I woke up with a migraine. I figured this meant it was raining and it does look like there was a storm. I guess it’s ironic that “Mandolin Rain” was stuck in my head before I went to bed! lol I wouldn’t have even remembered that except the title came up when I came to write this entry. I find it amusing at least.
I got up and took some painkiller. I was taking a lot of painkiller for a long time. I’ve cut way back because it often doesn’t help and is also bad for you, but sometimes I can’t even think of anything else. I’ve been getting migraines since the fourth grade. In order to qualify to be seen by a specialist in New York I needed to have at least 2 or 3 different triggers but as it turns out, I have all of them. My mother had them, often worse than me, I suspect, but she also had them less often, thankfully. So there’s a hereditary element. Then I also have really bad TMJ, which can trigger them. It’s fucked up actually because if I do anything with my mouth for long it starts to hurt. That means laughing, talking, eating / chewing and giving head can all hurt me and often do. Back in 2009 the tension in my jaw was so bad that my jaw locked for 3 months. The dental specialist I saw told me it would never open again, and then seemed shocked when I wept – that man had no fucking bedside manner. But I was able to see another specialist who got my jaw to open in a single session with some simple exercises. He explained that my jaw would be eve more sensitive after that point, as if I’d gotten a sports injury and couldn’t play football anymore. Changes in weather also trigger my migraines. Lack of nutrition can affect migraines and since I have a very complicated relationship with food under the best of circumstances + my stomach issues, it can be very difficult for me to get all the nutrition that I need and that’s been going on since I was 4 years old. Stress / tension can cause them and I definitely have those! But I really have worked to address each of these issues as best as I can. And because of that work I now have about half the number of migraines in a week than I used to have, and sometimes I even go more than a week without one, which I never thought would ever be possible.
Despite the migraine and my tummy being grumbly, I wanted to cuddle with Aaron for a bit, so I did that after taking the meds and putting ice on my neck for a bit. He knew I wasn’t feeling well but we were both grateful for the cuddles and we said as much when I eventually had to get up. We’re very affectionate. We always hold hands in public and often in private. We’ve had sex twice in the last week, which I think is pretty good since we’ve been together almost 15 years. It’s been a priority for me this year actually. We went for a long patch with almost no sex between November 2019 & 2025. We would do something every now and again, but age, our long relationship and the pandemic all had taken their toll on us. We were lucky to have each other during the lockdowns, but being together 24/7 we needed to find time for ourselves and learned to stay on opposite ends of our apartment to keep our sanity in check. It was hard to break that pattern once it was in place, and I’m not sure it is entirely gone, but we’ve made great strides on improving the situation. And our sex life is part of that. We’ve hooked up about 10 times this year so far, which is likely more sex than we’ve had in the last several years combined. We try to prioritize our relationship, is what I’m saying, and we generally have very positive results. And when we don’t, we are also very understanding and very forgiving. Hopefully this remains true.
After getting out of bed I immediately made a smoothie. Blueberries, chocolate Boost, protein powder, Benefiber, coffee grounds, and a splash of oat milk. I figured the caffeine might help and I think it has. Caffeine and pain killer. At least I feel better than I did. And for once, Aaron hasn’t turned on all the lights. Probably because he knows that my head is hurting.
Today is Aaron’s last day at home for awhile. He’s flying to Los Angeles tomorrow and he won’t be home until early Monday morning, nearly an entire week. I don’t mind being on my own, and I won’t be alone the whole time. My aide Celine is here between 4 & 6 every weekday, and I will try to make plans with some friends. I do sometimes have trouble sleeping without Aaron. Partially because it feels weird to not have his side of the bed occupied and partially because he’s such a stickler for his bedtime that it helps me force myself to sleep at a regular time instead of watching hours of TV in bed as I often end up doing in his absence.
I might work on getting some of my viewing orders here on Gothboy 2.0 – I’m still stumbling a bit with how to set this or that new thing up, but I’ve only been at this for 2 weeks. I seem to have this journal / blog thing down though, which is wonderful. I’ve missed doing this. And my Facebook posts only ever went so far. I’m actually hoping that having this website will help me break away from Facebook more and more. I’ve already begun transferring elements of my profile there to this new location. Wish me luck!
