“One More Time to Kill”

Friday night, Aaron got me out to pick up some protein for my smoothies from the Vitamin Shop downstairs. I was so worn out, but he knew I was on a roll of days going outside, so that was very nice of him. He’s awesome.

Saturday (May 30) I went with Aaron to the Stonewall Chorale cabaret that was actually inside the Stonewall Inn. I feel increasingly close with the members of the choir and those who work with them. It’s really nice having all these people to look forward to seeing. Aaron was the MC, and he was amazing, as always. He also performed, which is always great. It was fun to see so many people having so much fun.

My stomach was dreadful again on Sunday, but I just chilled. I watched the first episode of the final season of “Euphoria” and picked up where I left off on “Grace & Frankie”; I have 2.5 seasons left of that series. I have a whole lists of series that I’ve begun but never finished and it would be nice to knock a few of those out this summer. I did get myself to go outside for a few minutes to keep my streak up.

On Monday (June 1) I felt like if I didn’t get out for a walk it might not ever happen. So I made sure that it did. I wasn’t sure if it was smart to walk 2 miles so I took the A Train to Fort Tryon Park and sat at my usual spot at Linden Terrace. I spoke to my grandmother, as I often do, but I let her go when squirrels approached me. I had brought some nuts to feed them this time which was really fun! I’ve become the old guy in the park feeding the squirrels and pigeons, as several variety of birds joined in the meal. It was very relaxing, breathing in the fresh air, feeding the animals and not having a care in the world.

I walked the full mile (and then some) home. And that felt great too! My stomach mostly behaved and later Aaron (who was at pool) had me take the elevator down to pick up a package, which the deliverer hadn’t left in the Amazon Lockers – which is always annoying because when they leave them out they often get stolen. I didn’t tell Aaron I was already in bed, I just went and got it. lol I did sleep really well that night though!

On Tuesday I felt more like myself. I walked to and from the park (so over 2 miles). I fed the squirrels again, he stayed closer to me this time. I also spoke to my friend Paul on the phone, who I hadn’t spoken to in a long time. And I later got a call from Michael Slaughter.

I helped Aaron take some donations into a gay donation center then stopped in with him to see the choir before I wandered the West Village and took in some of the PRIDE. Then I headed home, snapped a few photos, read the news and got ready for bed. I slept pretty well. Cuddled with Aaron this morning. And got up, knowing I needed to catch up on my blog, and so here we are…

So today is June 3, 2026. I ordered a bunch of things from a wishlist of mine, which I’ve been waiting to see if I had the money for and I did. I also ordered some of Aaron’s birthday presents. And if I can get outside today, that will mark 32 days in a row that I’ve been outside the apartment. That’s fucking amazing. I feel really good about this.

I have therapy in an hour so I should eat or dress or whatever else I need to do before then. If I eat then I’ll have an hour for my stomach to calm down before I need to do anything else.

Oh. And “The Vampire Lestat” starts streaming on Sunday. I loved the first 2 seasons, which adapted “Interview with the Vampire” so I’m really excited about this – and so far, it has a 100% on Rotten Tomatoes! Hopefully it’s good. So I’m looking forward to that!

Okay. I should go.


But…today’s journal song quote is from “Never Enough” by The Cure, from their 1990 remix album “Mixed Up” – which was the first CD that I ever bought!

“So kiss me, my darling stay with me ’til morning”

I’m still thrilled to be back in this space. Goth boy. But trying to decide all the things, coming up with solutions, mostly on my own, is exhausting. I’m traversing all these new obstacles that didn’t exist the first time I had a website, or if they did, I was blissfully ignorant. I had no idea that anyone would actually pay attention to my little piece of the internet or that anyone would care what I had to say or how much skin I showed, but they did. And I’m trying to get back to that freedom while also being responsible and considerate and mindful; respecting boundaries that I honestly never considered nearly 30 years ago when this journey began the first time. The growth I’m describing pleases me. But it’s far less easy than it was before. But I can do this.

I uploaded more collages to my gallery, more poetry and artwork. I added plugins to include music in my posts. I looked into some kind of age restriction for my site, though a lot of that information seems contradictory and I’m also not sure if I should age gate the whole thing or just my photographs? I mean, my writing is really fucking graphic…and I’m so fucking tired right now. I slept a little under 6 hours last night, but I’m used to more. My body wants me to sleep and I hopefully will soon, but I wanted to write this and take a shower to get the sunblock off of me.

Age restriction(s). Visitor counter(s). Perhaps a plugin to include Google Sheets / Google Docs? I also need to create pages for my non-poetry related writing and my viewing / reading orders, movie reviews, etc. But I probably won’t get to most of that until I have more of my poetry ported over, at least my writing from 2011 onward. And I’ll ask Mark about the website stuff that I don’t quite get. That’s a lot but it seems like something worth doing and something I can accomplish.

I was planning on watching the new episode of Daredevil: Born Again (S02E04 “Gloves Off”) tonight, but I’m just too tired. I’ll try to watch it tomorrow. Season 3 of Euphoria begins this Sunday. I was caught up by the time Season 2 ended but that was over 4 years ago, so I don’t remember it very clearly. Eric Dane’s Cal Jacobs will be featured, which will be odd since Dane passed away recently – and other cast members have died since the end of Season 2.

Oh! And the pain that Aaron was having that led us to the clinic yesterday is possibly to do with stress and was helped in part by a visit to his chiropractor. Aaron found another office that seems promising in our neighborhood and will given them a try on Friday or Saturday but his usual chiropractor is at 50th Street (Manhattan); this would be much closer. Hopefully he continues to improve. He and I have been together for about 14.5 years! Crazy.

Okay. I need to keep this short. I need to sleep. And I need that shower.

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