Talent Show – BALD JASON'S GAY GOTH BOY BLOG

I did not sleep well Friday night, only getting about 5 hours. I also had potato chips on Friday, which for many years was a staple of my diet. Every day. But I’ve since noticed that I don’t like how I feel after I eat them, which feels bizarre to me. They are the ultimate comfort food for me, and yet they make me feel horrible, so I’m starting to feel about them the way that I imagine alcoholics feel about alcohol. I hate them, but I crave them and every once in awhile I break down and have them, and then I feel like shit for hours after. I don’t like it. But I like that I can recognize the connection, when I’m not sure that I would have just a few years ago.

I got ready for the Stonewall Chorale talent show party hours in advance and then just chilled. Well…chilled isn’t the right word. I didn’t relax. I just waited. And I felt slightly trapped. I wanted to go for a walk but didn’t feel I could. I mean, I had the time, but anytime I go out I risk not having the energy to do things later and I didn’t want that. But long story short, we did eventually go, and despite some delays, we made it in time for plenty of fun. We actually drove through Manhattan, The Bronx and Queens to get to Brooklyn so we were in 4 of the 5 NYC boroughs – I jokingly tried to get Aaron to take us to Staten Island so we could hit all 5 but he refused. I read this poem in the talent show, which was a hit despite me not reading it incredibly well; it felt nice to contribute to the group. Two others also read poems. 2 people played drums. 1 did martial arts. There was a fortune teller reading. Tricks with cherry stems. A dramatic performance. Interpretive dance. It was all very lighthearted and joyful. It was so much fun to see so many people outside of the choir setting. with many of them behaving very differently – not in a crazy way. I just mean, people were more relaxed and there was more time to actually talk and bond. It was lovely.

Oh. And going to the party marked my 14th consecutive day out of the apartment! I think 4 days was my record when I started this and so I’m doing really, really well. And with the walks to the park I’ve walked at least 9 or 10 miles this week. That’s crazy. It seems impossible to me, and yet I was there for it. I feel good.

After the party, on our way home, we drove Nicole and Nick to their places. It was nice to have still more conversations. After we were both safe inside I quickly began getting tired and started getting ready for bed around 8. By 9 I was in bed and falling asleep fast. I slept for something like 9 hours. I got up briefly but went back to bed knowing that Aaron would want to cuddle, which I did for almost another hour, and then I got up. I had a cherry smoothie and uploaded several more poems. I will continue to work on the site for a bit and then I will likely go for another walk, which I’ll invite Aaron on but I don’t know if he’ll go or not. We have a phone / video date with his sister tonight. And beyond that I don’t know what else is in store today. I have a G.I. appointment on Tuesday and then we leave for Florida on Wednesday.

Today’s journal entry quote comes from “Breakfast in Vegas” by Praga Khan. This song was playing at a San Francisco club in October of 2000, when a woman called me a gay slur before I started making out with her boyfriend, which I described in my poem.

On May 13, Wednesday morning my therapist reached out and asked if we might meet at 1:50, rather than 2pm as she had another obligation. I agreed. Usually when I have something scheduled later in the day I don’t go out at all because I never know what will happen and I’m worried I’ll miss what I have planned, but it was expected to rain later and I really wanted to get outside again and to the park. I told myself not to worry because really I just needed to get outside and I didn’t have to go far. When I got outside I headed to Starbucks. I got a larger drink than what I usually get these days; I got an iced grande dirty soy chai and I guess from Tuesday’s trip that I could probably get to the park and home before my appointment. I walked to the park up Fort Washington. On Tuesday I had cut through the 181st Street station, which has an elevator that takes you up the hill I was now walking up, but it was fine. I walked by Bennett Park and nearly stopped there but I just kept going.

The weather was nicer than I expected and I was in a good mood. Fort Tryon Park has long been my favorite NYC park and it’s just so beautiful. I didn’t stay in the park long though, because again, there was an expectation of rain, an appointment I needed to attend, and along with all that, I inhaled a beautiful flowery scent that seemed to be lilacs, though I couldn’t see any – only for this to cause me to start coughing, which I couldn’t stop. I was very grateful that I got that beverage and that I’d barely sipped it on my walk because it helped on my way home. I had taken the A Train home the previous day as it’s part of my therapy to ride trains, but even though I felt up to walking I took the train for all the reasons I just listed for not staying in the park. It was the right call. I was able to get home, get cleaned up and prepare for my appointment, which went very well.

I didn’t go out after that. I just relaxed. I did watch the “The Punisher: One Last Kill”, which I enjoyed. It made me cry. It’s brutal but so is the character, and my only real complaints were that it felt too similar to earlier Punisher stories even if it made a point of taking the character in a new direction and that it had very few ties to any of the other Marvel stories featuring the character of late. But everything else was impressive and a counter argument could also be made for what was or wasn’t onscreen, so I think it works.

For the record, I think my preferred viewing order for 2027 set M.C.U. projects goes like this:

01 Daredevil: Born Again Season 1 (9 episodes)
02 Captain America: Brave New World
03 The Punisher: One Last Kill
04 The Fantastic 4: First Steps
05 Daredevil: Born Again Season 2 (8 episodes)
06 Thunderbolts*

I slept well, more or less Wednesday. I slept well into the morning, getting up around 9:30am. Aaron was gone for the day. Another report about rain on the way and lower temperatures, I again wanted to get to the park. I took the A train there and back as I wasn’t really dressed for the weather but didn’t want to change and I had some pain in my ankles, that comes and goes, which I plan on talking to my doctor about at our appointment next month. Again, I didn’t stay long at the park. It was more about getting outside. And this marked 13 days out in a row! So that was nice. And I later learned that I’ve lost a pound. That’s a big accomplishment for me. I’ve never once tried to lose weight before, so to see any success is really nice. And while it’s only a pound, I bet other health related things have also improved, given the changes in my diet and being more active.

Once I was home, I was home for the day. I later traded texts with Nathan, which is the first we’ve spoken since Sunday. We seem to be getting along, which is nice. I worked on my site a bit. I’m getting a lot done, but it’s all on stuff that I can’t display until it’s DONE and there’s still so much to do. That’s a little frustrating.

I slept well again. Very well. I also lingered in the bedroom for longer than I expected because Aaron begged me for cuddles. lol I had a smoothie when I finally stumbled out of bed. It’s sunny outside, which is nice. I don’t love being in the sun, but I prefer sunny to overcast.

I just found out I’m in a talent show tomorrow. Aaron says I should read a poem but I’m not sure which piece I should do. I’ll try to look that over, but I’m getting a migraine. That’s sucks, but it’s also been great not having any in several days, and this just means my medication is working. I used to have them nearly every day and the medication I take cuts whatever number you have in half, so I’m likely due for one. I’ll take something for it in a minute. I have so many things I want to do and work on today. We’ll see how that ends up.

We’re leaving for Florida next week. I knew it was happening but it’s creeped up on me all the same. Hopefully that goes well. I realized this morning I’d have to not work on my site while I’m there because my laptop is dead and I can’t take this computer with me (it’s huge) and I can’t really get a lot done via my phone. But Aaron just assured me that we’ll find something that works. He’s brilliant, so I don’t doubt that we’ll find an answer.

Okay. I should get moving.

Today’s lyric headline comes from the song “Emperor’s New Clothes” by Panic! At The Disco, from their 2016 album, “Death of a Bachelor”.

Tag: Talent Show

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