Broken Beauty

I remember you,
the you before now,
the you from back then.

You were older than me
but you were young when I was,
glistening nakedly
as you ran in for water
after yearly mile run.

I didn’t know you well,
though we smiled for one another;
we drank and frequented
the same bars…
you, weaving in and out
of my existence…
you wrote letters from prison
to my dearest of friends,
and I thought perhaps you had died.

I drove you home once;
but I doubt you’d remember it;
you were drunk and clinging
to that night’s latest trick.

I was jealous of him
as I made sure you both arrived at your home safely,
as I ensured your survival and my own cuckoldry…
even as you stumbled from my car
at gas station to vomit on the sidewalk
and on my left rear tire.

You told me you were sorry
and you sounded miserable…
and that night’s lover looked embarrassed
if no less interested in sharing your bed,
not that I blamed him…
you were beautiful in your blindness
and completely unsuspecting.

You were already broken then,
but the glinting light
from those shards of self
shone like diamonds
in a world filled with pebbles.

That same night,
I drove home alone
to my little village farm house,
where I sprayed the vomit off my car
with a garden hose
in the far too bright, sunlit morning.

I never saw you again.

Written by Jason Wright
April 13, 2019

For Dale Lipke

Toxic Figures

I play a numbers game
in hopes of recalling the percentages,
the statistics and rates and proportions
of a love affair between two unknowns.

What is the sum total
of a failed relationship?

There were seventeen summers
before that summer when we met,
and that was seventeen summers ago.

But we were
both of us
older than seventeen
when we met
and made love for nearly five hours,
on the eighth day
of the seventh month
of the two-thousand-and-first year.

We spent nine weeks together;
four of them happily.

I once waited seven days in his bedroom,
reading five-hundred-seventy-six pages
of “The Prince of Tides”…
before I drove one hundred and forty-one miles,
back to Ann Arbor
and waited to be betrayed.

Betrayal arrived on my twenty-seventh birthday,
the twelfth day of the eighth month,
but I wouldn’t learn the truth
for several more encounters.

On August thirteenth, which fell
on the second day of the week,
my stomach became partially paralyzed,
and I’ve been sick every day since then.

Before he told me the truth,
he sent me flowers,
made love to me and tortured me with lies
and abandonment…
those flowers were like perfumed poison
when I learned the truth
and saw them wilting in my bedroom.

The last time we had sex
was August twenty-fourth.

The first day that we met
there were fireworks; beautiful bursts
of poisonous flowers,
omens which lit up our lives
and then faded all too quickly…
but our lust prevented us from seeing
this prophetic truth
as anything other than
celebratory pyrotechnics.

Numbers are often deceptive because
they don’t truly reveal the truth
with the accuracy that they are ascribed;
they don’t calculate the geometry of emotion
or the calculus of grief and lust and shame.

Every number that walks through the door
can determine our differential and
satisfy our algebraic need for multiples;
while concurrently erasing the totality of truth;
simultaneous equations of salvation and destruction.

Numbers, you’ll learn, can be vicious…
because numbers will often lie.

Written by Jason Wright
June 26, 2018

FOUR DAYS ENCHANTED

Compassion is given;
mistaken for lies…

A powerful weapon,
a question…but why?

Why play such games?
Why smile and sing?

Experience teaches
to not trust such things.

Yet I love the way that he sings a smile
and the way that his intellect reconciles…
Logic,
Success,
And things never guessed…
Except in his eyes
filled with things unexpressed.

He can sing,
He can act,
And in short, do it all…

Yet he doesn’t attack
or make you feel small…

His voice is a gift
you’re lucky to receive…

And the passion he carries
makes you grieve & believe…

Yet the power held there
is most naked and strong…

When he whispers against you
while held in your arms:

In that muted darkness
when he speaks to just you…

It’s then that you see that
his power is true.

It’s not just a game
though it isn’t a promise…

Things don’t always last
when whispered in darkness…

Yet I want to know more
and that’s really quite rare…

And I guess I just want him
to know that I care.

Written By Jason Wright
October 25, 2011

For Aaron Sanko

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