Category: Poems

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UNBECOMING:

I don’t know who I am anymore.
I don’t know who I am anymore.
I don’t know who I am anymore.
Perhaps I never knew.

I know I’m alive when we are together
but when I’m alone that’s not true.

I’m struggling and flailing
just learning to breathe
searching for clues and for answers.

The truth is I’ve died now
(so many times now)
Perhaps all that’s left are the ashes.

I’m strong and I’m brave
(at least that’s what friends say)
I exist so perhaps they are right.

But the pain that I feel
as I struggle to heal
overwhelms me until I must write.

The nightmares are cursed
but the visions are worse
because comforting lies can still soothe me.

And I fear I won’t ask..
How long can dreams last?
One day my dreams might consume me.

But I don’t want to leave
so I struggle to breathe
and I reach out to family and friends.

I try to learn skills
but the timing still kills
and I know that everything ends.

Written by Jason Wright
July 19, 2013

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FALLING TO PIECES

I was pushed from a height
and I plummeted downward…

I shattered to pieces
yet I travelled onward,

And the night that I met you
was desperate and magic…

A ghost of myself;
my death had been tragic…

I walked through the cold;
could not have been bolder…

And one of my murderers
cried on my shoulder.

But you crossed my path
though we’d met before…

In a time I can’t fathom
or begin to explore…

For that October night
eclipsed all the others…

And you took me home
though we weren’t even lovers.

You sparked something there
that I could not perceive,

Igniting a flame
that I could not believe,

A fire that warmed
what had threatened to freeze me,

Desire that formed
over time as you freed me.

We were friends
with a sparkle
of laughter and lust…

We grew to be more
as we developed our trust…

And friends became lovers
and partners and family…

You’re in my blood;
in my breath;
you’re inside me.

You’re part of me now
and I don’t want to lose you…

I don’t want to doubt,
disrespect or abuse you…

I don’t want to hurt you
or take you for granted…

I’m conscious of this
and I need to be candid…

I’ve loved you for years now
and yet I’m still falling…

Still falling in love with
no signs of stalling…

Will we crash at the bottom
or land on our feet?

All I know is that
falling with you I’m complete.

Written by Jason Wright
April 13, 2013

For: Aaron Sanko

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Love Lessons

I hurt someone once
by being unfaithful…

The memory hurts me
but makes me quite grateful…

That I learned this lesson
and will not repeat it…

Even when others
might leave me quite heated.

For I can’t control
my passions / attractions…

But I can be faithful
within my own actions…

I may flirt and smile
with consent of my lover…

And I may imagine
that he’s with another…

And I may write poems
both sacred and naughty…

But only my partner
shares my bed and body.

I love that by this
our love is not lessened,

I love that he trusts me
and doesn’t feel threatened,

I love that he loves me
and I love him too,

I love that the words
that I’ve written are true.

Because someone once hurt me
by being unfaithful…

He was jealous and angry
and often distasteful…

I gave him my all
while he told mostly lies…

Even after the point
when we’d said our goodbyes.

So this new love is cherished
and acknowledged for rareness…

This love permeates
my every awareness…

I’m grateful that my love
with Aaron still thrives…

And maybe this love will last
all our lives.

Written by Jason Wright
Sunday, March 10, 2013

For Aaron, Mark & Michael

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Torture

My life is a dream
where I walk underwater…

You can’t hear me scream
or acknowledge my slaughter…

With friends who assure me
that at least I look fine…

They could use some of this;
they say all the time.

But do they believe
that their lives are not lucky?

My dream is a nightmare
where I’m drowning hungry.

I imbibe everything;
that’s part of my curse…

I’m drenched and I’m drowning
but dying of thirst.

I eat and I drink and I laugh and
I fool them.

They don’t see my sickness
as I smile through them.

They don’t see the weakness
behind my blue eyes.

They don’t see my smiles
most often are lies.

They don’t see my demons
or struggles to tame them.

They don’t see me dying
and no one can blame them.

I feel I’m a soldier
that’s been taken hostage…

I try to survive
but I’m just so exhausted.

Written by Jason Wright
Saturday, March 9, 2013

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Life and Survival

In two-thousand-nine
my life was sublime…

Feeling finally whole
after such a long time…

But it wasn’t to last
and it wasn’t to stay…

I learned to survive
and forgot how to play.

Survival is fine
when that’s all you’ve got…

In two-thousand-ten
that mattered a lot…

But just hanging on
isn’t really like living…

Just understanding
is not like forgiving.

In twenty-eleven
my world fell apart…

I lost all that mattered
to me and my heart…

Yet still I survived
as a ghost of myself…

Until love brought me back:
I became someone else.

And that someone else
left in twenty-and-twelve…

And I left life behind
that I could save myself…

But there’s life and survival
and I’m caught in-between…

Perhaps I’ll choose life
in twenty-thirteen.

Written by Jason Wright
Tuesday, March 5, 2013

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The Jungle of Truth

Today I can’t sleep
for I have many thoughts…

And the will to express
what may well be lost…

You wanted the facts
and I’ll answer with truth…

But remember I warned you
that tears were my proof.

I’m tired of feeling
so alone and afraid…

I’m tired of hurting
and feeling betrayed…

I’m tired of sickness
yet fighting for life…

In the darkest of moments
I long for a knife.

I struggle with urges
destructive and soothing…

I wrestle emotions
both deadly and moving…

I try to stay calm
and I try to relax…

But it’s hard to stay strong…
and those are the facts.

Perhaps they’re too cryptic;
these poetic answers…

They taunt me and stalk me
as if they were panthers…

They circle around and confuse
and devour…

They force me to choose
and drain me of power.

Yet it must be worth something
(my life) if it’s wanted…

The truth is a jungle
of facts that are haunted.

Written by Jason Wright
Tuesday, March 5, 2013

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Life and Survival

In two-thousand-nine
my life was sublime…

Feeling finally whole
after such a long time…

But it wasn’t to last
and it wasn’t to stay…

I learned to survive
and forgot how to play.

Survival is fine
when that’s all you’ve got…

In two-thousand-ten
that mattered a lot…

But just hanging on
isn’t really like living…

Just understanding
is not like forgiving.

In twenty-eleven
my world fell apart…

I lost all that mattered
to me and my heart…

Yet still I survived
as a ghost of myself…

Until love brought me back:
I became someone else.

And that someone else
left in twenty-and-twelve…

And I left life behind
that I could save myself…

But there’s life and survival
and I’m caught in-between…

Perhaps I’ll choose life
in twenty-thirteen.

Written by Jason Wright
Tuesday, March 5, 2013

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ZOMBIE

The video plays
and I see her alive.

She’s been dead for years;
I’d forgotten her eyes.

There’s a part where he fucks me
with a mask that’s removed…
and I could not remember
until I saw the truth.

How can someone alive
be so very dead?

The video plays
and gets stuck in my head.

He wants to destroy it
but just doesn’t see…
that when he was alive
he was buried in me.

I cradle his shell
and I weep and inquire…
wasn’t he there
when he showed me desire?

Was I always alone
and alive more than most?

Was he always so sad?

Was he always a ghost?

And he weeps
there’s no answer
and he quakes at my touch.

And I show him I loved him
and ever so much.

We cry at the memory
made flesh and erection…
and she smiles from grave;
success;
resurrection.

Written by Jason Wright
March 1, 2013

For: Jason, John & Deana
who still haunt my dreams.

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ZOMBIE

The video plays
and I see her alive.

She’s been dead for years;
I’d forgotten her eyes.

There’s a part where he fucks me
with a mask that’s removed…
and I could not remember
until I saw the truth.

How can someone alive
be so very dead?

The video plays
and gets stuck in my head.

He wants to destroy it
but just doesn’t see…
that when he was alive
he was buried in me.

I cradle his shell
and I weep and inquire…
wasn’t he there
when he showed me desire?

Was I always alone
and alive more than most?

Was he always so sad?

Was he always a ghost?

And he weeps
there’s no answer
and he quakes at my touch.

And I show him I loved him
and ever so much.

We cry at the memory
made flesh and erection…
and she smiles from grave;
success;
resurrection.

Written by Jason Wright
March 1, 2013

For: Jason, John & Deana
who still haunt my dreams.

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A CRUCIFIX (OF POPSICLE-STICKS)

Once upon a time…
And long long ago…

You said if I died
that you’d haunt my ghost.

You said that my eyes
looked truly inscrutable…

You said that our children
would have been beautiful.

And now I must wonder
if I died after then…

In the Autumnal chill
of two-thousand-and-ten…

Because you’re not around
and yet you still haunt me…

Sometimes you scare me
and others you taunt me…

Sometimes you’re silent
or seem to be cruel…

And sometimes I chase you
and I look a fool…

Still others you smile
with tears in your eyes…

Like you did late last year
when we said our goodbyes.

I loved you for years
and you loved me the same…

Until life came to call
and we then had to change…

The changes were many
and most of them painful…

The experience left me
quite often disdainful…

I fled to an island
of solace and grieving…

I dreamed of not telling you
I would be leaving…

But it would not be right
and it would not be me…

I loved you for years
and I know you loved me…

And I write out these words
as I weep and I tremble…

A ghost of myself
that survived disassembled.

Written by Jason Wright
January 4, 2013

For: Mark Daniel Adams
– Forever –

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