I slept poorly this morning – or possibly too much, and I was super cranky all day. I felt like the migraine prevented me from doing all the things that I had wanted to do, which is a longer story but I was frustrated. Eventually I took this out on Aaron, which wasn’t fair – it was the last straw, as they say, and it was just not fun. And once I spoke up I couldn’t stop. This never helps. We fought.
I calmed down. I got my reviews for “Claire of the Moon” up. I apologized to Aaron via text. I had planned to join him at pool but I wasn’t sure he wanted me there. He later told me he did want me to join him. It took me over an hour to get ready.
About that. I have travelled all over the world in the last few years but when I’m home I very rarely go out, which I’ve been trying to overcome, for a long time now. Sometimes when I get ready to go I leave several times before I actually make it out. I change my clothes multiple times. It’s not every time, but it’s enough times that it is not a fluke. This was one of those nights. But I was determined to not let this conquer me, so I did get out, and I did make it to the train, and I did ride 20 stops down to 18th street (on the 1 train) to meet Aaron at Boxers on 20th. And I felt like this was good work for me.
At the bar I got to see Aaron’s team of course, but I spent most of my time chilling with these guys that are often there on Mondays. We took a group photo before we left. And Eddie, the captain of the team insisted on a picture as well, which we both like to do.
In the car, Aaron and I talked about our argument and if I didn’t feel better about it, I did after that chat. He also said he might have found someone for us to have a threesome with – which we haven’t done since 2018? That could be good. He and I have had two threesomes, which were both fantastic. And I need to be having more sex, with other people. This probably sounds weird, but it’s actually part of a treatment my doctors have suggested but which I’ve not followed through on, despite it being recommended more than a year ago. I have tried, but the plans always fall through and I haven’t been as gung ho about it as I should be, but part of that is the not getting out as much, that I’ve already mentioned, and another part of it has to do with AIDS Survivor Syndrome, which I recently wrote about in an essay. I’ve not been with anyone other than Aaron in almost 7 years and that one time was the only time I played without him – which I got permission for over a dozen times before it actually happened. It feels weird to talk about this but Aaron is very supportive of it and not threatened in the slightest, which is always a bit shocking no matter how many times we discuss it. And yet that’s part of why I feel so lucky to be with him.
I’m going to eat soon as I’ve barely had any food today. I will probably watch the season finale of Star Wars: Maul. Other than that, I’m not sure what I’ll get up to. The season finale of Daredevil: Born Again will be out tomorrow night.
