Tag: The Cure

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“To Drag You Down With Me”

Today was tough. A lot of serious discussions with Aaron: money, banking, trust, communication – but all of it was productive. Later there was therapy with Anna, who backed up everything I was thinking and feeling, supportive but honest. I followed that up with a long overdue conversation with Katie and also went for a two-mile walk, which was complicated by my cold symptoms – my nose would not stop running. But I was walking pretty quickly with no leg pain and realizing just how strong I’ve become.

Oh. Before all of that, this morning I had egg white, with chia seeds, some seasoning & a bit of parmesan cheese. And a bit after 1 I weighed myself, figured I’d probably gained a bit of weight, a normal amount of weight, but I’d actually lost some, even with the food. 182.8lbs. I’m aiming for 168 / 170, so I have a ways to go, but I started at 220, so I’m doing great. Even with a cold, less exercise and being a little less strict with my diet. That is astounding to me. I was 211 in March, so I’ve lost over 28 lbs in 6 months – and initially, I wasn’t even trying to lose weight, but just making some healthier choices. Crazy.

When I got home from my walk., I showered off the sweat and worked on my website for a few hours, adding more details to my new DC Extended Universe / DCU page. It’s ironic that I’m putting so much effort into something that I don’t actually enjoy that much. To me, this series of films and TV are sometimes fantastic but more often horrible, while the MCU is usually fantastic and sometimes…less so. Which is weird, because I like DC comics more than I like Marvel, and I’ve also enjoyed more DC adaptations over the years than Marvel. But I guess the MCU is very clearly something special, even removed from the comics conversation, as it is easily the highest grossing film franchise in history.

I’m tired. I’m not too hungry but I just had an olive / hummus egg wrap, as I’ll need to fast starting at 1am through my doctor’s appointment at 1pm. Just water and medication or it will fuck up my bloodwork and I don’t want that again. I also have a video appointment in the morning for a possibly hypnotherapist (though I’m not sure that’s the right title, which is part of what the interview will clear up); this particular therapist has been recommended by two of my doctors, wholly separate from one another, so I’m checking her out and we’ll see how that goes.

I might go to bed. I can barely keep my eyes open.

Today’s song quote journal entry title is from “Fascination Street”, by English rock band the Cure from their eighth studio album, “Disintegration” (1989), though I first heard the extended version, which was included on the Cure’s 1990 remix album “Mixed Up”, the first Cure album I ever owned, and the first CD I ever bought.


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“You’re Dreaming Worlds For Me”

I stayed in on Saturday, September 12, and I mostly just worked on various viewing orders for this website, working on the DCAU (which is very complicated as I’m juggling all sorts of continuity bits from hundreds of episodes), The Exorcist, Spartacus, and The Hunger Games. I didn’t sleep very well that night, though my cold symptoms seemed to be bit better – and I regretted not getting outside.

Today, I’ve been restless, and I did get outside, but my cold symptoms felt far worse than they had in days. Maybe because my sleep was so random. I took a lot of pictures though and I managed to take an early evening nap which seemed to help a bit. I’d like to take another crack at that DCAU page but I don’t know that I have the energy right now. I really should have something to eat. I’ve only had a single smoothie today and that’s all.

Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “This Twilight Garden”, a b-side track from “High” by English rock band the Cure, released on 16 March 1992 by Fiction Records as the lead single from their ninth album, “Wish” (1992).

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“If Only Tonight We Could Sleep”

I stayed up working on my website Wednesday night, fixing this and touching up that. I did go to bed Thursday morning for about 6 hours. I then worked on my website all day Thursday, mostly working on a new DC Animated Universe page, which is new to this site, but is a project I’ve worked on and off for about 20 years. I have so many notes and spreadsheets, none of it very organized, that it’s all very confusing. So I spent the day laying down a lot of the groundwork for that. I updated other pages too. And I also got a bit of poetry written.

But now I’ve been up all goddamn night. I couldn’t really help it tonight. I had so much on my mind and I wanted to contemplate and write and just be HERE. I had forgotten that someone was coming to fix our bedroom light this morning so I was panicked but Aaron (who got up to pee) told me that the light in question hadn’t arrived, so I’m off the hook for now. I’m still getting ready for bed though, having taken some cough Nyquil Cold & Flu to keep my coughing at bay while I attempt to sleep. This cold really hasn’t been that bad overall. It’s inconvenient as Jennifer is in town with her brother and I likely would have seen her, had I not been sick. But I mean, compared to Covid-19, which gave me hallucinations both times I had it – the last time involving a spectral image of my father trying to convince me to cut out my own eyes, this feels pretty mild.

While I didn’t go out, partially because I’m taking it easy for now because I’m sick, and partially just because I didn’t really want to, I did eat pretty well. I had a couple smoothies (cherries, blueberries & zucchini), pita bread, lettuce, hummus, olives, cauliflower tots, water (with fiber) and Bai Berry Boost beverages. I was also pleasantly surprised to see that I hadn’t gained any weight in Michigan, despite not always being able to stick to my healthier diet and having a bit less exercise, I think. I did eat better than I have on other trips home. But yeah, I actually lost a couple of pounds. I weighed 183.8 yesterday. I’m nearly in the 170s!?! 170 would be perfect for me. And we’ll see what my doctors say.

Also in Michigan, I noticed, randomly while stretching, that I have muscles growing in my arms. That’s never happened before. Never ever. I haven’t even been lifting weights or anything yet. But that’s encouraging. I can only assume that this has to do with my diet, which again, has become drastically healthier this year, with choices that don’t feel like work at all because I really do enjoy them. The amount of fruit and vegetables, plus supplements, fiber etc. which have been successfully added to my daily diet is really fascinating to me and if anyone is reading this, I’m sure you’re tired of hearing about it, but I’m not sure I’ll ever get tired of talking about it.

Alright. I need to go to bed, where I will likely read a page or two of “Magic’s Pawn” before I close my eyes. I hope I sleep a long time!

This journal entry title song quote is from “If Only Tonight We Could Sleep”, a song by English rock band the Cure. It is fourth song on the band’s seventh studio album “Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me”, which was released in 1987.

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“Devils Dancing Until Late In My Head There…”

Waiting for the elevator. I spoke with Nathan and Aaron last night about Catherine Wheel. I listened to a mix of theirs while I walked. 05-11-26.

I had a rough night last night. Everything leading up to bedtime was wonderful. But I couldn’t eat until late, and that didn’t go as well as I expected so I didn’t actually get to bed until after 4 and I only slept about 4 hours. But when I got up I worked on the site. Later I played some Zelda. I assumed I was going to pool tonight so I didn’t worry about not getting out. But I got very tired in the afternoon. Instead of taking a nap I went for a walk, which was lovely. The weather was beautiful and the walk was refreshing. Also, this marks 9 consecutive days that I’ve gotten out of the apartment!

Oh. And when I got up I had a smoothie. Later I had a kiwi. Later when I was really hungry I had some garlic bread with chia seeds. I’ve been drinking water. I might have a yogurt in a bit.

When I got home I got changed for the bar, breaking in my new boots, which are pretty comfy when boots that look like this are often painful. But as we left for Boxers, later than I expected, I realized that this was a mistake on my part. If I went to the bar, I would be starving when we got home and I would eat and tonight would likely go the same as last night. So Aaron dropped me off near Starbucks and I walked back home. It was the right call. And I got a whistle from one guy and a clearly interested smile from a woman, and that didn’t suck. lol

So I’ll probably get the makeup off. Possibly have a snack. And I might even just get ready for bed. I need to get some sleep tonight. Wish me luck!

Edit: Ooh. And it looks like in addition to the Punisher special tomorrow – we’ll be getting more Marvel news as well 🙂

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The One That Stops Him From Feeling

Ian music is song of drug addiction
ascribed to crazy haired Cure fan
who raved about Mood Swings
near Autumn, in the magic of her
midnight gallery opening
I would never witness in the light
of 90’s Ann Arbor Michigan day.

I met him 3 times
before Pizza House friend
cursed his life
and sent him to his smack filled
heroin infused ever after…

But I never knew “the asshole”;
I only remember his kiss…
Paul’s longing description…
Carrie’s guiltless confession…
and Dorian’s unexpected words
which brought all these memorial ingredients
into focus and allowed me finally to mourn –
listening to Numbness on NYC downtown train to The Prom –
no tears –
but a sad smile
and a kiss goodbye
in the same deep water as you.

Written by Jason Wright
March 1, 2019

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Three Imaginary Men

A ride on the 1 train
to “No Friends” operetta,
1 day after a ride on the A train
filled with naked imaginary men…
on the way home from the village
where extraordinary naked men used to die.

This writing calms me after distressing Anna voicemail;
a horrible miscommunication which I must correct.

Breathe. 18 stops to relax. I can message her when I arrive.

Now, begin again. Tell me about the men.

There were several fully clothed
but naked men
on the subway yesterday.

A sturdy father,
a seemingly kindly grandpa man
and a 20 something –
all of them with beautiful, dark skin.

As a game
to escape the crowded
heated madness,
I undressed them all.

I sized them up
and I devoured them,
before spitting them all out
when studly sturdy father man
vividly became a father again.

Though just after that happened
he winked at me,
subtly rubbed his crotch
and sent me another sidelong glance;
an invitation to continue.

Except that more than 24 hours later,
17 stops have flown by
and I must away to my partner and friends,
leaving my imaginary men behind
as I immerse myself
in the imaginations of others.

Written by Jason Wright
June 13, 2018

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Profile

Robert Smith’s “promise of a kiss”
seen through lightning flash rain fall blinds
is unintentional mirror
of November eighteenth nude:

“Let’s Go to Bed.”

His Profile
My Profile
The Profile sings between fingers and pages
combining all of our afterimages
with an ink black twist.

Written by Jason Wright
November 28, 2017

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IAN IS DEAD

Dorian told me
this only a couple hours
ago…

Said that Ian had worked
at Pizza House up until the end.

Didn’t know he was even
back in Ann Arbor…

Briefly knew that Dear Friend.

And as it turns out,
he didn’t survive me…
though he once revived me;
he is cold in the ground.

Only yesterday I thought
I’d write…
only not…
& now to then learn
he’s not even around.

Autumn once told me
she’d written him off…
not worth the cost…
far beyond saving.

He couldn’t stop it…
He couldn’t drop it…
farewells & goodbyes;
all he ever was saying.

Can’t stand the silence.
Can’t stand the staring.
Cure sang he’s NUMB –
No cure for his fun –
Did not really know him
though I never stopped caring.

Written By Jason Wright
December 31, 2001

For Ian

Explained:

Ian was a friend of friends. He was goth, and he had wild black hair that reminded me of Robert Smith of The Cure. He and Autumn visited me at Meijer when I worked there (between 1996 & 1999) and they picked me up to take me to a gallery where Autumn was having an exhibit while the museum was closed. He spoke with me about The Cure’s then new album, “Wild Mood Swings” (released: May 7, 1996) and later, after chilling at the Fleetwood he gave me a kiss goodnight at my car, despite me having a boyfriend in Florida. It was invigorating. My friend Paul had told me all about a guy he was hung up on named Ian but I didn’t make the connection. When I realized our Ians were one and the same, well, I stayed away. But I always liked him.

Ian was an addict. Heroin. Or so I was told. I’m sure it was true as all his old friends seemed to hate him based on his addiction and whatever shit he spewed on them as a result. He moved away. When I wrote my first poem about him I meant to send it to him but the people I asked had all come to despise him and weren’t interested in helping me find him. Later he returned to Michigan, and was actually working in a restaurant that I frequented (which itself was rare), but I never saw him there. He worked with people I knew, but they didn’t know that I knew him. And one night, my friend Carrie got in a fight with him and he left early, and he overdosed. And he died. And he was buried. And I found out maybe a week after all that from Dorian, who was a guy that I made out with once, who was a drug dealer, I think, and he and I would randomly cross paths now and again around Ypsi / Ann Arbor. When I asked my friend Carrie about it and explained that I had cared about him, she didn’t apologize or show any remorse or even the slightest bit of sympathy for me, and this hurt our friendship.

But to have written about him originally as someone who reminded me of people that I’d met in a hospital that I mostly outlived and that I found it comforting that he would survive, and then have him die, was very jarring. And it’s even more so now looking back at all this in 2026, over 25 years later.

And it is impossible for me to think of Ian and not think of “Numb” by The Cure from “Wild Mood Swings” – or hear the song and not remember Ian.

Jason: 05-08-26

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