I slept well. Another morning of Aaron cuddles. We spoke to Mary Ellen, my sister Janice and my grandmother Frances for Mother’s Day. And I went for a walk. 8th Day outside in a row! I walked to the grocery store for salad dressing and picked up a few other items, all healthier than I sometimes do, and I wasn’t even tempted for sweets or chips. That’s not always the case. Aaron cleaned up a bunch of stuff that only he could do and we just seem to be having a nice day.
My haul from the grocery store. 05-10-26.
On my walk, I listened to a mix of Tori Amos songs, and I put on the Tori shirt that Sean gave me 25 years ago. It was just 10 minutes or so of giving him a moment. It was nice. Respectful. Healing. Sometimes I need to do that with people I’ve lost along the way.
I had a rough evening yesterday. I was already a little sad when I wrote yesterday but I wasn’t sure why. I had listened to the new Tori Amos album. Later, in the shower, I realized that Sean Mobley would never hear this album, despite him enjoying her music even more than I do and it hit so hard that I wept, which I don’t often do when I think about Sean. I get a little down sometimes when I think about him, but I seldom shed tears. I’m not sure why. But I was exhausted. I took a sleeping pill and went to bed early, frustrated that I didn’t feel up to expressing what was happening. I spoke to my sister Janice on the phone and then called Grandma for a quick goodnight.
Around then my sleeping pill kicked in and everything is a blur, but I appear to have eaten a bit, which annoys me. I don’t remember what happened and that always bugs me, but I did sleep very well. When I woke up around 5am I came out to the office and wrote a poem about Sean and the new Tori album. This is the first poem that I’ve written since creating the website and having a place for it to go without posting it on Facebook, which feels good. I might share this with Sean’s mother. She’s always been very supportive of me.
One of the things that Janice and I discussed last night was death. Death and our mother. Dreams we have of her. When Janice dreams about her she knows in the dreams that mom is gone, but in my dreams I don’t usually know. She’s also usually not the focus of whatever dreams she appears in. Janice says she also dreams about our grandfather quite often, but I don’t think I do at all. He died a year ago this month.
I listened to more Tori and worked on organizing the photos I’ve used in the collages in the my photos section to help prevent me from reusing the same photos when the whole point is to contrast old and new with everything given a new spin. I should have been doing this all along but I wasn’t sure how I wanted to go about it and I’m still not sure that what I’m doing is the best, but it will do for now.
I went back to bed for some Aaron cuddles but I was feeling restless and left after about 40 minutes. I’m hungry and should eat soon, but I’m not sure what I’m going to have. I’m just hoping for a productive day. And if I can get outside that will be 5 days in a row. It’s very sunny out right now, which is an improvement on yesterday’s overcast sky. It should be about 65, which isn’t bad.
I finally break down as I listen to her designedly drowned in dimes and volkswagens…
I finally get down In (these) Times of Dragons.
I’ve kissed and I’ve thought of the old wrongs renewed…
I’ve listened a lot to the old songs he knew…
We SPARK to prolong what will never appear…
It’s dark to hear songs that he won’t ever hear.
Written by Jason Wright May 7, 2026
For Sean – who would have loved the new Tori Amos album.
* * * * *
I listened to the new songs 6 days after the release of “In Times of Dragons” and I thought I was fine, but then I thought of Sean never getting to hear this and I wept in the shower. Aaron noticed I was sad but I was tired and unable to talk about it. I’ll explain it later. If I could give Sean this album I would. But I can’t, and that hurts. – Jason
slept very well. Then I cuddled with Aaron for 2 hours. I feel good. But I dreaded reading last night’s post as I really was tripping – but hey, it’s not bad! I have an on and off addiction to sleeping pills. I’ve been cutting back a bit. And this has made them hit me much harder. I say that like I’m tripping acid, and I can only imagine how hard that would hit me because I’m very much a lightweight. When Ambien hits me hard I see pretty colors and if I’m reading, the words drift off the page. That was happening last night while I was typing and it was like the words were floating out of the screen, which is when I realized what was happening. lol It hasn’t hit me like that in years.
I really am into Tori Amos’s “From the Choirgirl Hotel”, which again, was an album I listened to a lot when I was creating the original gothboy.com website. I keep going back to it. She has a new album that I haven’t listened too yet, but I’m content with this one for now.
I think I’m losing weight. I haven’t lost a lot, I’m sure, but I feel like I’m losing weight, which was a goal of mine, but not one that I’ve given a lot of thought to. I have a very complicated relationship with food. I have PTSD which is tied into food. And beyond that I was also raised in an environment where my education related to food was far from normal. And on top of all of that, I have idiopathic gastroparesis, or at least I’ve been told that I do – there is another diagnosis which I can’t remember, but they’re similar and it actually might be both. So it’s complicated.
04-14-26. Just before leaving home to get some food.
I am, however, making healthier choices of late. I was eating a lot of ice cream over the last several years. I think 3 quarts a week was my average? I’ve totally cut ice cream from my diet, which doesn’t mean I won’t potentially have it at Dairy Queen or something, but that I don’t keep any at home. Instead I drink smoothies, which means I replaced something unhealthy with something far more useful, which gives me everything I got from the ice cream but with none of the negative side effects. I’ve also cut way back on bread. I’m still eating bread, but less. Less cheese as well. For over a year I added cheese to nearly everything. To be fair, I was also adding chia seeds and flax seeds, but now I’m eating less cheese and just as many of the seeds. I also started buying fresh kiwi and snacking on that, which I’d wanted to do for years, which must sound strange, but again, my relationship with food is complicated. Oh, and the smoothies mean I’m having fruit every day! Which was definitely NOT the case before. And beyond the food choices, I’m starting to get out a lot more. Since the pandemic in 2020, I’ve mostly been a hermit when I’m in New York. I would maybe leave home 4 or 5 times a month, but there were times when I wouldn’t go outside for weeks at a time. But it is now April 16 and I’ve been outside 9 times this month and I have plans to go out tonight. I went out on the 14th as well, to pick up a pizza. Cheese and bread! But again, I’m eating far less and a healthier variety. For about a year we’ve been getting Little Caesars where we get 2 pizzas, one of them being the pretzel crust, which has so much salt that it has a warning on it! We had them delivered, always, so due to the cost we had to spend more to save a little on the delivery. But now I’m walking to the store, picking up one pizza, not two, and not getting the pretzel crust – saving money, getting exercise, eating less and eating healthier. And still having a pizza. But I have a slice, maybe two a day so it lasts just under a week.
04-15-26. At the A Train station at 181st.
Speaking of outside. I went for a walk yesterday. I was planning on going to my favorite park, Fort Tryon, but it was a bit later than I planned on and then just as I was getting ready to leave there were a flurry of messages from Aaron and Glenn about tonight’s events. I did try to go to the park but decided I’d take the train rather than walk there, only the train was late and I decided to just walk home so I could get myself a ticket to a show tonight, if I needed one. I stopped and got those kiwis on the way home at a new neighborhood market. I got all the things ready. I had a smoothie. Later as a snack I had some green olives, pecans, & sunflower seeds. I played some Zelda (Breath of the Wild) and then got ready for bed, which is when I posted last night.
Aaron and I have been chatting while he gets ready for work. He just looked over my shoulder and saw how I was organizing this post and told me he liked what I was doing: “I see what you’re doing. I’m picking up what you’re putting down. That’s a very handsome man on that subway!” lol
I’m looking forward to going out tonight. I’ll likely leave here shortly after 6. I’m meeting Glenn for a reservation at Serafina in midtown at 7. Then we need to be at 54 Below at 9, for the 9:30 show; the venue is just a few blocks away so we should be fine. And then the show is from 9:30 to 10:30 with another show at 11 so the venue needs to clear out quickly, and I’ll catch a ride home with Aaron and another one of the judges.
With Christian and Aaron. March 21, 2026.
Right. So after Glenn asked if we could meet today, Aaron told me our friend Christian was having a concert that night but I figured I should keep my plans with Glenn so I told Aaron I wasn’t going. Then yesterday Glenn asked if I’d like to go to that same show with him! It felt fated at that point. I mean, Glenn didn’t even realize that I knew Christian or that Aaron would be there! lol It’s so funny. But I’m happy it worked out this way. Aaron and I chilled with Christian last month after a Stonewall Chorale concert.
“Jaws” and “Guardians of the Galaxy” are forever linked in my mind due to my first real meeting with Glenn in August of 2014.
I’ve never hung out with Glenn one on one, which seems odd, in retrospect. I’ve hung out with his ex-wife a few times (who I adore). I usually see Glenn at parties or shows, but there have been smaller gatherings. I met him in passing in 2014, but didn’t officially meet him until August of that year, when we saw him in “The Magic Flute” on Martha’s Vineyard, which was my first opera; I just saw my 14th opera a few weeks ago. We stayed in the same house. Aaron, Glenn, his kids, and there were others there too. We swam in the ocean, near where “Jaws” was filmed. This was the weekend of August 1st, 2014. I know because Aaron and I always try to see the new Marvel films on opening night and we missed the opening of “Guardians of the Galaxy” to be on the island. Glenn and islands. I hadn’t thought of that before. We met in passing in Manhattan, then Martha’s Vineyard, and we’ve visited him twice on Mackinac Island, where his family has a home. Funny.
“Avengers: Doomsday” is likely to be teased at CinemaCon tonight.
Anyways, I’m excited for tonight. But, speaking of Marvel, tonight Marvel will be presenting at CinemaCon and I was hoping to just sit at home and take in the news, but I’m skipping Marvel to chill with Glenn and company. History repeating itself. lol
Yesterday was productive. I got tons done on the new website. It’s fun and a bit of an obsession right now. It can be relaxing but I have to remind myself to step away from the computer and get other things done and to take breaks so that I don’t get totally burnt out.
I got away yesterday for a not-so-fun reason. Aaron was in pain and told me he was going to CityMD. I had just eaten so I needed to sit still for a little bit but soon dressed and joined him at the clinic, which is just across the road from us. They let me back to see him just as he was about to have an EKG, which appeared normal, but they instructed us to watch out for certain signs and if we see any of those we are heading to an emergency room. He’s taken the day off of work today.
A sort of animated Star Wars trilogy. The Bad Batch spins directly out of The Clone Wars and is followed soon after by the new Maul: Shadow Lord series.
Later I watched the first 2 episodes of the new Star Wars: Maul – Shadow Lord series. It’s a little slow, as this is a new beginning, but I enjoyed most of it. We know Maul of course, and we’ve met Rook Kast in passing, but most of the characters and the world is new, so I’m okay with it taking a little time to get going. I wish the entire series was available now, because I would have binged it over a couple of days. I’m curious to see where this goes…
My gripes are few. The new world, the planet Janix, looks so similar to Coruscant, that if I hadn’t been paying attention, I’d have thought that was the setting. It makes sense that Maul would be on a different world as he’s avoiding entanglements with the Empire, but most worlds in Star Wars look at least a little different, and this looks exactly the same. Maybe there were visual cues that I missed. I also didn’t like the ends of the episodes. The cliffhanger moments make you want to watch the next one, which is the point, but again, if this was released all at once I’d be happier with that model. And then the pace, as I said, is a bit slow at times – or, more accurately, the faster paced stuff often didn’t matter to me, because I didn’t feel very invested in most of the new characters. There are already signs that this will likely change fairly quickly, but for now it feels problematic; trailers and posters have revealed later appearances by several known characters that will likely help with this.
I think this might be great in time. I’ve been wanting to re-watch The Clone Wars for several years now, not having seen most of it in over a decade, and with The Bad Batch and the Star Wars: Tales shorts in place, this could all be a lot of fun. But I’m currently watching so much stuff that this will have to wait for now. Hopefully someday!
These promotional posters depict scenes from S01E06 “Udûn” – though I didn’t know that until last night.
Later I also continued on with my first time through The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power (S01E06 “Udûn”). I hadn’t watched any episodes in over a week and was worried I’d have lost interest again. I’ve tried twice before to get into this series but this time has been far more rewarding and I’m 2 episodes further than I’ve ever been. And this episode was fantastic, filled with multiple events that I had anticipated but had assumed would happen in the season finale but we still have 2 more episodes to go! There were also several surprises and my theories about this or that character are developing and changing with nearly every episode. I don’t know why it has taken me so long to get into this series but I’m really glad that I have. It’s also nice knowing that I have 10 more episodes as Season 2 aired over a year ago, and that Season 3 will include a time jump, which suggests that Season 2 will have an ending that won’t drive me crazy. I hope. lol
I only meant to stay up a little to see if I could update a few more items on my site but I ended up staying up past 4 am, listening to From the Choirgirl Hotel, the Tori Amos album released in May of 1998 and which I often listened to when building the first iteration of this website in the fall of that year. I eventually had to call it quits after working to exhaustion – and I knew I needed to sleep before my therapy appointment today. I slept for 6 hours. I had relatively intense dreams but they’re finally fading now. I woke with a migraine, which hasn’t happened much lately, for which I’m very grateful. I had a smoothie (with coffee) and took a small dose of pain medication.
Girl will finish drowning for the seventh time in four years; she must be pretty adept by now.
Each She is a fragment. Each fragment is a piece of Mollie.
Mollie Ann Baker is an imp who’s initials reveal a faerie queen beneath the glittering surface of Tennessee water that her people refuse to bathe in.
The water spills out of a holy well which, when penetrated deeply (and wetly) reveals Tam Lin in all his naked transformative glory.
Hold tight to that one and he’ll give you the happily ever after you’ve been waiting for, or so the minstrels say.
He always slips through my fingers when he recognizes me as the Dana to his Zor, primed for immolation; devastated to be losing me once again. Thrice damned. Forever haunted.
Faerie Queen Mab (M.A.B.) doesn’t actually hold the prince as prisoner; not for love & never for sacrifice.
Blood Queen is happiest in the embrace of ocean smelling mermaid ghost werewolves, twice devoured by terrifying thing beneath what is seen by the sane and the deadly dull.
Mother and daughter, frothy creature is beautiful, sad, not entirely human (if at all).
My Mab could teach her a few songs, I’m sure.
My Mab is more than human, extraordinary beyond us all and yet sister to worlds within worlds; she holds us all in her ginger wreathed collection of dreams, nightmares and visions, gives us meaning, laughter, mirth and a sobering empathetic sorrow that we might appreciate the solace found within her coils.
Mab, beheld is a monstrous beauty which wild with grief for events still to come still gives precious smiles…
And when lucky mustard seed bottle cap talismans shatter the glass to be pocketed like coins — with that much luck and a fire of bones ‘neath lilting pipes on nights when the Unseelie Court dance naked round Old Oak’s Children of acorn and water lily… On nights such as these our Mab may summon her human type voice, call through the wires to shock, bless, talk of when we were once human together in Michigan type semblance of life.
Lucky am I for recognizing the wonder that so many mistake for imagined mysticism.
M.A.B., My Mab, My Mollie, Queen of Faerie, Sib of my heart: Bless us all with a sea siren song of words through thine art.
