“Why Aren’t You Waking Me Up?”

I slept a lot but I had nightmares. Aaron and I were cleaning a large farm house and the surrounding area because we had relatives that were visiting, and a tornado hit. I was outside and saw the thing – which was several storms tied into one. My imagined storm was inventive but terrifying. I got back inside but couldn’t find Aaron and I also couldn’t remember his name to call it out while searching for him, which upset me more than the storm. He eventually arrived. He had gone with Daniel Radcliffe to save some orphans. When they arrived at the house there were many people there, but before it had been empty. A young trans woman went to hug Aaron who hugged her back. I sensed they had some kind of relationship. She noticed me watching and scolded Aaron for not hugging me first, but this felt manipulative and performative. I don’t know where this part of the dream stems from because I don’t know anybody who would do this. I woke several times and cuddled with Aaron for a long time, sleeping and waking, but the last time I woke up starving – with something like hunger cramps. I got up around 8:30 and made a smoothie, which I drank as I wrote this.

According to the weather it will be cloudy most of the day and get to a high of 70 around 2pm, which is when my therapy appointment is. It’s also likely that we’ll get rain later into the night.

“It Must Be Imagination” by Kenny Loggins from “High Adventure”. I owned this album on cassette tape. I loved it. But when I got it, it was already nearly a decade old and I wouldn’t have been surprised if you’d told me it was even older. I got it in a bargain bin or something and I was kind of shocked that I loved it, and I still love it to this day.

I was just talking about this album and Kenny Loggins with our friend Nathan on Sunday, so it’s been on my mind, but honestly, several of the tracks are consistently on playlists of mine, although my favorite is probably “If It’s Not What You’re Looking For”.

“Not as long as yesterday. Yesterday was 24 hours.”

I slept well. I don’t remember the details of my dreams but I believe they were pleasant. Yesterday morning I had nightmares but I always do when I sleep without medication. I have an addiction to sleeping pills which I’m constantly struggling with, but if I don’t need them, I try not to use them, and for the first time in a long time I have extra pills in the bottle as a near the end of the month, rather than less, which sometimes happen due to my stomach rejecting things and having to take more.

I’m still jazzed about having a new website. I’m amazed I even have a journal to write in as I’ve gone years without doing so. I’m struggling a bit with finding a shape for everything that I want to see here, but it’s constructive. The world has changed so much. I have changed so much. So what works in Gothboy 2.0 will be different with what I ended up with the first time through, but I hope the heart of it still remains.

Speaking of which. I may eventually transport all my old blog entries here. I could do the same with Facebook, though it doesn’t sound like much fun to me. There’s so much work to be done, but I’m enjoying it for now. I suspect it will become tedious, but having everything in one place would be nice. And maybe I’ll be smarter about how I do that this time? We’ll see.

I wish there was a field to fill in what I’m listening to and what I’m watching and reading. My old blog had that but it was tied into Amazon. If someone clicked on what I displayed and purchased a copy I got a tiny bit of money. Often less than a dollar. And that was rare, but it was nice to have that info there. Maybe it would encourage me to finish a book now and again, which is something I’ve been struggling with for about a year.

I can’t believe this is real. I’m writing this and it will appear on my website. On gothboy. That was another life. I’ve not been able to post anything here of substance in something like 15 years? But it makes me so happy to be doing so now!

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