On Monday, August 3, we got a lot of our new furniture sorted – including our new bed. A lot of work was done. Though there was also a lot of drama as we were running out of time. I still managed to get another walk in, which was needed, and relaxing. There are these little lizards that live all around our FL house and I spotted something like 16 of them on my walk, but a lot of very playful chipmunks. Bernard and I went to run errands that night to help with the workload, though we were tired, and when we got back there had clearly been a serious argument, possibly just before we arrived, so things were very tense. It took a long time to get to bed that night, but the new setup was very comfortable.
On Tuesday, August 4, we all got up early, all feeling better I think. We got ready and headed to the airport, making short work of security and all sat in the Sky Club; Aaron and I have our own entries and Aaron using passes for Bernard, Mark and Mary Ellen. Aaron left first as his flight was around 11:30. Mark and Mary Ellen followed soon after. While Bernard and I weren’t leaving until 2. Our flight went smoothly. We arrived early at LaGuardia Airport in Queens, and then shared an Uber, which dropped off Bernard first in the Bronx and then got me home before 7pm in Manhattan. When we landed, Aaron had texted to reveal that his transfer flight in Atlanta had been delayed. He always has the worst time at that airport!
On Wednesday, August 5, I had therapy, which went really well. I stayed in.
On Thursday, August 6, I made my way to my cardiologist’s office in Hell’s Kitchen. I hadn’t seen him in about a year, having scheduled my first visit in 2025 out of an over abundance of caution – so I wasn’t expecting anything to go poorly. But not only did it go well, but it went extremely well. I felt great. I thought I looked pretty good. And my doctor said that I was doing everything right! He was impressed by my weight loss, my increased activity and healthier diet. It put me in such a good mood to hear that. I’ve been working really hard to improve my health and I’m finally starting to see some of the benefits of that, and it’s wonderful. I did later hear from his office that he wants me to be tested for something – but I’m not sure why and I’m not overly concerned about it. He may have even mentioned it in the appointment and I just didn’t keep that in my brain, which is a problem with me and doctors in general.
Friday, August 7, I stayed in again, but this was due to warnings about heat, air quality, and later, a thunderstorm. I worked on my website. I wrote a poem. I read. I cleaned out the refrigerator. And I watched an episode of X-Men ’97 (S02E06 “Danger.exe”) before heading to bed early. Despite being tired, it took me several hours to get to sleep. When I did, I felt rested despite sleeping only 6 hours.
So far, today, I’ve just been updating my blog with all the photos (which I have to convert before I can post – which takes a lot of time) and details that I can remember. This is something I’ve been putting off and has been on my list of things I need to get done, so it feels good to knock it off that list.
I should probably eat.
Today’s journal title song quote is from “Feel Good Too” from “Mystical Magical Rhythmical Radical Ride”, which is the eighth studio album by openly bisexual American singer-songwriter Jason Mraz.
I did not go to bed after the last entry. As I walked to the room to cuddle with Aaron, he got up, so I stayed up too. I spent much of the day in a haze. I did try to sleep; I just wasn’t successful. I wondered if I should go for a walk? I worried that the lack of sleep might be harder to recover from and that it might be better to stay in, but due to the fact that it was Brian’s birthday, and the feelings I had about it being the first one since he died, I decided I needed to walk, to help work off the excess emotions.
I got dressed quickly. I tried not worry about what I was wearing too much, which is becoming increasingly difficult. I decided to wear pants, despite the heat, as the black item I chose had multiple holes in it and was also really light. I was shocked when I put them on though, because they have an elastic waist and I’ve never needed a belt with them before, but yesterday I did. I guess that’s what happens when you lose nearly 30 lbs; 18.8 in the last 4 months. Okay.
I walked sort of aimlessly, not really feeling like going to the park. I briefly considered walking as far as I could south, knowing I could catch a train home. I may still do that at some point, but it wasn’t the time. I knew I’d had very little sleep and I figured I shouldn’t push things too far. It was enough that I was up and outside. I walked at least a mile. I traded texts with my friend Christopher. I stopped into Starbucks and got a chocolate chip cookie that I’d been craving for over a week but skipped the tea this time as I had a water with me. On my way home I ran into my old Starbucks customer and now friend, Gemma, who gave me another name the last time I saw her, and I can’t remember what it was. Damn it. She was highly complimentary of my appearance, which was appreciated.
When I got home I showered. Then had a smoothie. I tried to stay up but started getting ready for bed around 9pm. I know I passed out because when I woke up my phone was next to me on the bed, not charging. I got up around 3 or 4? I can’t remember. I had something to drink and a piece of toast. I worked on my Marvel chronology for a couple of hours. Then I went back to bed to cuddle with Aaron. We cuddled for an hour before he got up, then I fell back asleep for a couple of hours.
I woke up ravenous. I had another smoothie, which was delicious. I weighed myself. I’m enjoying the process of paying attention to my health and trying to meet goals, but my PTSD is so closely tied to food, and often presents itself as an eating disorder, that I’ve avoided this kind of information in the past, and I’m cognizant of the circumstances, and I don’t believe this is negative at all. But I’m trying to take stock of my emotions and my reactions and how I’m dealing with all of this so that it can be positive and not detrimental – and I don’t think it is – but I worry if I just sort of went into this without that level of introspection, that it could slip into something unhealthy. As it stands, I’m eating better, healthier and I’m more active. I’m not starving. I’m not exercising to excise. So I think I’m fine. I currently weigh 192.2 lbs, which was before I ate. So it’s probably gone up a reasonable amount since then. I should be at least 20 lbs less to be in the ballpark of my ideal healthy weight, but I’m improving in various ways, with better results that I’d ever have expected. And again, I’ve lost about 30lbs from when I was eating nothing but crap and was highly sedentary – like, I would barely move for days at a time, except to eat or take a bathroom break. So, also again, I’m definitely doing better, so it’s hard to criticize any of my new habits, which is helpful, because it means I’m probably on the right track.
We’re going to a party this evening, or that’s the plan. The Marvel Hall H Panel at San Diego Comic Con will be during the party, so I’m hoping to come home with lots of Marvel news. There have been teases that MIGHT mean that Wanda could return in Avengers: Doomsday, ala her comic storyline from The Children’s Crusade, which I’d secretly hoped already, and so I’m very hyped to (PLEASE) have that confirmed. I need Wanda back. I actually need Wanda and Vision and Wiccan & Speed to be united and then they can go live happily ever after. That’s what I want. I actually would have preferred to stay home and read the news as it pours in, but getting out is healthier. Spending time out with Aaron is beneficial for us both, and I genuinely like the person who is having this housewarming party. And there may be others that I know there. It’s all good. I feel much better today than I did yesterday, and that’s always good.
Oh. Our downstairs neighbors have a leak in their ceiling. This is horrible for them, and obnoxious for us. They’ve had a leak on and off for 10 years? We’ve let plumbers and professionals come into our apartment at all hours of the day and night (often with no heads up) to work with them to find something. They’ve run the water from all the sinks, the shower, the appliances – everything – many times. They’ve ripped open their ceiling and tested everything again, but found nothing. Privately, the professionals have said that the neighbors are crazy – but I don’t think they are! They have a legitimate problem, and I want to help them, but nobody can find the source of the problem and the problem isn’t happening when we use water, and it’s also not happening in a way that anyone can predict, so getting people in when the trouble is actually happening, has been a challenge. And the people that run the building have to send their people to figure it out. We’ve also had every pipe and every water system (and nearly all of our floors + all of the bathroom) replaced and the problem is still there. They used to be very confrontational with us, these neighbors, back before a lot of the changes, and they insisted that we were causing their problems, only the weekend in which they were having the major issues, we weren’t home. So no water was running. It’s a mystery.
And that’s all for now.
Oh. Again! I need to respond to my friend Ilyssa. I’m so all over the place!!! lol I messaged her out of the blue the other day and she kind messaged back – but I was in bed when I got the response and I went right to sleep! Damn. Okay. I’ll reach out to her. And I need to ask Christopher what play he saw yesterday and if it was any good. And get ready for the party. I got this.
Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “This Woman’s Work” written and performed by English singer-songwriter Kate Bush. It was initially featured on the soundtrack of the American film “She’s Having a Baby” (1988). The song was released in November 1989, by EMI Records, as the second single from her sixth album, “The Sensual World” (1989), and peaked at No. 25 on the UK Singles Chart. The first time I remember hearing the song was in the second episode of “ALIAS” (S01E02 “And So It Begins”), which aired October 7, 2001. I was aware of Kate Bush as an ex-bf of mine (Gene Warrick) had played “Running Up That Hill” for me in 1994, from her 1985 album “Hounds of Love”. I liked the song so much that I recorded it to a cassette tape form his vinyl copy. Oh the things we did for music back then! lol Really there are only 3 songs by Kate Bush that I actually know, which are these 2 plus “Lyra”, her song from “The Golden Compass” (2007) film.
This week there was Marvel news and I’m sure there will be more tomorrow. This excites me. I’m a huge Marvel fan, so there’s that.
I got outside for several walks this week. I’ve lost weight. I was actually thinking that I weighed 207 pounds in March, but it turns out, I actually weighed 211 pounds then – and I now weigh under 194, so that’s a considerable amount of weight lost, and I’ve not been doing anything crazy. I’m just making healthier choices in my diet and getting a bit more exercise than I had been. So that’s pretty exciting, because since I’m enjoying this time, I feel like this might be something I can keep up with and not worry about it all coming back, as I’ve heard others talk about. I was originally aiming to get to 180lbs but my program says that my ideal weight 172lbs. It also told me recently that my “metabolic age” was 52, which I thought was fair since I’ll be 52 in just a few weeks, but now I’m down to age 51, so I’m assuming that’s a good thing? I’m so clueless about this stuff. But that’s just what I make sure to tell my doctors. Treat me like I don’t know anything, because if it relates to food or exercise, I probably don’t know much! lol But I’m doing great. And I think I’m finding a good balance between what I love, what I enjoy and what is good for me. It’s not about giving up everything, it’s about balancing it out with other options, which I also like. My snack plates lately are all fruits and seeds and things, but I legitimately didn’t notice or think about it until Aaron pointed it out to me. I just thought they were fun choices. lol Oh, and I’m cutting some sugar from my smoothies now; putting 3 quarters of a cup of fruit in (instead of a full cup) and then using a quarter cup of zucchini, which is great for you, apparently, but which I’d never had before. I can’t taste a difference, so that’s great.
I’m so fucking tired. I woke up at 2am when Aaron got up for something. And then I realized that today was Brian Lounsberry’s 50th birthday. Or it would have been. And then I knew I needed to write something and I got up. And I did write something. And also rewrote an older poem that I’ve often referred to, but have never been truly happy with. So that’s accomplished. I should probably be trying to write this in some semblance of order.
Monday we got the first “Avengers: Doomsday” trailer, which I posted. Excited for that. Tuesday we got the final “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” trailer and I’m excited for that. Later I took the train to the park and then walked home, which is about a mile.
July 21, 2026. Not bad for nearly 52 and having been 220 lbs in my recent past.
Tuesday (July 21) I had therapy that went well. I’m sure there was some kind of drama that day but I can’t remember what it was. Oh. And we watched another Star Trek: The Next Generation episode (S03E10 “The Defector”) – which we both enjoyed and had both forgotten most of. Indeed, I had mistaken the plot in my head for a completely different subplot from a different Trek episodes (S06E14 “Face of the Enemy”), which in my defense, also involves the Romulans and a defector, but in that case, it’s a human defector who joined the Romulans and returns to the Federation – I remember that actor and that story and assumed that this Season 3 Romulan episode about a defector was the same thing. But it wasn’t. lol So that was kind of funny.
Wednesday (July 22): Aaron went on a walk with me. We went to Starbucks on our way home and the barista complimented my “whole vibe”, which I’m not sure I thanked her for, which makes me feel like a jerk. Really, I’m just caught off guard when people compliment me.
Thursday (July 23): I went for a walk. There was plenty of drama though. We’re going to Florida next week, but it’s quite a lot of stress for me as I’d rather not travel and I wasn’t planning on going at all, but the trip got moved up and if I want to see Spider-Man with Aaron, which I do, I have to go. And there are issues with me going but we talked it out and we’re reducing the risk of all that as much as we can – and if it’s bad, I’ll either come home earlier, or go to a hotel or something.
Later I rewatched “Thunderbolts*” for the first time since seeing it in theaters. I think I enjoyed it about the same as the first time, but I forgot how much I cried during the second half, so I was bawling for awhile. lol Then right after that, Aaron and I watched the new Season 4 premiere of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (S04E01 “Valles Marineris”), which we both enjoyed, despite both of us being a bit distracted by other things.
Also, someone betrayed Aaron this week. I’m sure he had his reasons, but it was really horrible and I knew that Aaron was hurt but I didn’t think there was much that I could do. On top of that, it left him in a very precarious position as far as his company is concerned, but that was solved in a truly gracious manner that I will forever be grateful for.
I went to bed after Trek, going to bed around 9 and drifting off around 10. And then Aaron woke me up around 2 and now we’re up to date.
I’m going back to bed.
Today’s journal title song quote comes from “Song to the Siren” by various different bands that I enjoy, but the most popular seems to be This Mortal Coil; but it was written by by Tim Buckley and Larry Beckett and released by them in 1970. The version by This Mortal Coil was released as their first single in 1983 and then on their album “It’s End in Tears” in 1984.
I got to bed before 2am last night. I had no trouble getting to sleep, but in part that was likely due to this being an Ambien night. I’ve been really good about not taking them every night, but the nights I do it works really well, so I do look forward to those nights. I woke up with a headache but it was raining and this is likely why.
I got up and had a smoothie. I’ve been having smoothies almost every day for at least a month and probably more. I replaced ice cream in my diet with these concoctions and I’m sure it’s been beneficial. I had some garlic bread last night but most of the day I snacked on blueberries, olives, nuts and seeds, with water and a smoothie. I think I might have had a yogurt as well. I still get potato chips now and again; I love the taste but I’ve noticed that I don’t enjoy how they make me feel, physically, which is new. I used to eat them every day. Now I get them maybe twice a month. All of which is to say that I think I’m probably healthier than I’ve been in a long while. That mixed with the therapeutic nature of this website (which I’ve been working on for about 20 days) + getting out a bit more than in the past, will surely have benefits to my life moving forward.
I uploaded some old LGBTQ movie reviews to the blog. Moving everything here is a lot of work and may well take me years, but there’s a great deal of satisfaction sharing things here that were either on a drive somewhere or only displayed on the increasingly toxic Facebook, which certainly gives me peace of mind.
It’s 11 am. I have TV to watch but I’m not really in the mood. I might work on the website some more, but I expect I’ll need a break soon. The rain stopped hours ago and the sun seems to be out. I just checked and it’s a lot cooler out than yesterday with a high of 64, but perhaps I’ll go for a walk. I haven’t been outside since Monday.
Yesterday was lazy. Partially because I woke up with a migraine due to the weather. I briefly played Mario Galaxy with Aaron, but I spent most of the day working on my website. I still struggle to find the right things to make everything look the way that I want it, so I’m constantly experimenting and learning, which is a lot more exhausting than I had hoped. Also, I added a visitor counter the other day and it said I had 40 some visitors yesterday. I assumed this was just me doing edits and being counted multiple times but signing in to write this it said I’d had 16 visitors today, so maybe people actually are already coming here. That was fast. I assumed it would take much longer for people to find me. But I hope whoever they are that they’re enjoying this place. I used to get such interesting e-mails from people all over, but I haven’t included any contact information here and I’ve disabled posts. I had a placeholder post or two when I tried to do this a few years ago and the mountains of spam I got were out of control, so I’d rather have nothing than that shit.
I slept really well. I had good dreams which I only vaguely remember. Aaron is getting ready and getting packed. He’s leaving for Los Angeles today and won’t be back for nearly a week.
Aaron clearly wants us to see the rerelease of Avengers: Endgame in September, which will feature new footage tied into Avengers: Doomsday. I’m interested in going too, which surprises me. I’ve hated going to movie theaters ever since cell phones started popping up everywhere. I get distracted by the smallest things and miss huge chunks of the movies I’ve paid to see. We’ve had a few good experiences in the last few years, but none of them have been in Manhattan. Thankfully we have a car and live close to New Jersey.
I will likely work on getting some of my Marvel themed stuff online today. But honestly there are million more things to do. I still have at least 1,000 poems to upload, which will be even longer if I do artwork for all of them. We’ll see.
When I woke up in was in the high 30s, which is a bit chilly. It was 85 last week. It should be in the low 50s later. I’ll probably go get some food around that time. Until then I should have a smoothie.
I used to think it was quite sad that nobody ever really knows anyone else, but I think in the long run that it might actually be for the better. Time to move.
Oh! And I need to message my friend Nicole back! She texted me the other day and asked me some questions but I hate typing long messages on my phone. lol I’ll do that ASAP.
