Michael Slaughter – BALD JASON'S GAY GOTH BOY BLOG

June 13, 2026

“Memories of Green”

Memories. Some of them are vibrant and overwhelming. Others seem muted or faded as an old drawing.

Yesterday marked 10 years since the Pulse Nightclub Massacre, when 29-year-old Omar Mateen shot and killed 49 people and wounded 58 in a mass shooting at Pulse, a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida. We read about it 10 years ago today. I was so shaken. A couple of weeks later, at PRIDE (on June 24), the owners of the club were there on the pier and they read the names of the victims as I wept. Bob the Drag Queen performed, and so did Todrick Hall, who later released a documentary (“Behind the Curtain”) which features us in the audience + a NYC Pride sign that we had our picture taken with.

An acquaintance of mine, a kid who had a crush on me but was way too young for me when we met, Perris, was there at Pulse and had survived. He died in March of 2024 of complications from surgery, age 34.

A year ago, Aaron and I were at LaGuardia International Airport in Queens heading to Michigan for a visit with Aaron’s family + his 41st birthday:

“The man sitting across from us is flirting with a woman way out of his league and laughing like a Muppet on acid. I’m embarrassed for both of them.“

13 years ago, Aaron and I got word that work was wrapping up on our “new condo”, which is where I’m writing this post from. No longer new, and in my brain I think of it as an apartment, rather than a condo, but I’m not sure that really matters.

16 years ago, I was still happy with the Doctor Who episode that had aired the day before, S05E11 “The Lodger”, which features James Corden, who I thought was funny at the time, though I now find him to be completely obnoxious.

7 years ago today, Aaron and I arrived in our new hotel in San Francisco (for an opera conference) and later I had a reunion with Jen Beam; she lived across the Golden Gate Bridge, which I crossed for the first time on a bus. It seems like yesterday and forever ago all at once. I hooked up with several exes while we were there (Jen & Mark) but I only got fucked by one of them (Shawn)! With Aaron’s permission of course. We have a mostly open relationship but I don’t really take advantage of it much. That was the only time I hooked up with anyone without him, and I likely would have included him but he was busy and there were emotional things that needed to be worked through and discussed. It was very healing.

11 years ago, Mary Ellen was in town for Aaron’s birthday and took us to see “Finding Neverland” on Broadway, which featured Matthew Morrison & Kelsey Grammer; I remember they made a funny “Cheers” joke. We ate at the Jolly Monk that day. It was a difficult day actually, due to my own psychological bullshit, but I made the most of it.

14 years ago, last night, was the Goth Prom at Factor Night at Necto. I was a Necto / Nectarine Ballroom devotee from January 1994 – September 2012, with a few stops put in in the months that followed.

17 years ago today, my grandparents renewed their wedding vows. I took my then boyfriend, Michael Slaughter, with me. I didn’t know then but he’d already cheated on me more than a dozen times. But the day was lovely. And my sister Janice and I sang. My mother was there. Michael and I called it quits in early 2011. My mother died in July of 2021, while her father, my grandpa died last year.

Today’s music is “Memories of Green” from the film “Blade Runner”. I’ve not heard The New American Orchestra version in decades, and while I love the original Vangelis version, this is the version I owned when I was a kid. And it feels appropriate to share it here.

June 5, 2026

“I Live Upstairs From You”

I got outside on June 3. I walked about half way to the park and back and then around my block a few times while I spoke on the phone to Michael Slaughter. Probably less than a mile total, but I just wanted to get outside and I did. Mission accomplished.

^ Before the walk, after the walk (sweaty) and then after a shower.

I didn’t sleep well Wednesday night. I get in the phases where I don’t sleep a lot at once, often in 4 hour shifts, rather than 8. It’s not the temperature because we keep it cool in the bedroom, the way we like it. But for whatever reason that’s just what happens.

My sister Janice reached out. She’d been in a car accident with her son, Jordan. They’re both okay but she doesn’t have a car now, which is a problem.

On Thursday, June 4, several of the packages that I ordered the other day were scheduled to arrive. One of them was promised between 4 & 8am. I woke up around 6 and figured I’d stay up until the package arrived. Around 7:30 there was a message saying they’d tried to deliver it and failed. In order to get into our building they either need to be let in or we can buzz them in when they call our apartment. I had my phone and was awake so I didn’t miss any calls. About 20 minutes later it said that they had delivered it but, annoyingly, they’d left it on the floor downstairs. We have lockers there that delivery people can use because before we had the lockers packages were stolen constantly. I figured it was probably fine because it really had been like 20 minutes. I ran downstairs but it was “gone”. I contacted the Super and asked if the cameras there might have captured who took it because I had very specific times but it turns out they delivered it to the wrong address. The building behind ours (which is on Broadway, rather than Wadsworth) is also owned by our company and he could see that they’d left it on the floor in that building and he got it for me. So the problem they likely ran into is that we didn’t buzz them in because they were not calling our apartment but someone else’s. Anyways – I got everything. And later got more. So I got some fun shirts, lots of jewelry, some other accessories and 2 pairs of shoes – one of which fit. I’ll send the others back but I have another pair coming and might wait to see how those fit, because if they don’t I can probably send them back at the same time.

Later I went for another walk, intending to go the park, I realized I hadn’t brought anything for the squirrels. I also realized that I was starving, so I decided I’d go get pizza instead. On the way there though, I ran into an old Starbucks customer of mine, Gem Gor, who was also the neighbor of one of my coworkers, Crissida. Gem is always good for long and entertaining conversations and this was no different. I think I chatted with her for over an hour, and it was fun.

After I parted ways with Gem, I ordered my food, but ran into one my neighbors, Alec, who lives in our building, on the 2nd floor (like “Luka” from the Suzanne Vega song – although according to my neighbor, he’s less abused, which is good). He was doing his laundry at a laundromat and chilling outside. We spoke for at least 10 minutes but I begged out of the conversation to get my food. On my way to get the pizza I spotted this classic image of the open fire hydrant on the street, that you see in movies or TV but seldom see when living in the country as I did, growing up in rural Michigan. I got the pizza and headed home, but ran into Alec again as we approached our building. More good natured conversation followed. It was nice running into people that I knew in the neighborhood. It’s not usually like that for me. When I got home I had a couple of sliced and put the rest away. I finished an episode of Star Trek: Discovery; I’ve been slowly rewatching the series and I’m about half way through, I think. I got ready for bed and went to sleep around 9ish.

I woke up a few times, when Aaron joined me, and again around midnight. I got up, hungry. I had a snack, read the news, and now I’ll be getting ready to go back to bed. I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow at 1:30. And then later, I have a party to attend. Hopefully that all goes well.

And when I go out later today that will be 34 days in a row.

Today’s journal song quote if from the already referenced “Luka” by Suzanne Vega, from her 1987 album, Solitude Standing. The song, which is about child abuse, was based in part on a child that Vega had met / seen near where she lived who seemed to be apart from the other children; she used his distinctive name and his otherness, but the abuse was actually based on her own experiences, so she was able to talk about a subject that was very personal to her but without getting the attention for the topic that she didn’t want. The song tends to stick with you. When we first moved to New York, we were in a sublet on 173rd and we lived on the second floor. I would catch myself humming that song all the time.

June 3, 2026June 3, 2026

“One More Time to Kill”

Friday night, Aaron got me out to pick up some protein for my smoothies from the Vitamin Shop downstairs. I was so worn out, but he knew I was on a roll of days going outside, so that was very nice of him. He’s awesome.

Saturday (May 30) I went with Aaron to the Stonewall Chorale cabaret that was actually inside the Stonewall Inn. I feel increasingly close with the members of the choir and those who work with them. It’s really nice having all these people to look forward to seeing. Aaron was the MC, and he was amazing, as always. He also performed, which is always great. It was fun to see so many people having so much fun.

My stomach was dreadful again on Sunday, but I just chilled. I watched the first episode of the final season of “Euphoria” and picked up where I left off on “Grace & Frankie”; I have 2.5 seasons left of that series. I have a whole lists of series that I’ve begun but never finished and it would be nice to knock a few of those out this summer. I did get myself to go outside for a few minutes to keep my streak up.

On Monday (June 1) I felt like if I didn’t get out for a walk it might not ever happen. So I made sure that it did. I wasn’t sure if it was smart to walk 2 miles so I took the A Train to Fort Tryon Park and sat at my usual spot at Linden Terrace. I spoke to my grandmother, as I often do, but I let her go when squirrels approached me. I had brought some nuts to feed them this time which was really fun! I’ve become the old guy in the park feeding the squirrels and pigeons, as several variety of birds joined in the meal. It was very relaxing, breathing in the fresh air, feeding the animals and not having a care in the world.

I walked the full mile (and then some) home. And that felt great too! My stomach mostly behaved and later Aaron (who was at pool) had me take the elevator down to pick up a package, which the deliverer hadn’t left in the Amazon Lockers – which is always annoying because when they leave them out they often get stolen. I didn’t tell Aaron I was already in bed, I just went and got it. lol I did sleep really well that night though!

On Tuesday I felt more like myself. I walked to and from the park (so over 2 miles). I fed the squirrels again, he stayed closer to me this time. I also spoke to my friend Paul on the phone, who I hadn’t spoken to in a long time. And I later got a call from Michael Slaughter.

I helped Aaron take some donations into a gay donation center then stopped in with him to see the choir before I wandered the West Village and took in some of the PRIDE. Then I headed home, snapped a few photos, read the news and got ready for bed. I slept pretty well. Cuddled with Aaron this morning. And got up, knowing I needed to catch up on my blog, and so here we are…

So today is June 3, 2026. I ordered a bunch of things from a wishlist of mine, which I’ve been waiting to see if I had the money for and I did. I also ordered some of Aaron’s birthday presents. And if I can get outside today, that will mark 32 days in a row that I’ve been outside the apartment. That’s fucking amazing. I feel really good about this.

I have therapy in an hour so I should eat or dress or whatever else I need to do before then. If I eat then I’ll have an hour for my stomach to calm down before I need to do anything else.

Oh. And “The Vampire Lestat” starts streaming on Sunday. I loved the first 2 seasons, which adapted “Interview with the Vampire” so I’m really excited about this – and so far, it has a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes! Hopefully it’s good. So I’m looking forward to that!

Okay. I should go.

But…today’s journal song quote is from “Never Enough” by The Cure, from their 1990 remix album “Mixed Up” – which was the first CD that I ever bought!

April 23, 2026

“Buried By Desires and Weakness”

I slept about 6 hours last night. I felt rested. When I got up I started working on a Marvel multiverse viewing order for my website but it’s slow going as I’m having to do the art and fill in information that I didn’t have before. I made a lot of progress though. But I’m struggling with something that has been bothering me for awhile, trying to figure out how to highlight essential elements vs. items included strictly for completionism. I’m also including (or want to include) supplemental materials for a more enriched experience, but I don’t know how to list those things in a cohesive manner. So, unlike other lists and entries I don’t have the pay off of publishing it because I’m not even close to being finished, so it’s just a saved draft for now.

And that sucked up hours of my day, which I hadn’t planned for. It seems beautiful out but I’m struggling with a migraine now, and the energy I had yesterday seems completely depleted. My own weaknesses are cropping up and I hate it. I’m not sure what’s going on with me today exactly, except that one of my new medications tends to stay in my system longer than I think it should. But it’s also helping me to not take Ambien every night and I only have 4 more doses so this problem will pass in time.

In the last 24 hours I’ve also tried to make notes about a possible third entry in my Sex Essays. I have tons of material to write about but I haven’t yet found a framework for the next entry; there’s no contextual outline or structure that might eventually entrap the next tale into a consistently harmonious telling. Once I find something, I’ll know, and it will likely flow relatively quickly. That’s how the first two entries worked, even if I did write them almost 10 years apart. I definitely want to get more written in the coming weeks and months.

Also, my conversations with Michael yesterday left me feeling a bit confused. There are elements of that relationship that have stayed with me ever since. Some of that is PTSD, which I have failed to conquer, although I have identified most of that and explained it to Aaron and my friends and family, so they can understand my reactions to things that seem like red flags, and they are, but they are warning signs for something that actually happened about 15 years ago, rather than anything that’s happening now. Part of me is stuck back there and despite my best efforts I just can’t free myself from that mess. The other part is a complicated sexual component that predates my 2 year relationship with Michael, but was greatly amplified by my experiences with him and then continued on long after we parted. It’s something that I’ve tried very hard to explore and understand, and sometimes I feel that I do. I feel like the work of understanding these things is important and that had I not tried I would have suffered more. I wish I had the foresight to have explored these elements of my personality years before, but I can only try my best. I will continue to explore this topic. Just talking about it here, it’s clear that there is much to write about, and perhaps that could help as well. I’m just not sure if I have any concrete conclusions to highlight in such a piece. But maybe that could be the whole point?

I miss Aaron. I’ve not had any meaningful conversations with him since Monday. I know that he’s very busy so I’m not too distressed about it, but when we spoke on the phone yesterday he seemed odd? I don’t know what that’s about and I’m not sure I will until we can talk about it a bit more.

Glenn sent me a message awhile ago. He said that he really likes Christian a lot, and that they had some fun conversations about me. But he didn’t explain. And I’m not sure what a conversation about me would entail. Glenn did say that my history would make a great play, and he also thought I should do standup, and I do genuinely love Christian, so I’m sure it was all innocent fun, but I’m left wondering what it all means.

I need to order some groceries.

April 23, 2026

“I Could Forget About Everything”

I just watched Daredevil: Born Again S02E06 “Requiem”. SPOILERS

I wish I hadn’t known that Jessica would show up, or that she had a kid, because those would have been great surprises. In the comics, Jessica is married to Luke Cage, who is likely the father of her daughter – something else that was spoiled for me – and all of that by a friend who thought he would share something cool. I was not amused.

Having said all of that, the seeming reference to the events of “Thunderbolts*” places this episode after that film, and likely this whole season though it pains me to say it. There’s a slight time jump in the new episode (from Vanessa’s death to her funeral) so it could happen just before this episode but then explaining why none of these characters turned up in that movie becomes even more difficult to explain. So 2027 and beyond for the M.C.U. seems to go like this:

Daredevil: Born Again Season 1 (9 episodes)
Captain America: Brave New World
The Fantastic Four: First Steps
Thunderbolts*
Daredevil: Born Again Season 2 (8 episodes)
Spider-Man: Brand New Day
Avengers: Doomsday
Avengers: Secret Wars

I look forward to seeing how “The Punisher: One Last Kill” and “VisionQuest” tie into these final stories. And possibly “Born Again: Season 3” which should arrive between “Doomsday” & “Secret Wars”.

Yesterday I had therapy. I also spoke to Michael, but not about his lies; not directly. I played some Zelda. I briefly spoke to Aaron. I might be running an errand for him tomorrow; I volunteered but I’m waiting to see what he says. Either way, the weather is supposed to improve tomorrow so I want to get outside after not being out since Monday night.

I should be asleep but this is another of my non-Ambien nights so it could take awhile. Still, I should try.

April 22, 2026April 22, 2026

“Just Invisible Men in the Emperor’s New Clothes”

I had a really illuminating chat with someone who I don’t know that well, but who I have known since early 2012. We are both ex-boyfriends of the same man, who lied to us both and cheated on both of us as well. It makes sense. But what I didn’t know, was that my ex had lied to this person and told him that I had cheated on the ex, which is obscene, when the truth is I was totally loyal to him and he cheated on me constantly, often with multiple men throughout any given week! Truly. I’ve dated men that cheated but never anything like the way this guy did. It was so fucking horrible. But really, the problem with him was that he couldn’t be honest with me. I had suggested an open relationship where we were both free to see or fuck whoever we chose, and that he and I would go back to using condoms, and the only rule was that we needed to be honest with each other, but he just couldn’t do it. He lied over and over despite that being the only thing I didn’t want him to do. And it never stopped, no matter how many chances I gave him. And it was killing me, so I cut off all contact with him – which was terrible but likely saved me, on many levels. I ran into him 8 months later, I think it was, and that was also the night that I met Aaron Sanko, who I went out with later that day, and we’ve been partners ever since. I don’t hate the ex. I think he has mental problems. I think he is deeply insecure and that the lying fulfilled some need within him that I couldn’t break through, but as long as we aren’t a couple, he can’t hurt me anymore. I speak to him sometimes. I texted him this morning, before this conversation happened. I’m friends with nearly everyone I’ve ever dated. That’s one thing I’m really good at. I rarely hold grudges and when I do, I try to get over them. I’m over this. Hearing that he lied doesn’t shock me, but hearing that he lied about me is a different thing. Given what I already knew, that’s just who he is. And that makes me sad for him.

But I’m over it. Really. I’m already smiling. And he’ll probably text me back later and it won’t hurt me at all. Time has made just about everything better. I have some scars but they are not – and will not be – the end of me. 🙂

September 24, 2011April 26, 2026

THE WRITING

What it’s all about
is there on the wall…

Each letter I type
is a tear that won’t fall…

Each tear is a story;
Each word is a blessing…

Do I really see them
or am I just guessing?

The visions I see:
a man singing sweetly…

With talent that shakes you
and takes you completely…

The man is singing
his beautiful pain…

In my own quiet way
I’m doing the same…

And it heals me to see
that such pain can convict him…

Screaming through poetry;
I’m not a victim.

I write about life,
of sex and of death…

The darkness inside
is what I love the best…

For Michael
and my horrible choices…

For David
and his beautiful voices…

For people I meet at random
while watching…

The writing is back
and shows no signs of stopping.

Written by Jason Wright
September 24, 2011

For the record, the art was supposed to be view from my heart, looking down, seeing my ribcage and such. It was clearly based more on a feeling than any anatomy or science! lol

February 28, 2011April 22, 2026

“I’ll Never Touch Your Body Again”

I started watching ‘Nikita’ the other day. I’ve watched 11
episodes; there are 5 more before I’m caught up. I’m
enjoying it. Parts of it are derivative of other shows
(mostly ALIAS) but there are enough twists to keep it
fresh, and 2 things I had major problems with were
resolved in the last episode I watched.

I still haven’t finished ‘Son of a Witch’; I have about 60
pages left.

Mark left for a business trip yesterday; he took the train to
Chicago and will return on Wednesday. I miss him.

We went to Jeremy’s going away party on Saturday; he’s
moving to Israel. It was great to see him and several other
friends (Tom, Jeff, Marc) and I met a cute guy (Richard)
that gave me his phone #. And Mark got the number of a
really cool girl (Nicole). Fun.

Yesterday Michael’s lies and the pain they have caused me
came to a head. He wanted to know if he could come out
here to Ann Arbor, just a few blocks from me, fuck some
guy, shower and then fuck me. I thought he was going to
ask if he could come visit with me so that hit hard. I knew
he’d been lying to me for days. I knew he’d lied to me
almost every day that I’d known him. I thought I could
make it work but I can’t. I left him a message (I knew he
wouldn’t answer while he was fucking the guy up the road)
telling him all that I’d done to secure the truth and how I
knew that he’d been lying to me the whole time…and I
BEGGED HIM to never contact me again. No e-mails. No
phone calls. I’m done. I don’t want to see him. I don’t want
to talk to him. I don’t want to fuck him. I don’t want to
think about him. I’ve let him treat me like crap for nearly 2
years now. He had moments of amazing generosity but
that just made the more outlandishly painful moments
hurt worse. He’s a master manipulater as more than one
observer has told me in the past. And I can’t be around
him and be at peace. I can’t find the right balance or crack
the right code. I’ve given it my all. And I’m done. I admit
defeat. And it feels good. It feels like the healthiest choice
I’ve made in ages.

After Michael called me and I finally had the courage to
leave him the message I felt afraid. I knew he was just
blocks away and I didn’t want to see him. Mark wasn’t
here. I called my friend Carrie but she was on a date. I
called Mark and he suggested I go to Jeremy’s. I left the
house and parked at Aut Bar. I deduced that all my family
was at their church and I wanted to leave town so I went
there. I sat with my family while the pastor droned on
about stuff that I’m completely opposed to. It reminded
me of my upbringing and how far I’ve come from that
horrible environment – though there was some comfort to
be found in that group of people who’s beliefs I have
never truly shared. I went to see Janice’s new house
afterwards. Then I came home. Watched some shows. And
slept.

I slept very well. I’ve not had the urge to contact Michael at
all. He left me a voicemail yesterday and I deleted it
without listening to it. I deleted his photos from my
facebook and I blocked his profiles on Facebook and
Manhunt. I want zero contact with him. I’m keeping my
phone off as much as possible. I’m contemplating
changing my phone number. I just don’t want any contact
with him because I’m afraid he’ll find someway to
manipulate me in some way and I’m not ready to face that.
Not yet. I know I don’t have that strength yet but I have
enough to stay away from him. If I can do that for a
month…a year…maybe I can see him and not hurt. It’s
worked with other ex-bfs but none of them have hurt me
to the degree that he has. If I could just avoid him forever
that would be great. I doubt it will be easy…the gay
community in MI is small and he’s slept with most of it.
Thankfully he’s mostly a top and I’m mostly a bottom so
that helps limit the contact I’m likely to have….

On another note…it’s come to my attention that I ingest a
shocking amount of butter…so I’m trying to reduce my
intake. I’d like to start drinking more tea as well as I have
a cabinet FILLED with tea that’s just sitting there.

There will be a mini-Doctor Who episode on March 18th.
It’s too early to know if it will fit within continuity, but it
would be nice if it did. We’ll see.

Edit – April 2026 Notes:
I never finished “Nikita”.
I did finish “Son of a Witch” (several times).
I never saw Jeremy in person again,
although we sometimes chat online.

And although we had broken up several times in the two years that we had dated, this was the final time and I didn’t see Michael in person again until October 21, by which time I had healed considerably. I saw him a couple of times in 2012, and then briefly in 2021 but this was the end of seeing him on a regular basis.

Michael’s offer to fuck someone else and then join me after might have gone over differently if he’d only just been honest with me up to that point; this might even have been his attempt at doing so, but it was just too late. The years of lying were too much for my heart to take and I needed to call it quits. This was a difficult decision for me and was certainly not an easy one, but in the end it was the right call. Being with Michael taught me what I did and did not want in a relationship. I wanted honesty. I wanted to laugh. And I did not want anything resembling the lies and jealousy that Michael gave me.

Still, I sometimes wonder if I could have helped this relationship work if I had been able to express myself a little better, knowing what I know now. It’s hard to say. Probably not. But it’s a nice thought.