Tag: Starbucks

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“Don’t Let The Vengeance of Heaven Be You”

Aaron went out last night (Friday, 10-16-26) with our friend Nick. I stayed in and played Zelda, while watching a couple episodes of “Avatar: The Last Airbender” (Season 1) & “Law & Order: SVU” (Season 23). I went to bed around 11 and woke up at 4 (Saturday, 10-17-26), but quickly went back to sleep. We slept in together and cuddled late into the morning. We were thinking of going to the Botanical Gardens today but the weather didn’t support it and neither of us felt great. I played more of my game and watched some more stuff. I wasn’t very active but I ate better. I’ve been eating chips again, but I’m out now and I’m not planning on getting more soon. Instead I ate a variety of healthier options: hummus, lettuce, zucchini, blueberries, cashews, pecans, some pita bread, and a thing slice of fiber rich bread with butter and chia seeds. I’ve had a protein drink, but I’ve mostly had water today. Later I went to Starbucks (wanting to get outside) and got my now usual spinach feta wrap.

I just set up a page to display my old bedroom collages, but I’m tired and probably won’t finish them tonight. I actually think I’m going to get ready for bed. I have less than 50 pages left in my book, so I should be finishing that this week.

Today’s journal entry song quote title is from “Night” by English musician Gary Numan, from his 1997 thirteenth solo studio album, “Exile”. The album followed a loose concept, namely that, rather than being opposites, God and the Devil were two sides of the same coin. Each track reflected some aspect of this premise.

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“A Dream of the Dead Days”

I slept for about 6 hours, I think. I woke up uncomfortable. Pain in my head and congestion. I tried to follow yesterday’s pattern, eating healthy and working on my website, but I realized I needed to back a lot of stuff up if I was going to move forward, so I worked on that. After hours at my computer I decided I needed to shower, shave, dress and at least try to feel human, and also try to go outside. For years I sat in my apartment watching queer cinema, eating crap and worrying about venturing out. I don’t want to fall into those habits again. My walk was brief, but productive. I took some photos, picked up a spinach feta wrap from Starbs (adding another veggie to my day’s intake) and also grabbed a prescription from the pharmacy for Aaron. I didn’t go far, but I did walk more than I needed to and all of it felt good. I like the pictures too.

Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “First and Last and Always”, the title track to the debut studio album by English gothic rock band the Sisters of Mercy, first released on March 11, 1985 through the band’s Merciful Release label.



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“Welcome To My World of Truth”

Yesterday was rough. Aaron left that morning. I stayed up for a grocery delivery but then slept for 4 hours. I have some health stuff that is really not fun, which I’m not up to sharing at the moment. This place is really therapeutic for me but there’s a level of mistrust for those who might be reading it which I’m not sure how to get over. My original website had a comment section, and tons of ways to contact me, but I was far more naive then and I dread such contact now, even as I display so much of myself here. I know from statistics that a lot more people come here than I ever expected, but I don’t know who they are or what their interest is. Perhaps I should try to change that? But for now, there’s so much work to do that it’s not a priority.

I woke up in a haze, and I had messages from my cousin Joy and my friend Isaiah. I took the time to respond and showered and shaved. I was feeling down about several things and when I got out of the shower I could hear my downstairs neighbors shouting about a leak in their apartment. The super has seen this leak which he equated to a tiny little drop of water, but I’m not sure why this leak wouldn’t happen every time we shower if that was the cause – or why the leak stopped for years and has returned. There’s a lot of questions. But maybe this will lead us to some kind of answer. The super didn’t seem worried about it too much – and he was also clearly upset at being dragged into this on a Saturday, when he’d been taking a nap.

I walked to Starbucks for some tea, but really just to get outside and walk off some of what I was feeling. I also took a Xanax. I don’t take it often, but when I need it I’m glad that I have it. I spoke to Aaron & Bernard about what happened while I walked. That helped. When I got home I had a relatively long chat with Paul Dunn, an old acquaintance of mine, who hooked up with me around January 2001. The conversation was welcomed, friendly and illuminating. But I wanted to try to sleep, so I said goodnight. I chopped up some zucchini to freeze for my smoothies, using the last of the already prepared vegetable to make a cherry zucchini smoothie. I usually have coffee in my smoothies but I skipped it to help with the sleep. I had hoped to get some cleaning done, but yesterday wasn’t the day for it and if I started then I’m sure I’d have been up all night. I also wanted to work on several viewing guides.

I haven’t watched any television the last week. I have quite a lot to watch, or that I want to watch, and I might try to get to those this week as well.

I went to bed that night with some Nyquil, due to some throat irritation from my gastroparesis. I didn’t expect to sleep more than a few hours. I mean, I’ve been on sleeping medication for months and I’ve struggled sleep 6 hours, but I slept 12 hours without trying – getting up 3 or 4 times to pee, thanks to the diuretics I’m also taking (for kidney stones).

I had a morning phone call with Aaron and Bernard who were on their way from Virginia to Florida. I let Aaron know that I’d just read that tickets for Avengers: Endgame Encore are rumored to go on sale tomorrow. Then I had a smoothie and decided to work on a guide to Anne Rice’s Immortal Universe, which went well. I worked on it for hours, which was lovely.

When I took a break, a package meant for Florida arrived here and I called Aaron to let him know and to check in. I realized I was hungry and decided it was time to eat, but first I weighed myself. 186.4 pounds. Wow. That’s the least I’ve weighed in years. And I’m much closer to my goal of 170 pounds than I thought I would be at this point, so that’s great news. In 5 months I’ve lost 24.6 pounds. No diet pills. No starving myself. Just eating smarter and being a little more active. That amazes me. Which is probably obvious since I talk about it all the time now. lol

I think I’m going to have the last of those broccoli cheese tots. I really liked them.

Oh! And a big Happy Birthday to my sister Janice Jeffrey and our father David Wright! <3 I should be seeing them in a little over a week. But these pictures are from a few months ago, when I saw them in June.


Today’s journal title song quote is from “Underneath” by openly gay American singer Adam Lambert, from his second studio album, “Trespassing”, which was released on May 15, 2012. The album debuted at number one on the Billboard 200, selling 77,000 copies in its first week, making Lambert the first openly gay artist to do so in history.

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“I Did All My Best To Smile”

This week there was Marvel news and I’m sure there will be more tomorrow. This excites me. I’m a huge Marvel fan, so there’s that.

I got outside for several walks this week. I’ve lost weight. I was actually thinking that I weighed 207 pounds in March, but it turns out, I actually weighed 211 pounds then – and I now weigh under 194, so that’s a considerable amount of weight lost, and I’ve not been doing anything crazy. I’m just making healthier choices in my diet and getting a bit more exercise than I had been. So that’s pretty exciting, because since I’m enjoying this time, I feel like this might be something I can keep up with and not worry about it all coming back, as I’ve heard others talk about. I was originally aiming to get to 180lbs but my program says that my ideal weight 172lbs. It also told me recently that my “metabolic age” was 52, which I thought was fair since I’ll be 52 in just a few weeks, but now I’m down to age 51, so I’m assuming that’s a good thing? I’m so clueless about this stuff. But that’s just what I make sure to tell my doctors. Treat me like I don’t know anything, because if it relates to food or exercise, I probably don’t know much! lol But I’m doing great. And I think I’m finding a good balance between what I love, what I enjoy and what is good for me. It’s not about giving up everything, it’s about balancing it out with other options, which I also like. My snack plates lately are all fruits and seeds and things, but I legitimately didn’t notice or think about it until Aaron pointed it out to me. I just thought they were fun choices. lol Oh, and I’m cutting some sugar from my smoothies now; putting 3 quarters of a cup of fruit in (instead of a full cup) and then using a quarter cup of zucchini, which is great for you, apparently, but which I’d never had before. I can’t taste a difference, so that’s great.

I’m so fucking tired. I woke up at 2am when Aaron got up for something. And then I realized that today was Brian Lounsberry’s 50th birthday. Or it would have been. And then I knew I needed to write something and I got up. And I did write something. And also rewrote an older poem that I’ve often referred to, but have never been truly happy with. So that’s accomplished. I should probably be trying to write this in some semblance of order.

Monday we got the first “Avengers: Doomsday” trailer, which I posted. Excited for that. Tuesday we got the final “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” trailer and I’m excited for that. Later I took the train to the park and then walked home, which is about a mile.

July 21, 2026. Not bad for nearly 52 and having been 220 lbs in my recent past.

Tuesday (July 21) I had therapy that went well. I’m sure there was some kind of drama that day but I can’t remember what it was. Oh. And we watched another Star Trek: The Next Generation episode (S03E10 “The Defector”) – which we both enjoyed and had both forgotten most of. Indeed, I had mistaken the plot in my head for a completely different subplot from a different Trek episodes (S06E14 “Face of the Enemy”), which in my defense, also involves the Romulans and a defector, but in that case, it’s a human defector who joined the Romulans and returns to the Federation – I remember that actor and that story and assumed that this Season 3 Romulan episode about a defector was the same thing. But it wasn’t. lol So that was kind of funny.

Wednesday (July 22): Aaron went on a walk with me. We went to Starbucks on our way home and the barista complimented my “whole vibe”, which I’m not sure I thanked her for, which makes me feel like a jerk. Really, I’m just caught off guard when people compliment me.

Thursday (July 23): I went for a walk. There was plenty of drama though. We’re going to Florida next week, but it’s quite a lot of stress for me as I’d rather not travel and I wasn’t planning on going at all, but the trip got moved up and if I want to see Spider-Man with Aaron, which I do, I have to go. And there are issues with me going but we talked it out and we’re reducing the risk of all that as much as we can – and if it’s bad, I’ll either come home earlier, or go to a hotel or something.

Later I rewatched “Thunderbolts*” for the first time since seeing it in theaters. I think I enjoyed it about the same as the first time, but I forgot how much I cried during the second half, so I was bawling for awhile. lol Then right after that, Aaron and I watched the new Season 4 premiere of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (S04E01 “Valles Marineris”), which we both enjoyed, despite both of us being a bit distracted by other things.

Also, someone betrayed Aaron this week. I’m sure he had his reasons, but it was really horrible and I knew that Aaron was hurt but I didn’t think there was much that I could do. On top of that, it left him in a very precarious position as far as his company is concerned, but that was solved in a truly gracious manner that I will forever be grateful for.

I went to bed after Trek, going to bed around 9 and drifting off around 10. And then Aaron woke me up around 2 and now we’re up to date.

I’m going back to bed.

Today’s journal title song quote comes from “Song to the Siren” by various different bands that I enjoy, but the most popular seems to be This Mortal Coil; but it was written by by Tim Buckley and Larry Beckett and released by them in 1970. The version by This Mortal Coil was released as their first single in 1983 and then on their album “It’s End in Tears” in 1984.

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“Don’t Lose Sight of Who You Are”

On Thursday, July 9, I got out for another walk. I ended up at Starbucks again, with another unsweetened black iced tea. I think this will be my new drink for awhile. It has zero sugar, an improvement on my signature drink order, which is nice, but also reminds me of my mom. Oh. And I got a chocolate chip cookie, which was delicious.

I stayed up late. I got some work done. And I finally watched Scream 7, which wasn’t horrible, but also wasn’t one of the better entries, IMO. It successfully brings Neve Campbell’s Sydney back into the mix with a creative way to bring back deceased characters with lots of fun callbacks to previous entries, but it also felt a bit empty. Also, one of the issues I tend to have with these movies are the motives of the assorted Ghostface killers, which vary from inventive and creepy, to ridiculous and pointless, with the new entry leaning more into the latter camp. My ranking of the films is as follows, best to worst:

01 Scream (5)
02 Scream VI
03 Scream 2
04 Scream (1)
05 Scream 7
06 Scream 4
07 Scream 3

I mostly like Scream 3 more than 4, but it features a plot hole that annoys me to this day. I also think of Scream 5 & 6 as being basically equal, but again, I like the killers in Scream 5 more than 6 – and 5 feels like the most balanced of the films IMO. I wouldn’t say that any of them are horrible, but the bottom 3 are markedly less enjoyable for me than the top 4.

Additionally, Scream 4 filmed in Ann Arbor, Michigan when I lived there. And Scream 5 moves events to New York, after I moved there. So, it kinda feels like the movies are stalking me. lol

Today I watched another episode of TNG with Aaron: S03E09 “The Vengeance Factor”, which features Lisa Wilcox in a guest role. She played the main protagonist, Alice, in Nightmare on Elm Street 4 & 5; I don’t think I’ve ever seen her in anything else. Of course Wes Craven was the creative force behind original Nightmare on Elm Street, and he also directed Scream 1-4. Wacky.

I also got out for another short walk. I got some more Starbucks. And I’ve eaten well today too. I had my now usual pita with lettuce and hummus and Italian salad dressing, plus the unsweetened black iced tea, and also had 2 cherry smoothies. It feels like I’m kicking ass with the getting outside more and the improved eating habits.

And I had sex. 🙂

I gave up on the dark romantic fiction for now. I wanted a change. A few years ago I was re-reading the Wicked Years, with the goal of reading the follow-up trilogy, which I’d never read before, but as I was re-reading “Out of Oz”, it was announced that the author would be releasing 2 more tie-in books, set during “Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West”, which sort of took the wind out of my sails. The first of these volumes is mine now, and the latter will be out in september. But I started reading “Elphie: A Wicked Childhood” last night, and so far I’m enjoying it.

Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “I’m Not That Girl” from the Wicked Soundtrack. I prefer the film soundtrack to the stage musical. Oddly, I was barely able to tolerate the stage musical and its soundtrack, but I loved the film and its soundtrack, which was as much a surprise to me as it was to anyone else who knows me. I didn’t love the second film, but I also felt it was a huge improvement on the second act of the stage musical.

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“Some people don’t care if they live or they die”

I did go back for more Aaron cuddles. Lots of Aaron cuddles. We showered together. I shaved and got ready. I was finally able to get my old earrings in, which felt like a small victory after failing to do so for several months. I wanted to get outside and so I walked to Starbucks. I used to go to Starbucks constantly but it’s pretty rare now. I used to work at this particular store, from October 2012 – September 2014? Something like that. So long ago now. I got a single shot of espresso. I usually get a doppio with cold soy milk and 3 pumps of peppermint, so this was way less sugar, fat and caffeine.

I really do want to lose weight. There’s a struggle between eating healthy and feeding what I think of as “Little Jason”, the food related PTSD child me who is prone to sweets but also to starving. I’ve struggled for so long to feed him and get him eating so it’s strange for both of us to be moving in the other direction, and to try to keep us fed while eating smarter. It’s definitely a learning experience. Today I’ve had a cherry smoothie, some cauliflower & broccoli, and I had my first golden kiwi, which I liked a lot. I have 3 more of those. I will likely break down and have something more filling later, but I do like that I’ve been having healthier choices. I’m doing good work here, I think. Aaron agrees but I need to be my own cheerleader on this stuff and that’s easier at times and harder at others.

Oh. And there were like 50 pictures on my digital camera that I took a few weeks ago, on April 14, which I had totally forgotten about. I’m so clueless sometimes. But that was a nice surprise. Some of them are quite fun. lol

I feel a little sad. I’m not sure why.

I found this song at random on Amazon Music one night. It seems appropriate. I feel like I’m flying up there myself at the moment and I could fall but I what else am I going to do?

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“And do you feel scared? I do…”

Aaron’s endoscopy went very well yesterday. He had another endoscopy 3 months ago and they discovered he had an ulcer which they’ve been treating with medication and therapy. Yesterday’s procedure revealed that the ulcer is gone! This was a wonderful outcome. And the wait time for the procedure was greatly reduced this time – we were essentially in and out in about an hour.

I traded texts with Glenn, my nephew Jon and my cousin Ariel. Glenn was concerned for Aaron. Jon and I were talking about Daredevil: Born Again. Ariel invited us to her graduation party, which will be held in Michigan, despite her living in Georgia. We’ll see how that plays out. I also later traded messages with my old friend Flordeperla, who was a co-worker at Starbucks in Manhattan.

He was a little groggy after and I was dealing with another migraine. I always have lots of migraines, but this time of year, when we get far more rain, it’s always the worst. I went to bed relatively early, hoping that I’d wake up early this morning to get some work on my site done, headache free. Part of that was true. I woke up early. And my headache isn’t as bad as it was.

I have gotten a lot finished! But it’s in a draft stage so nobody can see it yet. It’s part of the Star Trek viewing order section. I also uploaded a bunch more LGBTQ+ movie reviews from 2024 yesterday.

I’m not sure what’s on my agenda for the day. It’s very sunny outside this morning. The weather says a high of 63 this afternoon. Maybe I’ll get outside. Aaron has a trip to Philly planned this evening. Maybe I’ll go out then? Or maybe I’ll start my new Star Trek book? I’ve been having a lot of trouble finishing books in the last couple of years. I was doing really well; I was re-reading The Wicked Years in hopes of reading the sequel trilogy for the first time, but then they announced 2 new books, set earlier in the timeline and it killed my interest. I figured I’d wait a bit for those and then do the whole thing again. And I’ve stumbled over everything since then.

The new Trek book is a sequel to Star Trek: Picard, set during a time-jump in the series finale (S03E10 “The Last Generation”) the book has been described as continuity porn, filled with references to various Star Trek episodes from multiple series and films – which sounds like just the kind of thing that I might enjoy at the moment. So, that’s definitely an option. Plus, as the book features Seven and Raffi, we have our LGBTQ+ representation right there. Nice. But who knows if I’ll finish this one? I’ve wanted to finish everything I’ve started in the last few years; I didn’t begin anything with the intent to stop reading, so we’ll see how it goes.

Oh. And I spoke, briefly, with my sister Janice before I passed out. She tried talking to me about her conspiracy theories about 9/11 but I told her I couldn’t listen to it. 9/11 stuff gives me nightmares and always has. I imagine it would likely be worse now that I’ve lived in Manhattan for nearly 14 years. I wish she had more time to relax. She’s always so busy, even on her days off. I love her. She can make me laugh like almost nobody else. Aaron is good at it too. I’m feeling sleepy again and might go back to bed for a nap. I actually didn’t sleep very long last night. I was in bed quite early but it took me a long time to get to sleep and then I was only out for about 5 hours.



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Game Night

When you walked in to Starbs
with my man on your arm
in your charmingly gay jeans,
I smiled
and I thought that this could be fun.

I ran into an old customer
who told me about his son’s tumbling class
as I watched you both ordering coffee,
with an easy,
relaxed manner,
that spoke volumes of what was to come.

Your sing song ramblings
were the essence of adorable
and you seemed younger
than your pictures,
while also managing to look completely different
from whatever angle
I spied you from.

We agreed on Buffy’s Gift
and disagreed on LGBT actors,
though not in the typical, angry, grating way,
which Aaron and I had just discussed
in relation to a similar friend,
who has already secretly been mentioned here.

We had matching board games
which we managed to win
before I took pain killer
when I expected no more games to be played.

This, aside from
the tongue fuck of a kiss
which was seemingly dared
and then shared without mercy.

Later, that other kiss on the kitchen counter,
and you were the ghost of Sean Mobley,
whispering across my skin
before we all retired to the place
I expected us not to go…
which in all fairness,
I had insisted on.

There were obstacles to overcome
but in a relaxingly hazy, lustful way,
or that’s how I experienced it at the time.

Your sexy ass,
which I yearned to devour,
was sadly out of service…
and my painkiller infused erection
was quickly down for the count,
yet your beautifully thick dick
and mouthwatering sack
were open for business.

I did fucking love your sex drenched cock,
stretching me open
after riding your face
like you were some kind of bucking bronco.

You were energetic,
switching positions,
still looking different from every angle,
painfully / pleasurably
thrusting deep inside me,
filling the rubber with an impressive load of cum.

You left soon after,
since you don’t like to cuddle,
and the two of you needed to be up early
the next morning.

You took Ian McKellen (as James Whale) with you
and we traded messages on this or that service
but I don’t hear your voice in those words.

In these random exchanges
it’s hard to tell what is real;
hard to tell if we’re going to see you again.

Perhaps you really were just a shadow of Sean,
come to sing me carols and wake me with a kiss.

But I’d like to talk to you again: face to face.

It’s not all about your dick;
it’s everything else too;
all those angles are views I’d like to explore.

My sentences sent to convey this seem awkward
and desperate, but that’s not how they’re meant.

Like I said, it’s hard to tell what is real
in the light of day;
hard to decipher if what we experienced
was the beginning of friendship
or merely the end of a short, yet satisfying game.

Written by Jason Wright
February 13, 2018

For Joe

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