So, my “date” with Glenn went well, despite several delays. I made it outside again. I took the train despite not having my music (my headphones didn’t charge for some reason). And all was eventually right with the world. I even ate. There was wonderful conversation, a lot of laughter and some real emotion. Followed by a terrific show at 54 Below, where we both knew many of the people involved. It was great fun. And the music they played before and after the show was surprisingly goth, with songs by Siouxsie and the Banshees and Type O Negative. Interesting. I was very tired by the end of the night and we were driving several people back to the Heights with us so we said goodnight to Glenn and Christian and so many others. But it was a wonderful night.
Arriving home after a fun night out. 04-16-26
I was a little bummed that there was no Avengers: Doomsday trailer waiting at home for me, but they did show a trailer at CinemaCon; they just haven’t released it to the public and I’m not sure they ever will. The first trailer for Avengers: Endgame was shown at a con and they never ever released that trailer publically. We’ll see.
It was revealed that Kathryn Newton will be returning as Cassie Lang / Stature in “Avengers: Doomsday” – which we didn’t know. And young Wesley Holloway has been announced for the film and is rumored to be playing Steve and Peggy’s son.
They did release the final trailer for The Mandalorian & Grogu, which I think looks fantastic!
I need to go finish getting ready for bed. I’m dead tired.
slept very well. Then I cuddled with Aaron for 2 hours. I feel good. But I dreaded reading last night’s post as I really was tripping – but hey, it’s not bad! I have an on and off addiction to sleeping pills. I’ve been cutting back a bit. And this has made them hit me much harder. I say that like I’m tripping acid, and I can only imagine how hard that would hit me because I’m very much a lightweight. When Ambien hits me hard I see pretty colors and if I’m reading, the words drift off the page. That was happening last night while I was typing and it was like the words were floating out of the screen, which is when I realized what was happening. lol It hasn’t hit me like that in years.
I really am into Tori Amos’s “From the Choirgirl Hotel”, which again, was an album I listened to a lot when I was creating the original gothboy.com website. I keep going back to it. She has a new album that I haven’t listened too yet, but I’m content with this one for now.
I think I’m losing weight. I haven’t lost a lot, I’m sure, but I feel like I’m losing weight, which was a goal of mine, but not one that I’ve given a lot of thought to. I have a very complicated relationship with food. I have PTSD which is tied into food. And beyond that I was also raised in an environment where my education related to food was far from normal. And on top of all of that, I have idiopathic gastroparesis, or at least I’ve been told that I do – there is another diagnosis which I can’t remember, but they’re similar and it actually might be both. So it’s complicated.
04-14-26. Just before leaving home to get some food.
I am, however, making healthier choices of late. I was eating a lot of ice cream over the last several years. I think 3 quarts a week was my average? I’ve totally cut ice cream from my diet, which doesn’t mean I won’t potentially have it at Dairy Queen or something, but that I don’t keep any at home. Instead I drink smoothies, which means I replaced something unhealthy with something far more useful, which gives me everything I got from the ice cream but with none of the negative side effects. I’ve also cut way back on bread. I’m still eating bread, but less. Less cheese as well. For over a year I added cheese to nearly everything. To be fair, I was also adding chia seeds and flax seeds, but now I’m eating less cheese and just as many of the seeds. I also started buying fresh kiwi and snacking on that, which I’d wanted to do for years, which must sound strange, but again, my relationship with food is complicated. Oh, and the smoothies mean I’m having fruit every day! Which was definitely NOT the case before. And beyond the food choices, I’m starting to get out a lot more. Since the pandemic in 2020, I’ve mostly been a hermit when I’m in New York. I would maybe leave home 4 or 5 times a month, but there were times when I wouldn’t go outside for weeks at a time. But it is now April 16 and I’ve been outside 9 times this month and I have plans to go out tonight. I went out on the 14th as well, to pick up a pizza. Cheese and bread! But again, I’m eating far less and a healthier variety. For about a year we’ve been getting Little Caesars where we get 2 pizzas, one of them being the pretzel crust, which has so much salt that it has a warning on it! We had them delivered, always, so due to the cost we had to spend more to save a little on the delivery. But now I’m walking to the store, picking up one pizza, not two, and not getting the pretzel crust – saving money, getting exercise, eating less and eating healthier. And still having a pizza. But I have a slice, maybe two a day so it lasts just under a week.
04-15-26. At the A Train station at 181st.
Speaking of outside. I went for a walk yesterday. I was planning on going to my favorite park, Fort Tryon, but it was a bit later than I planned on and then just as I was getting ready to leave there were a flurry of messages from Aaron and Glenn about tonight’s events. I did try to go to the park but decided I’d take the train rather than walk there, only the train was late and I decided to just walk home so I could get myself a ticket to a show tonight, if I needed one. I stopped and got those kiwis on the way home at a new neighborhood market. I got all the things ready. I had a smoothie. Later as a snack I had some green olives, pecans, & sunflower seeds. I played some Zelda (Breath of the Wild) and then got ready for bed, which is when I posted last night.
Aaron and I have been chatting while he gets ready for work. He just looked over my shoulder and saw how I was organizing this post and told me he liked what I was doing: “I see what you’re doing. I’m picking up what you’re putting down. That’s a very handsome man on that subway!” lol
I’m looking forward to going out tonight. I’ll likely leave here shortly after 6. I’m meeting Glenn for a reservation at Serafina in midtown at 7. Then we need to be at 54 Below at 9, for the 9:30 show; the venue is just a few blocks away so we should be fine. And then the show is from 9:30 to 10:30 with another show at 11 so the venue needs to clear out quickly, and I’ll catch a ride home with Aaron and another one of the judges.
With Christian and Aaron. March 21, 2026.
Right. So after Glenn asked if we could meet today, Aaron told me our friend Christian was having a concert that night but I figured I should keep my plans with Glenn so I told Aaron I wasn’t going. Then yesterday Glenn asked if I’d like to go to that same show with him! It felt fated at that point. I mean, Glenn didn’t even realize that I knew Christian or that Aaron would be there! lol It’s so funny. But I’m happy it worked out this way. Aaron and I chilled with Christian last month after a Stonewall Chorale concert.
“Jaws” and “Guardians of the Galaxy” are forever linked in my mind due to my first real meeting with Glenn in August of 2014.
I’ve never hung out with Glenn one on one, which seems odd, in retrospect. I’ve hung out with his ex-wife a few times (who I adore). I usually see Glenn at parties or shows, but there have been smaller gatherings. I met him in passing in 2014, but didn’t officially meet him until August of that year, when we saw him in “The Magic Flute” on Martha’s Vineyard, which was my first opera; I just saw my 14th opera a few weeks ago. We stayed in the same house. Aaron, Glenn, his kids, and there were others there too. We swam in the ocean, near where “Jaws” was filmed. This was the weekend of August 1st, 2014. I know because Aaron and I always try to see the new Marvel films on opening night and we missed the opening of “Guardians of the Galaxy” to be on the island. Glenn and islands. I hadn’t thought of that before. We met in passing in Manhattan, then Martha’s Vineyard, and we’ve visited him twice on Mackinac Island, where his family has a home. Funny.
“Avengers: Doomsday” is likely to be teased at CinemaCon tonight.
Anyways, I’m excited for tonight. But, speaking of Marvel, tonight Marvel will be presenting at CinemaCon and I was hoping to just sit at home and take in the news, but I’m skipping Marvel to chill with Glenn and company. History repeating itself. lol
Wednesday was all about recovering. Taking more pictures. Dreaming strange dreams. Making plans for tomorrow. It turns out that I’m going to Christian’s show afterall. And maybe I should’t have taken my sleeping pills before trying to write this because I am TRIPPING.
Anyways, I had a good day. I ate healthy stuff. Made some cool decisions. And now it’s time for bed.
I woke up early yesterday morning. I watched Star Wars: Maul – Shadow Lord S01E03 (“Chapter 3: Whispers in the Unknown”) and started S01E04 (“Chapter 4: Pride and Vengeance”) before getting distracted by a stray thought about how my sister Janice recently told me that she doesn’t enjoy Star Wars much, which I thought was odd. But then I remembered that I didn’t like it much either until I started reading the books. And then watching The Clone Wars and the other shows as they were released and I think that’s key for me, because that’s where all the character development really happens. I mean, there are so many background characters who just die without being named on screen in “Revenge of the Sith” but The Clone Wars develops all of those characters so losing them because far more tragic. That kind of thing really helped. So I started making a list for her of the things to watch, which I worked on for like 40 minutes before stopping, realizing that my sister would never watch this stuff! lol
I returned to bed soon after to cuddle with Aaron before he left for work. Later, I took some photos with my once fancy, but 20 year old camera. I went to therapy. I read the news. I walked to Little Caesars for a pizza. I talked on the phone with my cousin Katie, my friend Mark Adams and finally my grandmother. Later I snapped a few more pictures and started getting ready for bed. I still haven’t gone to the bedroom though because my sleeping medication hasn’t really been working well the last few nights which means I need to give it a break. It will good for me. But it also means I can’t just fall asleep quickly and so I’m awake. So I watched the new Daredevil episode.
Daredevil: Born Again. Season 1 was a mixed bag which I felt was due to creative issues behind the scenes, so I cut them some slack. I was assured that Season 2 would be the series at its best, only to have the first 3 episodes leave me disappointed again. But episodes 4 & 5 have been incredible! These 2 episodes have easily been the best of the entire series to date. I cried. There are 3 more episodes this season and Season 3 is filming now, likely to be released about a year from now.
I have the Star Wars episode to finish. I have 2 more episodes in Season 1 of The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power. I have one more season to watch of His Dark Materials. Euphoria Season 3 started on Sunday but I think I might wait and binge that when it’s finished. There are many shows that I’ve started and not finished, which I’d like to, it has just all piled up now over years that I don’t know that I ever will get to a lot of it.
I read the news out of Cinemacon. So many release dates announced. So much movie news in the last 48 hours. I love this stuff. And Disney is closing out the convention on Thursday, likely with news of “Avengers: Doomsday”, so I’m looking forward to that.
But I am actually getting tired. I may try to sleep.
I spent all day yesterday cleaning. It started with me looking for my camera, which had been packed up late last summer when our apartment was being remodeled and we needed to be elsewhere. Many of those boxes have been unpacked since then but there were still a dozen or so that had lingered around the apartment. I actually found the camera in about 20 minutes but I had energy and I felt like I was on a roll. Plus, looking around at all the clutter, it all seemed to be things I could do on my own.
I like to clean on my own. I actually hate having people around when I clean. Sometimes I listen to loud music or dance while I’m doing it. But even when I don’t, I’m a very disorganized person and trying to organize things takes a lot of brain power, which is diminished when I need to stop and talk to someone about what I’m doing every 5 to 10 minutes. Aaron likes cleaning with me because he is very good at organizing and delegating, which I respect, but his delegating, when I’m pushing my limits, can feel like he’s ordering me to do tasks, even when he’s very polite about it, so I get frustrated really quickly. I’d rather just do it on my own.
Having said all of that, I was quite happy when my aide arrived for the day. My aide, Celine, works with me from 2 to 6 every week day. Often, due to my disability, I don’t have the energy I used yesterday. And if I eat, I’m pretty much down for the count. So I didn’t eat. I drank a lot of fluids though, which I should always do, but again, when I eat and drink a lot, it can get be disastrous.
Anyways, I cleaned everything on my own. I made piles of garbage and cardboard and such – which my aide kindly took out for me. I told her she was an angel, because if I’d had to do that I’d have either put it off until today or I’d have collapsed. She also made my bed, did a load of laundry and picked up a prescription for me. Bless her. Together we made everything look so much better!
Before:
After:
After all that, I showered and ate a relatively large meal. I had an omelette with chia seeds, flax seeds, spices and three cheeses. I drank water. I worked on my website for a bit but I was getting tired pretty quickly. Not only had been working all day but I hadn’t slept great the night before. I considered fighting through it but I started getting a migraine and decided I’d rather be asleep. It took me longer to get to sleep than I expected but once I was in I slept a little under 7 hours. I got up and had a snack (olives) and later went back to bed to get some Aaron cuddles before he had to leave for work. He just walked out the door as I was typing this. He usually works at home these days but needs to be on site most of this week and then he’s off to L.A. for another work trip, so our time together will be relatively limited.
I’m trying to stay awake. I have stuff that I need / want to do that involves use of the TV, which Aaron uses on the weekends and evenings when he’s home, almost constantly. He plays a lot of video games and watches a lot of stuff to unwind. I could have used a smaller monitor but I haven’t wanted to. Plus, if the mood hits me, it’s easier for me to write when there aren’t a lot of distractions.
We had a good Saturday. We went to the NYC Botanical Gardens in the Bronx. It was our second visit; we’re members so we’re trying to go more often. I made the plans, which Aaron thanked me for. It was relaxing, fun and so very chill. We hold hands just about everywhere that we go but it has felt even more special of late given all the shit going on in our fucked up country. We went to the Orchid Show, which involved us being herded through a confined green house space, but everyone inside was lovely – except the people that worked there, who were needlessly rude, which everyone commented on. Later we walked around a bit then headed home. We didn’t try to see everything because, again, we plan on going more often.
When we got home we continued our “Re-Trek”. A couple of years ago now, we started watching all of Star Trek together in chronological order. We booked through Enterprise, Discovery and what exists of Strange New Worlds and we made short work of everything up to Star Trek: The Next Generation, but we’ve been dragging our feet for awhile now. Today we watched S03E03 “The Survivors”, which I don’t think I’d seen since it first aired in 1989. There was much that I didn’t remember, but I knew how it ended; likely because this story is retold a few times in Trek. I also remembered that Anne Ryan Haney played a character in it, though I wouldn’t have been able to tell you the actor’s name; I did know that it was the same actor from DS9’s “Dax” & the film “Mrs. Doubtfire”, both of which I love. The episode was okay. I’m much more familiar with the latter half of this season of TNG because I had everything from S03E13 “Deja Q” through Season 6 (?) recorded on VHS and I watched my favorite episodes multiple times. There are a couple of stories in Season 7 that I don’t think I’ve seen more than once or twice though, and not in decades.
I have mix playing which includes “In This Twilight” by Nine Inch Nails. I’ve always loved this song. When it was new I printed up the lyrics and included them in a collage (because, when I don’t I make collages?) – they were placed on my bedroom ceiling right above where I would lay my head.
I wish there was a club nearby. I’d really like to go dancing, but I suppose I can do it in my apartment. The music is better here anyways.
Another mostly great day. Work on the website. I got outside to get some food. As I mentioned earlier, I watched the new Daredevil: Born Again episode and it being really good made my mood that much better. I had a brief but meaningful text exchange with Jennifer Clemente. Oh! And I spoke to my bio dad David Wright who was out to dinner with my sister Janice and my nephew Jordan, who I also spoke to briefly. I was working some stuff out so I couldn’t chat for long, but it was nice.
And then in another surprise, my other dad, Doug reached out on Facebook messenger. I’d not heard from in months. He doesn’t keep his phone on him so I don’t get to talk to him much, but it was nice hearing from him. I wish he’d reach out more often.
Anyways…I’m going to keep listening to my goth music playlist while I dance around the apartment and get ready for bed. lol It’s that kind of day.
I watched the latest episode of Daredevil: Born Again (S02E04 “Gloves Off”). This series for me has been extremely problematic. Subpar directing, special effects, a cobbled together feel that has just left me feeling a little underwhelmed. I’d heard reports from sources that I trust that the first 3 episodes this season were bad but that starting with episode 4 things improved drastically. I wasn’t sure I believed the last bit but they were right. At least about this episode.
This is the first really great episode of this series. It was fantastic in ways that previous episodes could have / should have been. The effects and direction were on point. The character dynamics which have been lacking (Matt / Karen) felt far more successful here. Everything seemed of a piece with no crazy editing. This was a such a pleasant surprise! More of this PLEASE! Again, I’ve heard that the final 4 episodes are all very good and someone told me that the finale is “fire” (in a good way) so I’m finally getting excited about this.
They also released a trailer and 2nd poster for the upcoming Punisher Special Presentation, “The Punisher: One Last Kill”, which looks good. I do hope the special explains where Frank has been and how he ends up in the upcoming Spider-Man movie.
I worked on various webpage items for 4.5 hours. So many old pictures. So many old memories. But enough for now.
The sun is blazing through the windows.
So many Trump headlines. War. Threats of annihilation. I don’t have the energy to spare too much time thinking about it all but it’s always there in the back of my mind. I have the luxury of letting it live in that space.
Tired.
I’m going to see if I can fall asleep with some Aaron cuddles.
I went to bed around 9pm last night. I awoke at 2 am from dreams that I was rewatching a previously forgotten season of Doctor Who run by Steven Moffat which instead of the usual Christmas Special had featured 7 various specials that all seemed very far removed from one another but when viewed in their entirety formed a complete whole that illuminated and complimented each installment as part of the greater whole. It was both fascinating and annoying. When I woke Aaron wasn’t in bed. He likely accidentally woke me when he got up for a moment. I had a stomach cramp. I tried going back to sleep but soon realized this wouldn’t work, so I got up.
I started drinking smoothies about a month ago. For decades I’ve been eating ice cream on a nearly daily basis. My stomach is partially paralyzed and it is not uncommon for anything I consume to come back up. This began in August of 2001. Since then, ice cream has become a favorite because if it makes a second or third appearance, it is not sharp – it doesn’t hurt me. It is also often still cold and pleasant, which can not be said for many other foods. It made sense. But it was also not healthy. Now I drink smoothies which, when featuring the right ingredients, have all the benefits of ice cream but far less of the unhealthy elements. I compared the statistics and the changes were drastic. Far less sugar, sodium, cholesterol, but far more protein and fiber. And I’ve now been eating fruit every day for over a month. That’s pretty amazing.
Perhaps I should watch the new Daredevil, but I don’t feel quite awake enough for that. Perhaps in a while. Or maybe I’ll be tired enough, and comfortable enough to get back to sleep? Time will tell.
It’s 3 AM now. I will likely either work on my site for a bit or possibly a viewing order, which will end up here in future. Writing like this it seems strange that I went for so many years without doing so. I suppose my Facebook posts filled that void, but I didn’t always feel comfortable there and I suspect what I wrote was either self-edited or when seen in full, just more evidence that I never truly felt at home there.
