In the theater
there is no escape
no respite
from disturbances
however minor
or intense.
I try to ground
try to limit the annoyance
and focus on the other worlds
flashing before my eyes
but it fades into a mishmash
of barely recognized words and actions
I feel nothing
except a mounting terror
that I will disappear again
and wake somewhere unknown.
I pull myself into the present
but I’m just as lost
as if I’d walked into
a completely different film.
I want them to rewind
but the projectionist
is an unforgiving dick
so I try to feel out
what I’ve missed
as I continue to struggle
with language and context.
I ask Aaron
where a character escaped to
but the movement returns and
I can’t hang on to the moment
and having asked twice
in his panic stricken voice
I argue internally –
what are we to do?
I turn from the screen
which has become a spoiler reel
which would ruin the film
when I finally get to experience it
in full.
I weep,
holding Aaron’s hand
as I’m left behind;
he wants to see it with me
but I’m not even there…
just a cacophonous shell
in which I hold my younger self
and try to convince him that
we are okay and that
I know how to get us home.
Outside,
confusion threatens destruction
but I know north from south
and east from west.
I head north
and then east
surrounded by revelers,
I make note of the Avenue names
until I reach Madison,
when I realize
I can navigate towards therapy,
where instinct will kick in
and return us safely to our home.
Written by Jason Wright
July 4, 2018