Month: July 2017

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July of December

Nothing to write but I feel like it’s coming.
Waves are still crashing. Heart is still humming.
Jumping through hoops to receive your bouquet…
The truth was delivered on Brian’s first day.

Brian was there in two-thousand winter.
First month of year pierced heart like a splinter
which remains there today; his birthday remembered:
January dream in July of December.

There was snow where he touched me.
Brian, scared that he loved me.
Brian stared. Brian cared as I woke with a fright.
And there in the shade of the dream where we made love
he carried and married me all through the night.

Seven-teen years and I still feel those kisses
though we never have visits; explicit or shamed.

And I never accepted he’d been resurrected
for in death I was blessed while in life only blamed.

Written by Jason Wright
July 26, 2017

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Bedtime

Ready for bed
and yet I am writing.

I’d rather be sleeping
so why am I fighting?

Maybe because I’m asleep and I’m dreaming
of writing awake as I’m quietly screaming:
GO! TO! SLEEP!

Written by Jason Wright
July 26, 2017

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Playing the Game

He turns to reveal
the pass he has made,
So bad he’s made Vlad
stand erect without aid,
And we wait for response
as I yearn for the trade…
The words go unheard
but once read they degrade.

That’s what I needed.
That’s what I wanted.

I need to be teased.
I need to be taunted.

I need to be damaged
and drowned in their piss.

But in losing the game
I am winning in bliss.

But it’s more than just that;
it’s more complicated…

It’s more than a need
to be masturbated.

The rules are a treasure;
a pleasure inflamed…

When we must explore…

Our lives and more…

We gamble and score
in the shame we call game.

Written by Jason Wright
July 26, 2017

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Formative Words

A month ago broken
yet we still exist.

Those words that were spoken
by Aaron persist

In shaping our future;
his words were not wasteful.

His words were a cougar
that fed on the faithful.

His words were confession
to me as his priest.

His words were a question
to my ears bequeathed.

His words begged an answer;
I wept as I gave it.

Our love had a cancer
but we sought to save it.

He by admission
and I by permission…

We both fought to save us
from death by attrition…

The pain from his past
held our love in a casket…

For future transgression
he begged with a question
I responded when asked it:

“You need it? Then have it.”

The distance between us
once traveled would heal us,

And words that were spoken
could not now conceal us,

And so we embraced
what would now become real,

Free from the pain that
we both had to feel,

Free to make choices
denied before changes,

To use our own voices
describing new strangeness,

The action is called;
we respond to sensation…

The laws of attraction
beyond transformation.

Written by Jason Wright
July 25, 2017

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The Hungry Hooker

Doubling down
on singles and triples,
Struggling; drowning
on past participles,
Juggling clowns
while writing in riddles,
A whore wanting more
is hardly original.

So pay me no heed
while I bleed and I splutter,
Or pay me with sweetness;
with penis (and rubber),
We all know my weakness
technique motherfucker…
Lets lose ourselves
in the shells of each other.

Written by Jason Wright
July 25, 2017

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Runner Without a Cause

Our love like a flower
who’s petals you’ve bruised.

You listened to madness;
refused to hear truth.

You filled me with sadness
for love had been soured.

You looked like an angel
but ran like a coward.

Accepted gift horse and
betrayed with belief.

Did not question source;
just attacked in your grief.

You lashed out with lies
fed to you by phantoms.

Couldn’t meet eyes
as you gave in to tantrums.

Attacked with untruths
sold as truth without cause.

You deny my response;
you must know yours is flawed.

You bought into farce
but refuse explanation.

I will not be broken
by your devastation.

I’ve loved you for years
and that won’t go away.

Even with all of the hate
that you spray.

I won’t fall to fear,
to anger or malice.

I won’t be a fool
or be rude or be callous.

Won’t be overwhelmed
by your venomous exit.

Won’t disavow the
love of the desperate.

Won’t drown in pain
although there are tears.

I won’t chase a man
who’s been running for years.

I will not forget as
you shun and run from me.

I will not regret
what you’ve painted as ugly.

That you could believe
when I’ve loved you for ages…

That you could be mean
without cause is outrageous…

And our perfect kiss
which you’ve lost in cliché…

I will not give chase
when you’ve thrown that away.

Yet my love is not lost
in spite of the burns…

And I’ll leave a light on
in the hope you’ll return…

For I’ve done nothing wrong
despite point of view…

And you’ve no need to run
because love remains true.

Written by Jason Wright
July 24, 2017

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Start of Darkness

After night of
angry exhausted questions…

Loaded with
doubt / jealousy / rejections…

Expressing the pain
and the pleasure we feel…

My bitch of a stomach
could not seal the deal.

Tears fall from eyes
I’ve rinsed and repeatedly
cleaned as I’ve organized
words that defeated
and tore me asunder
like peace disappeared
with the heat of the summer
and ice of my fears
with soul crushing weight
of tears from my lover:

We all know the heart is the loneliest hunter.

I’m so very tired
and I’ve hated this night…

But my symptoms are clear
and I know what is right.

I hurt him with thoughts
that he never guessed.

Jealous reminder
of that man undressed.

Devouring fear
that seldom ignores me,

As Aaron convinces…
As Aaron implores me
to live my own life
in spite of my sickness.

My life of death
undone by our quickness.

Tonight illness won
and I know deep regret.

Time to wake up
and I haven’t slept yet.

Written by Jason Wright
July 21, 2017

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Delusions of Innocence

He’s married (down low)
and he wants in our building.

But all fairies know
that you can’t rape the willing.

We know what he wants
before he confesses.

In the dark of his heart:
Who wouldn’t have guessed this?

Wouldn’t see through
the glaze of delusion?

Who could confuse
his lies for confusion?

Who would include this
deceptive exclusion?

A fairy has lied
if he has denied
existence defined
by his need for transfusion.

Written by Jason Wright
July 20, 2017

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Infinitesimal

The sweetest of cruelties
behind lying eyes.

They never suspect
my favorite disguise.

They wouldn’t believe
that a man such as me
could crave such deceptions
to set myself free.

They’re quick to betray
for the sake of some cum.

They never suspect
that I’m having fun.

They see tiny victim;
laugh and point fingers.

But it’s my love that lasts;
my smile that lingers.

Written by Jason Wright
July 20, 2017

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Prostrated

Today,
during my prostate exam,
Doctor said he was sorry
as he inserted a single finger.

I told him it was fine.

I wanted to say (but didn’t)
that he could use more than one.

I didn’t say
that his finger felt amazing
but was only a shadow of what
I’d felt earlier on Sunday morning.

The exam was brief and painless,
but left me wet.

My doctor is a horrible tease.

The doc says everything’s great
and that there’s no blood;
no sign for worry;
no cause for alarm.

I nearly ask him to try again
but instead I give thanks
while marveling that I remain
both physically and spiritually
intact.

Written by Jason Wright
July 11, 2017

“Prostrated” was written in a mad rush of notes, this being the first completed piece. The others were later finished in October and this became the final entry in a trilogy that was released later.

Also (and this may be Too Much Information), what I remember about this exam (which I’ve had every 3 months for years) was that I was curious if there would be any problems, because 2 days before, I had experienced double anal penetration in a threesome, which was the first time I’d ever done that. I felt great, so I thought everything was fine, but it was nice to have it confirmed by my doctor! And now you know…

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