On Brian’s July twenty-fourth forty-second birthday I’m wearing the “Allergic to Sunlight” shirt that I bought in late summer two-thousand to wear for my beloved Shawn (F)… I include his last initial because there were two Shawns of note that year.
I switch the E & A Trains on forty-second street…
“Strike that! Reverse it!”
I almost miss that transfer as I write about my Shawn R. experiences; I was wearing the same shirt the night that I met him in October two-thousand… before we were lovers, before we were friends, and before he recently fucked me again; bringing closure and revelations, inspiration and fascination with all that this act entailed and all that lay revealed in the aftermath.
·We danced Friday night to that Friday night music –
The passion was there but I chose to refuse it –
The sobering sight of the children & their pride –
The heat & the night drew us all out from inside.
The girl by my side & the others who knew me –
They all made me smile & they all saw right through me –
They all knew my weakness for people & laughter –
They all knew I wanted the boy who came after:
The boy dressed in orange. The candy: raspberry. His friends were delicious. His laughter was cherry. Our goodbye was a smile. The night was colossal.
I always find joy when I’m profoundly hostile.
Written by Jason Wright May 6, 2000
For Melissa, Lee C, M.V., Maggie, Laurie, & Dawn, but mostly for Shawn – who’s reply made me smile.
Edit:
The artwork was meant to replicate the traffic that night in Ann Arbor. The above version is an expanded view of the original, which I’ll share here:
Melissa was a girl that my then roommate and ex-bf Mark Adams was trying to date. I drove us to the bar after getting food and stopping at a bank.
Lee C & M.V. were men I knew from online on GAY DOT COM (remember when that was a thing?), and though our paths crossed a couple of times, I never knew their full names, so I don’t know what ever became of them.
With Maggie Ernst and Shawn Foreman. June 9, 2000.
I met Shawn Foreman that night, along with Maggie Ernst, Laurie Prater and their friend Dawn. I dated Shawn and I was in love with him for years. That night he had noticed the scars on my wrists which endeared him to me right away, but I was pretty bitchy, even as I was trying flirt with him and he called me (with some affection) “profoundly hostile”. When he read this poem he reevaluated his opinion of me. We dated briefly, but intensely. We later hooked up a couple of more times over the years. And I last saw him in person in October of 2011, just 21 days before I met my partner, Aaron Sanko. But he and I still trade messages now and again.
With Maggie Ernst & Shawn Foreman. June 9, 2000, which was one of the happiest nights of my life.With Shawn Richard Paul Foreman at Pizza House. June 9, 2000.With Shawn and Maggie 06-09-00.
Maggie became a close friend but I later learned she was a compulsive liar, to me and about me. I dropped her on the spot, which was quite painful. I think Dawn visited me once with Maggie but I vaguely remember her and I hashing it out over gay rights and religious bullshit, which I believe ended with me calling her “a pathetic Jesus Licker”, which seemed to offend her at least as much as I’d hoped that it would and she never spoke to me again – which I considered mission accomplished – good riddance. Laurie is simply one of the most remarkable people I’ve ever met and we still trade messages occasionally – I last saw her in person at a Michigan theater in July of 2021.
With Laurie, Maggie, Shawn & Dawn. From June – November 2000. A very memorable time.
