I walked .02 miles to a local grocery store. I picked up a head of cauliflower, some mushrooms and the waffles that my dietician recommended. After I took that home the weather was so lovely that I changed and walked to the park. When I go to Fort Tryon Park, I love to sit in this area called the Linden Terrace, where I often call my grandmother as I take in the view of the Hudson River and New Jersey across the river. On my way to the park I had a resurgence of this pain that I sometimes get in my ankles / shins. I sat on a bench just outside the park and called my sister, Janice, who I spoke to for about 20 minutes, eventually walking into the park and continued to chat with her. There were so many squirrels in the park today, many of them approaching me in a way that I’ve never seen before; I assumed that many people feed them and this was confirmed by my friend Nathan later. Walking to Linden Terrace from our apartment is exactly a mile. I felt good and the pain had gone. I took a longer, more scenic route home, so I’m sure I walked about 3 miles today. And that’s me being out 13 days in a row.
I passed this woman feeding pigeons on my way home. 05-15-26.
I traded texts with Janice and Nathan. I had some nice moments with Celine and Aaron. And I just chilled for the rest of the afternoon.
Aaron is taking me to a Stonewall Chorale party tomorrow that will feature a talent show in which none of the performers can sing as their talent. I’m reading a poem, but I’m not sure which title I’ll pick. I’ve narrowed it down to a few, but I think it will depend on how the audience seems. Really, I’d share all of them if I could. Not because I think I’m an amazing writer, but because I have a very hard time deciding anything! lol
I’m staying up a bit later tonight to get some stuff ready for that and I haven’t really gotten ready for bed yet. If I get to bed by 1am I should be fine.
Today’s title quote is from “Rebirth of the Cool” by The Afghan Whigs from their 1992 album “Uptown Avondale”.
On May 13, Wednesday morning my therapist reached out and asked if we might meet at 1:50, rather than 2pm as she had another obligation. I agreed. Usually when I have something scheduled later in the day I don’t go out at all because I never know what will happen and I’m worried I’ll miss what I have planned, but it was expected to rain later and I really wanted to get outside again and to the park. I told myself not to worry because really I just needed to get outside and I didn’t have to go far. When I got outside I headed to Starbucks. I got a larger drink than what I usually get these days; I got an iced grande dirty soy chai and I guess from Tuesday’s trip that I could probably get to the park and home before my appointment. I walked to the park up Fort Washington. On Tuesday I had cut through the 181st Street station, which has an elevator that takes you up the hill I was now walking up, but it was fine. I walked by Bennett Park and nearly stopped there but I just kept going.
The weather was nicer than I expected and I was in a good mood. Fort Tryon Park has long been my favorite NYC park and it’s just so beautiful. I didn’t stay in the park long though, because again, there was an expectation of rain, an appointment I needed to attend, and along with all that, I inhaled a beautiful flowery scent that seemed to be lilacs, though I couldn’t see any – only for this to cause me to start coughing, which I couldn’t stop. I was very grateful that I got that beverage and that I’d barely sipped it on my walk because it helped on my way home. I had taken the A Train home the previous day as it’s part of my therapy to ride trains, but even though I felt up to walking I took the train for all the reasons I just listed for not staying in the park. It was the right call. I was able to get home, get cleaned up and prepare for my appointment, which went very well.
I didn’t go out after that. I just relaxed. I did watch the “The Punisher: One Last Kill”, which I enjoyed. It made me cry. It’s brutal but so is the character, and my only real complaints were that it felt too similar to earlier Punisher stories even if it made a point of taking the character in a new direction and that it had very few ties to any of the other Marvel stories featuring the character of late. But everything else was impressive and a counter argument could also be made for what was or wasn’t onscreen, so I think it works.
For the record, I think my preferred viewing order for 2027 set M.C.U. projects goes like this:
01 Daredevil: Born Again Season 1 (9 episodes) 02 Captain America: Brave New World 03 The Punisher: One Last Kill 04 The Fantastic 4: First Steps 05 Daredevil: Born Again Season 2 (8 episodes) 06 Thunderbolts*
I slept well, more or less Wednesday. I slept well into the morning, getting up around 9:30am. Aaron was gone for the day. Another report about rain on the way and lower temperatures, I again wanted to get to the park. I took the A train there and back as I wasn’t really dressed for the weather but didn’t want to change and I had some pain in my ankles, that comes and goes, which I plan on talking to my doctor about at our appointment next month. Again, I didn’t stay long at the park. It was more about getting outside. And this marked 13 days out in a row! So that was nice. And I later learned that I’ve lost a pound. That’s a big accomplishment for me. I’ve never once tried to lose weight before, so to see any success is really nice. And while it’s only a pound, I bet other health related things have also improved, given the changes in my diet and being more active.
Once I was home, I was home for the day. I later traded texts with Nathan, which is the first we’ve spoken since Sunday. We seem to be getting along, which is nice. I worked on my site a bit. I’m getting a lot done, but it’s all on stuff that I can’t display until it’s DONE and there’s still so much to do. That’s a little frustrating.
I slept well again. Very well. I also lingered in the bedroom for longer than I expected because Aaron begged me for cuddles. lol I had a smoothie when I finally stumbled out of bed. It’s sunny outside, which is nice. I don’t love being in the sun, but I prefer sunny to overcast.
I just found out I’m in a talent show tomorrow. Aaron says I should read a poem but I’m not sure which piece I should do. I’ll try to look that over, but I’m getting a migraine. That’s sucks, but it’s also been great not having any in several days, and this just means my medication is working. I used to have them nearly every day and the medication I take cuts whatever number you have in half, so I’m likely due for one. I’ll take something for it in a minute. I have so many things I want to do and work on today. We’ll see how that ends up.
We’re leaving for Florida next week. I knew it was happening but it’s creeped up on me all the same. Hopefully that goes well. I realized this morning I’d have to not work on my site while I’m there because my laptop is dead and I can’t take this computer with me (it’s huge) and I can’t really get a lot done via my phone. But Aaron just assured me that we’ll find something that works. He’s brilliant, so I don’t doubt that we’ll find an answer.
Okay. I should get moving.
Today’s lyric headline comes from the song “Emperor’s New Clothes” by Panic! At The Disco, from their 2016 album, “Death of a Bachelor”.
I slept a lot but I had nightmares. Aaron and I were cleaning a large farm house and the surrounding area because we had relatives that were visiting, and a tornado hit. I was outside and saw the thing – which was several storms tied into one. My imagined storm was inventive but terrifying. I got back inside but couldn’t find Aaron and I also couldn’t remember his name to call it out while searching for him, which upset me more than the storm. He eventually arrived. He had gone with Daniel Radcliffe to save some orphans. When they arrived at the house there were many people there, but before it had been empty. A young trans woman went to hug Aaron who hugged her back. I sensed they had some kind of relationship. She noticed me watching and scolded Aaron for not hugging me first, but this felt manipulative and performative. I don’t know where this part of the dream stems from because I don’t know anybody who would do this. I woke several times and cuddled with Aaron for a long time, sleeping and waking, but the last time I woke up starving – with something like hunger cramps. I got up around 8:30 and made a smoothie, which I drank as I wrote this.
According to the weather it will be cloudy most of the day and get to a high of 70 around 2pm, which is when my therapy appointment is. It’s also likely that we’ll get rain later into the night.
“It Must Be Imagination” by Kenny Loggins from “High Adventure”. I owned this album on cassette tape. I loved it. But when I got it, it was already nearly a decade old and I wouldn’t have been surprised if you’d told me it was even older. I got it in a bargain bin or something and I was kind of shocked that I loved it, and I still love it to this day.
I was just talking about this album and Kenny Loggins with our friend Nathan on Sunday, so it’s been on my mind, but honestly, several of the tracks are consistently on playlists of mine, although my favorite is probably “If It’s Not What You’re Looking For”.
I shaved and showered but got very sleepy and I almost took a nap. I got a call from my cousin Katie who I chatted with for a bit. I adore her! I feel like we started talking weekly during the pandemic and we’ve just never looked back! Then after she had to go I got ready to go out. I rode to choir with Aaron, thinking I might just say to everyone because I was very hungry, but I stayed until half-time, singing, which was such a blast. It’s fun hearing my voice, and hearing the choir, and following direction and paying attention to breath. I was nice. But I knew if I didn’t go home early I’d get hungry, eat and then not be able to sleep. I left during the intermission. But I got to see Andrew (who I thought had already moved to Michigan, but hasn’t yet), Donald (whom I’d seen before but not met), Emily (who gave me her address so I can give her wife a book I think she’ll like), Cynthia (whom I love and I gave a hug to before I left), Beth (who is leaving for Costa Rica tomorrow) and I met Christine (who told me she loved my “Nine Inch Males” shirt as NIN was the first concert she ever attended – and when I told her a Trent Reznor anecdote from 1995, she was shocked to learn my age, which made me smile.
Waiting for the 1 Train at Christopher Street. 05-12-26.
I think Aaron thought I just wanted to come home to watch The Punisher: One Last Kill but I decided that I’d probably wait until tomorrow. The train ride home was easy and relaxed. I picked up pizza, ordering from my phone when I exited at 181st Street and walking over. I tried to call Mark Adams (who had tried calling me while I was with the choir) but he didn’t answer. I got the pizza, got home, undressed, ate more than I expected to, but not too much. And I read the news from the Upfronts, which wasn’t a lot, but still made me happy. VisionQuest will premiere on October 14, 2026. Ahsoka Season 2 won’t arrive until “early” 2027. And that’s all the news really. The Ahsoka news is a little bit of a letdown, but I didn’t love the first season so I don’t care about that as much. Meanwhile, I love “WandaVision” and “Agatha All Along” so I’m very excited for “VisionQuest” and hope that it can end the trilogy in style, and that the characters (including Wanda) can all return in the films. The other day, I also saw that “The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power” (which I’ve again not watched in like a month now) will return on November 11, 2026. So if I could catch up before that, I should be fine.
I took a sleeping pill and scrubbed most of the makeup off. I put the leftovers in the freezer and then wrote this. I’m going to start heading to bed soon. I have therapy tomorrow at 2pm. I have a Punisher special to watch and maybe some LOTR but I also want to make sure I get outside; keep this wave of excursions going!
Song quote from “Letting The Cables Sleep” by Bush.
Corner of 182 and Wadsworth Ave. 05-12-26.Just outside Fort Tryon Park. 05-12-26.In Fort Tryon Park. 05-12-26.
I walked to Fort Tryon Park, which seemed much closer than I remembered it being. I walked to this place with benches and views of the Hudson River, I’m sure this section has a name, but if it does, I don’t know it. When I go there I often call my grandmother, and today was no different. It was great to talk to her, wonderful to be out, and very healing to be surrounded by such beauty.
Waiting for the A Train at 190th Street. 05-12-26.
I took the A Train to 181st and walked home from there. I felt up to walking home but part of what I’m working on is getting used to taking the trains again, so this felt more like a needed step in the journey rather than a shortcut. I may go for another walk later. We’ll see.
I slept for more than 8 hours, going to bed around 10 and not fully waking up until around 8. And the morning was filled with Aaron cuddles! If I can get outside today that will be 10 days in a row, which, aside from trips to other places in the world, I don’t think has happened in years! I apparently have a therapy appointment tomorrow? My therapist supposedly had surgery and was off for 3 weeks, but I saw her 2 weeks ago, so I was not expecting this. But if true (and not a clinical error) then it will be fun to tell her about all these personal victories.
Still getting ready for bed. 05-11-26.
The Punisher: One Last Kill will be released tonight, which will hopefully answer some questions regarding his absence in Season 2 of Daredevil: Born Again. But today is also Disney / Marvel’s entry at the Upfronts, which means there will likely be news of several upcoming Marvel projects, though I’m not sure how much of that news will leak or if any of it will be all that interesting. We’ll have to wait and see. The project I’m most interested in is “VisionQuest”, but I’m interested in everything to some degree. The next Marvel thing to come out will be Sony / Marvel’s Amazon series “Spider-Noir”, which streams its first season in full on May 27, the day after we return from Florida. Then “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” will be released to theaters in July. We’ll likely get “X-Men 97′ Season 2”, then “Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man Season 2”, then “VisionQuest” after May but before December. In December, “Avengers: Doomsday” hits theaters. In 2027 we have “Daredevil: Born Again Season 3”, “Spider-Man: Beyond the Spider-Verse” “X-Men 97′ Season 3”, “Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man Season 3” & “Avengers: Secret Wars”.
We’re going to Florida from May 20 – May 26. We need to see how our house there is doing in the wake of some drama, plus we like to go there when we can so it’s part work, part vacation, and assuming the house is doing well, it could be a relaxing time for me because I love our house there and the times we’ve spent there.
Fading out. Really. 05-11-26.
I should try to eat soon. Looks like a high of about 65 this evening? Nice. Maybe I’ll walk to the park. Or a park. I’ve been trying to get to Fort Tryon this year, but I’ve also been tempted to revisit The Highline. For awhile, I was going there pretty often but it has now been several years. I don’t think I’ve been there since before the pandemic, so at least 7 years. Crazy.
I name my blog posts with quotes from songs that I share via Spotify, but they aren’t showing up today – the songs, which make me nervous that one day they will fail to appear at all. For the record this was “Love Will Tear Us Apart” by Joy Division.
Waiting for the elevator. I spoke with Nathan and Aaron last night about Catherine Wheel. I listened to a mix of theirs while I walked. 05-11-26.
I had a rough night last night. Everything leading up to bedtime was wonderful. But I couldn’t eat until late, and that didn’t go as well as I expected so I didn’t actually get to bed until after 4 and I only slept about 4 hours. But when I got up I worked on the site. Later I played some Zelda. I assumed I was going to pool tonight so I didn’t worry about not getting out. But I got very tired in the afternoon. Instead of taking a nap I went for a walk, which was lovely. The weather was beautiful and the walk was refreshing. Also, this marks 9 consecutive days that I’ve gotten out of the apartment!
Oh. And when I got up I had a smoothie. Later I had a kiwi. Later when I was really hungry I had some garlic bread with chia seeds. I’ve been drinking water. I might have a yogurt in a bit.
When I got home I got changed for the bar, breaking in my new boots, which are pretty comfy when boots that look like this are often painful. But as we left for Boxers, later than I expected, I realized that this was a mistake on my part. If I went to the bar, I would be starving when we got home and I would eat and tonight would likely go the same as last night. So Aaron dropped me off near Starbucks and I walked back home. It was the right call. And I got a whistle from one guy and a clearly interested smile from a woman, and that didn’t suck. lol
So I’ll probably get the makeup off. Possibly have a snack. And I might even just get ready for bed. I need to get some sleep tonight. Wish me luck!
Edit: Ooh. And it looks like in addition to the Punisher special tomorrow – we’ll be getting more Marvel news as well 🙂
Aaron and I had a lovely afternoon with our new friend Nathan. Nathan used to be a customer of mine when I worked at Starbucks, but we didn’t know each other then. I mean, he remembers me, but I don’t remember him. I’m never good at that stuff. Lots of laughter. Lots of easy affection. And a lot of work being done behind our eyes. I think each of us was advancing forward through personal struggles and it was rewarding, memorable and relatively easy. And I expect we’ll be seeing more of Nathan.
Because we had company I wasn’t eating, so I’m doing that now and will likely be up a bit later, because I can’t lay down after I eat. But I’m not bothered. It really was wonderful, Aaron agrees, we discussed it all and we’re very happy with how things went today and I think overall we had a wonderful weekend in general. I know that despite some migraines, I’ve been feeling a lot of success on a lot of levels lately, and it feels really good.
I slept well. Another morning of Aaron cuddles. We spoke to Mary Ellen, my sister Janice and my grandmother Frances for Mother’s Day. And I went for a walk. 8th Day outside in a row! I walked to the grocery store for salad dressing and picked up a few other items, all healthier than I sometimes do, and I wasn’t even tempted for sweets or chips. That’s not always the case. Aaron cleaned up a bunch of stuff that only he could do and we just seem to be having a nice day.
My haul from the grocery store. 05-10-26.
On my walk, I listened to a mix of Tori Amos songs, and I put on the Tori shirt that Sean gave me 25 years ago. It was just 10 minutes or so of giving him a moment. It was nice. Respectful. Healing. Sometimes I need to do that with people I’ve lost along the way.
Saturday Morning. 05-09-26.In our elevator on our way out. 05-09-26.
Our trip to Allentown, Pennsylvania was a success. We picked up our friend Joanna from Starbucks and off we went across the GWB, into NJ and on to Pennsylvania, where we attended the Lehigh Valley Chorale’s 10th Anniversary concert, “The Road Home”, which was wonderfully quirky and really inspiring. The show was held at the Miller Symphony Hall (23 N 6th Street · Allentown PA 18101), a really great space! The director, Nick, who we all agreed, knocked it out of the park, will be coming in to lead the Stonewall Chorale over the next year and then carry the choir forward after Cynthia resigns. This was the first time I’d ever really spoken to Joanna but I’d seen her perform with the choir many times. We had other friends coming to the show but they were caught in traffic so they missed the first act. After the show I got to meet Nick and then Aaron, Joanna, Emily, Linda and their daughter and I all headed for our reservation at Simpatico (27 N 7th St, Allentown, PA 18101), an Italian restaurant, where our company was fantastic, our food was delicious, and our waiter smelled really bad. Oh well. I had never met Linda and this was the first time I really got to talk to her and her wife. They’re big Star Wars / Marvel fans and I loved talking to them about queer cinema.
With Joanna, Aaron, Linda & Emily at Simpatico in Allentown, PA. 05-06-26
After the restaurant we said goodnight and drove Joanna back to the city and returned home. Aaron and I had a great conversation about where we are, where we are headed, and how our goals, which had been diverted during the pandemic of 2020 could finally be continued now and I’m here for it! I know he’s excited and so am I. But I’m tired. So I showered and started getting ready for bed.
About to shower. 05-09-26.Say goodnight. 05-09-26.
