovers like this, they’ve felt disconnected and that’s been frustrating for everyone, even me.

The live action adventures of Ahsoka Tano which began in The Mandalorian & The Book of Boba Fett continues in Season 2 of her title series. I had mixed reactions to Season 1, but one of my negative reactions was to the cliffhanger ending. This season will resolve that – and hopefully not end on another 1. It looks at least slightly better than Season 1 to me, but I won’t know until I see it. I’ve never rewatched Season 1. I’ve not rewatched much of this era of Star Wars actually, though I’d like to at some point. I’m not crazy excited about this, but I’m happy that it will be available down the line (in January).

I went to bed around 3am on Saturday, August 15. I didn’t look at my phone. I went right to sleep. Waking from drugless dreams of having to live with a one night stand (Joe Lee) who was oddly, a Nazi, and really frustrating. It was like a really dark comedy. I had something resembling a migraine when I woke but it faded quickly. I showed Aaron the new trailers and shared the news and things but then he attended a Stonewall meeting while had a smoothie and started updating my blog.

Today’s journal entry song quote is from “Temple of Love”, a song by the English rock band the Sisters of Mercy, written by the band’s lead singer Andrew Eldritch, which was the fifth (non album) single released by the Sisters of Mercy. Following the release of the band’s third album Vision Thing in 1990, there appeared to be no plans for a new record anytime soon, leading the band’s record label Merciful Release to reissue the band’s early non-album singles and B-sides, which had been out of print at this point, on the compilation Some Girls Wander by Mistake. This included the extended 12-inch version of the original “Temple of Love” recording. In conjunction with this release, the Sisters of Mercy also recorded a new version of “Temple of Love” featuring Israeli singer Ofra Haza, whom Eldritch was a longtime fan of. “Temple of Love (1992)” did not appear on Some Girls Wander by Mistake, but it did appear on the Sisters of Mercy’s greatest hits album A Slight Case of Overbombing, released a year later in 1993.

I’ve always preferred the original version, but it wasn’t the version that was playing when I wrote this, so I’m sharing the 1992 version.

“I’ll Cry Until the Candles Burn Down This Place”

On Wednesday, August 12, 2026 I did several things I’d never done before. I turned 52. I started taking calcium & vitamin D12 supplements (which are delicious). And I worked out in a gym, taking my first ever Zumba Class with Aaron. Also, I successfully touched my toes. That must seem odd, but I’ve never been able to do it before. I’ve never even come close! Small victories? Perhaps. But they all felt great and they all made me very happy. Aaron also got me some gifts – including flowers and balloons – and lots of kisses. It was a good day. I’m 52 years old. But I feel so much younger! And I know I look way younger than people did in their 50s when I was a kid, so that’s a nice bonus!

I went to bed, having some healthy snacks along the way but I only slept until 3am. I’ve been editing photos and catching up on my blog since then. I didn’t realize until just now that it’s been almost 5 hours! I also had a smoothie in that time.

I’m going to go cuddle with Aaron while there is time!

Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “Pity Party” by Melanie Martinez.

“Clockworks and Cold Steel”

On Saturday (August 8) I wanted to get outside. Anytime I stay in I worry that this might become a trend and that I won’t leave the apartment again, because recently, that’s been exactly what’s happened. And if I don’t pay attention, I could easily return to that state of inactivity.

I often end up changing my clothes 2 or 3 times before I go outside. I’m that type of gay, I guess? Here’s outfit #1:

And outfit #2, which is what I ended up wearing out:

When I got home, I was crazy sweaty. There had been a heat advisory and also a warning about air quality (or lack thereof), so I was worn out. I showered, and waited for Aaron to get home. I wrote another poem. Aaron made it home safely. He wanted to watch the new Star Trek (Strange New Worlds S04E03 “Human Best Friend”), which I tried to watch with him, but I kept falling asleep – and I didn’t like what I did see, so I went to bed. I’ve still not finished watching it and I don’t plan to until I re-watch the full series.

On Sunday, August 9, I went for another walk while Aaron was working. I also wrote some more poetry: “Divisional Shadows” & “If Only I’d Known…“, which are variations on a theme. Man, the things that stay with us, am I right?

On Monday, August 10, I walked with Aaron to his doctor’s appointment to switch to injectable PrREP. The walk was fun. The visit longer than expected but entertaining. Afterward we walked to a local gym where we signed up for a membership. When we got home I got ready for bed.

Tuesday, August 11, I stayed in. I worked on my website, getting the number of poems on my site up to 400 (including this new one) and completing a tentative viewing order for American Horror Story. I went to bed knowing it was my last night as a 51 year old, but excited for what was to come. <3

Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “Love Is Blindness”, which is a song by the Irish rock band U2, and the twelfth and final track on their 1991 album “Achtung Baby”.

The Monster

When we met
you set on fire
as you kissed me
from above.

When we met
you were a liar
and convinced me
of your love.

When I slept
with that imposter
he was always
underhand.

When we met
you were a monster
but I didn’t
understand.

I couldn’t see
the truth
inside deceptive
aching flame.

You couldn’t keep
the proof
of my perspective
from your shame.

A shame
that only blizzards slayed
me tragic
in your eyes.

Like a game
that only wizards play
your magic
was a lie.

I don’t regret
the level
where you spurned me
with your spell.

When we met
you were the devil
and you burned me
with your Hell.

The fire
left its mark
and I’m now
forever changed.

And required
hefty spark
has left me now
deranged.

For now
I understand
but I’m haunted
by the squandered.

For now
you are a man
but I only want
the monster.

Written by Jason Wright
August 8, 2026

IF ONLY I’D KNOWN…

Before I had grown
and had moved far away.

If I could have known
what you never would say.

I could have watched
and seen all the signs.

Could have hopscotched
and made all the rhymes.

If I knew in youth
that you’d always desert me.

If I knew the truth
then it would not have hurt me.

I would have had fun
and would always be yours.

And I could have cum
more than all of your whores.

Written by Jason Wright
August 9, 2026

Divisional Shadows

The divisional shadows
of the math we inspire;
derision of prose
by the wrath of desire
has led me astray
like a pawn to your laughter:
send me away
at the dawn of disaster.

Cock crows the call of
this glamor forbidden,
the clock on the wall
is a camera I’ve hidden,
and sight swarms the notion
of friendly portrayal
as light forms the motion
intent on betrayal.

My eyes disappear
as my brain overloads.

Beneath chandelier
I feel drained and exposed.

The world starts to shimmer;
I head to the gallows…

As glimmer of hope
is divided by shadows.

Written by Jason Wright
August 9, 2026

Inspired by a particularly kinky dream I had. It’s also an expanded fragment which began when I started typing words onto a collage for this site:

The Masochist’s Dream

What I want
on BIRTH / DAY
is to see you undone.

To find worth in fray…
To be there when you cum.

Spending our pleasure
in treasured foul play.

The unending show of
pretending to stray.

In opera of trust
to be played by the playful…

The opera of lust
left us splayed and unfaithful.

These schemes of seduction;
a librettist’s triad…

My dreams of destruction
are the wettest I’ve had.

And as we conspire:
breathless / delusional.

Things I desire:
senselessly usual.

I am your boy
when the handsome and beautiful
leave me destroyed
when you are unsuitable.

Always pretending
to be my sad savior.

A catechist’s cream
is just as astrictory.

Always depending
on their bad behavior…

The masochist’s dream
is so contradictory.

Written by Jason Wright
August 8, 2026

“Do What You Want and Don’t Be Shy”

On Monday, August 3, we got a lot of our new furniture sorted – including our new bed. A lot of work was done. Though there was also a lot of drama as we were running out of time. I still managed to get another walk in, which was needed, and relaxing. There are these little lizards that live all around our FL house and I spotted something like 16 of them on my walk, but a lot of very playful chipmunks. Bernard and I went to run errands that night to help with the workload, though we were tired, and when we got back there had clearly been a serious argument, possibly just before we arrived, so things were very tense. It took a long time to get to bed that night, but the new setup was very comfortable.

On Tuesday, August 4, we all got up early, all feeling better I think. We got ready and headed to the airport, making short work of security and all sat in the Sky Club; Aaron and I have our own entries and Aaron using passes for Bernard, Mark and Mary Ellen. Aaron left first as his flight was around 11:30. Mark and Mary Ellen followed soon after. While Bernard and I weren’t leaving until 2. Our flight went smoothly. We arrived early at LaGuardia Airport in Queens, and then shared an Uber, which dropped off Bernard first in the Bronx and then got me home before 7pm in Manhattan. When we landed, Aaron had texted to reveal that his transfer flight in Atlanta had been delayed. He always has the worst time at that airport!

On Wednesday, August 5, I had therapy, which went really well. I stayed in.

On Thursday, August 6, I made my way to my cardiologist’s office in Hell’s Kitchen. I hadn’t seen him in about a year, having scheduled my first visit in 2025 out of an over abundance of caution – so I wasn’t expecting anything to go poorly. But not only did it go well, but it went extremely well. I felt great. I thought I looked pretty good. And my doctor said that I was doing everything right! He was impressed by my weight loss, my increased activity and healthier diet. It put me in such a good mood to hear that. I’ve been working really hard to improve my health and I’m finally starting to see some of the benefits of that, and it’s wonderful. I did later hear from his office that he wants me to be tested for something – but I’m not sure why and I’m not overly concerned about it. He may have even mentioned it in the appointment and I just didn’t keep that in my brain, which is a problem with me and doctors in general.

Friday, August 7, I stayed in again, but this was due to warnings about heat, air quality, and later, a thunderstorm. I worked on my website. I wrote a poem. I read. I cleaned out the refrigerator. And I watched an episode of X-Men ’97 (S02E06 “Danger.exe”) before heading to bed early. Despite being tired, it took me several hours to get to sleep. When I did, I felt rested despite sleeping only 6 hours.

So far, today, I’ve just been updating my blog with all the photos (which I have to convert before I can post – which takes a lot of time) and details that I can remember. This is something I’ve been putting off and has been on my list of things I need to get done, so it feels good to knock it off that list.

I should probably eat.

Today’s journal title song quote is from “Feel Good Too” from “Mystical Magical Rhythmical Radical Ride”, which is the eighth studio album by openly bisexual American singer-songwriter Jason Mraz.

IMAGINED ATTRACTION

A few years before
our friend lay down dead,

You said I was handsome…
or that’s what she’d said,

That’s all I remembered
and I could not fathom
why boy I remembered
would think I was handsome.

But when I looked back
she’d said quite a lot…

She spoke of my family
and what you had thought,

But I didn’t ask
for more at the time

so I’m left in the dark
of remarks about crimes.

Written by Jason Wright
August 7, 2026

“The Tears and the Sweat”

Aaron and I watched Star Trek: Strange New Worlds S04E02 “The Griffin Incident” Thursday night (07-30-26). The episode is another of SNW’s horror themed tales, which was quite gorey for a Star Trek episode and which really disturbed Aaron, who doesn’t enjoy horror or gore of any kind. I was less bothered, but I still didn’t enjoy it very much, and while there was some horror trope fun in there for me, and some good continuity elements, there was a line about Kirk being a Boy Scout, which I hated so much (because of how it changes how a scene in “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan” plays now) that neither of us felt great about this installment of the series.

Mary Ellen and Mark arrived on Friday (07-31-26). We had several workers at the FL house who got a lot of stuff done; it looks a lot better, vasty improved. I’d share pictures of this but I’m not sure how to do that until I get back to New York, so maybe I’ll update these posts later, or just put them in a new post. We’ll see. [Edit: Post Updated!]

We worked most of the day though I had to take extended breaks due to my disability. Everyone here knows that and were kind. I was able to join everyone for dinner at Giovanni’s, which was nice. We’ve never actually been at the house with Mary Ellen and Mark, though I have been to FL with Mary Ellen and Aaron, a little over 10 years ago, to see Aaron graduate from Full Sail University. 10 years. Crazy. And on that trip we also did Marvel-y stuff, seeing the premiere of “Captain America: Civil War” and riding Marvel themed rides at Universal.

I slept pretty well that night. Well enough that I basically got up at the same time as Aaron (on Saturday, August 1, 2026), rather than staying in bed for several more hours. Aaron, Mary Ellen and Mark had a meeting, with Aaron teaching them how to run the Air B&B, while some of the guys (Bruno and Pablo) replaced the various light switches. I had a smoothie so I needed to let my stomach settle but they were still at it later so lathered on the sunblock and went for a walk.

Aaron and I picked up Bernard from the airport; his flight was delayed a bit due to a thunderstorm, but he was with us soon enough to get to Ikea before they closed. But while we waited for him to arrive I got some unhealthy snacks due to desperation and hunger; there really weren’t any healthy options for me. I’m sure it’s fine; what matters is that I’d rather have something else and that junk food doesn’t make up the majority of my diet anymore – far from it. When we got back to the house it was about 9. We played a game of Cards Against Humanity with Mary Ellen and Mark (which Aaron won with 9; Bernard and I tied for 2nd with 8 each) then headed for bed.

Our bed, which has been very unstable for awhile, collapsed. We already had a new one ordered that we hoped to have delivered before we arrived but has been delayed until Monday. However, Mary Ellen and Mark’s bed collapsed the previous night, so they moved to another room, where that bed also collapsed. I don’t know what the fuck the long term renters did to this place but they really screwed us over. And we will be taking them to court! Despite all of that, I slept okay last night. The bed collapsed in the center so I kept trying to stay out of that space but kept falling back in. lol I got up relatively early (on Sunday, August 2, 2026), took my meds and had a smoothie. I’m just chilling now. I always need to sit for awhile after I eat.

I keep checking in to see how Spider-Man is doing at the box-office and the movie is clearly on track to be very successful, which is great news for the Marvel Cinematic Universe, because even though this is a Sony movie, it’s a chapter in an ongoing story with appearances by various characters, some of whom will appear in at least one of the upcoming Avengers films, with setups for “Avengers: Secret Wars” and the new “X-Men” as well. The next Marvel movie in theaters is “Avengers: Doomsday” in December, which as far as I know doesn’t feature most of these characters (though it definitely features one of them) but I wouldn’t be surprised if these characters pop up in a credit scene or something in that movie to bridge this story to “Avengers: Secret Wars”. We’ll also have more Marvel news in just 12 days time when the Marvel panel at D23 happens.

In 10 days I’ll be 52. And my concerns seem to be healthy. Good food and exercise, which honestly has never really been on my bingo card save for a brief period in 2006. It’s taken a lot to get from there to here, but I seem to have arrived. I didn’t know that it would take 20 years then, but I’m so happy that I started that journey when I finally did. I’m happy where I am. And I’m looking forward to where this path will take me next.

Oh! Funny story. The scale we use at home gives a crazy amount of information and one of the things it says about me is my “Muscle Mass”, which I assumed was BS, because while I know that everyone had muscles, I’ve never had muscles. But when I was applying sunblock 2 days ago I grew concerned and asked Aaron to look at something, because I thought my leg was swollen…only it was a muscle. lol I’m so clueless about health and food, but hopefully it’s adorable. We both laughed. lol

And something that just happened: Bernard walked by our door just as Aaron was opening it…with my erection on display. I would have covered up but I thought everyone was downstairs. lol He said he didn’t mind. lol

It sounds like the new couch, which wasn’t going to be here until tomorrow just arrived, which removes some of our collective stress! Today will be busy. We have 2 more nights here and then head out. Mary Ellen and Mark will head back to Michigan. Aaron will fly to Santa Fe. And Bernard and I will fly to NYC, though we don’t live close to one another, as he lives in the Bronx and I live in Manhattan. I’ve lived in NYC for nearly 14 years (having moved there on September 25, 2012) and spend most of my time in Manhattan, which is still confusing at times – and I’ve spent far less time in the other parts of the city. Perhaps in time that will change.

I went out with Aaron to run some errands before we wound down again, returning to our broken bed (which doesn’t look that bad in pictures, but when you’re in it, that’s a very different story – which is not a metaphor for our relationship!).

I’ve had this song stuck in my head for days and that’s the only reason that it’s today’s journal title song quote, really. “Dance No More” by Harry Styles, released on March 6, 2026, as the tenth track on his fourth studio album, “Kiss All the Time. Disco, Occasionally.” (2026). Styles wrote the song alongside Thomas “Kid Harpoon” Hull, who was the song’s producer. It has been seen as a fan favorite of the album and has been highlighted in reviews. The song was released as the third single from the album with an accompanying music video on 7 May 2026.

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