Fort Tryon Park – BALD JASON'S GAY GOTH BOY BLOG

October 4, 2026

“Emotional Images Drawn with a Single Line”

The other day, someone described my body as toned. Did I already mention that? lol The idea that anyone would ever is laughable. And yet…here are the very small muscles to prove it! lol I took these before bed on Thursday (October 1). I mention this because I’ve started lifting weights since then. I bought a set of very light weights about a year ago? I never did anything with them before though. But since I have these little muscles I’m trying to use them. I feel a little silly, lifting. I don’t really know what I’m doing at all, but I can feel the muscles working, which is fascinating for someone who’s never experienced such a thing before!

On Friday, October 2, the weather was sort of all over the place. It was sunny. It was cloudy. It was like a hot summer day, but then suddenly overcast and almost raining. This kind of stuff affects my mood a lot. I decided I needed to get outside. As I got ready to shower, I had the funniest thought and wondered if my new muscled hadn’t been a dream! But they were still there, I checked. I’ve always had a little bit of a belly, ever since I was a kid. It didn’t matter how thing I was, I always had a belly. I suspect this is because I was malnourished, having never eaten in a remotely healthy manner, and struggling to eat at all a child – actually, struggling to starve myself due to trauma. For the first time, I wondered if I might be able to lose the belly and what I might look like if I did. I guess I’ve thought about it before, but it never seemed like an actual possibility. But now? I’m eating really healthy – far healthier than any other time in my life. It’s not even close. And I’m seeing real signs of physical improvement, in a way that I never have before. So maybe it’s possible? I’m not sure I have the positivity to believe that it could really happen, but I’m at least thinking about it, which I haven’t let myself do in decades.

So I showered and shaved and got ready to go out. I decided on no eyeliner or jewelry. Just to be different. I wasn’t sure where I was going. I considered heading to a library in Inwood to see my friend Isaiah. I also thought I would like to walk there through Fort Tryon Park, but I wasn’t sure if I could make it before they closed, as the path through the park is far more circuitous than just walking up Broadway, which felt disappointing, and made me wished I’d stepped outside sooner. I also considered walking to the Little Red Lighthouse under the George Washington Bridge, as I’ve not been there in over a year and it’s a walk I thought I could handle. But that made me realize I still wasn’t sure how people got onto the G.W.B. anymore, given the construction that has been going on since the last time I walked across. So I headed in search of the answer, and found it, surprisingly quickly. The entryway is around 180th Street & Cabrini Avenue. I hadn’t actually planned to walk across the bridge and the shoes I was wearing weren’t as comfortable as I had hoped, but I started across. I only made it about a quarter of the way, but that’s a lot further than it might seem, as the path before the bridge is oddly curvy and forces you to walk much further than if you were moving directly from point to the other.

I headed home after that little adventure. I felt like I could walk a bit more but I was sweaty and I didn’t like the shoes I was wearing. I went home, showered the sweat off, put on my eyeliner and makeup, changed, and did my usual 2 mile hike to Fort Tryon’s Linden Terrace and back. Collectively, I had walked much further than I usually do and on my way home I could really feel it and my legs were sore the next day. I stayed in on Saturday but I used the weights again.

I had trouble sleeping Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I went to be very early on each night, woke up after 4 or 5 hours, got up and struggled to get back to sleep later, as I knew I had to be up at 7 each day to help motivate Aaron, which is favor he asked of me. He’s been depressed, and morning activity has become something quite difficult for him. I’m happy to help him, only I struggle with keeping the same hours. I’ve had a lot of success sleeping at night the last few years – again, far more success than at any other time in my life, but there are activities that I can only accomplish at night when Aaron is asleep. Work on my website can be tricky when Aaron is working out of the same office because he projects his voice when he’s in a Zoom meeting or on the phone, and it’s quite loud. Sometimes I can hear him through headphones when I’m at the opposite end of the apartment and through several doors, so imagine trying to work through that with us in the same room. It’s not that I don’t want to be around him; its that we need very different environments to work effectively. I also need the lights to be dimmed or shaded as my eyes are very sensitive to light. Bright (even normal) lights are distracting and can cause me migraines. He needs the light for his video appointments and his general wellbeing. So my working in the office at night is generally a good way for me to get a lot done, even if it means I come to bed late. But if I come to bed late now, I can’t sleep in because I need to be up at 7 to help Aaron. It’s a conundrum. But it’s been a little less than a week since he asked me for the help. I’m hoping we either fall into a rhythm that works for us both, or we come up with some other option. I’m just not sure what that will be.

Last night was rough. I woke up around 11:30pm after going to bed around 7. I think I would have gone right back to sleep but I was concerned about Aaron, who was still not in bed. I got up. But in getting up I woke up fully and stayed awake. I got a lot of work done on several projects, but when I would have gone to bed at 5, I worried that if I did go to bed and it took me a bit to get to sleep, I would need to get up at 7 so that I could assist Aaron. So I decided to stay awake instead. But when I spoke to Aaron at 7, he said he appreciated this but that I could just go to sleep. On the one hand I was grateful and fell asleep in Aaron’s arms. But on the other hand I was annoyed that I wasn’t able to go to bed sooner for fear of fucking things up later. It’s not like I could ask him if it was okay while he was sleeping.

Today has been a mixed bag. The weather was overcast and gloomy. And the work I’ve been doing on my website, is mostly related to my Marvel Cinematic Multiverse viewing order – as I’ve found new ways to present the information that I find really exciting – but it’s also a lot of work. And I’d like to finish a bit more, a lot more really, before showing friends. But not finishing this stuff is frustrating. It’s like there’s no payoff for all the work.

Aaron had gone to choir practice and I was so depressed I felt like cutting, honestly, which I suppose would have been ironic, since the scars on my wrists are from a suicide attempt 30 years ago today. I wasn’t thinking suicide though. But the idea of cutting popped up and I decided to combat that as best as I could. I shaved and showered. I ate. I had pita, hummus, nuts, lettuce and olives. Later I had a smoothie. I dressed. I danced. I danced alone in my apartment, which was fun. And I used the weights again. Later I decided to work on another viewing order that I knew I could finish in a short span of time and now there’s a viewing order for the Underworld franchise.

Aaron arrived home just as I started writing this. He had fallen and injured himself in the street. I’m concerned. I got him to take some Ibuprofen and asked he wanted to go to the clinic across the street. He wants to stay in tonight and if it’s bad tomorrow he’ll go, but he did take the ibuprofen.

Oh! I don’t think I mentioned this but the other day I updated my NSFW Photo Collages with 6 more entries. And I think that’s all the news I have for now.

Today’s journal entry song quote is from “Dead Enough For Life”, a song by Norwegian electronic music band Icon of Coil, from their 2004 album “Machines Are Us”, which is one of the songs that I was dancing to earlier. It’s on a playlist I often listen to when I walk and I used to hear it at the club a lot.

October 1, 2026October 11, 2026

“All the Poetry and the Trunk You Kept Your Life In”

I did cuddle with Aaron yesterday morning. Then we showered together. I stayed in. I had been excited to return to Zumba Class this week, but I had a migraine so I didn’t go. I slept pretty well that night though.

This morning I woke up around 5, inspired to work on my website, solving several problems with my Marvel viewing order. I worked on it for hours but I got a lot done. I returned to Aaron around 7 or 7:30 to shower, then went back to working on my site. I took a brief nap at one point. But I was at my computer most of the day. At around 4:30 pm I felt I needed to get outside. I shaved and showered, dressed and did my 2 mile walk to Fort Tryon and back. I passed a film crew at one point but didn’t stop to see what they were working on. I also walked by Nathan, a guy that Aaron and I hooked up with several months ago. We waved, but we didn’t stop. He was walking with someone who I think is his roommate. Part of me thought: I’ve become one of those gays that slightly acknowledges people I’ve been intimate with as we encounter each other, without saying hello. But I was walking, and he didn’t call out or anything, and I don’t know what was going on. I wasn’t bothered, but it was an odd moment.

I was wearing a Concrete Blonde shirt, from the “Bloodletting” album, which I love. I listened to it as I walked. I got a spinach wrap at Starbucks on my way home and also stopped to get some more pita bread from the grocery store. The wrap was delicious. I showered the sweat from the walk off, started listening to “Mexican Moon” (also by Concrete Blonde) and decided to write this.

As I started this, Aaron arrived back home, after having moved the car to a new parking garage that will save us $300 a month. That’s nice. I showed him the new (final) VisionQuest trailer, which he liked – and I loved. I can’t wait to see it!

I’m starting to wind down. I might play some Zelda before bed.

Today’s journal entry song quote is from “Caroline”, a song by American alternative rock band Concrete Blonde from their third studio album, “Bloodletting”, which was released on May 15, 1990. The album features guest appearances by R.E.M.’s Peter Buck and Wall of Voodoo’s Andy Prieboy. “Caroline” was released in September 1990 as the third single and was written by Johnette Napolitano, and produced by Concrete Blonde and Chris Tsangarides. Mike Boehm, writing for the Los Angeles Times, described “Caroline” as “a mysterious, gorgeously evocative song that recalls Fleetwood Mac’s ‘Rhiannon’.” In a review of Bloodletting’, Marc D. Allan of The Indianapolis Star wrote, “‘Caroline’ is a good example of the band’s strengths. Napolitano’s lush vocals, combined with Mankey’s eerie guitar, create a subtle but powerful piece of pop.” In a retrospective review, Ned Raggett of AllMusic described the song’s lyrics as “addressing a departed friend”. I don’t recall the song from the time, but when I bought the album several years later it quickly became my favorite track, though I love all of the songs and seldom ever just listen to a single song from it, rather I listen to the whole thing.

September 22, 2026

“Today Was Gonna Be The Day”

I’m having a slice of Dave’s Good Seed thin sliced bread, toasted with butter and chia seeds. Peanuts, almonds, pecans, some plantain chips and a kiwi. Sipping a buka black raspberry bai boost. It’s a bit after midnight, so September 22, 2026.

Yesterday, Monday, September 21, I went to bed around 5am. I hadn’t noticed it was so late but I managed to sleep without my usual dose of sleeping medication, which was nice. I also read a bit more of “Magic’s Pawn”, which I’m reading very slowly. I believe I’m in Chapter 4. Honestly, I usually start with this chapter, as that’s when I feel like the book starts getting good, but since I’m waiting for a sequel to be released, I decided I’d read the whole book this time.

I slept until around noon. So, about 7 hours. I wanted to eat healthy today and I wanted to make sure I got outside and got some exercise. I managed to do all that. I had a couple of blueberry / zucchini smoothies. I had a pita with lettuce, hummus and Italian salad dressing. I had an egg wrap with hummus and olives. I walked 2 miles. My legs were fine, no pain, no discomfort, but walking home I was sweating and my nose was running. I was tired. I showered and took a brief nap. Later I had 8 tots, 4 cauliflower, 4 broccoli and cheese. I also had some fiber infused water.

I played a bit of Zelda, but not too long. Maybe an hour? I worked on my website a bit.

Aaron didn’t go to the clinic today. He called into work but felt a bit better as the day went on. That’s good. He skipped going to pool though. He’s stressed and sick and tired. We’re having some money problems and he was putting in a grocery order on my Amazon card and I told him I didn’t feel comfortable using that card until I can pay it off. He said that we’d be able to do that on Friday, and I told him that I would then cancel my groceries until that happens – and that I have food, which I can stretch out until then. He was upset. He said that his money problems are now affecting my eating, but really, if it’s gonna change on Friday I’ll be fine. I mean, another goal of mine today was to not spend any money, and I didn’t. I didn’t buy anything. I didn’t take the train. I didn’t go to Starbucks. I should also have some food stamps left that I can pick something up at the grocery store this week.

I’m tired. Maybe I should go to bed.

Oh. I rescheduled a test I was going to have with my cardiologist this week, until I can fully heal from Friday’s procedure. I have therapy tomorrow (or later today, I should say).
If I go to bed I can read a little before I pass out. But I might linger a bit here first. We’ll see.

Today’s journal entry song quote title is from “Wonderwall” by Oasis as covered by American musician Ryan Adams, which was released on “Love Is Hell”, his fifth studio album, which was originally released as two EPs, “Love Is Hell pt. 1” (which featured the track) and “Love Is Hell pt. 2”.

August 28, 2026

“Well, the Pleasure and the Privilege Is Mine”

Tuesday, August 25, 2026. I ate. I had a bit of a headache. I ran some errands for Aaron, returning some items he’d accidentally shipped to our apartment. I piled them in a cart we keep and wheeled them over to Staples. The cart is just short enough that I have to bend a bit and it often hurts my back, but this trip wasn’t so bad. And I felt good to be helping Aaron as he’s pretty overwhelmed with all that he’s already doing. This week we’ve had several conversations and it’s been great to hear his voice and how much he misses me.

After returning home I was tempted to go back out and walk but I needed to eat, which meant I needed to sit down for a bit. The break became longer and longer as I was distracted by other projects, but in the evening I headed out for what was a 2.5 mile hike to the park and back. It was astonishing to see how much stronger I’ve become. My stamina has definitely increased. It was exercise, but essentially, all of it was pleasurable. No pains in my legs. No exhausted breathing. It’s only 2.5 miles. But a few months ago, that was enough to do me in. Again, I’ve never exercised in any concentrated sort of way and then seen demonstrable results, be it weight loss, strength or endurance levels increasing. So, this is like a fairytale I’ve read about before, now come to life. And the views from my favorite Manhattan park just increase that sense of living a real life fantasy adventure.

I slept well Tuesday night. Wednesday (08-26-26) I started the day as I’ve grown accustomed to. I had a blueberry zucchini coffee smoothie. I’ve been doing that every day lately and in the evening I have a cherry zucchini chocolate smoothie. They’re packed with healthy ingredients but they feel like treats. Otherwise, I mostly drink water and eat healthy snacks and meals – or as healthy as I can make them. That day was the last that I weighed myself but I was 185.4 lbs that day. I may have gained a little since then, as that’s normal, but that’s the lowest I’ve weighed in at least 6 years.

I got distracted by several projects I was working on for most of the day and was shocked when I realized I only had an hour to get ready and walk over to Zumba Class. Just as I was running across the apartment to get cleaned up, the downstairs neighbor stopped by to ask me if I was ready for the “traffic” that would be coming through our apartment the next day. I’d spoken to the Super myself and he’d said they would stop by around 2 but would be done by 3 (as I had a therapy appointment) and that it would be pretty low key. But my neighbor said he felt it would take a lot longer and he made me so angry and stressed. I told him that I didn’t want to be rude but I was running late, which was completely true, but even then the conversation went on longer than expected and everything he said was pissing me off. I just tried to calm down while I got ready as fast as I could, assuring myself that if I was a little late, I could just join in, just as Aaron and I had done on our first time in.

As I hustled over to Zumba, which is about 10 blocks from where we live, I got on the phone with Aaron, talking through everything, which helped. I arrived exactly on time. The class went really well. I made it through the entire session this week(!) and I even got a special shout out from the instructor when I visibly relaxed and just enjoyed the routine. I also got to speak a little bit with some of the other members who are starting to recognize me now – even if it was to tell everyone I won’t be back for 3 weeks. I like visiting family, and seeing new places, but it’s such a disruption of my life here that it always bothers me a bit – plus, this is so new that I don’t want to get out of the habit of going. It’s been such a nice surprise – a real gift to myself. I’m also a little worried that I might fall back into some bad habits in Michigan. If not by accident, then simply by having to settle for a less healthy option, in order to stay fed in an environment that has always been hard for me to eat in at all. Perhaps just being aware of that will make a difference? I sure hope so.

After class I headed over to the A train at 168th, taking it two stops north, to 181st so I could hustle to the grocery store for more Zucchini, Pita Bread & Hummus, then another stop at the Vitamin Shop to pick up an order of Protein Powder that had come in for Aaron and I. And as I walked home from working out in a gym class, from stopping at the grocery store for healthy food and a vitamin shop for healthy ingredients… How the fuck did I go from eating chips every day of my life and having ice cream on a daily basis for the last 18 years, to THIS!?! And that’s why I talk about it all the time. Because this is NOT normal behavior for me. And it’s all stuff that I’ve struggled with my whole life. Decades of fear and anguish, working through depression and anxiety, agoraphobia, etc., and now I’m out and about doing these things? It’s astounding.

On a side note, I have vitiligo, and there’s almost no pigment in my face, which I’ve known for decades at this point, but I seldom ever see it. But when I work out, a lot of blood rushes to my head – and then it is really clear. Because where there’s no pigment my skin is very red, like I have a really bad sunburn. It’s a little jarring to see. And a little scary for someone who avoids being in the sun without protection. But it’s also kind of funny.

I took another Xanax that night to calm down from the worry of the next day, and I slept for about 12 hours, which was clearly needed! On Thursday, August 27, 2026, I felt rested. I felt good. The Super and some other guys stopped by a bit after 2 and they made sure to be out by 3 for my therapy appointment. The tested the shower, doing various things. They did confirm a leak but they thought it was coming from a pipe in our wall. They wanted to come back to open the wall and said tomorrow (08-28) wouldn’t work, but when I explained that I’m flying to Michigan on Sunday and won’t be back until the 9th of September, they said they’d make it work and that they’d be back around 11am. No stress there at all. Therapy was a breeze, which isn’t to say that it wasn’t needed or wasn’t of value. It just means that the things I’ve been working on the last few years have been mostly successful, and I’m sure we’ll either find new challenges to face or possibly bring this segment of therapy to a close. That happens in therapy. You work with someone you feel good about for a certain amount of time and take in all that you can, but then you move on to other problems, and possibly other teachers. That’s been my experience at least.

I worked on my website all day, which was glorious. I feel bad that I didn’t get any exercise that day, but I think I also needed some time and the stumbling blocks that often keep me from working on this or that thing on this site, they just fell away and I was kicking ass the entire time. Most of the work was done on the Chronologies: Viewing / Reading Orders section. I felt like I could go for hours and hours more. In fact, I didn’t get to sleep until after midnight and would happily have stayed up longer, only I knew I had to be up and ready and fed before the crew got here this morning, as they were going to be working in both the bathroom and the kitchen.

Speaking of which, it is now Friday, August 28, 2026. They opened the wall. The pipes are dry. It all seems to be working fine in there. So now they think the leak is caused by a broken seal in the shower – only I’m not convinced that this makes any sense. The location of it means that it would be wet every time we shower, and they don’t have a leak every time we shower. Indeed, they’ve reported this leak when we’ve been in other countries. But the contractor says this is impossible and that they neighbors lie to get attention drawn to the problem they are actually having. That does seem likely to me, but they’ve confirmed there is a leak. And if they want to add a seal where they think there should be one, that doesn’t seem like a problem to me; in fact I welcome the added protection. But I’ll be surprised if this is the source of the problem. I guess we’ll find out when we get home in mid-September. They will keep their ceiling open that whole time, and when we get back, they’ll let us shower for two weeks to see if they still have a leak or not. If not, they close the ceiling and they paint our wall (which they are patching right now) and we’re all good. But if not, the search continues.

I need to not take a shower 24 hours after they put the seal on so I wish they would do it asap. I won’t feel like I need a shower until later, after I (hopefully) go for a walk, but I’ll just rinse in the sink and make the best of it until tomorrow. He said I could do it tomorrow morning, but it’s already almost 1pm. I’m really glad I took that late shower before bed last night! And I guess we’ll just see how the rest of the day goes.

Actually, I already wrote this, which took me a couple of hours. And I also uploaded 3 new NSFW Photo Collages. I’m getting hungry but the kitchen is still covered in plastic and I’m not sure when they will finish up. Maybe I’ll finally break down and get some pizza? I don’t think I’ve had any since we were in FL. I could also freeze the leftovers so I had food when we get back from our trip. There’s potential there, but I’m not married to the idea. We’ll see.

Today’s journal title song quote comes from “There Is a Light That Never Goes Out”, a song by the English rock band the Smiths, written by guitarist Johnny Marr and lead vocalist Morrissey. Featured on the band’s 1986 third studio album “The Queen Is Dead”, it was not released as a single in the United Kingdom until 1992, five years after their break-up, to promote the compilation album “…Best II”. It peaked at No. 25 on the UK Singles Chart and No. 22 on the Irish Singles Chart. The song has received considerable critical acclaim; in 2014, NME listed it as the 12th-greatest song of all time and in 2021, it was ranked at No. 226 on Rolling Stone’s list of the “500 Greatest Songs of All Time”.

August 20, 2026August 21, 2026

“Somebody That I Used To Know”

Tuesday (08-18-26) afternoon, Aaron walked over to Columbia Hospital with me to see if I could get an appointment on the books (or even be seen that day); he’d tried to call to make this appointment but was transferred 3 or 4 times before he gave up. The walk was nice for me, and the company was excellent, but Aaron wasn’t feeling well. He apologised profusely for “slowing me down”, but I was outside with him to be with him, and I was quite content. We made it to the hospital and the people that helped us at the clinic were lovely. I’ve been to that hospital a few times over the years, but I’d never been to that clinic so they took some information. The guy who was checking my information, kept looking at me, then my information, and back at me. I didn’t understand what was happening, because I’m totally clueless, but Aaron knew right away and assured him that I am actually 52 years old. lol We all laughed. I have an appointment on Monday, though I’m not sure how helpful that will be – my symptoms could be gone by then. Still, I like this clinic and if this gets me in the door faster next time – and I suspect they’ll be able to give me some good advice, so I will still probably go.

Aaron still wasn’t feeling well. He had tried a new type of food that possibly had too much bread, which can cause issues with his lap band, so I suggested taking the A Train from 168 to 181st, and then I could stop at the grocery store there to get some more pita bread for myself.

We chilled during the afternoon. My stomach was feeling a bit wonky as well, which is totally normal for me, but we had plans to go see our friend Christian’s show at Joe’s Pub. My stomach was actually really bad, because I’d forgotten about the show and eaten more than I should have. It was all healthy food, but even healthy food is too much if I’m going to be out and about. Still, I decided to push through. I don’t often get to have these nights out with Aaron these days, and I don’t get to see Christian often. Plus Bernard would be performing, along with Tony Mowatt, who I hadn’t seen in years, so I got ready and off we went…

The show was a fun mix of Christian’s music. His work is really quirky, but also very heartfelt and personal – and it shows. I love the space, Joe’s Pub, because I’ve had so many fun experiences there over the years. I believe we’ve been going there since 2013? So a long time now. We’ve seen Jay Brannan (from “Shortbus“) perform there 3 or 4 times. We’ve seen Christian there at least twice – and I know he’s had more shows there, but I’m not always able to attend. Actually, I think this was the third time I’d seen him there. I think the first time we were there was to see Ryan Amador. Physically, it was rough for me, but it was worth it in the end. And seeing Christian afterward, who didn’t know I was there, was really lovely. Tony as well, who told me that I never age. I didn’t get to talk to him much, but he was fantastic. He played a guitar during one number and, I hadn’t known he played, but Aaron said that he plays something like 5 different instruments? Impressive.

Aaron’s former coworker Shawn Jeffery was there also and we had a brief conversation which felt…it felt like she had some anger that I had never noticed or suspected before, and it felt like she was expressing this the first time because she doesn’t work with Aaron now. This interaction felt hostile, but Aaron said that she’s awkward at times and that I may have misinterpreted the situation – which I hope I did, because I’ve always liked her as a person. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever see her again to find out, but whatever the case, I wish her well. Another of Aaron’s former employees, Nicole was there; I know she works with Christian now so I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I was. A nice surprise. I spoke to Vincent “Vinnie” Rutter-Covatto briefly and I traded texts with Glenn Seven Allen, who was busy with another show so couldn’t attend. Joseph Reese Anderson wasn’t there either, which was a bit surprising – too bad, because he’s awesome. There were lots of people there that I recognized that I’d have trouble putting a name too, but it’s a wonder that I remember as many as I do, really. I actually think I’ve improved in that arena. lol

On Wednesday, August 19, Aaron and I were planning on attending our second Zumba Class, but we still weren’t feeling too great. We mutually decided to not go, but I knew I at least wanted to go for a walk so I got ready to do that, and I caught my second wind and decided I would in fact attempt to go – though Aaron still didn’t feel like going. I made it to the class early and had another great experience. My stomach was not doing great so I only worked out for 50 minutes, versus 60, but I knew I was at my limit and that I also had to walk home, which is about 10 blocks, much of it uphill. I feel like it was worth it.

Today, August 20, I slept in. If you can call it that. I went to bed at 4am. I slept about 5 hours. I’m really struggling with sleep lately. But part of that has to do with my stomach and part of it has to do with my struggle with sleeping pills. I’m trying not to take them, but even when I do they don’t help much. When I did get up, I weighed myself for the first time in days and I was 189.4 pounds. That seems to be where I live now. Between 189 & 192. I got ready and went for a walk, finally wearing the shirt I got at Rocky Horror, back on July 3.

When I got to the subway my card was denied. That was a bit worrisome because that’s the card with my discount on it – and the card I will need to enter the Sky Club at the airport when I travel to Michigan in a little over a week from now. I used another one though and just managed to catch the train.

Fort Tryon Park was beautiful as always, but with the overcast sky and far more browned, fallen leaves than I expected, it really did feel like the onset of autumn, despite the warm weather. I walked over to Lindon Terrace, had some water, then started heading home. All in all this walk was about 1.5 miles. Not much in the grand scheme of things, but comfortable, and not pushing too hard with my stomach being bad – and on and off rain. I had an umbrella, but didn’t need it. It started pouring after I got home though.

I worked on my website for several hours, mostly on the Velgarth Reading Order, as I’ve been reading a bit of that before bed each night. There was a time when I’d read more of the series than I hadn’t, but no longer. There are now at least 20 full novels that I’ve never read and at least 10 anthologies, so I’m really far behind. Who know if I’ll ever catch up?

I took a shower when I got home, before the website work. I also wrote a poem and wrote down fragments of another, neither of which have been posted here yet. Later I took a restful nap. I’m winding down a bit now and may get ready for bed. I’m not certain I’ll sleep, but I could probably get some reading done. We’ll see.

Today’s journal entry title song quote is from “Somebody That I Used to Know”, an addictive single from Australian singer-songwriter Gotye, featuring vocals from the New Zealand singer Kimbra. Commercially, “Somebody That I Used to Know” was a global success and became both artists’ signature song.

June 7, 2026June 7, 2026

“I Tried To Tell You”

I got outside briefly, after I went down to pick up a package. Later I went to the eye doctor with Aaron where we both made appointments for Wednesday, and then to T-Mobile where I finally got my new phone and Aaron got a smart watch. I wore a pair of new shoes to try out, which were quite comfortable.

Later I played some Zelda (Tears of the Kingdom) and went to bed relatively early. Oh! Yesterday also marked 30 years (!?!) since I graduated at the top of my class, albeit 4 years later than I was originally going to!

Today I watched the season premiere of Interview with the Vampire / The Vampire Lestat, S03E01 “Detroit”, which I enjoyed a lot. This series has been so fantastic! If only the other shows that share the Immortal Universe were as good as this one. “Mayfair Witches” was dreadful when I tried to watch it, but I may do so again as I’ll have 6 or 7 more weeks before this season of this series arrives. “Talamasca: The Secret Order” was better, but it was very hit or miss; I’d have welcomed a second season but it was cancelled. “Mayfair Witches” might be fine, I don’t know, as I can only see it as an adaptation of some of my favorite books and I just think the adaptation is BAD, while “Interview with the Vampire” has been mostly spectacular. Anyways, I enjoyed the new episode and I look forward to seeing the rest.

I tried to see if Nathan or Chris Tefft were available for a walk but they were both busy. I ended up going to Fort Tryon park on my own, which is fine. I was just feeling social. 2 miles. I ate when I got home, after I dried off. I was very sweaty! lol

And now I’m winding down? Or I might stay up and try taking some photographs. I’m not sure. I like taking photos at the apartment when I’m alone because I can be more experimental, plus I like taking pictures in all of the rooms and changing clothes and all that, which is difficult to do if Aaron is here, even if he gives me space. I can’t do it when my aide is here either. And Aaron only goes into the office on Thursdays. That’s a very limited window. If he goes to pool tomorrow night I might be able to do it then, but I like going to pool too. He’s going to choir on Tuesday but I’ve been invited to a writers group that night at the same time, which I may or may not attend. I’d like to go, but I have so few opportunities to be alone. It’s not that I don’t love sharing time with Aaron; I just also value my alone time and it’s becoming increasingly rare that I have any.

Today’s song quote journal titles is from “Plenty” by Sarah McLachlan from her excellent 1993 album, ” Fumbling Towards Ecstasy”.

June 3, 2026June 3, 2026

“One More Time to Kill”

Friday night, Aaron got me out to pick up some protein for my smoothies from the Vitamin Shop downstairs. I was so worn out, but he knew I was on a roll of days going outside, so that was very nice of him. He’s awesome.

Saturday (May 30) I went with Aaron to the Stonewall Chorale cabaret that was actually inside the Stonewall Inn. I feel increasingly close with the members of the choir and those who work with them. It’s really nice having all these people to look forward to seeing. Aaron was the MC, and he was amazing, as always. He also performed, which is always great. It was fun to see so many people having so much fun.

My stomach was dreadful again on Sunday, but I just chilled. I watched the first episode of the final season of “Euphoria” and picked up where I left off on “Grace & Frankie”; I have 2.5 seasons left of that series. I have a whole lists of series that I’ve begun but never finished and it would be nice to knock a few of those out this summer. I did get myself to go outside for a few minutes to keep my streak up.

On Monday (June 1) I felt like if I didn’t get out for a walk it might not ever happen. So I made sure that it did. I wasn’t sure if it was smart to walk 2 miles so I took the A Train to Fort Tryon Park and sat at my usual spot at Linden Terrace. I spoke to my grandmother, as I often do, but I let her go when squirrels approached me. I had brought some nuts to feed them this time which was really fun! I’ve become the old guy in the park feeding the squirrels and pigeons, as several variety of birds joined in the meal. It was very relaxing, breathing in the fresh air, feeding the animals and not having a care in the world.

I walked the full mile (and then some) home. And that felt great too! My stomach mostly behaved and later Aaron (who was at pool) had me take the elevator down to pick up a package, which the deliverer hadn’t left in the Amazon Lockers – which is always annoying because when they leave them out they often get stolen. I didn’t tell Aaron I was already in bed, I just went and got it. lol I did sleep really well that night though!

On Tuesday I felt more like myself. I walked to and from the park (so over 2 miles). I fed the squirrels again, he stayed closer to me this time. I also spoke to my friend Paul on the phone, who I hadn’t spoken to in a long time. And I later got a call from Michael Slaughter.

I helped Aaron take some donations into a gay donation center then stopped in with him to see the choir before I wandered the West Village and took in some of the PRIDE. Then I headed home, snapped a few photos, read the news and got ready for bed. I slept pretty well. Cuddled with Aaron this morning. And got up, knowing I needed to catch up on my blog, and so here we are…

So today is June 3, 2026. I ordered a bunch of things from a wishlist of mine, which I’ve been waiting to see if I had the money for and I did. I also ordered some of Aaron’s birthday presents. And if I can get outside today, that will mark 32 days in a row that I’ve been outside the apartment. That’s fucking amazing. I feel really good about this.

I have therapy in an hour so I should eat or dress or whatever else I need to do before then. If I eat then I’ll have an hour for my stomach to calm down before I need to do anything else.

Oh. And “The Vampire Lestat” starts streaming on Sunday. I loved the first 2 seasons, which adapted “Interview with the Vampire” so I’m really excited about this – and so far, it has a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes! Hopefully it’s good. So I’m looking forward to that!

Okay. I should go.

But…today’s journal song quote is from “Never Enough” by The Cure, from their 1990 remix album “Mixed Up” – which was the first CD that I ever bought!

May 18, 2026

“God’s Got a Sick Sense of Humor”

I slept more than 9 hours Saturday night and then cuddled with Aron for about an hour. I managed to get outside again (15 days in a row) and walked to Fort Tryon Park again but the shin / ankle pain was back. I thought I’d sit on the bench outside the park when I got there, relax for a bit and then keep going, which is what I did on Friday, but I found that my phone wasn’t working, which caused some amount of panic and I decided I’d head home instead of going into the park itself. Part of that was pain I was feeling. Part of it was the stress of the phone not working. But another part was that the heat, in the upper 80s, had started to feel oppressive. I made home okay and Aaron handled the phone – although I hope his solution works out. He paid a bill we don’t owe (for a crazy amount of money), thinking they will pay him back which I’m not comfortable with – but it isn’t my money, and he’s usually right about these things.

I took a shower. Our water pressure has had problems lately and this was no different. But we also don’t have much hot water, which hasn’t been a problem for us in years. I don’t like this, but we’re having someone in to look at it.

Later, after a delay of about a month, I finally watched the final 2 episodes of Season 1 of The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power which were epic in scope, filled with the sweeping vistas, fantastic acting and production design, and all the other wonderful elements I’ve now come to expect from the series. And I cried a lot. It made Aaron happy that I’m enjoying the show (which he binged earlier this year) and that we can talk about this season in full now. He did spoil one thing accidentally, but I’m actually quite relieved rather than angered. That particular secret seemed far too dragged out for me so his reveal pleased me a great deal. And though I’m happy I get to watch at least 2 more seasons of the series, I love how this ending works. If the series had been cancelled after this season, it would still be wonderful, it would still feel like an excellent prequel to the films and although there are dangling plot threads, none of them seems so overwhelming that this ending could not have been satisfying on its own. I wish more series would do this.

We had a Zoom call with Aaron’s sister, which was lovely. I’d called her from the car on Saturday and she requested my presence in their weekly chat. It was all enjoyable but I left them for bed around 10.

I slept relatively well Sunday night. No cuddles in the morning as I woke up very hungry and thirsty. My stomach has not been as well behaved today as it has been the last few days, and so I began working on my website, which I’ve now done all day. I’ve not been outside yet, but I’d like to get out for a bit so that I don’t lose my record! But I don’t know if I’m up to going to Aaron’s pool game tonight, because I don’t know that I’m up for being out late. I have a doctor’s appointment that I have to travel for tomorrow and then Wednesday we travel, flying to Florida to check on our house there, which has apparently suffered some damage from the last occupants. I love our house in FL and I like going there, but I always find travel to be a bit stressful, so I’m not looking forward to that part.

Today’s song quote title is from Depeche Mode’s “Blasphemous Rumors”, from their excellent 1984 album, “Some Great Reward”.

May 15, 2026May 15, 2026

“You Just Might See A Ghost Tonight”

On May 13, Wednesday morning my therapist reached out and asked if we might meet at 1:50, rather than 2pm as she had another obligation. I agreed. Usually when I have something scheduled later in the day I don’t go out at all because I never know what will happen and I’m worried I’ll miss what I have planned, but it was expected to rain later and I really wanted to get outside again and to the park. I told myself not to worry because really I just needed to get outside and I didn’t have to go far. When I got outside I headed to Starbucks. I got a larger drink than what I usually get these days; I got an iced grande dirty soy chai and I guess from Tuesday’s trip that I could probably get to the park and home before my appointment. I walked to the park up Fort Washington. On Tuesday I had cut through the 181st Street station, which has an elevator that takes you up the hill I was now walking up, but it was fine. I walked by Bennett Park and nearly stopped there but I just kept going.

The weather was nicer than I expected and I was in a good mood. Fort Tryon Park has long been my favorite NYC park and it’s just so beautiful. I didn’t stay in the park long though, because again, there was an expectation of rain, an appointment I needed to attend, and along with all that, I inhaled a beautiful flowery scent that seemed to be lilacs, though I couldn’t see any – only for this to cause me to start coughing, which I couldn’t stop. I was very grateful that I got that beverage and that I’d barely sipped it on my walk because it helped on my way home. I had taken the A Train home the previous day as it’s part of my therapy to ride trains, but even though I felt up to walking I took the train for all the reasons I just listed for not staying in the park. It was the right call. I was able to get home, get cleaned up and prepare for my appointment, which went very well.

I didn’t go out after that. I just relaxed. I did watch the “The Punisher: One Last Kill”, which I enjoyed. It made me cry. It’s brutal but so is the character, and my only real complaints were that it felt too similar to earlier Punisher stories even if it made a point of taking the character in a new direction and that it had very few ties to any of the other Marvel stories featuring the character of late. But everything else was impressive and a counter argument could also be made for what was or wasn’t onscreen, so I think it works.

For the record, I think my preferred viewing order for 2027 set M.C.U. projects goes like this:

01 Daredevil: Born Again Season 1 (9 episodes)
02 Captain America: Brave New World
03 The Punisher: One Last Kill
04 The Fantastic 4: First Steps
05 Daredevil: Born Again Season 2 (8 episodes)
06 Thunderbolts*

I slept well, more or less Wednesday. I slept well into the morning, getting up around 9:30am. Aaron was gone for the day. Another report about rain on the way and lower temperatures, I again wanted to get to the park. I took the A train there and back as I wasn’t really dressed for the weather but didn’t want to change and I had some pain in my ankles, that comes and goes, which I plan on talking to my doctor about at our appointment next month. Again, I didn’t stay long at the park. It was more about getting outside. And this marked 13 days out in a row! So that was nice. And I later learned that I’ve lost a pound. That’s a big accomplishment for me. I’ve never once tried to lose weight before, so to see any success is really nice. And while it’s only a pound, I bet other health related things have also improved, given the changes in my diet and being more active.

Once I was home, I was home for the day. I later traded texts with Nathan, which is the first we’ve spoken since Sunday. We seem to be getting along, which is nice. I worked on my site a bit. I’m getting a lot done, but it’s all on stuff that I can’t display until it’s DONE and there’s still so much to do. That’s a little frustrating.

I slept well again. Very well. I also lingered in the bedroom for longer than I expected because Aaron begged me for cuddles. lol I had a smoothie when I finally stumbled out of bed. It’s sunny outside, which is nice. I don’t love being in the sun, but I prefer sunny to overcast.

I just found out I’m in a talent show tomorrow. Aaron says I should read a poem but I’m not sure which piece I should do. I’ll try to look that over, but I’m getting a migraine. That’s sucks, but it’s also been great not having any in several days, and this just means my medication is working. I used to have them nearly every day and the medication I take cuts whatever number you have in half, so I’m likely due for one. I’ll take something for it in a minute. I have so many things I want to do and work on today. We’ll see how that ends up.

We’re leaving for Florida next week. I knew it was happening but it’s creeped up on me all the same. Hopefully that goes well. I realized this morning I’d have to not work on my site while I’m there because my laptop is dead and I can’t take this computer with me (it’s huge) and I can’t really get a lot done via my phone. But Aaron just assured me that we’ll find something that works. He’s brilliant, so I don’t doubt that we’ll find an answer.

Okay. I should get moving.

Today’s lyric headline comes from the song “Emperor’s New Clothes” by Panic! At The Disco, from their 2016 album, “Death of a Bachelor”.

May 12, 2026May 12, 2026

“The Weight of This Concept”

I did get out. That’s 10 days in a row!

I walked to Fort Tryon Park, which seemed much closer than I remembered it being. I walked to this place with benches and views of the Hudson River, I’m sure this section has a name, but if it does, I don’t know it. When I go there I often call my grandmother, and today was no different. It was great to talk to her, wonderful to be out, and very healing to be surrounded by such beauty.

I took the A Train to 181st and walked home from there. I felt up to walking home but part of what I’m working on is getting used to taking the trains again, so this felt more like a needed step in the journey rather than a shortcut. I may go for another walk later. We’ll see.