I should have gone to bed hours ago, but I needed a shower. And I do some of my best thinking in the shower. And I was thinking about all these interesting things and I thought I might like to write about them. So I did. And I put some artwork together and posted it here. And then I posted it on Facebook. And now I’m writing about doing those things, which is probably redundant.
Shawn Foreman sent me a friend request on Facebook. I didn’t approve it right away because I assumed it was a hack as we’ve been friends on Facebook for years, but when I looked, we were not friends anymore, so I’m assuming this is the real deal. We’ll see. I should let him know that Goth Boy is back.
I’m very tired and I don’t think I’ll need anything to sleep, but if I do, that’s fine. I did not go outside yesterday. I got ready. I shaved. But I didn’t need to go anywhere and my energy levels felt off, so I didn’t go out. The only reason that bothers me is that I’ve not been out since Monday and I don’t want to fall back into bad habits. I did however get a lot done on my website. And I also got to catch up with Aaron on the phone, which was nice.
Time for sleep.
State of Independence Part IV
New location for
poetic censorship is discovered
days after Facebook nudes
are similarly desecrated…
Artists MUST be mad!
I think of Sour Girl Shawn
as I pull on Stone Temple Pilots
and walk to the train
on my journey to Brooklyn.
I bring tracks from CD #3
and Mood Swings sing me to poetry
between 168th & 145th.
I can’t remember
attraction to Boy in Orange;
attraction died ages ago
without my notice…
Still nice to see him if I’m ever so lucky.
Scribbler illustrates the back of my mind
as I tunnel through Manhattan
to deal with angry humiliating disappointment
which I refuse to surrender to
despite the temptation to ralph
on the sidewalks of NYC.
Written by Jason Wright
March 19, 2018
B.I.O. of a Nameless Lover:
I met you…
millennial,
and we were so young.
You made me alive
and then left me stung.
I loved you for years
then we drifted apart.
Time heals all wounds
yet ripped us apart.
In twenty-eleven,
long after we met…
We randomly crashed
and then cashed in our debt…
But the lust that we shared
and for years we had held…
Was long past it’s date;
by a kiss we were quelled.
Impunity spared us
in memories wasted…
Like missed opportunity:
that’s how you tasted…
In October
bedroom / shower / stairwell…
First time we fucked
was bitter farewell…
Bitter and sweet
and fragrant and gleaming…
Our lust disappointed
compared to our dreaming…
Although we played
quite well in our fashion…
Eleven years time
had drained us of passion.
It was love and was sex
and was brutal and sadness…
Was whatever survived
and revived from our ashes.
And we never talked again
after that day…
You turned to leave
and then I moved away…
Now we never speak
for our love has been strictured…
And all I have left
now of us is our pictures.
Written by Jason Wright
October 28, 2013
For Anonymous: You know who you are and that’s quite enough.
OUT IN THE OPEN
·We danced Friday night
to that Friday night music –
The passion was there
but I chose to refuse it –
The sobering sight
of the children & their pride –
The heat & the night
drew us all out from inside.
The girl by my side
& the others who knew me –
They all made me smile
& they all saw right through me –
They all knew my weakness
for people & laughter –
They all knew I wanted
the boy who came after:
The boy dressed in orange.
The candy: raspberry.
His friends were delicious.
His laughter was cherry.
Our goodbye was a smile.
The night was colossal.
I always find joy
when I’m profoundly hostile.
Written by Jason Wright
May 6, 2000
For Melissa, Lee C, M.V., Maggie, Laurie, & Dawn,
but mostly for Shawn – who’s reply made me smile.
Edit:
The artwork was meant to replicate the traffic that night in Ann Arbor. The above version is an expanded view of the original, which I’ll share here:
Melissa was a girl that my then roommate and ex-bf Mark Adams was trying to date. I drove us to the bar after getting food and stopping at a bank.
Lee C & M.V. were men I knew from online on GAY DOT COM (remember when that was a thing?), and though our paths crossed a couple of times, I never knew their full names, so I don’t know what ever became of them.
I met Shawn Foreman that night, along with Maggie Ernst, Laurie Prater and their friend Dawn. I dated Shawn and I was in love with him for years. That night he had noticed the scars on my wrists which endeared him to me right away, but I was pretty bitchy, even as I was trying flirt with him and he called me (with some affection) “profoundly hostile”. When he read this poem he reevaluated his opinion of me. We dated briefly, but intensely. We later hooked up a couple of more times over the years. And I last saw him in person in October of 2011, just 21 days before I met my partner, Aaron Sanko. But he and I still trade messages now and again.
Maggie became a close friend but I later learned she was a compulsive liar, to me and about me. I dropped her on the spot, which was quite painful. I think Dawn visited me once with Maggie but I vaguely remember her and I hashing it out over gay rights and religious bullshit, which I believe ended with me calling her “a pathetic Jesus Licker”, which seemed to offend her at least as much as I’d hoped that it would and she never spoke to me again – which I considered mission accomplished – good riddance. Laurie is simply one of the most remarkable people I’ve ever met and we still trade messages occasionally – I last saw her in person at a Michigan theater in July of 2021.
Jason (05-08-26)