Aaron Sanko – Page 6 – BALD JASON'S GAY GOTH BOY BLOG

May 15, 2026May 15, 2026

“You Just Might See A Ghost Tonight”

On May 13, Wednesday morning my therapist reached out and asked if we might meet at 1:50, rather than 2pm as she had another obligation. I agreed. Usually when I have something scheduled later in the day I don’t go out at all because I never know what will happen and I’m worried I’ll miss what I have planned, but it was expected to rain later and I really wanted to get outside again and to the park. I told myself not to worry because really I just needed to get outside and I didn’t have to go far. When I got outside I headed to Starbucks. I got a larger drink than what I usually get these days; I got an iced grande dirty soy chai and I guess from Tuesday’s trip that I could probably get to the park and home before my appointment. I walked to the park up Fort Washington. On Tuesday I had cut through the 181st Street station, which has an elevator that takes you up the hill I was now walking up, but it was fine. I walked by Bennett Park and nearly stopped there but I just kept going.

The weather was nicer than I expected and I was in a good mood. Fort Tryon Park has long been my favorite NYC park and it’s just so beautiful. I didn’t stay in the park long though, because again, there was an expectation of rain, an appointment I needed to attend, and along with all that, I inhaled a beautiful flowery scent that seemed to be lilacs, though I couldn’t see any – only for this to cause me to start coughing, which I couldn’t stop. I was very grateful that I got that beverage and that I’d barely sipped it on my walk because it helped on my way home. I had taken the A Train home the previous day as it’s part of my therapy to ride trains, but even though I felt up to walking I took the train for all the reasons I just listed for not staying in the park. It was the right call. I was able to get home, get cleaned up and prepare for my appointment, which went very well.

I didn’t go out after that. I just relaxed. I did watch the “The Punisher: One Last Kill”, which I enjoyed. It made me cry. It’s brutal but so is the character, and my only real complaints were that it felt too similar to earlier Punisher stories even if it made a point of taking the character in a new direction and that it had very few ties to any of the other Marvel stories featuring the character of late. But everything else was impressive and a counter argument could also be made for what was or wasn’t onscreen, so I think it works.

For the record, I think my preferred viewing order for 2027 set M.C.U. projects goes like this:

01 Daredevil: Born Again Season 1 (9 episodes)
02 Captain America: Brave New World
03 The Punisher: One Last Kill
04 The Fantastic 4: First Steps
05 Daredevil: Born Again Season 2 (8 episodes)
06 Thunderbolts*

I slept well, more or less Wednesday. I slept well into the morning, getting up around 9:30am. Aaron was gone for the day. Another report about rain on the way and lower temperatures, I again wanted to get to the park. I took the A train there and back as I wasn’t really dressed for the weather but didn’t want to change and I had some pain in my ankles, that comes and goes, which I plan on talking to my doctor about at our appointment next month. Again, I didn’t stay long at the park. It was more about getting outside. And this marked 13 days out in a row! So that was nice. And I later learned that I’ve lost a pound. That’s a big accomplishment for me. I’ve never once tried to lose weight before, so to see any success is really nice. And while it’s only a pound, I bet other health related things have also improved, given the changes in my diet and being more active.

Once I was home, I was home for the day. I later traded texts with Nathan, which is the first we’ve spoken since Sunday. We seem to be getting along, which is nice. I worked on my site a bit. I’m getting a lot done, but it’s all on stuff that I can’t display until it’s DONE and there’s still so much to do. That’s a little frustrating.

I slept well again. Very well. I also lingered in the bedroom for longer than I expected because Aaron begged me for cuddles. lol I had a smoothie when I finally stumbled out of bed. It’s sunny outside, which is nice. I don’t love being in the sun, but I prefer sunny to overcast.

I just found out I’m in a talent show tomorrow. Aaron says I should read a poem but I’m not sure which piece I should do. I’ll try to look that over, but I’m getting a migraine. That’s sucks, but it’s also been great not having any in several days, and this just means my medication is working. I used to have them nearly every day and the medication I take cuts whatever number you have in half, so I’m likely due for one. I’ll take something for it in a minute. I have so many things I want to do and work on today. We’ll see how that ends up.

We’re leaving for Florida next week. I knew it was happening but it’s creeped up on me all the same. Hopefully that goes well. I realized this morning I’d have to not work on my site while I’m there because my laptop is dead and I can’t take this computer with me (it’s huge) and I can’t really get a lot done via my phone. But Aaron just assured me that we’ll find something that works. He’s brilliant, so I don’t doubt that we’ll find an answer.

Okay. I should get moving.

Today’s lyric headline comes from the song “Emperor’s New Clothes” by Panic! At The Disco, from their 2016 album, “Death of a Bachelor”.

May 10, 2026

“Darkness Colors Your Eyes”

Aaron and I had a lovely afternoon with our new friend Nathan. Nathan used to be a customer of mine when I worked at Starbucks, but we didn’t know each other then. I mean, he remembers me, but I don’t remember him. I’m never good at that stuff. Lots of laughter. Lots of easy affection. And a lot of work being done behind our eyes. I think each of us was advancing forward through personal struggles and it was rewarding, memorable and relatively easy. And I expect we’ll be seeing more of Nathan.

Because we had company I wasn’t eating, so I’m doing that now and will likely be up a bit later, because I can’t lay down after I eat. But I’m not bothered. It really was wonderful, Aaron agrees, we discussed it all and we’re very happy with how things went today and I think overall we had a wonderful weekend in general. I know that despite some migraines, I’ve been feeling a lot of success on a lot of levels lately, and it feels really good.

May 10, 2026May 10, 2026

“I knew then it would be a life long thing…”

I slept well. Another morning of Aaron cuddles. We spoke to Mary Ellen, my sister Janice and my grandmother Frances for Mother’s Day. And I went for a walk. 8th Day outside in a row! I walked to the grocery store for salad dressing and picked up a few other items, all healthier than I sometimes do, and I wasn’t even tempted for sweets or chips. That’s not always the case. Aaron cleaned up a bunch of stuff that only he could do and we just seem to be having a nice day.

On my walk, I listened to a mix of Tori Amos songs, and I put on the Tori shirt that Sean gave me 25 years ago. It was just 10 minutes or so of giving him a moment. It was nice. Respectful. Healing. Sometimes I need to do that with people I’ve lost along the way.

May 9, 2026May 10, 2026

“Just one beat of your heart…”

Our trip to Allentown, Pennsylvania was a success. We picked up our friend Joanna from Starbucks and off we went across the GWB, into NJ and on to Pennsylvania, where we attended the Lehigh Valley Chorale’s 10th Anniversary concert, “The Road Home”, which was wonderfully quirky and really inspiring. The show was held at the Miller Symphony Hall (23 N 6th Street · Allentown PA 18101), a really great space! The director, Nick, who we all agreed, knocked it out of the park, will be coming in to lead the Stonewall Chorale over the next year and then carry the choir forward after Cynthia resigns. This was the first time I’d ever really spoken to Joanna but I’d seen her perform with the choir many times. We had other friends coming to the show but they were caught in traffic so they missed the first act. After the show I got to meet Nick and then Aaron, Joanna, Emily, Linda and their daughter and I all headed for our reservation at Simpatico (27 N 7th St, Allentown, PA 18101), an Italian restaurant, where our company was fantastic, our food was delicious, and our waiter smelled really bad. Oh well. I had never met Linda and this was the first time I really got to talk to her and her wife. They’re big Star Wars / Marvel fans and I loved talking to them about queer cinema.

After the restaurant we said goodnight and drove Joanna back to the city and returned home. Aaron and I had a great conversation about where we are, where we are headed, and how our goals, which had been diverted during the pandemic of 2020 could finally be continued now and I’m here for it! I know he’s excited and so am I. But I’m tired. So I showered and started getting ready for bed.

May 7, 2026

“But she knows this and she smiles…”

I had such a productive day!!!

I got quite a lot done on my Multiverse Saga draft for this place. Then I noticed that our home was verging on cluttered again, and started to clean. I cleaned the living room and the office, and then I started cleaning the bedroom, which I didn’t think to take before pictures of, but trust me, it looks so much better. I think I threw away 20 bags of things that will never fit me again if I’m lucky. I know that I’ve said that I want to lose weight, but much of this was stuff I saved from when I was thinner than was healthy for me to be, which I hope to avoid in future. Again, I’m trying to find balance.

I ate relatively well. I had some less balanced meals towards the end (a slice of pizza with chia seeds and then some chips) but earlier in the day I had a salad and later some kiwi. When I cleaned the bedroom I did hold onto a few pieces that have sentimental value – even as I threw out many, many more things that I’ve felt too attached to, to let go of in the past. The only thing that I really struggled with is this purple shirt, which an ex-bf left in my bedroom the last time I saw him before he joined the military. He’s alive, as far as I know. I mean, I’ve seen him since then, but he was a dick then and a dick much later on, which is why we’re not in touch. But when he left that first time I was in love with him, and I held onto this shirt for a long time because it smelled like him. It doesn’t anymore and I can see this past relationship more clearly now, but the memory of needing that shirt with me at the time, it lingers, and no matter how much I tell myself that this is stupid, and I should let it go, I haven’t been able to yet. But everything else I either outright wanted or just plainly didn’t need anymore.

After all that I showered. Then I got dressed and took a fast walk around the block. It’s not far. But the point of doing it is to move and also to get outside, which has been challenging for me for about 6 years now. But this marked 5 consecutive days that I’ve gotten out, mostly of my own volition, and even when Aaron gave me a ride or something, I headed out on my own to other places. This is actual progress. I’ve not been out 5 consecutive days in…a very long time. So that felt good.

Later still, some clothes that I ordered recently arrived. New underwear and socks. New boots. And 2 pairs of shorts. There’s more on the way. And I didn’t take pictures of the underwear / socks, even though those are cute too. I keep trying to get myself to buy more clothes, but I hate shopping. Oh – and everything fits!

I’m winding down now. getting ready for bed. I like going to bed early. Very early or very late. I guess I’m extreme? I’d like to get more work done on my site. I’d also like to order those clothes. And maybe see about seeing a specialist for a problem I’ve been struggling with for decades, but that last part might require Aaron’s assistance. I’m getting a lot better at being more independent, but sometimes I need help, and that’s okay. I mean, I did all the heavy lifting myself today!

Oh. And I read more of my Star Trek book, which is slowly taking shape. But just as has happened many times in my life before, I was tempted today to start a whole new series, which I’m trying to resist. I’d really like to finish a book. I used to do this quite often, but in the last few years, holding my attention has been pretty difficult. I was reading the Wicked Years and the spin-offs but when the author announced more were on the way, I stopped. I’ve not finished a book since. I think that was in 2024 but it may have been 2025. I don’t know.

Okay. I’m starting to get my thoughts jumbled which means I really should go to bed now.

May 7, 2026

“I’ve forgotten how to dream my own dream”

I had a rough evening yesterday. I was already a little sad when I wrote yesterday but I wasn’t sure why. I had listened to the new Tori Amos album. Later, in the shower, I realized that Sean Mobley would never hear this album, despite him enjoying her music even more than I do and it hit so hard that I wept, which I don’t often do when I think about Sean. I get a little down sometimes when I think about him, but I seldom shed tears. I’m not sure why. But I was exhausted. I took a sleeping pill and went to bed early, frustrated that I didn’t feel up to expressing what was happening. I spoke to my sister Janice on the phone and then called Grandma for a quick goodnight.

Around then my sleeping pill kicked in and everything is a blur, but I appear to have eaten a bit, which annoys me. I don’t remember what happened and that always bugs me, but I did sleep very well. When I woke up around 5am I came out to the office and wrote a poem about Sean and the new Tori album. This is the first poem that I’ve written since creating the website and having a place for it to go without posting it on Facebook, which feels good. I might share this with Sean’s mother. She’s always been very supportive of me.

One of the things that Janice and I discussed last night was death. Death and our mother. Dreams we have of her. When Janice dreams about her she knows in the dreams that mom is gone, but in my dreams I don’t usually know. She’s also usually not the focus of whatever dreams she appears in. Janice says she also dreams about our grandfather quite often, but I don’t think I do at all. He died a year ago this month.

I listened to more Tori and worked on organizing the photos I’ve used in the collages in the my photos section to help prevent me from reusing the same photos when the whole point is to contrast old and new with everything given a new spin. I should have been doing this all along but I wasn’t sure how I wanted to go about it and I’m still not sure that what I’m doing is the best, but it will do for now.

I went back to bed for some Aaron cuddles but I was feeling restless and left after about 40 minutes. I’m hungry and should eat soon, but I’m not sure what I’m going to have. I’m just hoping for a productive day. And if I can get outside that will be 5 days in a row. It’s very sunny out right now, which is an improvement on yesterday’s overcast sky. It should be about 65, which isn’t bad.

May 6, 2026

“Some people don’t care if they live or they die”

I did go back for more Aaron cuddles. Lots of Aaron cuddles. We showered together. I shaved and got ready. I was finally able to get my old earrings in, which felt like a small victory after failing to do so for several months. I wanted to get outside and so I walked to Starbucks. I used to go to Starbucks constantly but it’s pretty rare now. I used to work at this particular store, from October 2012 – September 2014? Something like that. So long ago now. I got a single shot of espresso. I usually get a doppio with cold soy milk and 3 pumps of peppermint, so this was way less sugar, fat and caffeine.

I really do want to lose weight. There’s a struggle between eating healthy and feeding what I think of as “Little Jason”, the food related PTSD child me who is prone to sweets but also to starving. I’ve struggled for so long to feed him and get him eating so it’s strange for both of us to be moving in the other direction, and to try to keep us fed while eating smarter. It’s definitely a learning experience. Today I’ve had a cherry smoothie, some cauliflower & broccoli, and I had my first golden kiwi, which I liked a lot. I have 3 more of those. I will likely break down and have something more filling later, but I do like that I’ve been having healthier choices. I’m doing good work here, I think. Aaron agrees but I need to be my own cheerleader on this stuff and that’s easier at times and harder at others.

Oh. And there were like 50 pictures on my digital camera that I took a few weeks ago, on April 14, which I had totally forgotten about. I’m so clueless sometimes. But that was a nice surprise. Some of them are quite fun. lol

I feel a little sad. I’m not sure why.

I found this song at random on Amazon Music one night. It seems appropriate. I feel like I’m flying up there myself at the moment and I could fall but I what else am I going to do?

May 6, 2026

“no one will ever know where the flowers go when they are gone”

I slept close to 7 hours, never waking. Not even when Aaron got home and joined me. I woke about 4:30. I got up, made a smoothie, and watched the season finale to Daredevil: Born Again (S02E08 “The Southern Cross”) which mostly fulfilled my expectations, sometimes exceeding them. Bullseye was the breakout character for me, although there were other greats as well and a lot of payoffs in these last 5 episodes, which were all drastically better than the first 12 – hopefully next season will be more like these episodes. I do think that the season ends just before “Thunderbolts*” but I’m unclear when next week’s Punisher Special, “One Last Kill” will be set and I’m eager to find out. I’m also curious to see if “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” ties into anything. I mean, we know that Frank Castle is in that movie, but in the trailer we also saw Spider-Man fighting The Hand in what seemed like a prison. Could he be defending Matt Murdock? That would be cool, but I don’t want to jump to conclusions. The Punisher Special will be out on Tuesday, May 12.

My migraine is much better than when I went to sleep. I don’t want to say that it’s gone, although the pain is mostly removed for the moment. These cluster migraines linger and then hit me really hard when I least expect it. But maybe today will be different? They eventually do go away, so maybe that will be today. I’ll know soon enough.

Part of me would like to go back to bed to cuddle with Aaron, but I’m a little afraid I’ll fall asleep again and not get up fast enough to enjoy the morning. I could probably get some work done here before the office gets too bright and noisy. I need to ask Aaron how his appointments went yesterday. He said he was going to a doctor’s appointment, then working from his office before choir practice. Hopefully everything went well. I missed a call from him around 7 but there was no voicemail and when I returned the call he didn’t answer. I’m sure it was nothing.

I have this VAST song playing in my head. I made a music video for it 26, 27 years ago with two crappy vcrs and a stereo. It mixed the song with religious imagery from the Hellraiser films, Stigmata, The Exorcist and others. It was cool. I still have a VHS copy somewhere, if it still works, I should transfer it and see if I can post it – though I don’t have the rights to the images or music, obviously.

May 5, 2026

“it’s so hot outside this room”

I did watch the season finale episode of Star Wars: Maul last night, S01E09 (“Chapter 9: Strange Allies”) and S01E10 (“Chapter 10: The Dark Lord”) which was mostly excellent. I found myself slightly less engaged than I feel I should have been, but in part I think that has to do with the way I’ve watched the series. This was meant to be binged and the release model didn’t do anything to support that. The only complaint I have is that Dryden Vos is noticeably not voiced by Paul Bettany, who played him in “Solo: A Star Wars Story”. Speaking of the latter film, this series is really putting the pieces together, from how Maul and Crimson Dawn were displayed in The Clone Wars vs. that film and I love that! It’s really cool. And I look forward to what future seasons will reveal about that journey and how else they might incorporate continuity there.

Speaking of Star Wars, Aaron mentioned that he got us tickets to see The Mandalorian and Grogu. Originally he got them for opening night but something came up and we’re now seeing it on Friday or Saturday; he told me because he wanted to know if this was okay with me and I assured him that was fine. I’m not concerned about spoilers with that story. The only movies where that’s a big deal for me are the Marvel movies. I really haven’t rewatched any of the post-ROTJ, Mando era TV so the movie will likely feel even more like a standalone movie for me. I expect I’ll re-watch it all someday, possibly after Season 2 of Ahsoka is available.

I went to bed around 4am. I slept 6 hours. I woke up, had a smoothie and joined Aaron in the office where I started working on my Star Wars viewing order on my website. Aaron had to leave for a doctor’s appointment and he’ll then work from his office downtown before choir practice, which means I’m on my own until he comes home. My aide is here until 6. The season finale for Daredevil: Born Again begins streaming at 9pm. I will likely try to get some more things done online and then get ready for a walk. It’s nearly 80 degrees today. It was only 60 when I went for my walk on Sunday.

May 4, 2026May 4, 2026

“And if I feel this way for so long tell me, is it all for nothing?”

Instead of going for a walk, I cuddled with Aaron, which he was very grateful for. I had a smoothie. I looked at the weather and we were to have a high of about 60 degrees around 4pm. Aaron revealed that he had choir practice in the West Village. I had a slice of pizza, got ready and then rode down to the village with him, arriving about 2pm. We held hands in the rental car, which we needed as our car, Ruby, had a flat tire the day before. I went with Aaron to Dunkin Donuts but I abstained from all the sugary snacks. We went to Saint John’s Lutheran Church, where my former writers group, The Poetry Table, used to meet. It is always so nice to see everyone! Cynthia Powell, the choir director welcomed me with a big hug. I asked her if I could get a photograph. She put on some lipstick and agreed.

I left as the choir began their warmups. I walked to the Stonewall Memorial where I snapped another picture. The wind chill was a bit more chill than I like my wind! But I wanted to walk and I was dressed appropriately. I kept getting cold, pulling my sleeves down, getting warm, rolling them up, getting cold…

I walked around a bit and ended up at Washington Square Park. I sat for awhile and walked around some more. It was pretty crowded, despite the fountain not being on, and it was fun to watch the various groups of people. I snapped a few pictures of the Washington Square Arch just before I exited the park and headed out.

I had a nice, windy, walk around the village. I needed to pee so I stopped into the Stonewall Inn before I headed to the A train. Only there were delays on that track which would require a shuttle service so I walked over to the 1 Train instead and finally headed home on a very crowded train. When we were approaching 181st Street, the woman next to me had a coughing fit and I asked if she needed / wanted a cough drop but she aid her mouth was just very dry. I informed her I was getting off the train at the next stop and that she could have my water, which she accepted. I felt good that I was able to help. I walked the few blocks home, got undressed and took a shower.

I was hungry. I had cauliflower and broccoli with ranch dressing, while I read the news and chatted with some friends. Later, I realized I was up to leaving the house again, got dressed and went for a second walk, running into Aaron at the gate as he was arriving home. Initially intending to walk to the Little Red Lighthouse under the George Washington Bridge, I got distracted by some greenery and headed down Bennet, through the subway to Bennet Park where I called my recently widowed cousin Linda, so we could make each other laugh, the way we always do. I spoke to her as I took the long way home. She asked if I was in an elevator when I was heading up the the apartment and I told her I was. She said hello to Aaron and then we said goodnight. I played some Zelda and had another smoothie. I was still very hungry though so I opted for another slice of pizza, with added chia seeds. I got a call from Mark Adams and his daughter Raven and we spoke while I got ready for bed, and then I passed out pretty quickly. I woke up at 4:30 and wrote this.

While writing this I started getting a visual migraine and quickly took the appropriate medication for such an event. It was a struggle to continue writing as I was only able to see about half of the screen, but I did it. The visual obnoxiousness has mostly faded now. But when I’m done I’m going back to bed.

And I guess I’m done now? I slept well. But if I can get a bit more sleep that would be nice and would undoubtedly help with the migraine which is likely to begin in about 20 minutes or less. I feel like I had a good day yesterday. I avoided overly sugary / salty snacks, only drinking water or smoothies, and I also managed to get outside multiple times for some exercise. I don’t have much planned for today. Possibly watching the final Maul episodes of the season and I’d like to go Aaron’s pool game (if he goes). Otherwise I think I’m good. Oh, and I need to write a review for Claire of the Moon, which I was going to do now, but again, that’s not a great idea now. I hope everyone is having a good day!

And now it is Tuesday, May 4th! Happy Star Wars Day! May the 4th Be With You! <3