Tag: Star Trek: Strange New Worlds

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“Only Fools Do What I Do”

Saturday (09/26/26) Aaron and I did go see Avengers: Endgame Encore, which we both enjoyed. The theater was mostly sold out – not every seat was full, but every row was nearly full, with just a seat here or there empty. I wasn’t sure how many people would go to see a release of a 7 year old film, even with a few new scenes. It was a good time. People cheered, gasped, clapped, laughed and cried in the appropriate scenes, even though most of them had seen the film before. I cried 3 times myself. The new material amounted to 2 fun introductions + a new final scene & 3 credit scenes. All of it was amazing. Aaron and I are both very hyped for Avengers: Doomsday in December and various other upcoming Marvel projects.

I was very uncomfortable before leaving for the film. I was bleeding a little from my surgery (which was expected), but it was not pleasant. But I pushed through because Aaron was so excited to see the movie and I’m glad I did because it really was a fun experience. And because I knew the movie very well, I didn’t feel bad heading to the bathroom a couple of times. We didn’t end up watching any Star Trek. We still haven’t actually. When I do think of watching Strange New Worlds, Aaron isn’t around. And when he’s around, I don’t want to watch it at all. It just hasn’t been good enough. And also, I’ve just not been watching much of anything lately – while Aaron has been watching more than ever. I think he’s binged all of “Loki” since seeing the movie. I don’t think I’ve watched anything.

On Sunday (09-27-26) we stayed in. and mostly worked on our own projects. He mostly watched TV and played video games. I worked on my website and also played video games. I’m still playing Breath of the Wild. Still reading Magic’s Pawn. Nothing much has changed really. Oh. Except that on Sunday I weighed myself and I was down to 180.4.

I’ve said this a lot lately, but again, this is the lowest I’ve weighed in years. I’m still about 10 lbs over what I used to weigh most of the time, but I’ve come a long way. I’ve lost 40 lbs since last year and 30.6 of those lbs have been lost in the last 6 months. I’m doing really good work on my health. I feel good. There are other parts of my life that need work, but it’s a balance and a process and I think healthy ties into nearly everything else, so that’s really good.

Also, the pain from my September 18th procedure is gone now. That’s nice. And in the last few months I’ve struggled to feel sexual in any way, and I feel like some of that is coming back, due in part to several therapies and self-love type experiments. And all of that is contributing to my sense of wellbeing. There’s a lot of stress in my life currently, having to do with money and people that I love who need help (not with money) and I want to be there for them, and I’m worried that I’ll fuck that up somehow. But otherwise, I’m doing pretty well.

On Monday (09-28-26) I went out with Aaron to attend one of his pool games at the Metropolitan Bar in Brooklyn. I’d been there before with him, but it had been several years. Fun was had. I met several new players, one of whom, Parker, carried on a fun conversation. I also met random bar people (Tyler, Michael & Joseph), who entertained me. Those 3 and a 4th are roommates who live in Ridgewood. Michael and Joseph are brothers; Michael is 7 years older than Joseph, in his 30s while Joseph is 26 – they’re both from Georgia. Tyler is from Minnesota. They were so much fun to talk to. I hope we cross paths again someday, or if not, that they just continue to be fun people.

I stayed in on Tuesday (09-29-26). I had therapy, which was productive. And I got a lot of work done on my Marvel Multiverse Guide, finding a new format that seems to be perfect – except later I found that there was a problem that I either need to solve now or run into it multiple times, which would be exhausting. So I had to stop. Which was frustrating. So, I did a rudimentary guide for A Song of Ice and Fire, so I could feel like I finished something! lol

Aaron went to choir for the first time this season. I was working on all that and had some success and something I’ve struggled with for years. It doesn’t mean I’m cured, but it’s a positive experience and that’s good. Later I spoke to my grandmother on the phone before heading to bed, just as Aaron arrived home. I slept from about 10 to about 3. I got up to pee and came back to bed but the TV was on and it seemed to be too bright. I couldn’t tell if it was actually brighter than normal and that I should risk adjusting it (and possibly waking Aaron) or if I was just being hypersensitive to any light (which can be a problem for me), so I just decided to get up. I knew I wanted to work on my site. I worked on several collages, which will be posted at a later time – as I want to randomize them and post several at once. Then I wrote a poem, inspired by that collage. And then I wrote this blog entry.

I need to go shower with Aaron now (or cuddle if there is time).

All the songs from this Troye Sivan album are still stuck in my brain, so I just picked another of the songs today. “Fools” is where this blog entry title springs from, from “Blue Neighborhood”.

I really do need to run!

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“I’m Down to My Skin and Bone”

This week has been tough. I’ve never done well with the change of the seasons and that’s what this week has felt like to me. Cooler weather can be fun, but we’re in that odd zone where if I go out side and I wear too little, I’m very cold, and if I wear just a little too much, I sweat profusely. Blah. I’m not a fan. But I’ll adjust. I always do.

The pain from my minor surgery on the 18th intensified on Tuesday the 22nd & Wednesday the 23rd, but seemed to disappear completely on the Thursday 24th, and remained gone for most of Friday the 25th before returning that night. Not so bad as it was but not as good as before. We’ll see how it goes today.

I got out for another walk on Wednesday, but I didn’t feel like walking to the park so I walked to an grocery store on Broadway that I used to get my food at every week, for years, only it’s not been years since I stepped into the place. I was curious what the prices were for foods that I usually have delivered these days, and it did seem to suggest that my deliveries are a bargain. I wore my old Hellraiser shirt that I bought in the 90s from Middle Earth in Ann Arbor, Michigan. My friends Paul & Darla had both gotten the same shirt from there. I’m still in touch with Paul and Darla, and Darla says she thinks she still has this shirt too, but Middle Earth has been gone for years.

Outside the grocery store there was an open patch in the sidewalk with flowers growing – which isn’t uncommon in New York. But what is very uncommon, is for those flowers to be Sunflowers. Giant yellow sunshine. We used to have have them growing in our garden on our farm in Michigan and seeing them here in the city made me smile.

I took the long way home, past one of the impressive churches in The Heights. When I got home I showered, and later put on a long sleeve shirt because the bedroom was chilly. Aaron said that I looked cute.

On Thursday I chopped up more Zucchini for our smoothies. It’s weird. A few months ago I’d never had a zucchini and now I have some every day. I can’t say that I crave them, because I don’t taste them at all, but I do like that I get nutrients from the various foods that I eat now, including this one.

Later I went for another walk, to another grocery store and compared prices again. Then, as before, I walked here and there. I ended up at 168th and took the train back to 181st, where I bought some whole wheat pita bread. On the train, a young woman approached me. When people come at me in public I still have this urge to put my guard up, because when people did this in Michigan they were invariably rude. In New York, when people approach me it is always with a compliment. This woman said she was sorry for staring but that my eyeliner was incredible and could I tell her what I use. I thanked her for the compliment and told her that I didn’t know what brand it was because I never pay attention. I buy 3 or 4 eyeliners from a beauty shop less than a block from where I live (she knew the one as soon as I listed my address) and I get that many because they don’t let you buy 1 with a credit card. I told her that I suspect it’s just practice, because I’m old. lol But I wished I’d had a brand to give her as I feel like I didn’t give her anything in value in return for the compliment, other than my thanks. Maybe I made her smile, and that’s something.

I was annoyed most of that day. The season finale of Strange New Worlds is out and the re-release of Avengers: Endgame (Encore), which has new footage and I’d been looking forward to both for months. We initially had plans to see both but I cancelled the Avengers due to my pain levels a few days before – and now I was painless, but having to dodge spoilers, which I hate doing. And SNW, has been so aimless the last few seasons that I’ve started to dread watching it, but the season finale is something I’ve been looking forward to – but to get there, I need to find time to watch 2 other episodes with Aaron and I just didn’t feel up to it. So, minor annoyances, but annoyances none the less. We have tickets to see Avengers: Endgame: Encore on at 1pm today and we can also try to get through Trek.

Friday I felt frazzled. Worn out. Low energy. I’d maintained weight – which is to say, that I hadn’t lost any, but that’s I’d also not gained any, which felt odd. Like I was treading water, or like nothing I was doing mattered. I’d actually gained some weight early in the week, which was annoying, but then I’d lost some of it…but now…nothing. The weather wasn’t fun and, after waking up at 3am, I worked on my website for something like 12 hours with no breaks. I just lost myself in working on a Star Wars viewing order, which is frustrating because I don’t want to share it until it is done, and it’s just taking a lot of time and energy, which I didn’t suspect. I have all these things as Google Sheets, but putting all that information into a new format is tricky and time consuming and my photoshop program was fucking with me for some reason. It was obnoxious. In the end I cranked out a page for the 4 Cat People films so I could post something, and then watched the season premiere of American Horror Story (S13E01 “13”) which was fine, but I feel like this season (which seems just as uneven as most of Ryan Murphy’s work) will land better if I re-watch what I’ve seen (“Freak Show”, “Asylum”, “NYC”, “Roanoke”, “Murder House” + bits of “1984”, “Hotel”, “Double Feature”, “Delicate”, & “Apocalypse”) and also watch what I’ve missed (preferably in the new order I’ve come up with) – as it’s essentially a sequel to everything else they’ve already done. I just don’t know that I can get through all of that. Later, my pain returned. Not as bad as before, but worse than it was. I played some Zelda, (which I’ve been finding very relaxing), read a bit and then went to sleep.

I woke up a few times but got back to sleep. I finally got up around 6am. I weighed myself and was very surprised to see that I’d lost weight again. I would have thought it was the reverse. But I’m actually lower than I have been in years. Again. I don’t like how my mood is so easily affected by my weight. I’ve never been like this. I mean, for years I struggled to keep weight on, and now that I’m losing it, with much more success than others that are close to me, I should be happier. I feel accomplished, but I also don’t really understand some of it. This week, my energy hasn’t been as good as it has at other times in this journey – I’ve exercised less. So I’m not clear how I’m losing weight. I guess I did have a lot of snacks last week, which I’ve mostly curtailed this week, but I wouldn’t imagine it having such a huge effect. I’m at a loss. I don’t understand. And I’d like to understand. I think if I understood how this all worked I could obsess over it less.

Today’s journal entry song quote is from “Ease”, a song by Australian singer Troye Sivan, from his 2015 first studio album “Blue Neighborhood”, which I purchased the day it was released, having randomly discovered his 2014 EP “Happy Little Pill”, which quickly became a favorite. I really only knew him as the kid who’d played James “Logan” Howlett, aka Wolverine, in the 2009 film “X-Men Origins: Wolverine”. But I liked what I heard and I quickly became a fan. I heard something that reminded me of him the other day and I’ve been listening to “Blue Neighborhood” while I’ve been walking this week; it makes me nostalgic for traveling around Manhattan, because I used to listen to it on the train a lot. I don’t usually just play a single song from the album, I usually listen to the whole thing, so it was difficult picking one today, as they’re all sort of swirling in my head. Music gets stuck in my head all the time – sometimes to a degree that annoys me. I’m sure that others experience this, but I also think that most people don’t have this nearly constant soundtrack going on in there heads, or maybe not to the same degree. It feels like a problem. Intrusive thoughts. Ugh.

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“Where All That’s Bad Is Good”

I stayed in Saturday (09/29/26), after staying up all night and sleeping for about 7 hours. The pain from Friday’s procedure was worse when I woke, but it waned with medication. I worked on several viewing orders (completely reworking and simplifying my American Horror Story viewing order) and also on a writing project that I likely won’t share here because, honestly, I’m not sure it’s legal to post. But posting it somewhere doesn’t really feel like the point anyways; it’s totally personal and just for me.

Poor Aaron. I’ve mostly gotten over the cold we both had, but his seems to have moved deeper into his lungs. He’s going to the clinic tomorrow to see what they say.

I went to bed relatively early on Saturday and slept in on Sunday (09/20/26). Aarn had said that he wanted us to watch some Star Trek this weekend so I suggested we try to catch up on Strange New Worlds, as we were 4 episodes behind and the season will end this Thursday. We were both kind of dreading it as we’ve been very unhappy with the season so far, but we were also both pleasantly surprised but what we saw. First we watched S04E06 “Off-Hour”, which was a take on disaster movies. Each episode of Strange New Worlds of late has a gimmick, a genre, and they’ve often felt redundant or pointless. This episode felt like Trek. It was well written, well acted and well produced. Everything looked great and though some of the violence seemed a bit more graphic than we’d like, it fit the scenario. I would say this was easily my favorite episode of these last two seasons (3 & 4). We decided to watch another episode (S04E07 “Like Chronitons Through the Hourglass”), which we also enjoyed. It wasn’t as good as the previous installment, but was better than anything else this year. I knew some stuff about this one before I watched and I was a bit surprised how much I liked it as it’s essentially a sequel to an episode I don’t love, and I knew it would be providing things I wanted, but in a soap opera scenario that I wasn’t interested in. Most of it worked. The soap opera element was used a little bit longer than I would have liked, but considering all that could have gone wrong with that story, I was relieved how well it did all hold together. And I also felt that Anson Mount, who tends to be one of the weaker elements in this series, felt like he gave a great performance here.

As of now, we only have 9 episodes left of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, 3 episodes this season, 6 episodes next season. Before watching these 2, I was ready for it to end. Now…I’m still ready for it to end. I like more of it than I don’t, but even if the next 3 episodes knock it out of the park (which I doubt), this is still the weakest season of the series to date, and Season 3 wasn’t a winner either – indeed, I’ve liked each season less, as a whole, than the season which preceded it. I practically begged for this series to be made after Season 2 of Discovery reintroduced Pike’s Enterprise, but this is not what I had envisioned, and I know that’s not really the job of those who make the show, to make everything the way that I would want, but for me, Strange New Worlds has been the biggest disappointment for this Star Trek fan of any series in the modern era. There’s just so much untapped potential here – but I’m not sad that it’s ending, because I’m not at all convinced they would explore the characters in any more depth then they already have, which is to say, hardly at all. They are so keen on getting to Kirk and company, that they barely scratched the surface of Pike and his comrades. I don’t get it.

The pain increased as the day wore on. Aaron was playing the new Wolverine game. I decided to distract myself by replaying my favorite video game: The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, which I’ve done many times at this point. I played for maybe an hour. And now I’m trying to get some work done on a few projects. Today has just been a bit blah. Hoping to get back in the groove this week.

Today’s journal entry song quote title is from “The Ballad of the Witches’ Road”, a song from the Marvel Studios Disney+ television miniseries Agatha All Along, written by composers Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez.[1] Eight versions of the song were used throughout the series; the main version is referred to as the “Sacred Chant Version”, but the one stuck that is most often stuck in my head is a mashup by Andy Wu that combines it with “Bloody Mary” by Lady Gaga, and in the video, also includes imagery from the series “Wednesday”, known as “The Ballad of the Bloody Mary Witches’ Road”:

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“The Temple of Love is Falling Down”

On Thursday (August 13) I cuddled with Aaron in the morning but he needed to get up to go into work. Later JP, our Super, stopped by trying to figure out if our apartment was the cause of a leak in the apartment below us. This has happened many times over the years, these impromptu visits, because there has been a leak, off and on in the apartment below us, but they’ve never found anything. They’ve opened up their ceiling and had us run all of our water and there has never been any evidence that it’s coming from us. I wish they had found something so it could be fixed, but it’s been going on now for at least 8 years and although I know that it isn’t, it starts to feel like harassment. The Super is great and he’s frustrated because the neighbors yell at him. We are always kind and cooperative with everyone, even when they stop by at really inopportune moments and inappropriate times, like LATE at night, with no warning in advance. They come in, they see that everything is legit and they leave, frustrated, but thankful for our understanding. It’s starting to wear on me though. So that bothered me all day.

Thursday night, Aaron and I watched the new episode of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (S04E04 “A Case of Chiaroscuro”), which was a mixed bag. Really, all of Season 3 & Season 4 has been a mixed bag, and while I enjoyed the first 2 seasons, they had their problems also. Sadly, this is not the series that I expected or wanted, which in fairness, they don’t owe me, but it’s pretty disappointing. There are only 12 episodes left, but because they’ve focused on other things, there’s no time now to give me answers about these characters that I wanted from the beginning, and I find that I’m ready for the series to end, because it’s not that good. And I have some hope that once the series is wrapped up, that maybe I can accept it for what it is, rather than what it is not. Also, perhaps it will end well? That could help. The state of the series also lends weight to my ongoing theory that when watching The Kurtzman Era of Trek, that this phase of Trek is best served by watching Discovery last, which gives us a whole bonus season with Pike plus episodes with Spock, Una and the Enterprise that I actually love – feeling like a fantastic surprise, rather than a prologue to this show, which then squanders nearly everything possible. I wish I enjoyed it more, but I don’t. Aaron feels the same.

I went off my sleeping meds Thursday night as I was building a tolerance to them. This happens occasionally. It’s also probably just a healthy thing to do. I actually look forward to it, although it’s harder for me to sleep without them and I struggle with several issues as a result, I always have really intense dreams. These are often nightmares, but I still enjoy them for the vivid imagery and sensations. I don’t remember them now and I didn’t write them down, but I remember they were wild.

On Friday (August 14) I worked on my website. I’ve actually been working on it daily. There are now more than 400 poems on my website, but I have at least 1,000 more. I created a viewing order for American Horror Story. I’ve also uploaded more NSFW Photo Collages – I always try to mix in recent photos, and these included photos from this week. Also, a friend reviewed my site, relaying how much she loved the photos, which was nice to hear.

Later I went for a walk. I also played some Zelda, after not having played in at least a month. It’s strange playing intermittently when I’m used to playing non-stop. The last 6 years have been really weird. But I seem to be bouncing back and I hope that what’s happening now is my new normal. I feel like I’m in better shape than I have been in decades. If this is 52, then I’m not complaining!

I was tired but I stayed up to for the Marvel / Star Wars News from D23, which did not disappoint. I’ve been hyped for VisionQuest for years at this point and it really feels like the Wanda / Vision corner of The Multiverse Saga has been really rewarding. I still have hopes that the new series will lead to a family reunion between Vision, Tommy, Billy, Agatha and Wanda which will then feature in the films and see them all together, happy. That’s what I want. It’s always been what I want. But I’m not sure if any of this will happen in any way at any time.

The new look at Avengers: Doomsday was better than the first. It shows far fewer characters but feels like we’re getting far more story, and that has me more excited. I do feel that they are holding back on details and I like that. I believe there are also various characters in this film that have not been announced. The run time appears to be 2 hours and 45 minutes, based on the showtimes available in theaters. I’m really looking forward to this and I think it will retroactively help a lot of the multiverse films feel far more connected and important. We’ve seen that plenty of characters introduced in those films are coming back here, making them all seem more important, which is great. Going so long without any big crossovers like this, they’ve felt disconnected and that’s been frustrating for everyone, even me.

The live action adventures of Ahsoka Tano which began in The Mandalorian & The Book of Boba Fett continues in Season 2 of her title series. I had mixed reactions to Season 1, but one of my negative reactions was to the cliffhanger ending. This season will resolve that – and hopefully not end on another 1. It looks at least slightly better than Season 1 to me, but I won’t know until I see it. I’ve never rewatched Season 1. I’ve not rewatched much of this era of Star Wars actually, though I’d like to at some point. I’m not crazy excited about this, but I’m happy that it will be available down the line (in January).

I went to bed around 3am on Saturday, August 15. I didn’t look at my phone. I went right to sleep. Waking from drugless dreams of having to live with a one night stand (Joe Lee) who was oddly, a Nazi, and really frustrating. It was like a really dark comedy. I had something resembling a migraine when I woke but it faded quickly. I showed Aaron the new trailers and shared the news and things but then he attended a Stonewall meeting while had a smoothie and started updating my blog.

Today’s journal entry song quote is from “Temple of Love”, a song by the English rock band the Sisters of Mercy, written by the band’s lead singer Andrew Eldritch, which was the fifth (non album) single released by the Sisters of Mercy. Following the release of the band’s third album Vision Thing in 1990, there appeared to be no plans for a new record anytime soon, leading the band’s record label Merciful Release to reissue the band’s early non-album singles and B-sides, which had been out of print at this point, on the compilation Some Girls Wander by Mistake. This included the extended 12-inch version of the original “Temple of Love” recording. In conjunction with this release, the Sisters of Mercy also recorded a new version of “Temple of Love” featuring Israeli singer Ofra Haza, whom Eldritch was a longtime fan of. “Temple of Love (1992)” did not appear on Some Girls Wander by Mistake, but it did appear on the Sisters of Mercy’s greatest hits album A Slight Case of Overbombing, released a year later in 1993.

I’ve always preferred the original version, but it wasn’t the version that was playing when I wrote this, so I’m sharing the 1992 version.

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“Spider-Man Does”

Our flight to FL was not delayed and our journey was smooth. When we arrived the work / construction on our condo wasn’t finished and none of the rooms were done but we let them know which room was ours and they finished that one ASAP while we got groceries and I picked up some Italian Cheese Bread from Little Caesars, which is always fantastic in FL for some reason, and has a promotional tie-in with Spider-Man. When we got back, our room was ready. I showered and we finally went to sleep, totally exhausted – and I slept well.

Today (July 30, 2026) I ate relatively healthy. Actually, I ate healthier on the trip too; assorted nuts instead of chips, water instead of soda. I did go to McDonald’s yesterday but I had tea instead of soda. Little differences. Today I had two blueberry smoothies, the pita bread combo I eat – though the Cyclospora outbreak has reached FL and I’m nervous about the salad greens in these meals; worried / concerned about eating generally healthy food? Thanks Trump.

We saw “Spider-Man: Brand New Day”, which we both loved. The family next to us also loved it and the mom said it was the best movie experience she’s had in years. So that was fun. Really fun. The Multiverse Saga seems to be ramping up for a big finish with The Mutant Saga already being seeded to lead the way forward. If you told me that after seeing “The Avengers” with Aaron on opening night in 2012 that we’d be seeing more than 30 other MCU films together, I’d have laughed at you. But I’m not laughing now. We’re both looking forward to seeing “Avengers: Endgame Encore” in theaters in September and “Avengers: Doomsday” in December.

Some more of the construction here is wrapping up soon and then we’re going to try to watch the new Star Trek episode, and then head to bed.

Today’s journal title song quote comes from the famous 1960s Spider-Man theme, which was composed by Paul Francis Webster and Bob Harris. Per Wikipedia, the original song was recorded at RCA Studios in Toronto (where the cartoon was produced) featuring 12 CBC vocalists (members of the Billy Van Singers, and Laurie Bower Singers groups) who added to the musical backing track supplied by RCA Studios, New York. The singers were paid only for the session and have had no residuals from its use since then.

The song has since been adopted as Spider-Man’s official theme, including in-universe, and several different versions have popped up in several Spider-Man theatrical films, including “Spider-Man” (2002), “Spider-Man 2” (2004), “Spider-Man 3” (2007) [on the official soundtrack], “The Amazing Spider-Man 2” (2014), “Spider-Man: Homecoming” (2017), “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse” (2018) & “Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse” (2023).

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“I Did All My Best To Smile”

This week there was Marvel news and I’m sure there will be more tomorrow. This excites me. I’m a huge Marvel fan, so there’s that.

I got outside for several walks this week. I’ve lost weight. I was actually thinking that I weighed 207 pounds in March, but it turns out, I actually weighed 211 pounds then – and I now weigh under 194, so that’s a considerable amount of weight lost, and I’ve not been doing anything crazy. I’m just making healthier choices in my diet and getting a bit more exercise than I had been. So that’s pretty exciting, because since I’m enjoying this time, I feel like this might be something I can keep up with and not worry about it all coming back, as I’ve heard others talk about. I was originally aiming to get to 180lbs but my program says that my ideal weight 172lbs. It also told me recently that my “metabolic age” was 52, which I thought was fair since I’ll be 52 in just a few weeks, but now I’m down to age 51, so I’m assuming that’s a good thing? I’m so clueless about this stuff. But that’s just what I make sure to tell my doctors. Treat me like I don’t know anything, because if it relates to food or exercise, I probably don’t know much! lol But I’m doing great. And I think I’m finding a good balance between what I love, what I enjoy and what is good for me. It’s not about giving up everything, it’s about balancing it out with other options, which I also like. My snack plates lately are all fruits and seeds and things, but I legitimately didn’t notice or think about it until Aaron pointed it out to me. I just thought they were fun choices. lol Oh, and I’m cutting some sugar from my smoothies now; putting 3 quarters of a cup of fruit in (instead of a full cup) and then using a quarter cup of zucchini, which is great for you, apparently, but which I’d never had before. I can’t taste a difference, so that’s great.

I’m so fucking tired. I woke up at 2am when Aaron got up for something. And then I realized that today was Brian Lounsberry’s 50th birthday. Or it would have been. And then I knew I needed to write something and I got up. And I did write something. And also rewrote an older poem that I’ve often referred to, but have never been truly happy with. So that’s accomplished. I should probably be trying to write this in some semblance of order.

Monday we got the first “Avengers: Doomsday” trailer, which I posted. Excited for that. Tuesday we got the final “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” trailer and I’m excited for that. Later I took the train to the park and then walked home, which is about a mile.

July 21, 2026. Not bad for nearly 52 and having been 220 lbs in my recent past.

Tuesday (July 21) I had therapy that went well. I’m sure there was some kind of drama that day but I can’t remember what it was. Oh. And we watched another Star Trek: The Next Generation episode (S03E10 “The Defector”) – which we both enjoyed and had both forgotten most of. Indeed, I had mistaken the plot in my head for a completely different subplot from a different Trek episodes (S06E14 “Face of the Enemy”), which in my defense, also involves the Romulans and a defector, but in that case, it’s a human defector who joined the Romulans and returns to the Federation – I remember that actor and that story and assumed that this Season 3 Romulan episode about a defector was the same thing. But it wasn’t. lol So that was kind of funny.

Wednesday (July 22): Aaron went on a walk with me. We went to Starbucks on our way home and the barista complimented my “whole vibe”, which I’m not sure I thanked her for, which makes me feel like a jerk. Really, I’m just caught off guard when people compliment me.

Thursday (July 23): I went for a walk. There was plenty of drama though. We’re going to Florida next week, but it’s quite a lot of stress for me as I’d rather not travel and I wasn’t planning on going at all, but the trip got moved up and if I want to see Spider-Man with Aaron, which I do, I have to go. And there are issues with me going but we talked it out and we’re reducing the risk of all that as much as we can – and if it’s bad, I’ll either come home earlier, or go to a hotel or something.

Later I rewatched “Thunderbolts*” for the first time since seeing it in theaters. I think I enjoyed it about the same as the first time, but I forgot how much I cried during the second half, so I was bawling for awhile. lol Then right after that, Aaron and I watched the new Season 4 premiere of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (S04E01 “Valles Marineris”), which we both enjoyed, despite both of us being a bit distracted by other things.

Also, someone betrayed Aaron this week. I’m sure he had his reasons, but it was really horrible and I knew that Aaron was hurt but I didn’t think there was much that I could do. On top of that, it left him in a very precarious position as far as his company is concerned, but that was solved in a truly gracious manner that I will forever be grateful for.

I went to bed after Trek, going to bed around 9 and drifting off around 10. And then Aaron woke me up around 2 and now we’re up to date.

I’m going back to bed.

Today’s journal title song quote comes from “Song to the Siren” by various different bands that I enjoy, but the most popular seems to be This Mortal Coil; but it was written by by Tim Buckley and Larry Beckett and released by them in 1970. The version by This Mortal Coil was released as their first single in 1983 and then on their album “It’s End in Tears” in 1984.

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“Most Unusual, So Peculiar”

The weekend, which was quite sexy, featured some reconnecting with some friends (via text), uploading lots of older poems (about 100 I think), creating and posting several more Jason collages (which makes me feel very vain, even if I’m cutting everyone else out to protect them) and finally watching 2 major finales: “Heartstopper Forever” and the Season 1 finale of “The Vampire Lestat (S01E07 “The Failures”) – both had me crying.

Aaron and I watched “Heartstopper: Forever” on Saturday (after finishing Season 3 on Friday). We both felt the film served as a very good series finale, which are always very difficult to pull off in a satisfying way. We felt that it wasn’t quite perfect, but again, was better than average – or – one of the better series finales that we’ve ever seen. I was impressed by several elements, including a powerful scene calling out the rollback of trans rights, and also how the film (and the series in general) did a really good job of giving everyone a moment to shine before all was said and done.

The season finale of “The Vampire Lestat” was weird and a little disjointed, but similar to “Interview With the Vampire”, this feels like the first half of a larger story, even if the next half is a different novel, “The Queen of the Damned” – but that’s how the books felt too. The story for the episode gave rise to adaptations of several moments from the novels, including a horrific aside from “The Vampire Armand” and what I think was a reference to “Memnoch the Devil” – but I read both of those books when they were new and haven’t ever read them again – more than 26 years ago? So I’m amazed that I remember these things. I should reread them all. A few years ago I reread the first 3 and started the 4th + I reread “Prince Lestat”, “The Witching Hour”, “Lasher” and part of “Taltos”. I’d like to read all of Rice’s novels someday. I read nearly everything up to “Blood Canticle” but there are several after that which I never even owned, so there’s a lot left to explore.

As I mentioned briefly, there were some sexy shenanigans this weekend, which I won’t share here. And there were also plans for more, which is exciting.

Edit: I lied, as I feel I won’t remember what the fuck I was talking about if I ever read this again. lol There was a threesome. I don’t need to go into the details because I’m sure I’ll remember those. lol I have an odd history with threesomes, actually. There were several in the 90s, but I was always the third and most of those were boy / boy / girl. But in my current relationship (which has lasted nearly 15 years so far) I’ve had 3 threesomes (all men), all of which have been spectacular in very different ways, though not without consequence. Still, overall, the experiences have been extremely positive. That should do it.

I might be going on a trip back to the Florida house. But that remains unclear. If I go, it would likely be over a week from now. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings about that, but maybe I’ll talk about that more when I’ve decided.

This week will mark the beginning of the penultimate season of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, which I’m mostly excited about. I didn’t actually love Season 3 (which I’ve never rewatched) and I feel like I don’t really want to rewatch it or Season 4 until we have Season 5, which won’t likely arrive until next year. I hope the series ends well. But also, I’m curious to see how this season plays out. And despite how it might sound, I do look forward to seeing the entire series in context – I’m just a little sad that we only have 16 episodes left and that it might take a long time to get those last 6.

The other big news coming this week likely has to do with Marvel. Tickets for Avengers: Doomsday go on sale this week and Marvel returns to Hall H at San Diego Comic Con this Saturday – so the first trailer is likely imminent. There will also likely be news of other Marvel programs on the way; Spider-Man: Brand New Day opens next week, but there other projects in the pipeline like Avengers: Endgame Encore, VisionQuest, Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man Season 2, Daredevil: Born Again Season 3, Spider-Man: Beyond the Spider-Verse, X-Men ’97 Season 3, Marvel Zombies Season 2 and probably others, so there’s a lot that could be discussed. Personally, I’m hoping for news about VisionQuest which is what I’m most looking forward to – and nervous about. But…keeping in line with tradition, we have something scheduled during the panel, which means that my plans to sit at home reading the news as it pours in, are unlikely, unless I’m not feeling well that day or just decide otherwise. We’ll see.

Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “Status Report” which a song on the soundtrack to a musical episode of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (S02E09 “Subspace Rhapsody”) featuring the cast discovering that they are all singing for some reason. I love this episode.





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“As You Cry Out in the Night”

I didn’t get to sleep until after 4am this morning. I tried. But it just wasn’t happening. Eventually I needed to have a snack and I also gave in and took an Ambien, because I didn’t think I’d get to sleep until tonight otherwise. That’s just how my brain works sometimes, and that’s why I have sleeping pills in the first place.

I slept until noon, so about 8 hours. I didn’t really wake feeling rested. It was raining and though I didn’t have a migraine, I could still feel the storm and it had me a little on edge. I tried to distract myself with more work on my website. I started working on three different pages but quickly realized I wouldn’t be finishing any of them today so they’re just drafts – which is fine, but when I publish something there’s a sense of satisfaction that I’ve completed something, and I didn’t get that today.

I have kidney stones. I mean, I’ve passed 7 or 8 of them in my life and I’ve had a stone in each of my kidneys for at least 3 years. Every now and again one of them moves and there’s a lot of pain and a lot of being on edge – and that is also happening today. I’m taking the medication I was given for these events and I’m drinking way more fluid than I usually do (because fluids can make it difficult for me to keep anything down), but that definitely isn’t helping with my mood.

With Nicole on Halloween 2019.

What has helped is that my friend Nicole did a deep dive on my site and gave me some meaningful feedback. I didn’t expect her to delve into the photo section but not only did she take a look, she looked at a lot and had very positive things to say. And again, I didn’t expect any of that. Creating this site has been wonderful for my mental health, but it has also been a challenge because I’m used to telling my family what I’m working on and I think they might take issue with me having what I see as an artistic expression, but which could honestly also be described as pornographic. I mean, there are a lot of photos of me fucking, and it takes a certain level of detachment to see that and celebrate it as a personal victory rather than a cause of gossip and concern? One of my dear, straight male friends once looked through my photo galleries on my old website while he was on the phone with me and had a perfectly wonderful conversation with me about this or that thing and not only do I (clearly) still remember the talk, I cherish it to this day.


I listened to Cutting Crew’s “The Broadcast” album the other day. I don’t really connect overly much with any of their songs, despite liking them a lot; they just don’t seem to be singing about anything that really matters. But emotionally, the songs matter a great deal to me because this is one of the musical gifts that I got from my sister Janice. She would often give me music themed gifts for Christmas and my birthdays as it was something we both loved. I would mention in passing that I liked this or that song and she would listen, remember and get me what I wanted. And it was always a surprise. I never dropped hints to get those gifts, I was just being honest in the moment. Anyways, I was just singing the title song in the shower so that’s today’s jam.

I hope the weather improves soon. I would really like to get out more this week, which won’t be difficult as I barely left the apartment in the week ending today.

I need to request refills for a couple of medications. I should message Nicole back. And then I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I might try to sleep tonight because I’m already very tired, but that might not be the easiest thing given what happened last night / this morning. I should definitely keep drinking water though. I should have had a smoothie earlier.

Oh. They released the first teaser trailer for the penultimate season of Star Trek: Strange New Worlds. Season 4 will air weekly from July 23 – September 24. Season 5, the 6 episode final season of the series will likely air sometime next year, along with the 10 episode final season of Star Trek: Starfleet Academy. And after that, well, it doesn’t seem likely that we’ll have Star Trek back on streaming / television in the near future. There is a film in development, but who knows how long that might take or what the story might entail? Not me.

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Star Trek: Discovery – Season 2 (2019)

2024 Entry #30 01-31-24 The second season of the American TV series “Star Trek: Discovery” begins in the year 2257 and ends in 2258, 7 years before the beginning of “Star Trek” (The Original Series). Until Star Trek: Discovery LGTBQ+ characters in Trek were exceedingly rare and often only there via interpretation, but the first season introduced brilliant Astromycologist Paul Stamets (played by openly gay actor Anthony Rapp) & his loving physician husband Dr. Hugh Culber (played by openly gay actor Wilson Cruz). That season saw the death of the latter character, but death is often not permanent in Trek, and this was to be the case here; it’s more a wrinkle in their extended love story than an abrupt ending to one. And in the Mirror Universe we met Her Most Imperial Majesty, Mother of the Fatherland, Overlord of Vulcan, Dominus of Qo’noS, Regina Andor, Philippa Georgiou Augustus Iaponius Centarius (who is pansexual, and played by Oscar Winner Michelle Yeoh).

Season 2 was released in 2019 and not only brought our gay and pansexual characters back with a vengeance, greatly expanding on them, but also brought us a widowed lesbian engineer in the form of Jett Reno (played by lesbian comedian legend Tig Notaro). If that seems like a lot of representation after barely having any, it is, but this series doesn’t rest on its laurels and the series gets more Queer as it goes – which is wonderful. Season 2, picking up right where Season 1 left off, completes a story which leads into Season 3 but also feels complete, while also launching spin-off series, “Star Trek: Strange New Worlds”, which is currently shooting its third season and has been renewed for a fourth. If you stopped here it would be satisfying. But if you keep going, there’s so much more! And I love it all! Well worth checking out!

And for completists, the first “Short Treks” installment, titled “Runaway” fits in between episodes 2 & 3 of Season 2; that’s “New Eden” and “Point of No Return”.

I plan on re-watching Seasons 3 & 4 before watching the final season this summer. I’ll probably post a review for those 3 seasons together.

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