Sleep – BALD JASON'S GAY GOTH BOY BLOG

May 12, 2026May 12, 2026

“Taking Different Roads…”

I slept for more than 8 hours, going to bed around 10 and not fully waking up until around 8. And the morning was filled with Aaron cuddles! If I can get outside today that will be 10 days in a row, which, aside from trips to other places in the world, I don’t think has happened in years! I apparently have a therapy appointment tomorrow? My therapist supposedly had surgery and was off for 3 weeks, but I saw her 2 weeks ago, so I was not expecting this. But if true (and not a clinical error) then it will be fun to tell her about all these personal victories.

**Still getting ready for bed. 05-11-26.**

The Punisher: One Last Kill will be released tonight, which will hopefully answer some questions regarding his absence in Season 2 of Daredevil: Born Again. But today is also Disney / Marvel’s entry at the Upfronts, which means there will likely be news of several upcoming Marvel projects, though I’m not sure how much of that news will leak or if any of it will be all that interesting. We’ll have to wait and see. The project I’m most interested in is “VisionQuest”, but I’m interested in everything to some degree. The next Marvel thing to come out will be Sony / Marvel’s Amazon series “Spider-Noir”, which streams its first season in full on May 27, the day after we return from Florida. Then “Spider-Man: Brand New Day” will be released to theaters in July. We’ll likely get “X-Men 97′ Season 2”, then “Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man Season 2”, then “VisionQuest” after May but before December. In December, “Avengers: Doomsday” hits theaters. In 2027 we have “Daredevil: Born Again Season 3”, “Spider-Man: Beyond the Spider-Verse” “X-Men 97′ Season 3”, “Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man Season 3” & “Avengers: Secret Wars”.

We’re going to Florida from May 20 – May 26. We need to see how our house there is doing in the wake of some drama, plus we like to go there when we can so it’s part work, part vacation, and assuming the house is doing well, it could be a relaxing time for me because I love our house there and the times we’ve spent there.

I should try to eat soon. Looks like a high of about 65 this evening? Nice. Maybe I’ll walk to the park. Or a park. I’ve been trying to get to Fort Tryon this year, but I’ve also been tempted to revisit The Highline. For awhile, I was going there pretty often but it has now been several years. I don’t think I’ve been there since before the pandemic, so at least 7 years. Crazy.

I name my blog posts with quotes from songs that I share via Spotify, but they aren’t showing up today – the songs, which make me nervous that one day they will fail to appear at all. For the record this was “Love Will Tear Us Apart” by Joy Division.

April 23, 2026

“Buried By Desires and Weakness”

I slept about 6 hours last night. I felt rested. When I got up I started working on a Marvel multiverse viewing order for my website but it’s slow going as I’m having to do the art and fill in information that I didn’t have before. I made a lot of progress though. But I’m struggling with something that has been bothering me for awhile, trying to figure out how to highlight essential elements vs. items included strictly for completionism. I’m also including (or want to include) supplemental materials for a more enriched experience, but I don’t know how to list those things in a cohesive manner. So, unlike other lists and entries I don’t have the pay off of publishing it because I’m not even close to being finished, so it’s just a saved draft for now.

And that sucked up hours of my day, which I hadn’t planned for. It seems beautiful out but I’m struggling with a migraine now, and the energy I had yesterday seems completely depleted. My own weaknesses are cropping up and I hate it. I’m not sure what’s going on with me today exactly, except that one of my new medications tends to stay in my system longer than I think it should. But it’s also helping me to not take Ambien every night and I only have 4 more doses so this problem will pass in time.

In the last 24 hours I’ve also tried to make notes about a possible third entry in my Sex Essays. I have tons of material to write about but I haven’t yet found a framework for the next entry; there’s no contextual outline or structure that might eventually entrap the next tale into a consistently harmonious telling. Once I find something, I’ll know, and it will likely flow relatively quickly. That’s how the first two entries worked, even if I did write them almost 10 years apart. I definitely want to get more written in the coming weeks and months.

Also, my conversations with Michael yesterday left me feeling a bit confused. There are elements of that relationship that have stayed with me ever since. Some of that is PTSD, which I have failed to conquer, although I have identified most of that and explained it to Aaron and my friends and family, so they can understand my reactions to things that seem like red flags, and they are, but they are warning signs for something that actually happened about 15 years ago, rather than anything that’s happening now. Part of me is stuck back there and despite my best efforts I just can’t free myself from that mess. The other part is a complicated sexual component that predates my 2 year relationship with Michael, but was greatly amplified by my experiences with him and then continued on long after we parted. It’s something that I’ve tried very hard to explore and understand, and sometimes I feel that I do. I feel like the work of understanding these things is important and that had I not tried I would have suffered more. I wish I had the foresight to have explored these elements of my personality years before, but I can only try my best. I will continue to explore this topic. Just talking about it here, it’s clear that there is much to write about, and perhaps that could help as well. I’m just not sure if I have any concrete conclusions to highlight in such a piece. But maybe that could be the whole point?

I miss Aaron. I’ve not had any meaningful conversations with him since Monday. I know that he’s very busy so I’m not too distressed about it, but when we spoke on the phone yesterday he seemed odd? I don’t know what that’s about and I’m not sure I will until we can talk about it a bit more.

Glenn sent me a message awhile ago. He said that he really likes Christian a lot, and that they had some fun conversations about me. But he didn’t explain. And I’m not sure what a conversation about me would entail. Glenn did say that my history would make a great play, and he also thought I should do standup, and I do genuinely love Christian, so I’m sure it was all innocent fun, but I’m left wondering what it all means.

I need to order some groceries.

April 22, 2026

“Where are you? How are you? I wait for an answer…”

I slept more than 7 hours, which was wonderful. I dreamt about a home, where I’m from, secrets and hidden places on our property which don’t actually exist in reality, but which have some basis in fact and which are recurring elements in my dreams, which I cherish. I woke up around a quarter to 5. I had two missed calls, from Aaron & from Mark Adams. Both called shortly after I went to sleep. I suspect Aaron was just reaching out to let me know he’s okay and how his L.A. adventure is going while Mark was likely calling to talk about the new episode of Daredevil: Born Again, which probably ended around the time that he called – but I don’t know for sure, obviously.

When I got up to use the bathroom I saw that I had indeed caught the mouse in my traps. Often even finding a mouse in a trap I find it repulsive and it is a cause of some stress, but this time I felt a sense of victory. I swept the trapped mouse into the trash and I was done. I left the other traps just in case we have more than one pest, but I don’t think we do. I washed my hands, made a smoothie and decided I’d catch up on some of my TV shows.

I got caught up on Star Wars: Maul – Shadow Lord, watching the last 2.5 episodes, which brings us to episode 6. I’ve had mixed reactions to this series. It’s up to snuff with other animated Star Wars stuff like Tales, The Clone Wars, The Bad Batch & Rebels, but this has been the least compelling to date, which sounds like I hate it, but I don’t. I think what drags it down is the structure. We’re getting 10 episodes in Season 1, 2 episodes a week, but the story feels like a single movie randomly chopped into 10 pieces, so the endings all feel forced and obnoxious IMO. Everytime I feel like I’m finally getting into the series, it ends. I’d just wait and binge it but I don’t want to get that far behind on anything if I can help it. I will say that episode 6 (S01E06 “Night of the Hunted”) felt like the best episode so far and has many things I enjoyed, which made the first 5 all feel like setup, which is fine, but I wish I’d enjoyed the setup a bit more. Perhaps I’ll grow to love the series once this season is finished? We’ll see. The season will be over in just 13 days. A second season has been ordered but it’s unclear when that will arrive or what the story might be. I kind of hope there is a time jump between seasons and that we get a different Maul story that builds on this one while forging another way forward in a different location with different characters, but I really have no idea how this season ends, how that will affect my opinion, or what they have planned going forward. There has been so much new content since I last watched the majority of The Clone Wars (all 3 seasons of Tales, 2 final seasons of The Clone Wars, The Bad Batch and now this + Forces of Destiny) that I would really love to do a re-watch of this entire era, but I’m watching so much right now and I’m behind on even more, so it just doesn’t seem likely. Hopefully someday.

I’ll try to get to the other shows later, but I felt like taking a break.