Holding You Until the Sunrise”

I did go right to bed after the last crazy entry. I finished a chapter of “The Downing Girl”. I’ve read it so many times already that part of me feels like there’s no need to finish it this time, and yet I’ve struggled so much with finishing books in the last year that part of me feels it is very important. And I do love this book. Truly. The one thing I don’t like about it as that the narrator repeats sections of the books at least a few times, and so having now read the book something like 15 times, I’ve read those passages 30 times, so I’m a little sick of those bits. lol But it’s my own fault! lol

I slept about 6 hours. Later I took a very brief but very restful nap before getting ready to go to IKEA with Aaron to get a new chair. In the meantime I had a long overdue chat with my old pal Darla DeCook, which was lovely. I’ve lost many people over the years – I mean, they’re dead – so having the luxury or reconnecting with someone is especially appreciated. We’ve both had a rough go of it at times, but we’re both still here. Hopefully we’ll have a phone call or Zoom or whatever in our near future.

I wore crazy earrings today, which were fun – and well received. On the way to and from IKEA, Aaron and I called his mom, his Aunt Karen, his Aunt Denice, his cousin Andrew and Jennifer Clemente. Not everyone answered, but everyone that did was delightful. Jennifer traded texts with me until later when we caught up on the phone while I drank a blueberry smoothie.

After chatting with Jennifer for a bit, about Tap Dancing Lessons, The Lost Boys Broadway musical and Spider-Noir (which she’s watching and I’ve been meaning to start) we said goodnight and I went for a walk where I met up with my friend Christopher Tefft for a brief walkabout while he got food. He was EXHAUSICATED, the poor thing. We might go to a bar together next week. I like that I’m getting out more and trying to connect. It doesn’t always work, but it has been happening more frequently. I also made tentative plans to go to a writers group with Isaiah tomorrow. I have therapy at 1pm. And Wednesday Aaron and I have eye doctor appointments. I will try to juggle these things while further exploring my ever evolving relationship with Aaron, sex, poetry, music, and perhaps dancing. I miss dancing. I dance at home but it’s not the same.

The Party That Wasn’t

Four of us there;
though it’s hard to believe:
Bald Jason, Paul
and Darla and Steve.

The latter I stripped
in Ann Arbor fountain
before baring flesh
pressing into his bottom;
concealing our pact
(which they labeled obscene)
and that this healing act
had in fact made us clean.

The nerve that in public
made time seem to end:

Perving the lovesick
with crime through the lense
of twenty-one years
flashing by in a blur…

The party that wasn’t
for the people we were.

A moment of lust
that had built beyond reason,
Momentous trust
in the shadow of treason,
A moment of courage
acknowledged and shared,
Encouraged by touch
though we weren’t prepared
for the judgment of strangers
and friends left outside,
as we puzzled through riddles
with longing our guide,
But licentious struggles
are seldom rewarded,
For all our successes
we may have been thwarted…
For the world gazed in fear
as if love were contagious…
Our fumbled premiere
saw us stumble toward greatness.

Written by Jason Wright
September 20, 2017

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