This is a graphic story – so if you’re easily offended,
my advice is just to fuck off right now while there’s still time.
Seriously. This could offend you or just completely reduce your opinion of me.
Or it might just make you laugh.
Or possibly it could do all of those things at the same time.
Still here?
Funny story. I mean, I think it’s funny.
Others may disagree.
I once jerked off in the back of a station wagon,
imagining one of my school bullies
fucking me in dreamy soft focused lighting
straight out of a Radley Metzger porno,
though, of course that was years before
I even knew who Radley Metzger was.
But this guy’s name was CENSORED,
because, well, you’re about to find out.
And as my parents drove me
to our local Meijer,
I shot a load imagining CENSORED
as some kind of sympathetic soul
instead of the domineering asshat
that he portrayed in my waking world
at any given opportunity.
I don’t get off on being in cars
or with my parents or in public…
I was just very young, extremely horny,
and had a relative amount of privacy.
I would probably have no memory of this,
despite how outlandish it seems now,
except that when arriving at our destination(s)
I rounded a corner and walked directly into CENSORED’s chest –
because he was taller than me at the time,
so that’s where we connected.
Seriously.
I know why I blushed…
I mean, my hand likely still smelled of the cum
he’d wrangled out my teeny-bopper depths,
but he blushed just as badly before
we immediately headed in opposite directions
and never once mentioned it to each other ever again.
So that was a long time ago.
But recently, Facebook decided we should be best buds –
and I’m friends with a lot of people that were dicks to me in school.
I’m sure I was a dick to people too. School is like that.
And given the suggestion, and looking over his Facebook posts
I saw that we seemed to have developed the same views on a lot of issues,
(which I totally did not expect)…and so the friend request was sent
even though I did not expect anything to come from it.
But as history apparently likes to repeat itself….
A few months ago I was jerking off again.
Not to thoughts of CENSORED and
not to Radley Metzger,
because even though his films are hot,
I respect them too much to beat off to them.
Don’t judge me. I know it’s wacky, but that’s not the point.
The point is…
that just as I was reaching the point of no return,
a message flashed across my screen which read something like:
Friend Request to CENSORED Approved
And then I was most definitely thinking about CENSORED
as I doused myself, again, years later.
And I’m still laughing about it now,
and so I thought I’d share,
because clearly I have no boundaries.
At least I wasn’t in a station wagon this time,
which makes it slightly more classy, right?
I didn’t think so either.
Written by Jason Wright
August 3, 2019
