Reactionary

People tell me that I am strong,
for how else could I continue after years of
illness & betrayal?

I survive in pieces.

My emotional reactions
are out of proportion
to any given stimuli;
often paralyzing.

I weigh each circumstance
with fear and suspicion,
even when experience should
teach me otherwise;
yet it’s false negative is itself reinforced
through my inability to achieve
normality.

My scars have faded
yet they are still visible
for any who have an eye for them.

I am not easily gifted.

I should be grateful for any gesture
yet I’ve never learned the trick of it.

In the moment,
when reaction is key,
I falter.

I stumble to correct myself but fail.

Sometimes the struggle is internal
and weighs on me for hours.

Other times my failure comes
to me long after the fact.

Invariably I weep,
though I don’t believe
that anyone has ever witnessed this,
or if they have,
I doubt that they have
interpreted my tears correctly.

My tears are not subjective.

Shame and remorse,
blossoming from my eyes
as I contemplate how I can possibly
thank those who’ve been slighted
by my wounded psyche.

Written by Jason Wright
April 17, 2019

Broken Beauty

I remember you,
the you before now,
the you from back then.

You were older than me
but you were young when I was,
glistening nakedly
as you ran in for water
after yearly mile run.

I didn’t know you well,
though we smiled for one another;
we drank and frequented
the same bars…
you, weaving in and out
of my existence…
you wrote letters from prison
to my dearest of friends,
and I thought perhaps you had died.

I drove you home once;
but I doubt you’d remember it;
you were drunk and clinging
to that night’s latest trick.

I was jealous of him
as I made sure you both arrived at your home safely,
as I ensured your survival and my own cuckoldry…
even as you stumbled from my car
at gas station to vomit on the sidewalk
and on my left rear tire.

You told me you were sorry
and you sounded miserable…
and that night’s lover looked embarrassed
if no less interested in sharing your bed,
not that I blamed him…
you were beautiful in your blindness
and completely unsuspecting.

You were already broken then,
but the glinting light
from those shards of self
shone like diamonds
in a world filled with pebbles.

That same night,
I drove home alone
to my little village farm house,
where I sprayed the vomit off my car
with a garden hose
in the far too bright, sunlit morning.

I never saw you again.

Written by Jason Wright
April 13, 2019

For Dale Lipke

Lightning Through My Veins

She was conducive to dying.
She died on a train.
She drove trains
and they killed her.
That was how it should be.

She chose the train.
She chose.

There were several options
but she kept her council
until the hunger was deep
and the time was right.

She felt no pain
and said no goodbyes.

And I have no memory of her
nor the meaning of any single word of this.

Written by Jason Wright
April 10, 2019

That Moment in the Reeds

A part of each other
that makes us both sad…

It’s hard to get over
what we never had…

Our love was requited
but we were a mess…

Inside recited
what made us obsessed:

The tint in those skies.
The feel of the wind.
The glint in your eyes.
The scent of your skin.

The kiss that meant nothing
until we were gone.

The kiss that meant something
because we were wrong.

The kiss was abandoned
unknown in the splendor…

The kiss never happened
although we remember.

Written by Jason Wright
March 26, 2019

PULP

Erotic cliché
is sleazy and brainless.

But “Gothic & Gaye”
is easy and painless.

A quaint porno cover
from could-have-been youth,

A saint and a lover
with shades of the truth,

The words were a code
and swiftly a treasure…

The words once bestowed
were simply a pleasure.

Written by Jason Wright
March 21, 2019

The One That Stops Him From Feeling

Ian music is song of drug addiction
ascribed to crazy haired Cure fan
who raved about Mood Swings
near Autumn, in the magic of her
midnight gallery opening
I would never witness in the light
of 90’s Ann Arbor Michigan day.

I met him 3 times
before Pizza House friend
cursed his life
and sent him to his smack filled
heroin infused ever after…

But I never knew “the asshole”;
I only remember his kiss…
Paul’s longing description…
Carrie’s guiltless confession…
and Dorian’s unexpected words
which brought all these memorial ingredients
into focus and allowed me finally to mourn –
listening to Numbness on NYC downtown train to The Prom –
no tears –
but a sad smile
and a kiss goodbye
in the same deep water as you.

Written by Jason Wright
March 1, 2019

PROM QUEEN

The fools set out to screw;
begetting shrugs
they crawl to lust.

The rules set out were few
and yet on drugs
they fall to dust.

By midnight conversation
linguist dick ensconced
ashamed.

Backbite cuck castration
masochistic angst
inflamed.

Muted by the terror;
aching spasms with aplomb!

Wounded by the error:
taking Adam to The Prom.

Written by Jason Wright
February 27, 2019

The Mornings

After all of night’s magic
has faded away,
dwindling down to nothing
but the glisten of dew
beneath the cool dawning sun,
that cruel spray of light
will rip lovers apart.

For when lovers
cease to be enraptured,
fumbling toward clothing
endowed with doubt,
laced with fear,
rejection and shame…

all the night’s magic
fades like a dream

and haunts us
for the rest of our days…

Even those who we cannot remember.

Written by Jason Wright
February 23, 2019

Everyone

Everyone is naked.
Everyone is nude.
Under cover.
Under clothing.
Under censorship’s
well-meaning-ever-
watchful eye…

Big Brother insists.

And so
everyone stares.

We all are complicit.

If only we shared
what’s mislabeled illicit.

We all need to care
and we must not dismiss it…

We enter this world
and are labeled explicit.

Written by Jason Wright
January 24, 2019

Heroic Duplicity

I try to conspire
to knock your socks off,

I lie to liars
to get our rocks off,

They think I’m not strong
but I’m really a freak,

I prey on the wrong
who savage the weak,

I ravage the monsters
within my deception,

They feed my hunger
for pain and erections.

Written by Jason Wright
January 23, 2019

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