I started watching ‘Nikita’ the other day. I’ve watched 11 episodes; there are 5 more before I’m caught up. I’m enjoying it. Parts of it are derivative of other shows (mostly ALIAS) but there are enough twists to keep it fresh, and 2 things I had major problems with were resolved in the last episode I watched.
I still haven’t finished ‘Son of a Witch’; I have about 60 pages left.
Mark left for a business trip yesterday; he took the train to Chicago and will return on Wednesday. I miss him.
February 26, 2011. Jeremy’s going away party. As of April of 2026, this was the last time I ever saw him in person.
We went to Jeremy’s going away party on Saturday; he’s moving to Israel. It was great to see him and several other friends (Tom, Jeff, Marc) and I met a cute guy (Richard) that gave me his phone #. And Mark got the number of a really cool girl (Nicole). Fun.
Assorted pictures of me with Michael; all of them are from January of 2011.
Yesterday Michael’s lies and the pain they have caused me came to a head. He wanted to know if he could come out here to Ann Arbor, just a few blocks from me, fuck some guy, shower and then fuck me. I thought he was going to ask if he could come visit with me so that hit hard. I knew he’d been lying to me for days. I knew he’d lied to me almost every day that I’d known him. I thought I could make it work but I can’t. I left him a message (I knew he wouldn’t answer while he was fucking the guy up the road) telling him all that I’d done to secure the truth and how I knew that he’d been lying to me the whole time…and I BEGGED HIM to never contact me again. No e-mails. No phone calls. I’m done. I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to talk to him. I don’t want to fuck him. I don’t want to think about him. I’ve let him treat me like crap for nearly 2 years now. He had moments of amazing generosity but that just made the more outlandishly painful moments hurt worse. He’s a master manipulater as more than one observer has told me in the past. And I can’t be around him and be at peace. I can’t find the right balance or crack the right code. I’ve given it my all. And I’m done. I admit defeat. And it feels good. It feels like the healthiest choice I’ve made in ages.
After Michael called me and I finally had the courage to leave him the message I felt afraid. I knew he was just blocks away and I didn’t want to see him. Mark wasn’t here. I called my friend Carrie but she was on a date. I called Mark and he suggested I go to Jeremy’s. I left the house and parked at Aut Bar. I deduced that all my family was at their church and I wanted to leave town so I went there. I sat with my family while the pastor droned on about stuff that I’m completely opposed to. It reminded me of my upbringing and how far I’ve come from that horrible environment – though there was some comfort to be found in that group of people who’s beliefs I have never truly shared. I went to see Janice’s new house afterwards. Then I came home. Watched some shows. And slept.
I slept very well. I’ve not had the urge to contact Michael at all. He left me a voicemail yesterday and I deleted it without listening to it. I deleted his photos from my facebook and I blocked his profiles on Facebook and Manhunt. I want zero contact with him. I’m keeping my phone off as much as possible. I’m contemplating changing my phone number. I just don’t want any contact with him because I’m afraid he’ll find someway to manipulate me in some way and I’m not ready to face that. Not yet. I know I don’t have that strength yet but I have enough to stay away from him. If I can do that for a month…a year…maybe I can see him and not hurt. It’s worked with other ex-bfs but none of them have hurt me to the degree that he has. If I could just avoid him forever that would be great. I doubt it will be easy…the gay community in MI is small and he’s slept with most of it. Thankfully he’s mostly a top and I’m mostly a bottom so that helps limit the contact I’m likely to have….
On another note…it’s come to my attention that I ingest a shocking amount of butter…so I’m trying to reduce my intake. I’d like to start drinking more tea as well as I have a cabinet FILLED with tea that’s just sitting there.
There will be a mini-Doctor Who episode on March 18th. It’s too early to know if it will fit within continuity, but it would be nice if it did. We’ll see.
Edit – April 2026 Notes: I never finished “Nikita”. I did finish “Son of a Witch” (several times). I never saw Jeremy in person again, although we sometimes chat online.
And although we had broken up several times in the two years that we had dated, this was the final time and I didn’t see Michael in person again until October 21, by which time I had healed considerably. I saw him a couple of times in 2012, and then briefly in 2021 but this was the end of seeing him on a regular basis.
Michael’s offer to fuck someone else and then join me after might have gone over differently if he’d only just been honest with me up to that point; this might even have been his attempt at doing so, but it was just too late. The years of lying were too much for my heart to take and I needed to call it quits. This was a difficult decision for me and was certainly not an easy one, but in the end it was the right call. Being with Michael taught me what I did and did not want in a relationship. I wanted honesty. I wanted to laugh. And I did not want anything resembling the lies and jealousy that Michael gave me.
Still, I sometimes wonder if I could have helped this relationship work if I had been able to express myself a little better, knowing what I know now. It’s hard to say. Probably not. But it’s a nice thought.
