I did not sleep well Friday night, only getting about 5 hours. I also had potato chips on Friday, which for many years was a staple of my diet. Every day. But I’ve since noticed that I don’t like how I feel after I eat them, which feels bizarre to me. They are the ultimate comfort food for me, and yet they make me feel horrible, so I’m starting to feel about them the way that I imagine alcoholics feel about alcohol. I hate them, but I crave them and every once in awhile I break down and have them, and then I feel like shit for hours after. I don’t like it. But I like that I can recognize the connection, when I’m not sure that I would have just a few years ago.
I got ready for the Stonewall Chorale talent show party hours in advance and then just chilled. Well…chilled isn’t the right word. I didn’t relax. I just waited. And I felt slightly trapped. I wanted to go for a walk but didn’t feel I could. I mean, I had the time, but anytime I go out I risk not having the energy to do things later and I didn’t want that. But long story short, we did eventually go, and despite some delays, we made it in time for plenty of fun. We actually drove through Manhattan, The Bronx and Queens to get to Brooklyn so we were in 4 of the 5 NYC boroughs – I jokingly tried to get Aaron to take us to Staten Island so we could hit all 5 but he refused. I read this poem in the talent show, which was a hit despite me not reading it incredibly well; it felt nice to contribute to the group. Two others also read poems. 2 people played drums. 1 did martial arts. There was a fortune teller reading. Tricks with cherry stems. A dramatic performance. Interpretive dance. It was all very lighthearted and joyful. It was so much fun to see so many people outside of the choir setting. with many of them behaving very differently – not in a crazy way. I just mean, people were more relaxed and there was more time to actually talk and bond. It was lovely.
Oh. And going to the party marked my 14th consecutive day out of the apartment! I think 4 days was my record when I started this and so I’m doing really, really well. And with the walks to the park I’ve walked at least 9 or 10 miles this week. That’s crazy. It seems impossible to me, and yet I was there for it. I feel good.
After the party, on our way home, we drove Nicole and Nick to their places. It was nice to have still more conversations. After we were both safe inside I quickly began getting tired and started getting ready for bed around 8. By 9 I was in bed and falling asleep fast. I slept for something like 9 hours. I got up briefly but went back to bed knowing that Aaron would want to cuddle, which I did for almost another hour, and then I got up. I had a cherry smoothie and uploaded several more poems. I will continue to work on the site for a bit and then I will likely go for another walk, which I’ll invite Aaron on but I don’t know if he’ll go or not. We have a phone / video date with his sister tonight. And beyond that I don’t know what else is in store today. I have a G.I. appointment on Tuesday and then we leave for Florida on Wednesday.
Today’s journal entry quote comes from “Breakfast in Vegas” by Praga Khan. This song was playing at a San Francisco club in October of 2000, when a woman called me a gay slur before I started making out with her boyfriend, which I described in my poem.
