In my dream,
my secret fantasy,
it is 2009,
you and I are a couple.
I relive the past
but I edit the details.
I know that you’re disloyal;
I know that you consistently violate
our rules on exclusivity…
but I never tell you that I know
and so our relationship never ends.
Your bad behavior;
your lies turn me on
to a degree that the truth
would never allow.
I want you to lie.
I need you to lie.
But I also need to know that you’re doing it,
or there is no pleasure for me.
In the actual past
I didn’t quite understand this
about myself
and so I was hurt,
aroused and hurting
(and very confused as a result),
but to be fair,
in reality,
I needed to protect myself.
In the dream
there is no threat of disease
and no hurt feelings,
and when I beat off
I don’t worry about any of that as a result.
In the dream I lie to you too.
I manipulate you.
I make sure that you have the time
and space and all that is required
to allow you your eroticised deceptions.
But it’s your choice to lie
and your choice to be unfaithful,
and knowing that
you’ve made this choice
excites me.
I give you housewarming gifts,
a pair of clocks, or maybe stuffed animals,
for the bedroom and the livingroom
which feature hidden cameras.
I watch you cheat on me while I masturbate.
Sometimes you tell your other men about me:
“You suck me so much better than my boyfriend.”
Sometimes, in other dreams, you fuck friends of mine –
both of you thinking
you’re getting away with something
while also thinking
that I’m completely clueless.
So hot.
“Your ass is so tight.
Jason makes me wear a condom when I fuck him.”
Anytime you say my name to them
my cock throbs in my hand.
Sometimes you lie to them,
telling them that I have a small dick,
that I can’t hold an erection or that I cum prematurely…
and I never let you finish inside me.
You tell them you love me
but that I simply don’t enjoy sex
and can’t satisfy you.
Your men work hard
to give you the intercourse
you tell them you’ve been denied –
but you have lied to all of us.
You actually fuck me constantly,
which is why at the time,
I never suspected you might be cheating on me.
I think about this now,
and wonder why I get off on these fantasies of you,
but I’m too turned on now and I can’t stop.
Sometimes,
in the dreams,
I text you and I watch you respond on the camera
while your bareback slut,
desperate for your attention,
rides your thick dick,
loving the feel of the big mushroom head
slipping in and out of his abused holes
exactly the same way
that I once did.
“I love you” you type before you set the phone down
to violently fuck your whore.
I cum after you shoot in his ass,
while he’s sucking you clean.
I text you back.
“I love you too.”
You show him the phone
as you both laugh.
Written by Jason Wright
October 31, 2026
For Michael, so that he understands.
For Andy, Charlie, Cotay & Nick:
because this explains so much of why I understand,
at least my side of things.
Wishing you all the best.
