May 2026 – Page 4 – BALD JASON'S GAY GOTH BOY BLOG

May 4, 2026May 4, 2026

“And if I feel this way for so long tell me, is it all for nothing?”

Instead of going for a walk, I cuddled with Aaron, which he was very grateful for. I had a smoothie. I looked at the weather and we were to have a high of about 60 degrees around 4pm. Aaron revealed that he had choir practice in the West Village. I had a slice of pizza, got ready and then rode down to the village with him, arriving about 2pm. We held hands in the rental car, which we needed as our car, Ruby, had a flat tire the day before. I went with Aaron to Dunkin Donuts but I abstained from all the sugary snacks. We went to Saint John’s Lutheran Church, where my former writers group, The Poetry Table, used to meet. It is always so nice to see everyone! Cynthia Powell, the choir director welcomed me with a big hug. I asked her if I could get a photograph. She put on some lipstick and agreed.

I left as the choir began their warmups. I walked to the Stonewall Memorial where I snapped another picture. The wind chill was a bit more chill than I like my wind! But I wanted to walk and I was dressed appropriately. I kept getting cold, pulling my sleeves down, getting warm, rolling them up, getting cold…

I walked around a bit and ended up at Washington Square Park. I sat for awhile and walked around some more. It was pretty crowded, despite the fountain not being on, and it was fun to watch the various groups of people. I snapped a few pictures of the Washington Square Arch just before I exited the park and headed out.

I had a nice, windy, walk around the village. I needed to pee so I stopped into the Stonewall Inn before I headed to the A train. Only there were delays on that track which would require a shuttle service so I walked over to the 1 Train instead and finally headed home on a very crowded train. When we were approaching 181st Street, the woman next to me had a coughing fit and I asked if she needed / wanted a cough drop but she aid her mouth was just very dry. I informed her I was getting off the train at the next stop and that she could have my water, which she accepted. I felt good that I was able to help. I walked the few blocks home, got undressed and took a shower.

I was hungry. I had cauliflower and broccoli with ranch dressing, while I read the news and chatted with some friends. Later, I realized I was up to leaving the house again, got dressed and went for a second walk, running into Aaron at the gate as he was arriving home. Initially intending to walk to the Little Red Lighthouse under the George Washington Bridge, I got distracted by some greenery and headed down Bennet, through the subway to Bennet Park where I called my recently widowed cousin Linda, so we could make each other laugh, the way we always do. I spoke to her as I took the long way home. She asked if I was in an elevator when I was heading up the the apartment and I told her I was. She said hello to Aaron and then we said goodnight. I played some Zelda and had another smoothie. I was still very hungry though so I opted for another slice of pizza, with added chia seeds. I got a call from Mark Adams and his daughter Raven and we spoke while I got ready for bed, and then I passed out pretty quickly. I woke up at 4:30 and wrote this.

While writing this I started getting a visual migraine and quickly took the appropriate medication for such an event. It was a struggle to continue writing as I was only able to see about half of the screen, but I did it. The visual obnoxiousness has mostly faded now. But when I’m done I’m going back to bed.

And I guess I’m done now? I slept well. But if I can get a bit more sleep that would be nice and would undoubtedly help with the migraine which is likely to begin in about 20 minutes or less. I feel like I had a good day yesterday. I avoided overly sugary / salty snacks, only drinking water or smoothies, and I also managed to get outside multiple times for some exercise. I don’t have much planned for today. Possibly watching the final Maul episodes of the season and I’d like to go Aaron’s pool game (if he goes). Otherwise I think I’m good. Oh, and I need to write a review for Claire of the Moon, which I was going to do now, but again, that’s not a great idea now. I hope everyone is having a good day!

And now it is Tuesday, May 4th! Happy Star Wars Day! May the 4th Be With You! <3

May 3, 2026May 3, 2026

“What kind of pills are you on?”

I did not sleep well Friday night. Sometimes I’m fine on my own. Others, it’s hard to sleep without Aaron there. Also, I have psychological stuff that pops up now and again. When I was a kid I used sleep on the floor, in front of my sister’s bedroom door. I thought I was protecting her and I would fight to stay awake. That comes back to me as an adult and I resist sleeping. It’s why sleeping pills are such a temptation for me; because I don’t even think about sleeping and I’m out like a light. I only slept 4 hours. But I also took the night off of Zolpidem / Ambien, which meant that I could take it without guilt on Saturday night. Any decrease in Ambien consumption is a win and I’m doing better controlling that then I have in years.

Saturday, I got up early and worked on my website about half of the day. The other half I was fighting off a recurring migraine I’ve had for about a week. I get those a lot this time of year. Well, anytime of year really, but I’m on Aimovig, which cuts the number of migraines I have in half. I used to have them almost every day and now it’s a couple of times a week, occasionally less, which probably sounds horrible to most people, but to me, it’s like a vacation! But this is a particularly bad time of year for my migraines and this is clearly a cluster. So that bit sucked. I gave in and took my meds. I have an inhaler that helps with most of my worst migraines but it has negative side effects so I don’t take it unless I need it. But that didn’t help. I took a scalding hot shower and also took some Ibuprofen and Tylenol Migraine and eventually they helped, but I could tell the migraine was still there, beneath the surface.

Later I rewatched one of my guilty pleasure movies, “Claire of the Moon”. A lesbian drama film with some questionable acting choices. It’s not a great movie but I love it so much. It was the right call. I last watched it about 6 years ago. And I’ll likely see it again someday. It’s a comfort movie for me. Also, I’m trying to revisit the movies I watched but didn’t write much about during my LGBTQ+ movie marathon that began in 2020; some of those movies were viewed before I started reviewing them and others I just didn’t get around to writing. But now that they have a home here, I will try to stay on top of it, which should be pretty easy. I’m not watching 5 or 6 a day anymore and also, I don’t have to keep track of them as much, so once I’ve transferred all the reviews from Facebook, I can take my time, have fun and not worry about getting it all right.

I went to bed around 10pm. I slept until around 7. Friday night I had dreams that I was at Meijer and that Lisa and Emily Murray were there with Aunt Karen. Last night I dreamed that I was seeing a Spider-Man film with Janice and her kids, and as we left, Tom Holland and Zendaya were with us – and I actually think Tom was on one of Janice’s kids. There were also dreams that I was living on a boat with Aaron / Mark. A whale had crashed through the boat and I was surveying the damage, the whale still in the hull. Later I learned that Aaron / Mark had imprisoned the whale to pull us to our destination and was so angry. I was telling him / them that if the whale died that I would never speak to him / them again when I woke up. The latter dream seems heavily influenced by Doctor Who’s “The Beast Below” (S05E11) but I haven’t even thought about that episode in years so I’m not sure why that popped up here.

I want to lose weight. Which is not something I’ve really had to contemplate much in my life. Growing up, I was relatively thin due to PTSD tied into eating. And in my late 20s my stomach became partially paralyzed, which I’ve struggled with ever since. 9 years ago, I was a little under 164 pounds. I weigh over 200 pounds now. I think I weighed 220 for awhile and maybe I still do? I’m a little afraid to look. I’ve recently changed my diet for the better, dropping ice cream and replacing ice cream shakes with smoothies, with each ingredient being much healthier than the ingredients in the shakes. I also stopped eating a type of of pizza (pretzel crust) which was delicious but had more salt on it than was healthy; it even included a health hazard warning! I’ve also stopped eating bacon and peperoni, which I was eating often before. I’ve not sworn off these foods but I’ve made it a point to not eat them on a daily basis. I’ve also drastically reduced my intake of potato chips. I still get them once or sometimes twice a month, but for many years I had them every single day. I have fruit every day. I have veggies often. All that is to say that I’ve made some really good dietary choices. But I need to start exercising. If I could, I would run, but it’s very high impact at a point in my life with that seems really not good for my body – and it would likely aggravate my stomach. I’m leaning more toward stair climbing, hiking and taking more walks. And if I can find something a bit more heart intensive that works for me, that would be wonderful. I miss dancing but there are no clubs near me that I enjoy and while I can dance at home, it’s not easy when I’m rarely on my own.

I need new shoes. Good comfortable shoes for walking / hiking. The shoes I have now are nice but I got them in 2021 I think and I’ve since walked many miles in them, all around the world: Belize (Harvest Caye), England (London), France (Marseille, Nice), Greece (Athens, Mykonos, Olympia, San Torini), Honduras (Roatan), Malta, Mexico (Costa Maya, Cozumel), Monaco (Monte Carlo), Italy (Florence, Naples twice, Pisa, Pompeii, Rome twice, Sicily twice, Taormina) Spain (Barcelona) + the United States: Michigan, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Pennsylvania, Texas (Galveston & Houston) – at least.

I had a smoothie this morning, which has mostly settled. I think I’m going to get ready and try to go for a walk.

May 2, 2026May 10, 2026

Claire of the Moon (1992)

I first saw this movie on VHS in 1994 with my friend Jen Beam. She showed me 3 or 4 queer films that each left a lasting impression on me, and that may in part be why I love this movie as much as I do. It’s not great, and there are bits of it that are horrible, but it means well, and there are moments that really shine. The film score (by Michael Allen Harrison) is often stunning, just as much of the other music in the film is either bad or relatively forgettable. The performances are often more like caricatures, but for some reason I find this charming instead of annoying, and I’ve watched it 5 or 6 times, at least. I last watched this as part of my survival in NYC Covid-19 lockdown on April 21, 2020, but I barely wrote anything about it because it was one of the earlier entries before I knew that I was going to be watching and eventually reviewing over 800 LGBTQ+ inclusive movies from my collection. So, I’ll try to be better about that this time.

“Claire of the Moon” is a 1992 lesbian-themed erotic drama film directed by openly lesbian filmmaker Nicole Conn (“Elena Undone”, “A Perfect Ending”, “More Beautiful for Having Been Broken”) and starring Trisha Todd as Claire Jabrowski, a relatively famous published and seemingly heterosexual author, who decides to attend a retreat for all-female writers. While at the retreat she is forced to cohabitate with Dr. Noel Benedict (Karen Trumbo), an openly lesbian published author of a controversial book called The Naked Truth. The two live on opposite schedules but come to terms with a growing respect a rapport. The film centers on their budding relationship, but features the other women in supporting roles.

While the movie plays as a lesbian romance in an era that was nearly devoid of such films, the film also attempts to explore communication via Noel’s current work in exploring this topic through the subject of sex, theorizing that men and women speak wholly different languages, making it impossible for them to find true intimacy – while suggesting this is only possible via lesbian relationships. There are a lot of generalizations, but the film points that out as well, which makes the impassioned arguments a little hard to take seriously. But there are kernels of truth here and there which I wish had been expanded on more fully. At one point, while explaining her theory to her friends, she admits that sexual roles are complicated and possibly intrinsic, while she also struggles to define them and honestly explore them. She also discusses the vulnerability that partners must feel when exploring things that excite them as they risk rejection from those closest to them. There are no answers here and the discussions are murky enough to hide whatever the characters may actually be saying, but the discussion itself is an interesting topic that could have been explored in more depth. I also think it would have been fascinating for the other characters to have provided insight but they all seem willing to follow Noel on the matter – with the exception of Claire, but her objections seem to imply that she is wrong to disagree, which is fine, if a little simplistic. I should also say that I don’t mind everyone following Noel as I love the performance by Karen Trumbo, who sells the character’s obsession with tragic denial, even if I find the movie to be too in love with her backstory as a therapist in love with a client, which is a serious breach in ethics. But perhaps that was the point? I would have loved to have heard the filmmakers discuss this but I’m aware that I’m not the target audience and that I might take the film far more seriously than it needs to be. lol

I’ve always wanted to read the novel, but I’ve never owned a copy and it’s very difficult to find. I wonder if I might not get it through a library? Hmmm.

May 1, 2026

“Where can I run to? Where can I hide?”

I didn’t realize this but Aaron will be staying in Philly tonight and then he has stuff tomorrow too, so he won’t be home until tomorrow afternoon. This might be good for me because I can try my less effective night medication with no pressure to be asleep. And I’ll get plenty of work done on my website, which I already have. I got several pages of my Star Trek viewing order up, which I’ve been struggling with for weeks.

I’m having an interesting conversation with this guy named Emanuel. He lives in the Bronx and we’re discussing the value of sex in culture and in relationships. His views are not quite the same as mine, fascinating, but also kindly expressed. I wish more people discussed such things so openly and without rudeness as a cover. It’s refreshing.

I ate a salad and later a smoothie. I had a few olives too. All fruits and veggies today it seems. Oh, I had some bread this morning, before the sun came up. Anyways, I’m sitting still while I try to calm my stomach down. Then we’ll see where the day takes me.

May 1, 2026May 1, 2026

“And do you feel scared? I do…”

Aaron’s endoscopy went very well yesterday. He had another endoscopy 3 months ago and they discovered he had an ulcer which they’ve been treating with medication and therapy. Yesterday’s procedure revealed that the ulcer is gone! This was a wonderful outcome. And the wait time for the procedure was greatly reduced this time – we were essentially in and out in about an hour.

I traded texts with Glenn, my nephew Jon and my cousin Ariel. Glenn was concerned for Aaron. Jon and I were talking about Daredevil: Born Again. Ariel invited us to her graduation party, which will be held in Michigan, despite her living in Georgia. We’ll see how that plays out. I also later traded messages with my old friend Flordeperla, who was a co-worker at Starbucks in Manhattan.

He was a little groggy after and I was dealing with another migraine. I always have lots of migraines, but this time of year, when we get far more rain, it’s always the worst. I went to bed relatively early, hoping that I’d wake up early this morning to get some work on my site done, headache free. Part of that was true. I woke up early. And my headache isn’t as bad as it was.

I have gotten a lot finished! But it’s in a draft stage so nobody can see it yet. It’s part of the Star Trek viewing order section. I also uploaded a bunch more LGBTQ+ movie reviews from 2024 yesterday.

I’m not sure what’s on my agenda for the day. It’s very sunny outside this morning. The weather says a high of 63 this afternoon. Maybe I’ll get outside. Aaron has a trip to Philly planned this evening. Maybe I’ll go out then? Or maybe I’ll start my new Star Trek book? I’ve been having a lot of trouble finishing books in the last couple of years. I was doing really well; I was re-reading The Wicked Years in hopes of reading the sequel trilogy for the first time, but then they announced 2 new books, set earlier in the timeline and it killed my interest. I figured I’d wait a bit for those and then do the whole thing again. And I’ve stumbled over everything since then.

The new Trek book is a sequel to Star Trek: Picard, set during a time-jump in the series finale (S03E10 “The Last Generation”) the book has been described as continuity porn, filled with references to various Star Trek episodes from multiple series and films – which sounds like just the kind of thing that I might enjoy at the moment. So, that’s definitely an option. Plus, as the book features Seven and Raffi, we have our LGBTQ+ representation right there. Nice. But who knows if I’ll finish this one? I’ve wanted to finish everything I’ve started in the last few years; I didn’t begin anything with the intent to stop reading, so we’ll see how it goes.

Oh. And I spoke, briefly, with my sister Janice before I passed out. She tried talking to me about her conspiracy theories about 9/11 but I told her I couldn’t listen to it. 9/11 stuff gives me nightmares and always has. I imagine it would likely be worse now that I’ve lived in Manhattan for nearly 14 years. I wish she had more time to relax. She’s always so busy, even on her days off. I love her. She can make me laugh like almost nobody else. Aaron is good at it too. I’m feeling sleepy again and might go back to bed for a nap. I actually didn’t sleep very long last night. I was in bed quite early but it took me a long time to get to sleep and then I was only out for about 5 hours.