The 1 Train – BALD JASON'S GAY GOTH BOY BLOG

May 4, 2026May 5, 2026

“I’ll meet you in New York”

I slept poorly this morning – or possibly too much, and I was super cranky all day. I felt like the migraine prevented me from doing all the things that I had wanted to do, which is a longer story but I was frustrated. Eventually I took this out on Aaron, which wasn’t fair – it was the last straw, as they say, and it was just not fun. And once I spoke up I couldn’t stop. This never helps. We fought.

I calmed down. I got my reviews for “Claire of the Moon” up. I apologized to Aaron via text. I had planned to join him at pool but I wasn’t sure he wanted me there. He later told me he did want me to join him. It took me over an hour to get ready.

About that. I have travelled all over the world in the last few years but when I’m home I very rarely go out, which I’ve been trying to overcome, for a long time now. Sometimes when I get ready to go I leave several times before I actually make it out. I change my clothes multiple times. It’s not every time, but it’s enough times that it is not a fluke. This was one of those nights. But I was determined to not let this conquer me, so I did get out, and I did make it to the train, and I did ride 20 stops down to 18th street (on the 1 train) to meet Aaron at Boxers on 20th. And I felt like this was good work for me.

At the bar I got to see Aaron’s team of course, but I spent most of my time chilling with these guys that are often there on Mondays. We took a group photo before we left. And Eddie, the captain of the team insisted on a picture as well, which we both like to do.

In the car, Aaron and I talked about our argument and if I didn’t feel better about it, I did after that chat. He also said he might have found someone for us to have a threesome with – which we haven’t done since 2018? That could be good. He and I have had two threesomes, which were both fantastic. And I need to be having more sex, with other people. This probably sounds weird, but it’s actually part of a treatment my doctors have suggested but which I’ve not followed through on, despite it being recommended more than a year ago. I have tried, but the plans always fall through and I haven’t been as gung ho about it as I should be, but part of that is the not getting out as much, that I’ve already mentioned, and another part of it has to do with AIDS Survivor Syndrome, which I recently wrote about in an essay. I’ve not been with anyone other than Aaron in almost 7 years and that one time was the only time I played without him – which I got permission for over a dozen times before it actually happened. It feels weird to talk about this but Aaron is very supportive of it and not threatened in the slightest, which is always a bit shocking no matter how many times we discuss it. And yet that’s part of why I feel so lucky to be with him.

I’m going to eat soon as I’ve barely had any food today. I will probably watch the season finale of Star Wars: Maul. Other than that, I’m not sure what I’ll get up to. The season finale of Daredevil: Born Again will be out tomorrow night.

May 4, 2026May 4, 2026

“And if I feel this way for so long tell me, is it all for nothing?”

Instead of going for a walk, I cuddled with Aaron, which he was very grateful for. I had a smoothie. I looked at the weather and we were to have a high of about 60 degrees around 4pm. Aaron revealed that he had choir practice in the West Village. I had a slice of pizza, got ready and then rode down to the village with him, arriving about 2pm. We held hands in the rental car, which we needed as our car, Ruby, had a flat tire the day before. I went with Aaron to Dunkin Donuts but I abstained from all the sugary snacks. We went to Saint John’s Lutheran Church, where my former writers group, The Poetry Table, used to meet. It is always so nice to see everyone! Cynthia Powell, the choir director welcomed me with a big hug. I asked her if I could get a photograph. She put on some lipstick and agreed.

I left as the choir began their warmups. I walked to the Stonewall Memorial where I snapped another picture. The wind chill was a bit more chill than I like my wind! But I wanted to walk and I was dressed appropriately. I kept getting cold, pulling my sleeves down, getting warm, rolling them up, getting cold…

I walked around a bit and ended up at Washington Square Park. I sat for awhile and walked around some more. It was pretty crowded, despite the fountain not being on, and it was fun to watch the various groups of people. I snapped a few pictures of the Washington Square Arch just before I exited the park and headed out.

I had a nice, windy, walk around the village. I needed to pee so I stopped into the Stonewall Inn before I headed to the A train. Only there were delays on that track which would require a shuttle service so I walked over to the 1 Train instead and finally headed home on a very crowded train. When we were approaching 181st Street, the woman next to me had a coughing fit and I asked if she needed / wanted a cough drop but she aid her mouth was just very dry. I informed her I was getting off the train at the next stop and that she could have my water, which she accepted. I felt good that I was able to help. I walked the few blocks home, got undressed and took a shower.

I was hungry. I had cauliflower and broccoli with ranch dressing, while I read the news and chatted with some friends. Later, I realized I was up to leaving the house again, got dressed and went for a second walk, running into Aaron at the gate as he was arriving home. Initially intending to walk to the Little Red Lighthouse under the George Washington Bridge, I got distracted by some greenery and headed down Bennet, through the subway to Bennet Park where I called my recently widowed cousin Linda, so we could make each other laugh, the way we always do. I spoke to her as I took the long way home. She asked if I was in an elevator when I was heading up the the apartment and I told her I was. She said hello to Aaron and then we said goodnight. I played some Zelda and had another smoothie. I was still very hungry though so I opted for another slice of pizza, with added chia seeds. I got a call from Mark Adams and his daughter Raven and we spoke while I got ready for bed, and then I passed out pretty quickly. I woke up at 4:30 and wrote this.

While writing this I started getting a visual migraine and quickly took the appropriate medication for such an event. It was a struggle to continue writing as I was only able to see about half of the screen, but I did it. The visual obnoxiousness has mostly faded now. But when I’m done I’m going back to bed.

And I guess I’m done now? I slept well. But if I can get a bit more sleep that would be nice and would undoubtedly help with the migraine which is likely to begin in about 20 minutes or less. I feel like I had a good day yesterday. I avoided overly sugary / salty snacks, only drinking water or smoothies, and I also managed to get outside multiple times for some exercise. I don’t have much planned for today. Possibly watching the final Maul episodes of the season and I’d like to go Aaron’s pool game (if he goes). Otherwise I think I’m good. Oh, and I need to write a review for Claire of the Moon, which I was going to do now, but again, that’s not a great idea now. I hope everyone is having a good day!

And now it is Tuesday, May 4th! Happy Star Wars Day! May the 4th Be With You! <3

January 8, 2015May 16, 2026

Northbound (NSFW)

On the one train in Manhattan a song,
a lyric makes me think of San Francisco.

I’m shaving in Paul’s bathroom
while man I met at Radical Fairy drag party is watching me.

I’m nervous.
He’s so beautiful
and several years older than me;
he’s 30 & I’m 26.

It seemed like a lot then.
Maybe because the last guy I loved
was 9 years younger than him;
they had the same name.

I cut myself as I often did back then.
A tear of blood dripping down my face
and before I can react
blonde ken doll man moves in
and purposefully licks me clean.
Sacrament.

I remember wondering if he was crazy.
Blood. San Francisco.
I want to throw him against the wall
so I can penetrate him and understand.
Is there pain in his eyes or lust?
Possibly both.

I don’t remember what happened next
but the next song is beginning
and I imagine kissing him,
shaking him…

“Are you crazy?”
“Do you want to die?”

A side thought where I’m less sympathetic
and I give him the degradation I imagine him craving.
Strip. Kneel. Baptism in piss and cum.
Fucking him mercilessly.

The thought passes and I wonder at his state of mind.

He was newly out then and haunted by his past;
“But I’m a Cheerleader” was the wrong movie to watch;
it filled him with memories that made him sad.
I think he was reading “The Vampire Armand”;
I was reading “Merrick”.
His parent was seemingly gravely ill.
They called during our first sexual encounter
to request his presence at the hospital.
He talked them out of it.
I tried to talk him into it,
but instead he said “Damn” while I bit his nipple.
I remember telling him that his asshole tasted amazing
and then him asking if there were any that didn’t…
and I wonder if he ever found out?
A taste test with naked men all standing in a row.

He fucked me in that livingroom.
It was days later.
After he’d taken me to a leather bar and spoke of dangerous sex,
but nothing about the boyfriend he’d confess to later.
Devastating at the time.
I wanted to be his.
Just a crazy dream I guess.
Lies and dreams and strange encounters that I still cherish.

We’re friends on Facebook.
I don’t think of him often
and I’ve not seen him in person in over 14 years.

I’m 40 now and I’ve been fucked at least 6 times in the last week.
My partner is curious about why I’m so frenzied of late and I honestly don’t know;
I’m sure it’s nothing to do with this…
but past sexual encounters fill my thoughts of late.
This is but the latest example.

Walking from the train I ran up to my place to write this down.
I don’t know why.
It seems less important now.
I need to get groceries.

Written by Jason Wright
January 8, 2015